unrequitedlove11 Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 I have a banquet coming up and my manager saw this guy at wing king and got his number for me back in December .. the first couple of weeks everything was cool; he made good conversation and had good intentions on getting to know me . of course I started liking him because to me his personality stood out from all the other guys . He said upfront he's been looking somebody to build a real relationship and I told him that's what I want . Then asked was I looking for someone .. I said I was open to it but most guys that approach me want extra (sex) . Then he replied he may want what others want but that he's willing to wait . My thing is be real with your intentions upfront , which is what I told him ; I'll respect you more for not leading me on or playing with my emotions , that way I can know whether or not to cut you off .. he told me I sound like a future mrs mccoy lol .. BOOM , he comes to see me for the first time and couldn't keep his hands of me . I literally had to tell him ten times to back up , remove his hands off my thighs and push him away because he kept wanting to touch and try to **** .. He would stop then start again like ugh relaxxx . Although it kinda felt good because I wasn't expecting him to be all over me like that ; I was quite nervous in meeting him . I gave in and we had sex on January 2nd . the sex was great but it was against my morals and I feel like I'm becoming the girl I pride myself in not being .. after that I hasn't heard from him in a week and I ended up leaving my badge in car . So I was pissed because he hadn't hmu that whole weekend so that I could get it after I texted and called because I didn't want to pay for another one . A week goes by after I fussed him out in a text days before telling him to mail me my badge back if he has to because he told me his truck was messed up .. It took him 7 days to tell me that he is going through some things and for him to focus on getting himself straight he shuts everybody out . I understand people go through **** but the LEAST he could've done was text me back . I could've came and got my badge , he wouldn't have had **** to say to me as long as I got it back .. Went from falling asleep on the phone the first couple of nights and texting throughout the day now I don't even get a text back .. I always beat myself up and take blame for why things can never get to the next level but he's been making excuses ever since he said he would take me out . I'm trying to get my banquet stuff together and it's like he's blowing me off which makes me feel some type of way . he hmu about a week ago saying "yo" and I kinda spazzed because I'm not one of your guy friends for one .. two , I haven't heard from you in so long and this is how you wanna start off the conversation ? or was I overreacting ? told me I act like we gotta talk everyday , minute or second and that he was gonna let me be I texted him yesterday saying I'm guessing I need another date , I just need a confirmation but no text back . It's really disappointing because I had high hopes for this but nothing ever happens the way I want it .. I've came out of my comfort zone and broke my morals for things to end up like this . it's like no matter how I try approach a situation I get the same outcome when it comes to guys .
TG1 Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Well I would say honestly keep trying but if he doesn't give you any confirmation then yes I would say he was just using you
Ebelskiver Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Don't keep trying! He done and used you up, don't be even more pathetic by calling him again. If he does contact you again, it will only be because he wants to have sex. He no longer views you as relationship material. The only way to save face is when he does come sniffing around, tell him to f off. That you don't have time or energy for people who don't cherish you. Be strong. And wait at least 8 weeks before sleeping with someone.
TG1 Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Don't keep trying! He done and used you up, don't be even more pathetic by calling him again. If he does contact you again, it will only be because he wants to have sex. He no longer views you as relationship material. The only way to save face is when he does come sniffing around, tell him to f off. That you don't have time or energy for people who don't cherish you. Be strong. And wait at least 8 weeks before sleeping with someone. Yes what this poster said I also agree with whole-heartedly too
dragonfire13 Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 I go through this...unfortunately, guys like this are a dime a dozen. The only way to filter through guys who are just looking for a good time is to hold off on the physical until there's some kind of commitment. But even then, they will often back off as soon as they get it, trying to put the blame on you becoming "needy" after sex. It's not you, it's these douchebags. I guarantee he'll come sniffing around again, it's how these players operate. It's one big game to them. When he does, IGNORE! 3
AveryBean Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 If you don't want to have sex with someone don't. If you do, then own it and whatever happens after that. I guarantee you will never sleep your way into some guys heart.
AveryBean Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 If you don't want to have sex with someone don't. If you do, then own it and whatever happens after that. I guarantee you will never sleep your way into some guys heart. Which is what it sounds like you're trying to do.
angiefly Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 It's both you and the guys IMO. You are picking men who aren't the greatest people. You should also remind yourself that just because you have sex with someone they don't really owe you anything. It would certainly be nice of the guy to not do this (sleeping with you and then disappearing because he got what he wanted.) But since you are finding yourself in this position all you can really do is get to know them better, maybe build trust and listen to your gut before being intimate next time. The quicker you realize what your part was in all of this, the quicker you can move forward.
Author unrequitedlove11 Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 If you don't want to have sex with someone don't. If you do, then own it and whatever happens after that. I guarantee you will never sleep your way into some guys heart. Which is what it sounds like you're trying to do. how so ? I have self control , I can go without but I'm also human . & I know my worth as well .. That's not even my character to belittle myself like that . My point is I'm just tired of the nice guy front ; same time , I can't sit here and have that attitude towards every guy because they all aren't the same but majority are .. not to put myself on a "pedal stool" but I feel like if I give you the time of day you should appreciate it because I haven't been passed around like the majority of females here .
Yookie Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 BOOM , he comes to see me for the first time and couldn't keep his hands of me . I literally had to tell him ten times to back up , remove his hands off my thighs and push him away because he kept wanting to touch and try to **** .. He would stop then start again like ugh relaxxx . Although it kinda felt good because I wasn't expecting him to be all over me like that ; The first time you meet up with him he is treating you like a straight up booty call and you liked it? This was your RED FLAG that he was not interested in making you his wife. He was not showing you any respect and didn't even care that you told him to stop repeatedly. He figured he'd wear you down eventually and apparently that tactic worked. When you meet a guy for the first time and on all early dates, try to keep the meeting in public places so that they do not have the opportunity to put you in an awkward position before you are ready.
Yookie Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 My point is I'm just tired of the nice guy front He wasn't a nice guy at all. His actions on the first date spoke loudly. 3
Bellaisa Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 I wouldn't keep trying, this guy doesn't sound like a prize you want to win! Learn from your mistakes, move on, and find a real man who knows how to treat a woman. Don't except anything less! 1
pteromom Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 Don't have sex with a guy until you get to know him and have a commitment from him. A guy who respects you won't grope all over you after you tell him to back off. PERIOD. If you say "stop" and a guy doesn't stop, then just quit seeing him then and there. You can do better than Mr. Wing King. Much better.
pteromom Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 how so ? I have self control , I can go without but I'm also human Know your weaknesses. When you are dating a guy and aren't ready for sex, meet for dates in public places. Don't hang out at his place or your place, where you may be tempted to go further than you want to go. I can't sit here and have that attitude towards every guy because they all aren't the same but majority are .. not to put myself on a "pedal stool" but I feel like if I give you the time of day you should appreciate it because I haven't been passed around like the majority of females here . A guy doesn't know you until you put the time into showing him who you are. You don't need an attitude toward men. You just need to be very upfront about what you want, make sure your actions match your values, have firm boundaries, and bounce any guy whose actions show you that he doesn't want to give you what you want. So when meeting a guy, you say "I am not interested in just sex. I want a relationship." He says "Oh me too!" (whether or not it is true - because the guys who want just sex know they need to say this to get sex.) So then on to step two - a date. During the date, you watch him and see what kind of person he is. Is he kind to you? Is he respectful to you? Is he kind to the server at the restaurant? Do his words match his actions? Are you comfortable with what he shares about who he is and his past? If the date goes well, go on another date. Keep them public, so there is no chance of sex. Keep getting to know him. Is he showing real interest in you and getting to know who you are? Is he texting/calling you back? Is he making an effort? Keep dating until you get a very good idea of who he is as a person. THEN decide if you are ready to have sex. At any time, if a guy isn't doing the right thing, speak up! Tell him what you need politely but firmly. Give him the chance to step up. If he doesn't, don't waste more time wishing he would be different - move on to find someone who is better suited for you. It's not difficult. But it is up to you to maintain your own boundaries, rather than expecting the world to change. 1
AveryBean Posted January 27, 2015 Posted January 27, 2015 how so ? I have self control , I can go without but I'm also human . & I know my worth as well .. That's not even my character to belittle myself like that . My point is I'm just tired of the nice guy front ; same time , I can't sit here and have that attitude towards every guy because they all aren't the same but majority are .. not to put myself on a "pedal stool" but I feel like if I give you the time of day you should appreciate it because I haven't been passed around like the majority of females here . Was this supposed to be a dig at women who are comfortable with their sexuality? Take an honest look at yourself, you're the one here asking about a guy you met in December and slept with January 2nd. If you have to slut shame other women to make yourself feel better you're doing something wrong.
Author unrequitedlove11 Posted February 2, 2015 Author Posted February 2, 2015 Was this supposed to be a dig at women who are comfortable with their sexuality? Take an honest look at yourself, you're the one here asking about a guy you met in December and slept with January 2nd. If you have to slut shame other women to make yourself feel better you're doing something wrong. you're sitting here saying I'm trying to sleep my way into somebody's heart when that's NEVER my intent . I didn't have sex with thinking that would be the key to a relationship . your logic doesn't make sense at all . there are women out here comfortable with that lifestyle , GOOD FOR THEM .. and some who do it because it temporarily makes them feel better about themselves . I think you need to take a look at yourself and come to a better conclusion .
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