allymac Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Theres a guy i have been friendly with for a while, he flirted a lot from when we first meet but I heard from others that he had a girlfriend so I tried not to think too much of it but it always felt like we had a connection. One day we were out somewhere together and he said he had to come clean about his girlfriend. He said he should have talked about her but had avoided it because he really like me. He said that they were on a break, in part because they are long distance. He said although he didn't think there was a chance the relationship could be fixed he wasn't planning on rushing out of it and in to something else because they had been together along time. He did say that he saw things with me as serious and that was why he didn't want to rush it- if it was just going to be rebound sex for example he would feel more comfortable. We did kiss that night and for a while after that we were seeing each other regularly and he seemed really keen to see me. We never slept together but he acted romantic and physical with me. He did say that he was feeling guilty about his ex/girlfriend though. About a month ago things changed. He is still friendly to me but talks to me about once a week instead of every day and we have not done anything physical at all for a few weeks. He will invite me out but only to group events so we don't get the chance to talk to one on one. He has also cancelled plans with me a few times but acted disappointed the one time I was the one to cancel. I don't think he has actually broken up with his girlfriend yet either. At first I naively assumed that it was going to be a quick changeover from break to break up. I am not sure whether he is wanting things to go slower or actually just wants us to be friends. But I've been thinking that perhaps I am being a doormat to even wait to know and I should just decide myself that we are just friends...any advice?
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Sounds like he's heated things up with his girlfriend again, which is why he is now avoiding you mostly, and isn't being physical with you any longer. I have to say, why on earth did you get involved with him in the first place? The guy has a girlfriend! Until they've broken up, he has a girlfriend, a 'break' means he's still invested in the relationship and still involved with her. I doubt he was ever on a 'break' in the first place, just fancied playing around on the sly. No self-respecting woman with any degree of self-esteem or sense of her own value would have proceeded once she found out he had a girlfriend. She'd have backed straight off because it's too much drama and the guy is not available. You've unfortunately shown him that you can be treated as someone to have fun with, and that you don't believe you're worth anything more, so why would he have any motivation to actually dump his girlfriend and date you properly? You're just an option to him and you've allowed yourself to be seen and treated that way. Work on your self-respect. You don't seem to have any. And if you know who is girlfriend is, message her and let her know what her boyfriend was up to on their break. She was probably oblivious. Some people would say keep out of it, but I'd want to know if my boyfriend was messing around on me. 1
TG1 Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 I would say if you really really want to be with this guy if you really love him then fight for him even if he does have a girlfriend especially if you feel your connection runs deep if it's strong then do something about it 1
Yookie Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 I would say if you really really want to be with this guy if you really love him then fight for him even if he does have a girlfriend especially if you feel your connection runs deep if it's strong then do something about it Sure you can do the above but then when he decides to "break" from you, you can expect that he will be pursuing other girls behind your back too! Get involved with this shady character at your own risk. 2
KatZee Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 I would say if you really really want to be with this guy if you really love him then fight for him even if he does have a girlfriend especially if you feel your connection runs deep if it's strong then do something about it Omg this is the worst advice I've ever read. Fight for a man who's in a relationship!? NO. That's not how this works. Women who throw themselves at, who chase, or otherwise try to ruin another relationship are just home wreckers. Just because someone likes someone who is in a relationship does NOT give them any right to cross boundaries and act like a hoe! You like someone who's in a relationship!? Get over it! That person is not a piece of property to obtain. If the guy wanted to end the relationship of his own free will and decides to end the relationship, FINE. But until then, this is no longer your business. Ugh TG1 you tell people to stay with their abusers and now this????! 3
princessdreamz Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Don't go there. Plenty more fish in the sea!
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Ugh TG1 you tell people to stay with their abusers and now this????! I'm finding it hard to believe TG1s posts are supposed to be genuine advice, or whether they're deliberately antagonistic, seeing as they seem to always go completely against what most people suggest and advise posters to do some very damaging things. But hey, each to their own.
Author allymac Posted February 26, 2015 Author Posted February 26, 2015 Well you will all correct! We eventually had a talk and he said he had realised he wasn't ready to move on yet. I think the break was genuine.He said they haven't decided for sure whether they will stay together because she has given him an ultimatum that she doesn't want a long distance relationship and he would have to move towns. At first we agreed to be friends but then he admitted something that upsetted me. He said that he had deleted me off facebook because he didn't want her to be able to look at photos of me as this might influence her decision/feelings about him. I guess this just really brought home how unimportant I was too him and how I had let myself be the other woman. The lacking self respect thing is true I have had quite a few negative relationships. Any way I said to him there is no point in us being friends as it will obviously just start to cause issues for him if he wants to fix his relationship. Since then he has been very apologetic and said he wouldn't want to be in a relationship where he couldn't be friends with me. I am even more confused now! I don't know if this could be genuine really.
Zahara Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Since then he has been very apologetic and said he wouldn't want to be in a relationship where he couldn't be friends with me. I am even more confused now! I don't know if this could be genuine really. He's trying to keep you on the backburner, hidden from his girlfriend, yet available and accessible to him for an ego boost or if things don't work out with her.
Gary S Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Him acting flaky with you is a sure sign he either still has a girlfriend, or is on the rebound. Either way, he's not ready to fall in love with another yet. It's a deal breaker.
Ieris Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 He just used you to fill time when he was on a break. He is an idiot, you should cut him off completely! Don't even be friends with him, go find someone who makes your their priority not an option x
Buddhist Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 When someone tells you they are on a 'break', they are really telling you....Sure I'll date you for a while and then go back to my usual partner. There's just no point in even going there. 2
ascendotum Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 When someone tells you they are on a 'break', they are really telling you....Sure I'll date you for a while and then go back to my usual partner. There's just no point in even going there. Yep that sums it up. If you get involved with someone who says this be prepared to just be a fling. To be fair on this guy getting painted as a jerk, he did not sleep with her, yet probably could have. It seems his #1 priority is his LDR gf. Its tough doing LDR and he just needed some close intimacy and someone to hangout with. 1
elaine567 Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Dating a guy who is on a 'break' Don't do it unless you only want a hook up or casual sex. Guys and girls on "breaks" may or may not go back to their "ex", but they will be all messed up in the head and they will not be ready to "date" anyone who wants a real relationship.
jazzybones Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Theres a guy i have been friendly with for a while, he flirted a lot from when we first meet but I heard from others that he had a girlfriend so I tried not to think too much of it but it always felt like we had a connection. One day we were out somewhere together and he said he had to come clean about his girlfriend. He said he should have talked about her but had avoided it because he really like me. He said that they were on a break, in part because they are long distance. He said although he didn't think there was a chance the relationship could be fixed he wasn't planning on rushing out of it and in to something else because they had been together along time. He did say that he saw things with me as serious and that was why he didn't want to rush it- if it was just going to be rebound sex for example he would feel more comfortable. We did kiss that night and for a while after that we were seeing each other regularly and he seemed really keen to see me. We never slept together but he acted romantic and physical with me. He did say that he was feeling guilty about his ex/girlfriend though. I know it's probably not the same thing but this sounds exactly like a guy I dated, he even used the whole "I see things with you as being serious" line. Somehow we ended up in a year-long relationship and I always felt like he had his ex somewhere in the background and also like he had one foot out the door any time some other cute girl came along. How things come to be between you and him will have a huge impact on how you see things if you ever have an exclusive relationship. You don't want this drama, it's awful. Just shake it off and move on.
Versacehottie Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 I would say if you really really want to be with this guy if you really love him then fight for him even if he does have a girlfriend especially if you feel your connection runs deep if it's strong then do something about it i kinda agree with this. everyone else is telling you not to go after this guy as if you have some responsibility to his (break) girlfriend. You don't. I would bet my money that they don't survive this break. So I would say go for what you want. With a few cautions. Believe him when he says he is not ready to jump right into the next one. He won't be and you won't want to be the very next one. Don't be so available like you are waiting for it to happen. Stay in his life. Give it some time. Make sure he treats you girlfriend worthy every day that you are in his life. Date others in meantime. Be cautious that he doesn't have cheating behavior (so far FROM YOUR DESCRIPTION) he doesn't. I don't like that FB thing because it says right now his first priority is the ex gf. They are on a break because they are broken and her ultimatums are not going to help. Don't discuss their situation with him. Consoling him or helping him work through it is doormat behavior. Stay cautious but interested from a distance. I think there's a good chance you can have him but it won't be right away--but you don't want the "right away" him anyway. DATE OTHERS IN MEANTIME--oh, I said that already that is because I can't emphasize it enough. Put yourself first by doing this. Be patient. Good luck
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 27, 2015 Posted February 27, 2015 But I've been thinking that perhaps I am being a doormat to even wait to know and I should just decide myself that we are just friends...any advice? I think that says it all. He's still in that relationship and perhaps he was even caught? I would take a step back, date other people.
callingyouuu Posted February 27, 2015 Posted February 27, 2015 He's trying to keep you on the backburner, hidden from his girlfriend, yet available and accessible to him for an ego boost or if things don't work out with her. This is my sense, as well. Don't fall for it, and don't be close friends with him while he's in this relationship. He can get in contact with you again if he ever actually breaks up with her.
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