krista28 Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Is it possible to never get over someone even after youve broken up?
WonderWoman911 Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Yes. Sometimes the feelings you have for someone never dies,no matter the circumstance(s).
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Yes. Sometimes the feelings you have for someone never dies,no matter the circumstance(s). I don't think that's the case. It's never about "very strong feelings" it's always about yourself. People that never get over others do it because for some reason their mind finds it beneficial to hold on to the past. Sometimes it's a distraction, to avoid dealing with real problems and to avoid facing yourself. It's a symptom and not the root cause. There are many people out there that are compatible with us. It's about opening yourself up to experience it again. Feeling that you never got over your ex is an illusion. It's up to you to untangle what's behind it and stop wasting your life. 6
insert_name Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Yes, it is totally possible to never get over someone. 1
evanescentworld Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 I was going to post something along the very same lines as Eternal Sunshine. if you 'never get over someone' it's either because you don't want to, or refuse to 'let go'. It's got nothing to do with the love itself, it's got everything to do with a person's own incapacity to process things healthily. 6
Gaeta Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 No, well balanced people get over their heartbreaks. If you suffer from lack of self-esteem, if you are emotionally dependant, if you give yourself value through the eyes of men coming in and of your life, if you don't seek personal growth, then yes it will take you much longer to get over someone. Since the day I have understood I have no control over someone loving me or not, that I am responsible for my own happiness, that no matter how many heartbreaks I go through I will be just fine, since I understand that I move on in life much faster. You need to let go of that man. He is seeking his own happiness and you need to be doing the same. 5
Dallers Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Do we ever really get over the people we love? I don't think you do. No contact at all and complete separation. 50 years later bump into that person. Tell me you won't feel anything, lie. It is all about healing. By moving on, staying away and having no contact it just becomes easier. In time you forget and can move on. Some easier said than done, others can be time consuming and draining. 1
True Gent Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 I think an important point to consider is how long you were with someone. A significant partnership over a long period of your life will take longer to get over. At my current stage in my life I beleive with no contact or cyber stalking, it is possible to get over anyone at least to the point of no longer thinking about them any more. Also any potential reminders of them having zero impact on your mood or day to day life is most definitley acheivable. I'm not sure if accidentally bumping into a very significant ex can realistically have no effect on you in one way or another. But how you choose to handle things can either help or hinder you severely. You've got to want to let go for your own sanity. If you keep hanging onto to the negatives from a breakup it can really take it's toll on you. We are individuals, we have our own drives, wants and needs that no other person has any influence on. Find yourself as an individual again after a split, it is the best thing you can do. 2
evanescentworld Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Do we ever really get over the people we love? I don't think you do. No contact at all and complete separation. 50 years later bump into that person. Tell me you won't feel anything, lie. Nope. No lie. I felt absolutely nothing 11 years after the end of a 20+year marriage. Gone, done, over with, moved on, 2 separate people, doing fine, quite happy to chat and chew the cud. LIke, we're neighbours, or something. No more than that.... 1
devilish innocent Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 (edited) What do you mean by not getting over somebody? I don't know if there's ever a moment when you fully get over somebody. You gradually move from constantly missing them, to less constantly missing them, to occasionally missing them, to seldom missing them. It reaches a point where it's extremely seldom. Sometimes that turns into never missing the person again. Other times you can go for five years since you've last missed them and all of a sudden something like a dream causes you to miss them again. Now if you're asking can you continue to want somebody on a more frequent basis, that's a different matter. I think it does happen, but it's much rarer than people who are going through a break-up think it is. My guess is that usually the people it happens to are depressed for other reasons, and they're projecting that depression into thoughts of their ex. I should also add that is under the assumption that you've actually broken of contact with the person. Getting over somebody means getting used to life without them. In cases where people say they're broken up, but continue to spend time together, then they're not going through the process of letting go. That's probably the most common reason for remaining stuck on someone. Edited January 25, 2015 by devilish innocent
princessdreamz Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Depends on what you mean by 'get over'. It is very possible to get over someone in terms of the hurt or sadness felt after a break up. That's not to say feelings of love or fondness disappear - these can go away, but often stay or reappear from time to time. Still can mean you're over the person tho.
Dallers Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Nope. No lie. I felt absolutely nothing 11 years after the end of a 20+year marriage. Gone, done, over with, moved on, 2 separate people, doing fine, quite happy to chat and chew the cud. LIke, we're neighbours, or something. No more than that.... Then what you thought was love, wasn't.
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 For some people. But I feel that these people are usually the ones who have poor coping strategies and continue to engage in detrimental behaviours, such as facebook stalking, staying in the person's life, sleeping with them when it's on offer, trying to be 'friends' when they're still desperately in love. If you go 100% no contact with someone, for good, with no expectation of ever reconciling, then the chances of still having feelings for someone decades later, feelings strong enough to cause problems in your subsequent relationships, are practically nil.
Eighty_nine Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 I never quite got over my first love. Every other relationship though, I'm completely over. My first love and I had that special kind of relationship where we were also truly and deeply best friends aside from also being in love. I idealize it now because it's the kind of thing i really want. And may have found 1
eye of the storm Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 I have to see my ExH periodically. I was married for over 18 years. I loved him so much that when he left I wanted to die. But I didn't. I learned to let go of the past. I leaned to live in the present and to look forward to my future. Now when we see each other, I feel not much. Because I let go of my past and moved on. When someone "can't" get over a past love. It is usually because they got stuck in the grief process or because they just won't let of of their past. Which is unhealthy. You can't move on or grow if you are clinging with a death grip on your past.
Giggle Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 There is getting over someone.. And then there is still feeling love and fondness for that person. The easiest example of this I think is a death. It may take you a long time to get over it, to stop feeling like your heart has been torn apart and missing that person.. Feeling that emptiness all the time. But years later, you still love them. They are no longer part of your life but you still care for them. But is no longer an issue with you preventing you or just getting in the way if feeling for somebody else. 1
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