TG1 Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 (edited) If anything I still don't even know what I did wrong... Yes I have made mistakes in my relationship, I am no saint that's for sure but neither is my girlfriend But anyways on to my point I ask my girlfriend's cousin for advice mainly about her since me and her are or we were going through problems and trying to work stuff out So just when I think everything is going good my girlfriend gets pissed off at me because I talked to her cousin even after I promised that I would never talk to her cousin but try to understand I just asked my girlfriend's cousin for advice because I had no one else to turn to but also since her cousin knows her better than I do, I figured that since they are close that she might be able to help me out because don't get me wrong I really really love my girlfriend I really do but I feel like I can't trust her you know Because in the past she cheated on me while we were together and she had a baby out of that but I forgave her for that but I never ever forgot that betrayal and to tell you the truth it still haunts me to this very day Provided yes I did talk to my girlfriend's cousin while me and her were having problems but provided I had no idea that the girl and my girlfriend were cousins so my girlfriend was crying and what not but ultimately we got past that and we were trying to work things out But my girlfriend doesn't understand that I simply just went to her cousin for advice strictly nothing more and she is making it seem like what I just did is a big issue but I don't see what the big issue is especially if I ask for advice when it comes to my relationship It is not like I cheated on my girlfriend or it is not like I shot someone, I did something so innocent practically but yet my girlfriend is ignoring all my texts and hasn't responded to me so what should I do? Anyway we got into a huge fight about it and we were supposed to go on a date tomorrow but I told her that I didn't want to go anymore and that if she is going to make a big deal about something I did that was practically nothing then I said I was done because honestly I don't see what I did wrong here Edited January 25, 2015 by TG1
Author TG1 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 (edited) My girlfriend's cousin tells me that I should trust my girlfriend and that my girlfriend was crying to her cousin about me but also that my girlfriend really seems to care about me but I don't know if I really can believe that I need insight, either male or female insight here please anyone I just need help here Edited January 25, 2015 by TG1
Gaeta Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Depends what you told her cousin? NO one wants to have their dirty laundry exposed to friends or family. It would upset me if my boyfriend went to my cousin for advice instead of coming to me and discussing our issues. As for your girlfriend there is nothing you can do. Just let her calm down. Stop trying to reach her. She will come to you on her own.
Author TG1 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 Depends what you told her cousin? NO one wants to have their dirty laundry exposed to friends or family. It would upset me if my boyfriend went to my cousin for advice instead of coming to me and discussing our issues. As for your girlfriend there is nothing you can do. Just let her calm down. Stop trying to reach her. She will come to you on her own. I told her cousin that I loved her very very much but I also apologized for using my girlfriend's cousin to try to get back at my girlfriend because I realized that what I did was wrong and of course I own what I have done But also I let her cousin know all about what me and her have been through, that she cheated on me and all of that but also letting her know about all the times her cousin my girlfriend has hurt me and that because of that I felt like I had serious doubts about my relationship and I confided in her cousin about all of that
Gaeta Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Ohhhhhh dear! You need to understand that what you did is in her eyes a betrayal. Her cheating history is private to her and you. It's not the type of things you share with HER family! If you needed to talk about this with an outsider than you use a forum or you talk to a person close to YOU who has nothing to gain or lose hearing your story. Because of your poor judgement her entire family and friends will know about her cheating. Also, please allow me to doubt you were looking to find an amicable ear when you picked HER cousin as confident. I am not convinced you were looking for advice. I think you were wanting to proclaim to people ' look what a nice man I am to her, she cheated on me and I took her back with her baby'. Honestly, I would not talk to you either and I would probably breakup with you over this.
Author TG1 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 Ohhhhhh dear! You need to understand that what you did is in her eyes a betrayal. Her cheating history is private to her and you. It's not the type of things you share with HER family! If you needed to talk about this with an outsider than you use a forum or you talk to a person close to YOU who has nothing to gain or lose hearing your story. Because of your poor judgement her entire family and friends will know about her cheating. Also, please allow me to doubt you were looking to find an amicable ear when you picked HER cousin as confident. I am not convinced you were looking for advice. I think you were wanting to proclaim to people ' look what a nice man I am to her, she cheated on me and I took her back with her baby'. Honestly, I would not talk to you either and I would probably breakup with you over this. But at the same time try to understand though that when I confided in her cousin I actually did it with the best of intentions no I really really did, I didn't think that what I was doing was wrong at all in fact quite the opposite But at the same time she is the one who cheated on me first, she cheated on me while we were together had sex with another guy behind my back and I was none the wiser and then she got pregnant I didn't even know about the child until after she had the child too but yet through all of that I still forgave her when I didn't even have to
Author TG1 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 And also my girlfriend threatens me practically all the time in the sense that she will threaten to cheat on me especially when I do keep my distance from her because I do tend to do that because I generally have a lot of stuff going on because I work for a living but at the same time when I do distance myself from her I wonder if the relationship is even worth it considering me and her have been together for 4 years, will be 5 years come December
preraph Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 What do you mean you did nothing wrong? You did the very thing she asked you not to do. I'm sure she has her reasons for not wanting you spilling your guts to her cousin, and that could range from embarrassment and knowing she'll tell the whole family to distrust that her cousin would even use this connection to come on to you. She told you not to do it, and you betrayed her. Your fault.
Gaeta Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 But at the same time try to understand though that when I confided in her cousin I actually did it with the best of intentions no I really really did, I didn't think that what I was doing was wrong at all in fact quite the opposite It was a lack of good judgement on your part and now it's too late. The damage is done. But at the same time she is the one who cheated on me first, She cheated on you first? Oh cause you mean then you cheated on her? How swell .... she cheated on me while we were together had sex with another guy behind my back and I was none the wiser and then she got pregnant I didn't even know about the child until after she had the child too but yet through all of that I still forgave her when I didn't even have to If you forgave her than why are we talking about this? Why do you talk about this to outsiders? Right now what you do is have her being the bad guy forever. You think that what ever you do it cannot be as bad as her cheating. It does not work that way! When you forgive someone you do not talk about it again! You don't bring it up, you don't spread it around, you don't put it back into the person's face. Your problem is you cannot forgive her. You want to but you cannot. It's still eating you inside and that is what makes you do these stupid things. 1
Author TG1 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 What do you mean you did nothing wrong? You did the very thing she asked you not to do. I'm sure she has her reasons for not wanting you spilling your guts to her cousin, and that could range from embarrassment and knowing she'll tell the whole family to distrust that her cousin would even use this connection to come on to you. She told you not to do it, and you betrayed her. Your fault. I don't think that the cousin is even interested in me and even if she were it wouldn't even matter because I am too in love with my girlfriend anyway but at the same time I will say that when me and her cousin were talking I had no idea at first that they were even cousins and this was when me and my girl were having problems too
Author TG1 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 It was a lack of good judgement on your part and now it's too late. The damage is done. She cheated on you first? Oh cause you mean then you cheated on her? How swell .... If you forgave her than why are we talking about this? Why do you talk about this to outsiders? Right now what you do is have her being the bad guy forever. You think that what ever you do it cannot be as bad as her cheating. It does not work that way! When you forgive someone you do not talk about it again! You don't bring it up, you don't spread it around, you don't put it back into the person's face. Your problem is you cannot forgive her. You want to but you cannot. It's still eating you inside and that is what makes you do these stupid things. Yes I will admit it still eats at me that she cheated on me it eats at me that she could have sex behind my back and get pregnant and have a kid with someone else behind my back, yes but I forgave but I never ever forgot that betrayal either It is like the more I try to move on from that betrayal the more it continues to eat at me
Gaeta Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 And also my girlfriend threatens me practically all the time in the sense that she will threaten to cheat on me Please break up. This is not a way to live.
Author TG1 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 Please break up. This is not a way to live. Yes I understand what you are saying but try to understand me when I say that I have been with this girl up and down for 4 years, almost 5 years a long damn time to be with someone and I feel like if I move on there will be no one else out there for me you know I mean I have put my heart and soul into this for such a long time that I feel like if it ends now that I would be giving up
Gaeta Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Yes I understand what you are saying but try to understand me when I say that I have been with this girl up and down for 4 years, almost 5 years a long damn time to be with someone and I feel like if I move on there will be no one else out there for me you know I mean I have put my heart and soul into this for such a long time that I feel like if it ends now that I would be giving up Honey how old are you? It's not because a relationship has a few years that it's worth saving. People leave bad relationships after 5-15-25 years. It's not giving up! It's putting an end to something destructive and giving yourself a new beginning. I feel like if I move on there will be no one else out there for me you know I mean Everybody that has to end a relationship feels like this, not just you. Not ending a bad relationship only because we are scared of the unknown guarantee you a long miserable unhappy life. It's FULL of people to date out there!! You are never going to run out of women to date! And good women, the type that won't cheat on you or threat to cheat on you. Admit it, you and her it's not working.
Author TG1 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 Honey how old are you? It's not because a relationship has a few years that it's worth saving. People leave bad relationships after 5-15-25 years. It's not giving up! It's putting an end to something destructive and giving yourself a new beginning. I feel like if I move on there will be no one else out there for me you know I mean Everybody that has to end a relationship feels like this, not just you. Not ending a bad relationship only because we are scared of the unknown guarantee you a long miserable unhappy life. It's FULL of people to date out there!! You are never going to run out of women to date! And good women, the type that won't cheat on you or threat to cheat on you. Admit it, you and her it's not working. Yes we have not been working for a very long time I will admit that but at the same time we are hardly around each other 24/7 so who knows what she's doing and whom she's doing it with but at the same time I admit I have talked to other girls here and there I will admit that hell I always turn to other girls especially when me and her have problems but as for how old I am I am 24 turning 25 so I have been with my girlfriend since I was 20
Author TG1 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 Either way it is not like I cheated on her yes I almost did in the past but it ultimately never led up to anything unlike her who did cheat on me But since last night I have not tried to contact her because I started to get sick and tired of her not answering so probably best if I just keep my distance altogether
veggirl Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 I'm sorry but she cheated on you, had a baby with someone else, and you're still bending over backwards to please her. No you shouldn't air your dirty laundry to others, but it sounds like you are being punished more for that than she was for cheating and getting pregnant. Sorry but your relationship sounds like a hot mess.
Author TG1 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 I'm sorry but she cheated on you, had a baby with someone else, and you're still bending over backwards to please her. No you shouldn't air your dirty laundry to others, but it sounds like you are being punished more for that than she was for cheating and getting pregnant. Sorry but your relationship sounds like a hot mess. I know right, glad that someone sympathizes with me at least Yes I always bend over backwards to please her with little to show for it because I am always there for her when she needs me but whenever I need her she is never there hence the reason why sometimes I feel like turning to other girls for that attention you know? Yes I will agree with you on one thing that I shouldn't air my dirty laundry but at the same time it is like I am being punished for doing something which in my mind I saw as being innocent whereas when she did what she did to me I forgave her for it against my better judgment because I was that much in love with her but I never forgot that betrayal But what I did is considered a betrayal in her eyes, how? I went to her cousin strictly for advice and she all of a sudden goes off on me for that whereas what she did in the past is by far worse than anything I have ever done in terms of my relationship At least I am acknowledging that I am not a saint, I own what I am Yes the relationship is a hot mess but I have been it up and down for 4 years, that's a long time and I felt like if I walk away now then what is left at the end of the tunnel?
veggirl Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 I know right, glad that someone sympathizes with me at least Yes I always bend over backwards to please her with little to show for it because I am always there for her when she needs me but whenever I need her she is never there hence the reason why sometimes I feel like turning to other girls for that attention you know? Yes I will agree with you on one thing that I shouldn't air my dirty laundry but at the same time it is like I am being punished for doing something which in my mind I saw as being innocent whereas when she did what she did to me I forgave her for it against my better judgment because I was that much in love with her but I never forgot that betrayal But what I did is considered a betrayal in her eyes, how? I went to her cousin strictly for advice and she all of a sudden goes off on me for that whereas what she did in the past is by far worse than anything I have ever done in terms of my relationship At least I am acknowledging that I am not a saint, I own what I am Yes the relationship is a hot mess but I have been it up and down for 4 years, that's a long time and I felt like if I walk away now then what is left at the end of the tunnel? Talking about your R problems isnt a betrayal, her cheating was. I mean everyone knows the kid isn't yours right? Bitching about your partner to other people is wrong, but if you genuinely need advice, its fine to go to a trusted source...that should be someone from your life, though, not hers. She's just embarrassed because her cheating is being brought up again. And she should be!
Author TG1 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 Talking about your R problems isnt a betrayal, her cheating was. I mean everyone knows the kid isn't yours right? Bitching about your partner to other people is wrong, but if you genuinely need advice, its fine to go to a trusted source...that should be someone from your life, though, not hers. She's just embarrassed because her cheating is being brought up again. And she should be! But her cousin told me to suck it up and she told me that at the end of the day it shouldn't matter that her cousin my girlfriend cheated on me and that she wants me at the end of the day but I don't know if I can believe that because of her past because she did cheat Yes I have talked to other girls but I have never ever physically cheated on my girlfriend unlike her who slept with somebody else while she is supposed to be in a relationship with me And yes her child is not mine, she has a child with another guy and the funny thing is is that I have seen pictures of her child but I have never met the child though because she hasn't brought me around her child
Recommended Posts