hopeful_romantic4 Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 (edited) I suppose I'm looking for a bit of advice on how to handle my breakup. History: My ex and I were dating for just over a year, and we fell so fast and hard for each other. I have to say it way the best year of my life, and I'm sure he would agree. We met through some mutual friends and we attend colleges in the same city, so we were lucky enough to have ample time together. Our hometowns are over 2000 miles from each other (he lives in Cali and I live in NY) so we also had those breaks that made us miss each other and anxiously await reunion when school started up again. We are both incredibly ambitious and challenge ourselves academically. He is studying Engineering and I'm Pre-Med, so we could understand each others time restrictions due to study needs. He is part of a Fraternity and is essentially the life of the party (such a fun loving guy). His life got a little off track and his depression (sorry didn't mention that earlier) was starting to hit him hard. His grades started slipping, making him have to worry about what was going to happen to his future as a professional/making it through college/passing classes etc. I on the other hand have been making really good marks, and he has made a few small comments on his resentment of that. Recently I went through a ton personally (disconnecting from close friendships, and serious family illnesses) that have really taken a toll on me personally and I think I was depending on him too much, putting a serious strain on our relationship. Our Breakup: We have been home on winter break from college for the past month, and he has felt not only his own pressure, but that of his parents, to get back on track with his education so that he can graduate with his degree successfully and bring up his GPA. His school is incredibly difficult and his classes are beyond challenging, so this I understand. Between himself and his parents, the decision was made that he needs to prioritize his life and focus on getting his grades and depression on the right track. Subsequently, he took a leave of absence from his fraternity, and broke things off with me. We were having a rough patch toward the end of the relationship as I had previously mentioned (I won't lie, I can be a lot to handle at times). My question: Basically I still love him with all of my heart, he is an incredible man and I have no resentment for our split. I want him to be well and I realize that this is something that he has to take on by himself, without the stress and time commitment that comes with a relationship. I hear all of the blah blah blah you shouldn't ever wait for an ex. An ex is an ex for a reason. But I can't help to feel that this is one of the extenuating circumstances that may be a bit different than most. I want to have a future with this man, but when he gets upset he closes himself off (which is happening now). We have decided to remain friends for now, but I am unsure as to whether or not it would even be reasonable to stay hopeful for a future, and how should I approach contact with him while he is roughing it out through school (right down the road from me). I would enjoy any advice that you all have to offer! I absolutely plan on taking this time to learn more about myself and power through my tough classes this semester, so trust me I will not be standing idle (crying in my bed for days) as I have already don't that this week, and I am done with the personal pity party! Thank you so much in advance! Sorry this is so long, I just wanted to paint a clear picture. Edited January 25, 2015 by hopeful_romantic4
Kinetica84 Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Hey hopeful. Sucky situation. I am firm believer of, if someone truly loves you, they will find time for you, make it work, work through their issues with you together. I could be wrong in what i am saying but i think it is BS excuse for breaking up. But that is just my opinion. If i were you, focus on you, your education, your social life. He has made his decision and now both of you have to live with it. I know you love, i know you just want to be in his arms, but that is now the past. Humans have a unique ability to romanticize about the past. However, the past doesn't exist, nor does the future. We occupy this exact moment in time, so be here an now otherwise you will miss all the beauty around you. He checked out. He wimped out on your relationship because times got a little stressful. There will always be stressful times in life, and it is how will deal with them that will define us. Anyone can have a good relationship when times are good. It's when times are bad you see someones true character. I think he just showed you exactly what is character is. He ducked out because he was stressed? Piss poor excuse if you ask me. Sorry to be so blunt but i really have a low tolerance for that kind of reasoning. I really hope you feel better and you can move quickly. DO NOT CONTACT HIM!
Author hopeful_romantic4 Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 I know you love, i know you just want to be in his arms, but that is now the past. Humans have a unique ability to romanticize about the past. However, the past doesn't exist, nor does the future. We occupy this exact moment in time, so be here an now otherwise you will miss all the beauty around you. Thank you, I think this is something I needed to hear, and it was worded perfectly. I do not want to completely write him off... however I will not do any waiting around. I have plenty of school work and athletics to keep me busy and hey if its meant to be it will always find a way... wise words of my mother. But I cannot let my life pass me by in the mean time! Thanks again!
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