How can I seriously put an end to this problem?

[cbplayer]

Get off Tinder! There is absolutely no incentive for women on Tinder to maintain a conversation with you. You have to be one of the elite...ie super funny, super good looking, etc to actually get a physical date.

 

Can you send me your pic as well, I'm curious. I've done a lot of online dating. I'm attractive, funny, smart, I've had a number of relationships and it's still almost impossible.

 

My current bf (he sounds a lot like you) didn't lose his virginity until he was 22. He is a software engineer/actor/comedian as well. He is a bit awkward, but he's 33 now so I have a feeling it was much worse when he was your age. Confidence counts for so much. Nothing from any of your conversations sounds particularly bad, but with the kind of competition you're running up against it's not memorable either. Where's this supposed sense of humor you're telling us about? It certainly doesn't come out in your texts.

 

I've said this to other virgins and I'll say it to you. Go see an escort. Get the deed done. See her a few times. Have her show you how to really please a woman. Doing the deed will make it seem like less of a mystery. That, and it will relax you so you're not projecting some kind of desperate vibe. Finally, it will make you realize that while sex is great, it certainly isn't going to solve any life problems for you (and indeed tends to create a few).

 

Honestly, if there were competent, affordable, male, escorts who aren't bisexual, I would use them.

I used to use my humor in texts but it didn't help although I actually am super funny. I PMed you.

[cbplayer]

This is a tinder convo.

 

Me : You seem crazy lol. What's up?

Her : Crazy? How so ? lol

Me : I guess your 4th picture gave me that impression lol

Her : It's a custom, haha, I was Beetlejuice for Halloween!

Her : What makes you funny, unique, & confident (She asked b/c I described myself that way in my about me section.)

Me : Lol I'm naturally funny. I'm unique because I'm west african, multilingual, smart, and have a broad range of interests and accomplishments. My accomplishments and the accomplishments of my fellow Africans have made me proud and confident.

Me : What did you think of that haha?

Her: Sounds like a darn good answer to me

Me : Thank you! I try. Tell me about yourself!

Me :What are your defining characteristics?

 

No reply. This was about 4 days ago.

[cbplayer]

Here's another convo I had on tinder

 

Me : Hey her name. How's it going?

Her : Hii:) and good wby?

Me : I'm great! Are a student at "the name of my university"

Her : Hahhahah no I'm a senior in high school

Her : Do you go to "the name of my university"

Me : Haha wow. Yeah I do. Do you live in the town?

Her : I live in " some town" but it's basically the same town

Me : Great! What are you up tp?

Her : I'm just in bed watching tv lmao wby

Me : Reading up on some stuff and trying to be productive

Her : Awww:) where are you from

Me : I'm from "my town" ! Hbu?

 

No reply. This was about 2 days ago.

[smg15]

Is it anyway you can transition to a brief phone conversation from people you talk to on tinder?

[hopefullove]

I don't have any advice for you just thoughts.

You're 21 and I don't think you really know yourself yet.

You still need a lot of self discovery and self awareness.

 

People who are funny, don't need to advertise that they are funny, at least not as a selling point to someone, your humour should just come out. I've been a funny weirdo my whole life, I don't advertise it to someone I am getting to know, I'm telling you, but with someone I am getting to know, charm, wit, humour, should come out naturally, because humour, is a high value trait, you can't just advertise that. You might as well say "I make a lot of money" because until you show me the money, or show me the humour, that's just your false advertisement.

 

The fact you are still asking why she is not responding to you after all we have told you about the realities of Tinder. You don't seem to learn from your experiences. I read one of your old threads where you were asking why this chick wasn't responding to you after 2.5 hours, and you hadn't even met her yet. Like, bro, that is some crazy man stalker stuff there, you may say you are confident, that that shows how little confidence you actually have.

 

I think this just has to do with your age.

You remind me of my little cousin, so that's why I'm actually spending time writing this to you. My little cousin was a weird little guy, who looked to multiple sub cultures trying to find himself, trying to fit in. He's a smart guy, he means well, he has good intentions, but the worst social skills. Half the things, when he was trying to pay a compliment, came out sounding like an insult, because his social skills sucked. You can be highly intelligent, but it doesn't seem like you have good interpersonal skills, at least not with women. He's actually finally found someone to date now, and he's... I think he's either 26 or 27. It's taken him a lot of mistakes to grow as a person. He was really self absorbed, he thought he knew everything, and that's what happens when you are smart little ****s, you are young and think you know everything, and approach life in the way that you see it. I'm not saying you are wrong, but you are not approaching it in the way most people do.

 

I'm telling you because, I make friends very easily, male and female. I can turn it on, and smile, and joke, and charm people if I wanted to. Because I think about what they would like to hear. Based on their interests, and their values, you turn the conversation that best appeals to them, pay compliments that mean the most, tell jokes that would be appropriate. You need to be good at reading people to do that, and I don't think you have that skill yet.

 

Tinder - is a light hearted entry to speed chatting. Nobody really takes it that seriously, you seem to try way too hard. "you seem crazy" if she wasn't attracted to you in some way, I would be like, WTF you don't KNOW me. You have to remember that you are strangers. Plus the fact that you are focusing on a girl who didn't reply to you in 4 days. Just because someone is talking to you, doesn't mean ANYTHING. At the end of the day you are strangers... you need a lot of time to get to know someone, this culture of online dating, with info being presented, has created a forced intimacy. You feel like you know someone, you see their pictures, where they ate, where they went, you know what job they have, religion, values, but that means nothing til you get to know someone as a person. I think you forgot that because your expectations of girls you speak to is that they should treat you like a friend. You are nothing to them and they should mean nothing to you, only a potential interest.

 

Anyway - I got nothing else for you. I've asked you a few times, what sort of girl are you wanting interest from. A fun vivacious girl with varied interest, would be utterly bored with your brand of humour. If you're a nice guy, or a nice enough guy, that might be enough to entice a girl who has had enough of jerks, the jerks who are entertaining and charming, who are smooth, and have game. You just need to come to terms that you have no game whatsoever. I've met a bunch of guys who were nice, had good jobs, were handsome, actually some who were really good looking, and I couldn't stand another minute with them, because they were not what I wanted. Perhaps the girls you are engaging in are not looking for someone like you, eventually you will find someone who will appreciate who you are. Just, don't lose hope, but also, don't turn into a sad pathetic poor excuse of a man. Learn to be yourself, but also learn to understand other people.

[cbplayer]

I don't have any advice for you just thoughts.

You're 21 and I don't think you really know yourself yet.

You still need a lot of self discovery and self awareness.

 

People who are funny, don't need to advertise that they are funny, at least not as a selling point to someone, your humour should just come out. I've been a funny weirdo my whole life, I don't advertise it to someone I am getting to know, I'm telling you, but with someone I am getting to know, charm, wit, humour, should come out naturally, because humour, is a high value trait, you can't just advertise that. You might as well say "I make a lot of money" because until you show me the money, or show me the humour, that's just your false advertisement.

 

The fact you are still asking why she is not responding to you after all we have told you about the realities of Tinder. You don't seem to learn from your experiences. I read one of your old threads where you were asking why this chick wasn't responding to you after 2.5 hours, and you hadn't even met her yet. Like, bro, that is some crazy man stalker stuff there, you may say you are confident, that that shows how little confidence you actually have.

 

I think this just has to do with your age.

You remind me of my little cousin, so that's why I'm actually spending time writing this to you. My little cousin was a weird little guy, who looked to multiple sub cultures trying to find himself, trying to fit in. He's a smart guy, he means well, he has good intentions, but the worst social skills. Half the things, when he was trying to pay a compliment, came out sounding like an insult, because his social skills sucked. You can be highly intelligent, but it doesn't seem like you have good interpersonal skills, at least not with women. He's actually finally found someone to date now, and he's... I think he's either 26 or 27. It's taken him a lot of mistakes to grow as a person. He was really self absorbed, he thought he knew everything, and that's what happens when you are smart little ****s, you are young and think you know everything, and approach life in the way that you see it. I'm not saying you are wrong, but you are not approaching it in the way most people do.

 

I'm telling you because, I make friends very easily, male and female. I can turn it on, and smile, and joke, and charm people if I wanted to. Because I think about what they would like to hear. Based on their interests, and their values, you turn the conversation that best appeals to them, pay compliments that mean the most, tell jokes that would be appropriate. You need to be good at reading people to do that, and I don't think you have that skill yet.

 

Tinder - is a light hearted entry to speed chatting. Nobody really takes it that seriously, you seem to try way too hard. "you seem crazy" if she wasn't attracted to you in some way, I would be like, WTF you don't KNOW me. You have to remember that you are strangers. Plus the fact that you are focusing on a girl who didn't reply to you in 4 days. Just because someone is talking to you, doesn't mean ANYTHING. At the end of the day you are strangers... you need a lot of time to get to know someone, this culture of online dating, with info being presented, has created a forced intimacy. You feel like you know someone, you see their pictures, where they ate, where they went, you know what job they have, religion, values, but that means nothing til you get to know someone as a person. I think you forgot that because your expectations of girls you speak to is that they should treat you like a friend. You are nothing to them and they should mean nothing to you, only a potential interest.

 

Anyway - I got nothing else for you. I've asked you a few times, what sort of girl are you wanting interest from. A fun vivacious girl with varied interest, would be utterly bored with your brand of humour. If you're a nice guy, or a nice enough guy, that might be enough to entice a girl who has had enough of jerks, the jerks who are entertaining and charming, who are smooth, and have game. You just need to come to terms that you have no game whatsoever. I've met a bunch of guys who were nice, had good jobs, were handsome, actually some who were really good looking, and I couldn't stand another minute with them, because they were not what I wanted. Perhaps the girls you are engaging in are not looking for someone like you, eventually you will find someone who will appreciate who you are. Just, don't lose hope, but also, don't turn into a sad pathetic poor excuse of a man. Learn to be yourself, but also learn to understand other people.

Thank you for giving your opinion. I only advertised that I'

m

funny because it's one of my defining characteristics. My friends and family consider me funny. I've done stand up comedy before and I'

m

able to make people of different cultures laugh. I said that I'

m

funny in my about me simply because it's a part of my personality. I never conveyed my humor in the convos that I posted here. I try not to crack jokes with strangers(people on to tinder) or people who I'

m

texting because I don't want my jokes to misconstrued ;text messages are extremely impersonal. Also, to answer your question, I'

m

interested in women who are smart, educated (pursuing a college education or have already attained one), affectionate, christian, pretty, and physically fit. The reason I made a big deal about a girl not texting me back within 2.5 hours because I've been told that girls usually check their phones frequently

so

for a girl to take a long time to reply is often an indicator of disinterest. I understand that if a girl's uninterested, I should move on, which I usually do. However, because my texts have been ignored

so

frequently, I've become a little frustrated. That's why I was complaining about the slow response rate. As far as confidence goes, I do lack confidence in my ability to interest women. I accept that I have no game( that was pretty harsh

btw

), considering my low degree of success with women. I am however confident in my intelligence, academic prowess, athletcism/fitness and ability to become financially succesful. That is why I described myself as confident in my about me on tinder. Like I said before, I agree that I lack game. Can you please tell me what I should do to develop game?

Edited January 29, 2015 by cbplayer

[cbplayer]

Is it anyway you can transition to a brief phone conversation from people you talk to on tinder?

I have transitioned from tinder to texting

[cbplayer]

I don't have any advice for you just thoughts.

You're 21 and I don't think you really know yourself yet.

You still need a lot of self discovery and self awareness.

 

People who are funny, don't need to advertise that they are funny, at least not as a selling point to someone, your humour should just come out. I've been a funny weirdo my whole life, I don't advertise it to someone I am getting to know, I'm telling you, but with someone I am getting to know, charm, wit, humour, should come out naturally, because humour, is a high value trait, you can't just advertise that. You might as well say "I make a lot of money" because until you show me the money, or show me the humour, that's just your false advertisement.

 

The fact you are still asking why she is not responding to you after all we have told you about the realities of Tinder. You don't seem to learn from your experiences. I read one of your old threads where you were asking why this chick wasn't responding to you after 2.5 hours, and you hadn't even met her yet. Like, bro, that is some crazy man stalker stuff there, you may say you are confident, that that shows how little confidence you actually have.

 

I think this just has to do with your age.

You remind me of my little cousin, so that's why I'm actually spending time writing this to you. My little cousin was a weird little guy, who looked to multiple sub cultures trying to find himself, trying to fit in. He's a smart guy, he means well, he has good intentions, but the worst social skills. Half the things, when he was trying to pay a compliment, came out sounding like an insult, because his social skills sucked. You can be highly intelligent, but it doesn't seem like you have good interpersonal skills, at least not with women. He's actually finally found someone to date now, and he's... I think he's either 26 or 27. It's taken him a lot of mistakes to grow as a person. He was really self absorbed, he thought he knew everything, and that's what happens when you are smart little ****s, you are young and think you know everything, and approach life in the way that you see it. I'm not saying you are wrong, but you are not approaching it in the way most people do.

 

I'm telling you because, I make friends very easily, male and female. I can turn it on, and smile, and joke, and charm people if I wanted to. Because I think about what they would like to hear. Based on their interests, and their values, you turn the conversation that best appeals to them, pay compliments that mean the most, tell jokes that would be appropriate. You need to be good at reading people to do that, and I don't think you have that skill yet.

 

Tinder - is a light hearted entry to speed chatting. Nobody really takes it that seriously, you seem to try way too hard. "you seem crazy" if she wasn't attracted to you in some way, I would be like, WTF you don't KNOW me. You have to remember that you are strangers. Plus the fact that you are focusing on a girl who didn't reply to you in 4 days. Just because someone is talking to you, doesn't mean ANYTHING. At the end of the day you are strangers... you need a lot of time to get to know someone, this culture of online dating, with info being presented, has created a forced intimacy. You feel like you know someone, you see their pictures, where they ate, where they went, you know what job they have, religion, values, but that means nothing til you get to know someone as a person. I think you forgot that because your expectations of girls you speak to is that they should treat you like a friend. You are nothing to them and they should mean nothing to you, only a potential interest.

 

Anyway - I got nothing else for you. I've asked you a few times, what sort of girl are you wanting interest from. A fun vivacious girl with varied interest, would be utterly bored with your brand of humour. If you're a nice guy, or a nice enough guy, that might be enough to entice a girl who has had enough of jerks, the jerks who are entertaining and charming, who are smooth, and have game. You just need to come to terms that you have no game whatsoever. I've met a bunch of guys who were nice, had good jobs, were handsome, actually some who were really good looking, and I couldn't stand another minute with them, because they were not what I wanted. Perhaps the girls you are engaging in are not looking for someone like you, eventually you will find someone who will appreciate who you are. Just, don't lose hope, but also, don't turn into a sad pathetic poor excuse of a man. Learn to be yourself, but also learn to understand other people.

Also, humor is highly contigent on context, gestures, timing, and tonality. How do you expect my humor to be accurately manifested via tinder messages? Hoewever, I have been able to make girls laugh via text and tinder . I have gone on a few dates and had girls saying "omg he's so funny".Like I said earlier, I said I am funny because I am. Simple as that.

Edited January 29, 2015 by cbplayer

[cbplayer]

Does anyone else have any thoughts? How can I improve my game?

[elaine567]

You are not funny because you say you are funny.

People are funny because they make people laugh, not because they say they are funny.

The funniest comedian in America, is not going to be funny to all.

I would drop the "I am funny", as that may be setting you up to fail. Nothing worse than an unfunny self-professed "comedian".

 

Also as for the "mercury in retrograde" girl.

If you had no idea what is was, you should have Googled it first, not showed your ignorance, and have her pull you up on it. With Google there are no excuses.

And then you asked her "Are there any other astrological phenomena that amaze you lol?". It is a bit cringeworthy, if I am honest.

 

YOU should have googled it and then made up a smart, comedic answer to show you understood it, and then said how MIR had affected you, or used some comedy to smokescreen and change the subject. Not come back with some generic question about astrological phenomena... She maybe doesn't know any other astrological phenomenon, or she does and is really into astrology, when you obviously aren't. So what is it to you, what amazes her, if you do not understand it anyway.

 

Don't mock anyone's religion, culture or family background, no matter how funny it may seem to you, or how obvious it is. Most will defend religion, culture and family to death if they see an attack, even if they are not religious or are not particularly family orientated.

 

Relax, stop putting them on the spot.

and "What are your defining characteristics?" - Hmmm!! Seems more like an interview than a friendly chat to get to know someone.

 

What are MY defining characteristics?

Yeah right. I'll get back to you sometime....

[cbplayer]

You are not funny because you say you are funny.

People are funny because they make people laugh, not because they say they are funny.

The funniest comedian in America, is not going to be funny to all.

I would drop the "I am funny", as that may be setting you up to fail. Nothing worse than an unfunny self-professed "comedian".

 

Also as for the "mercury in retrograde" girl.

If you had no idea what is was, you should have Googled it first, not showed your ignorance, and have her pull you up on it. With Google there are no excuses.

And then you asked her "Are there any other astrological phenomena that amaze you lol?". It is a bit cringeworthy, if I am honest.

 

YOU should have googled it and then made up a smart, comedic answer to show you understood it, and then said how MIR had affected you, or used some comedy to smokescreen and change the subject. Not come back with some generic question about astrological phenomena... She maybe doesn't know any other astrological phenomenon, or she does and is really into astrology, when you obviously aren't. So what is it to you, what amazes her, if you do not understand it anyway.

 

Don't mock anyone's religion, culture or family background, no matter how funny it may seem to you, or how obvious it is. Most will defend religion, culture and family to death if they see an attack, even if they are not religious or are not particularly family orientated.

 

Relax, stop putting them on the spot.

and "What are your defining characteristics?" - Hmmm!! Seems more like an interview than a friendly chat to get to know someone.

 

What are MY defining characteristics?

Yeah right. I'll get back to you sometime....

How should I go about talking to them instead?

[cbplayer]

What should I put in the about me section in online dating websites?

[angiefly]

cbplayer, I don't think anyone is trying to be harsh. IMO people are giving you constructive criticism so that you can fix what you initially posted about. Anyway, as a woman, I've received replies like yours and I just rolled my eyes and thought to myself "how in the he77 do I even answer that?" You need to take a little time with your responses and say something meaningful. Also there was a text that caught my eye, it was the one from 4 years ago (If I remember correctly) In that text, you managed to say she was a loser for going home and you just kept repeating how awesome you are. Dude, if I may be candid for a moment, it screams "I'm not secure with myself" Just like you don't need to advertise your sense of humor, as it will just show, you also don't need to tell people you're awesome. I know you were just joking but there is always a little truth in jest. Relax and be yourself (quit trying so hard to be funny because it comes off as goofy and your follow-up questions seem a little fake.) The biggest thing is you aren't listening to the general consensuses here, GET OFF OF TINDER!!!! Seriously, find another site if you want success. People are trying to help you but we can't do it for you. You should give some of the ideas you've been given by others a try. Good-luck and keep us posted

Edited January 29, 2015 by angiefly

[cbplayer]

cbplayer, I don't think anyone is trying to be harsh. IMO people are giving you constructive criticism so that you can fix what you initially posted about. Anyway, as a woman, I've received replies like yours and I just rolled my eyes and thought to myself "how in the he77 do I even answer that?" You need to take a little time with your responses and say something meaningful. Also there was a text that caught my eye, it was the one from 4 years ago (If I remember correctly) In that text, you managed to say she was a loser for going home and you just kept repeating how awesome you are. Dude, if I may be candid for a moment, it screams "I'm not secure with myself" Just like you don't need to advertise your sense of humor, as it will just show, you also don't need to tell people you're awesome. I know you were just joking but there is always a little truth in jest. Relax and be yourself (quit trying so hard to be funny because it comes off as goofy and your follow-up questions seem a little fake.) The biggest thing is you aren't listening to the general consensuses here, GET OFF OF TINDER!!!! Seriously, find another site if you want success. People are trying to help you but we can't do it for you. You should give some of the ideas you've been given by others a try. Good-luck and keep us posted

Okay. I'll get off tinder. I'll stop advertising my humor. How should I go about talking to girls? Both via online dating and girls I'll meet in my day to day life? Can I possibly get a guideline?

[angiefly]

Okay. I'll get off tinder. I'll stop advertising my humor. How should I go about talking to girls? Both via online dating and girls I'll meet in my day to day life? Can I possibly get a guideline?

The fact that you have your own interest and you are in college with a bright future is a turn on to a lot of women. Talk a little about your interest and also listen to her and then ask relevant questions... Ask questions that you genuinely want to know the answers to. I can tell when a guy is just asking questions just to ask vs. when a guy asks because he REALLY wants to know. It shows interest and intent. Do that both in texting and IRL. Unfortunately, I don't know of a guideline, you just have to show interest and be polite and genuine. Maybe others can add to what I've suggested.

[cbplayer]

The fact that you have your own interest and you are in college with a bright future is a turn on to a lot of women. Talk a little about your interest and also listen to her and then ask relevant questions... Ask questions that you genuinely want to know the answers to. I can tell when a guy is just asking questions just to ask vs. when a guy asks because he REALLY wants to know. It shows interest and intent. Do that both in texting and IRL. Unfortunately, I don't know of a guideline, you just have to show interest and be polite and genuine. Maybe others can add to what I've suggested.

Should I even bother cracking jokes or should I refrain from it? I do have the ability to make relevant jokes and establish myself in a group of people as the "clown". I just figured that would make me more appealing. I just don't want to be perceived as boring.

Edited January 29, 2015 by cbplayer

[LoveRefreshed]

I don't know how you can be less lame. You need to be assertive and confident, not beat around the bush with musicals and bull****. Don't be afraid to talk about racey stuff, sexual things, what not, but keep it classy. Don't be like, "babe, your tits make me hard."

 

Be subtle, and let them pick up on it and raise the level. Play off their responses.

 

Jan 24, 04:24 - Me: I am a snuggler

Jan 24, 04:25 - Her: Coz snuggling leads to sex

Jan 24, 04:25 - Her:

Jan 24, 04:25 - Me: I have a lot of snuggles to give too

Jan 24, 04:25 - Me: Hahah usually

Jan 24, 04:25 - Her: So obviously

Jan 24, 04:25 - Me: Sure you want to pass then?

Jan 24, 04:26 - Her: Yup

Jan 24, 04:26 - Her:

Jan 24, 04:26 - Me: I can't condone that choice

Jan 24, 04:26 - Me: But eh

Jan 24, 04:26 - Me: Time for self snuggles and never land then

Jan 24, 04:27 - Her: Have fun

Jan 24, 04:27 - Me: Yeah thanks

Jan 24, 04:27 - Her: Having sex with urself

Jan 24, 04:27 - Me: You too

Jan 24, 04:27 - Her:

Jan 24, 04:27 - Me: Just cuddles tonight

Jan 24, 04:27 - Her: Oh ok

Jan 24, 04:28 - Me: I am spent

Jan 24, 04:28 - Me: But think about it while you self snuggle

Jan 24, 04:28 - Abbna: I'm falling asleep again

Jan 24, 04:28 - Me:Schlaf schön

Jan 24, 04:29 - Her: Danke

Jan 24, 04:29 - Her: Du auch

Jan 24, 04:29 - Me: Bitte

Jan 24, 04:29 - Her: Süße träume

Jan 24, 04:29 - Me: Bis später

Jan 24, 04:29 - Her:

Jan 24, 04:29 - Me: Ooh danke

Jan 24, 10:09 - Her: Aaaaaaaufstehen✌

 

That is just a small taste, see, I wouldn't have sent her a message after, but she sent me one. Means I was the first thing she thought of in the morning.. well I would guess.

 

Also, don't be afraid to be a little cocky about yourself. Act like it's no big deal. For instance this:

 

Jan 26, 19:59 - Her: I'm so hungry

Jan 26, 20:00 - Her: When are u going to cook for me

Jan 26, 20:07 - Me: Hahaha umm moving I'd killing my cooking

Jan 26, 20:07 - Me: I am going to have a salad or macaroni and cheese tonigjt

Jan 26, 20:07 - Me: Haven't got around to cooling

Jan 26, 20:07 - Me: Cookkng

Jan 26, 20:09 - Her: Just joking...dont pee on ur pants

Jan 26, 20:10 - Her: I'm going home now

Jan 26, 20:12 - Me: Who said I was inviting you?

Jan 26, 20:12 - Me: Just rubbing itbin

Jan 26, 20:12 - Me: I get to eat my food all the time

Jan 26, 20:12 - Her: Oh okay....then no snuggling tonight

Jan 26, 20:12 - Her: ✌

Jan 26, 20:13 - Me: Dude you just said your were going home

Jan 26, 20:13 - Me: Anyway.. you're all bark

Jan 26, 20:16 - Her: Making me fresh for u

Jan 26, 20:16 - Her:

Jan 26, 20:16 - Me: I thought you smelled today

Jan 26, 20:16 - Me:

Jan 26, 20:17 - Her: That was uq

Jan 26, 20:17 - Her: U

Jan 26, 20:18 - Me: Lies

Jan 26, 20:20 - Her: U Know the truth

Jan 26, 20:20 - Me:That you like my pheromones..a sure I know the truth

Jan 26, 20:23 - Her:

Jan 26, 20:24 - Me:

Jan 26, 20:44 - Me:So you fresh yet? On your way over?

Jan 26, 20:44 - Her: Soon

Jan 26, 20:46 - Her:

Jan 26, 20:46 - Me: Don't play

Jan 26, 20:47 - Her:

Jan 26, 20:47 - Her: Why

Jan 26, 20:47 - Her: Otherwise u will cry again

Jan 26, 20:47 - Her:

Jan 26, 20:51 - Me: Yeah sure

Jan 26, 21:36 - Her: Start crying

Jan 26, 21:37 - Me: Lol. Get on the bus

Jan 26, 21:42 - Her: Noooo

Jan 26, 21:42 - Her: I'm tired

Jan 26, 21:43 - Me: Lame

Jan 26, 21:43 - Her: Don't care

Jan 26, 21:43 - Her: ✌

Jan 26, 21:44 - Me: Me neither

Jan 26, 21:44 - Her:

[elaine567]

Okay. I'll get off tinder. I'll stop advertising my humor. How should I go about talking to girls? Both via online dating and girls I'll meet in my day to day life? Can I possibly get a guideline?

 

Girls are just people, treat them like people, do not treat them like interview candidates and do not feel obliged to be funny or smart or awesome all the time.

I am sure you don't ask friends what their defining characteristics are?

You get to know them, and then you know what defines them, you do not have to ask.

 

If you give off a relaxed vibe then women will relax too, put them under pressure and they stop texting, as life is too short.

Keep it light, do not pry excessively and take your guide from what they say, Her: I am reading.

You: What are you reading just now?

Her: I am reading "..." at the moment, it is a bit dry.

You: But I liked that book about Europe he wrote last year.

Her: Yes, I do like his writing, he puts so much detail into it.

You: Yes that chapter about Paris was very interesting, Paris is a fascinating city.

Her: Have you ever been to Paris?...

You: No, but I do speak a bit of French. (My mother is French...only if true), (My sister studies in Paris...only if true), I would love to go...

Her: So would I...

You: I hope to take a year out to go travelling, what about you?

 

You have to try and forge some connections, so that she wants to continue the conversation, so she wants to hear what next you have to say. I have chosen reading here but it could be TV programmes, sport, dancing, fitness, the gym, history, video games, etc. Do not tell lies, they will be found out if you are successful in dating her.

You want to explore what you have in common in a relaxed way, not use pointed interview style questions that may take her three days of soul searching to answer, or questions about where she lives (scary).

[hopefullove]

dude.

 

I don't know how to help you. We don't know how to help you. Because you just are not getting what we are trying to tell you here.

 

I don't know how to help you, I pretty much just want to shake you.

 

Yup - I saw, that a girl you went on a date with said you were funny and then said she wasn't interested in seeing you again.

 

The thing is, you're a good looking, tall fit guy. You are smart and have a good career going for you. That's only going to get you so far. Clearly women are attracted to you so based on physical appearances, they will match with you. I mean unless you find a girl who is obsessed with your looks, but other than that, you can only keep someone interested so long without having some sort of personality. Believe me, I've tried to make it happen, with a super attractive guy, great career, family oriented, respectful, home owner, plays sports and has a large social circle. He only seems to have male friends, and female friends might be colleagues. I was really intrigued by him on paper, so I pursued it but man I was so bored out of my mind. Your responses remind me of him. Things are just, generically "Awesome" like it always seemed like he had nothing interesting to say, nothing to elaborate, no anecdotes to tell, like what am I talking to a wall???

 

Again. Hear me now. People you meet online are STRANGERS AND THEY OWE YOU NOTHING.. 2.5 hours, 5 hours, 10 hours, a DAY, two DAYS, if they don't want to talk to you, whatever. If you bombard them with, why arent you talking to me, where are you? did i do something wrong? That is CRAZY talk. Just because I look at my phone doesn't mean I need to text someone back. You're actually the rude one. I can't believe that girl agreed to meet you after your needy freak out. What is attractive is someone who is calm, collected, sure of himself.

 

I don't know. Watch Hitch or something.

[cbplayer]

Girls are just people, treat them like people, do not treat them like interview candidates and do not feel obliged to be funny or smart or awesome all the time.

I am sure you don't ask friends what their defining characteristics are?

You get to know them, and then you know what defines them, you do not have to ask.

 

If you give off a relaxed vibe then women will relax too, put them under pressure and they stop texting, as life is too short.

Keep it light, do not pry excessively and take your guide from what they say, Her: I am reading.

You: What are you reading just now?

Her: I am reading "..." at the moment, it is a bit dry.

You: But I liked that book about Europe he wrote last year.

Her: Yes, I do like his writing, he puts so much detail into it.

You: Yes that chapter about Paris was very interesting, Paris is a fascinating city.

Her: Have you ever been to Paris?...

You: No, but I do speak a bit of French. (My mother is French...only if true), (My sister studies in Paris...only if true), I would love to go...

Her: So would I...

You: I hope to take a year out to go travelling, what about you?

 

You have to try and forge some connections, so that she wants to continue the conversation, so she wants to hear what next you have to say. I have chosen reading here but it could be TV programmes, sport, dancing, fitness, the gym, history, video games, etc. Do not tell lies, they will be found out if you are successful in dating her.

You want to explore what you have in common in a relaxed way, not use pointed interview style questions that may take her three days of soul searching to answer, or questions about where she lives (scary).

When would it be okay to flirt via mesages? How do you flirt?

[elaine567]

When would it be okay to flirt via mesages? How do you flirt?

 

Flirty, sexy messaging can be misinterpreted and it can come across that sex is the only thing you want and some will ditch you at that point, if they want a relationship and not just sex.

I think if you seem to have a connection, then ask for a date, at the date you can ascertain if flirting will be well received or not.

Face to face signals, body language, touching can tell you whether she is really interested in you.

[BluEyeL]

I see that your problem is that you text and you don't ask the girl out. After 4-5 messages exchanged, ask a girl out. This way, she won't have time to get bored of the constant texting. Ask 10 girls out in the next month and at least one will say yes.

[LoveRefreshed]

it is a numbers game. Don't fear rejection.

[cbplayer]

dude.

 

I don't know how to help you. We don't know how to help you. Because you just are not getting what we are trying to tell you here.

 

I don't know how to help you, I pretty much just want to shake you.

 

Yup - I saw, that a girl you went on a date with said you were funny and then said she wasn't interested in seeing you again.

 

The thing is, you're a good looking, tall fit guy. You are smart and have a good career going for you. That's only going to get you so far. Clearly women are attracted to you so based on physical appearances, they will match with you. I mean unless you find a girl who is obsessed with your looks, but other than that, you can only keep someone interested so long without having some sort of personality. Believe me, I've tried to make it happen, with a super attractive guy, great career, family oriented, respectful, home owner, plays sports and has a large social circle. He only seems to have male friends, and female friends might be colleagues. I was really intrigued by him on paper, so I pursued it but man I was so bored out of my mind. Your responses remind me of him. Things are just, generically "Awesome" like it always seemed like he had nothing interesting to say, nothing to elaborate, no anecdotes to tell, like what am I talking to a wall???

 

Again. Hear me now. People you meet online are STRANGERS AND THEY OWE YOU NOTHING.. 2.5 hours, 5 hours, 10 hours, a DAY, two DAYS, if they don't want to talk to you, whatever. If you bombard them with, why arent you talking to me, where are you? did i do something wrong? That is CRAZY talk. Just because I look at my phone doesn't mean I need to text someone back. You're actually the rude one. I can't believe that girl agreed to meet you after your needy freak out. What is attractive is someone who is calm, collected, sure of himself.

 

I don't know. Watch Hitch or something.

So in a nutshell you think that ultimately, my personality is holding me back from success with women?

[venusishername]

This was a conversation I had on tinder.

 

Me : Hey her name. How's it going?

Her : It's going well! You?

Me : I'm good too! I see that you're into acting and singing. Are you an aspiring actress?

Her : That I am! I'm more into singing though!

Me : That's great. I'm interested in the entertainment industry too. Have you been in any musicals before?

 

No reply .

The next day ...

Me : Good morning! How's your day going?

No reply

 

What exactly do you think I'm doing wrong?

 

Nothing! Stop being so hard on yourself! I ignore a lot of guys on Tinder! It's nothing they did wrong, per se. That's the nature of it... you don't even KNOW this person so what's the incentive to continue talking to them?! It's different when you meet in person. Also, STOP analyzing every exchange you have on Tinder. The time you are posting here is time you are wasting not dating and meeting people. You are still young, give it time. I recommend connecting with women in a social setting, or at college, or work events, etc.

I disagree with after 4-5 messages asking her out. I would wait until you've been talking for at least a week and you know there's a good banter going and interest.

Nothing wrong with Tinder, or online dating. Just give yourself a break!

Edited January 29, 2015 by venusishername