jimmy1968 Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 My Ex with BPD still breast feeds our daughter and told me she was gonna stop this summer. Not sure what to do? I feel like it child abuse. Please Advise. Link to post Share on other sites
Mirages Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 The child of a BPD'r is an extension of themselves, not a unique, separate personality = the problem. Sorry to hear. Getting in on a generic medical Dr. appointment might allow you to let a Dr. know, which would thru a sense of potential shame, change her behavior. BPD folks want acceptance, to get weirded out by their doctor can change their behavior just to fit in, eh? Or she tells you she will stop this summer, and actually will, 7 y.o., yuck! Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jimmy1968 Posted January 24, 2015 Author Share Posted January 24, 2015 It sucks, feel like my hands are tied. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveMyCat Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 My Ex with BPD still breast feeds our daughter and told me she was gonna stop this summer. Not sure what to do? I feel like it child abuse. Please Advise. It is bizarre...have you spoken to your doctor about this? Maybe he or she can advise you? I know some people are into "attachment" parenting but this goes beyond... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jimmy1968 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 That's what she calls it and yes it goes beyond. She breastfeed her other son until he was 8 and he has some serious problems. She is really screwed up but will just deny if we went to court. Hard to say what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveMyCat Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 That's what she calls it and yes it goes beyond. She breastfeed her other son until he was 8 and he has some serious problems. She is really screwed up but will just deny if we went to court. Hard to say what to do. Have you sued for full custody?? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaSummer Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Hi Jimmy- Just thought I would put my two cents in since I stumbled across your concern while researching something else. Firstly I hope your ex love is getting the help she needs for BPD-she may be on the mend and doing very well. If she is getting help the chances of her overcoming it are really good-which is great news for you and the child you share. The average age for a child to wean worldwide versus the average age in the U.S. are very different. We have such a negative stigma around full term breastfeeding in the U.S. and that is very sad for the children and the culture as a whole because the benefits of breastfeeding not only are nutritional but have a very significant impact on healthy attachment and developing a healthy sense of trust and comfort from your mother-which is imperative for cognitive development. That being said the average weaning age worldwide is somewhere between 2.5-7 years old. It is perfectly normal in many cultures to breastfeed for years. The comment about someone being breastfed for too long and having psychological problems are not correlated as there are way too many other factors to consider and that sounds like a very rare case meaning it should not be applied as fact. At all. One other thing I would like to point out is that you cannot force a child to breastfeed-that is impossible. Your daughter is still at the breast because she wants to be. Your ex love is not forcing her-she is meeting your daughters request for comfort I am assuming you know that most adults with BPD had a pretty traumatic upbringing for one reason or another or did not form a secure attachment with their primary caregiver. Your ex sounds like she is going above and beyond to make sure her own daughter has a secure attachment and does not suffer from BPD as an adult too. Kudos to her. I would suggest that you acknowledge that-let your ex know that you understand this and suggest that maybe you guys sit down with your daughter and have a healthy conversation about it ya know? Your daughter obviously finds great comfort at the breast-that is very normal; it was her first security as a newborn and all through her toddler years. I would imagine she is close to weaning anyway and if you truly feel like you need to push that I would give her (your child) the honor of talking to her and asking her if she is ready. I think it would be traumatizing to take away a great comfort without any forewarning. Your ex wife is in no way endangering your daughter and is meeting a need that YOUR DAUGHTER is asking for. It seems like this has more to do with making you uncomfortable and perhaps the needs of your daughter should outweigh that. No, U.S. society doesn't understand extended breastfeeding so I get that you don't want her to be made fun of or teased or what not. But let's have a healthy conversation, ask her if she's ready to wean, and respect the child first and foremost. Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 The reason breastfeeding goes on years longer in other countries has a lot to do with poverty. Most of those mothers are breastfeeding past age 1-2 because they literally have no other way to provide calories and nutrition to their child. I have no problem breastfeeding until the child has teeth and can eat, but in a First World nation there is no excuse beyond that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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