IA64 Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 (edited) So I'm 30, she's 25. We started chatting over Facebook and couple of days later some text messages and phone calls...She had a 2 months old breakup and mine was 4 months earlier. At that time, she was talking to a guy who lives in the US and who's been trying to get into a seriously relationship and meet her when he comes. She knew him for a year. Long story short, it was nothing serious other than some random conversations... we started talking every day...hour...minute.. and a month and half later but we both could feel something ; were enjoying it. We agreed to meet. At that time, that guy was still in the picture. Well it was the worst first date ever maybe because it was awkward or weird I don't know. We both wanted things to work but in the beginning it didn't. Although we both agreed to end it we went with the flow. We went for another couple of dates and it was much better. Well it was great. We kissed, cuddled whatsoever. we started acting as if we're in a relationship but we were not. It's been 2 months since we're going out and hell I love this girl I'm not putting this girl on a pedestal, but she is definitely the best girl I've been with and I'd like to be exclusive with her. She says that I'm the best guy she's ever met, I'm almost perfect, and she doesn't want me to get with any other girls.However, when we talked about a relationship (a few times) she said deep down she wants one, but she's confused . WHY ? ONLY GOD KNOWS... She loves me yet she has mixed feelings about everything. We've tried to move on but we couldn't There was further strain on the " open relationship " because of that guy coming to meet her this month who's been talking to her on/off for almost a year. She never met him but would like to. To sum it up, It was an unexpected relationship but it happened. I love her, she says she does. I asked for break to deal with our emotions but she always breaks the NC by texting how much she misses me. She was crying last night. I met her today and it made things worse. I'm leaving for a while, maybe for good I don't know but she wants to see me in 2 weeks and I am not sure about that. To be honest I'm ready to go that extra mile and do whatever it takes to get her but I'm also ready to let go. What's next ? be patient ? go with the flow ? ultimatum ? date a new girl ? suicide ? I'd like to read your opinions. PS:No mind games involved. We both were mature enough to open up. Edited January 24, 2015 by IA64
Author IA64 Posted January 24, 2015 Author Posted January 24, 2015 Wow 100 views and not a single advice ! come on guys I need your help
todreaminblue Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 Seems like she has an interest in someone else as well......if you really are looking forward to dating a guy and see a sort of future relationship you dont go and meet another guy...she is however being honest with you i think you need to be honest with her on what you expect or would like in regards to dating her...is an open relationship what you want.........deb
Omei Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 She clearly wants to see if this other man might be the better option and is keeping you close in case hes not. I wouldnt put up with that its pretty insulting to all the time you've shared romantically. 1
thecrucible Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 It does seem like she's using you as a backup if she says you're in an open relationship yet doesn't want you to see other girls. Is that really what you want? Wouldn't you rather have someone who's in it with both feet? 1
Author IA64 Posted January 24, 2015 Author Posted January 24, 2015 Of course I don't want to be a backup plan. The thing is that this guy was there before I come into her life. He's been supporting her and he's that nice sweet guy. She wants to meet him out of curiosity as she says because she's been waiting for so long. At the same time, she developed feelings for me and can't let go. She's confused and can't take a decision. What I don't understand is that we talk for hours daily, we go out a lot and they barely chat from time to time. Is that normal ?
Dallers Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 (edited) Of course I don't want to be a backup plan. The thing is that this guy was there before I come into her life. He's been supporting her and he's that nice sweet guy. She wants to meet him out of curiosity as she says because she's been waiting for so long. At the same time, she developed feelings for me and can't let go. She's confused and can't take a decision. What I don't understand is that we talk for hours daily, we go out a lot and they barely chat from time to time. Is that normal ? See this is where you are going wrong. Sigh. You think that the bold text is actually true, because she makes you think its true. You clearly like this girl more than she likes you and are trying to justify her actions which are pretty black and white to be honest. She is keeping you as a standby, a backup plan while she continues to try and regain the feeling that she has for this other guy that clearly she is in love with. Also I guarantee that he makes her feel a certain way that she will fly to the moon and back to feel again. She thinks that by having you around for jealousy and attention/company purposes it will help her achieve her goal. You are not the goal you are the added ingredient to the Chocolate Cookie that didn't really make it any better or any worse. If you like her then you are already in trouble and need to walk, if you just want her for a bit of fun on the side its a perfect situation. But once this other guy is back on the scene watch as she distances herself from you and acts as if you don't exist. Its a crushing feeling, don't do it. Edited January 24, 2015 by Dallers
Author IA64 Posted January 24, 2015 Author Posted January 24, 2015 See this is where you are going wrong. Sigh. You think that the bold text is actually true, because she makes you think its true. You clearly like this girl more than she likes you and are trying to justify her actions which are pretty black and white to be honest. She is keeping you as a standby, a backup plan while she continues to try and regain the feeling that she has for this other guy that clearly she is in love with. Also I guarantee that he makes her feel a certain way that she will fly to the moon and back to feel again. She thinks that by having you around for jealousy and attention/company purposes it will help her achieve her goal. You are not the goal you are the added ingredient to the Chocolate Cookie that didn't really make it any better or any worse. If you like her then you are already in trouble and need to walk, if you just want her for a bit of fun on the side its a perfect situation. But once this other guy is back on the scene watch as she distances herself from you and acts as if you don't exist. Its a crushing feeling, don't do it. How can she be in love with someone she never met ?
Gaeta Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 How can she be in love with someone she never met ? Happens all the time. You just have not heard about it yet. In her mind he is perfect, and he will remain perfect till she meets him. You are the back-up plan. How does that makes you feel? If he doesn't turn out as perfect as she thinks she will have you to fall back on, if him and her hit it off she will say good bye to you. She does not 'love' you. She appreciates you, care for you, but she is not 'in love' with you, she is 'in love' with him. You give her attention and she can't let go of it. 2
Dallers Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 How can she be in love with someone she never met ? No different to the question why do girls go for the bad boy, the guy that treats them like crap, the guy that ignores them... She wants what she can't have. She has you and you have made it obvious you are there for her and available. Do not think that you have done anything wrong, you are just involved with someone who does not know what she wants and is a sucker for the mind games of attraction. Move on.
EgoJoe Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 In the future, when you're cuddling with a girl escalate the sexual tension. Be prepared to stop but create the intimacy. Turn her on. So she thinks about being turned on when she's away from you. If you're too sweet. She gets "confused". When you do have sex. Lay the pipe like a Journeyman.
Author IA64 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 OK thanks everyone. We met yesterday and we agreed to end it on good terms. 24 hours of NC. Crossed fingers.
Author IA64 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Posted January 31, 2015 Some updates : She dumped me for my friend who doesn't even know that we're dating since months. Gotta take a break to deal with all the emotional and psychological damage.
Eaglestar83 Posted January 31, 2015 Posted January 31, 2015 I think all the previous posters were bang on the buck. This girl sounds immature and she had a low interest level in you. It wasn't really about the "love" she had for the online guy she never met, the hint was in the fact that she was willing to mess up with you all for the sake of a guy she never met. Next time you date a girl, make sure you value yourself properly and don't accept bul.sh.it In any case, she sounds juvenile and not worthy. You treated her right and there is nothing wrong with that. Just make sure you invest in the right people who are worthwhile investing in. Finally, you seem to not have a clear idea as to what is acceptable behaviour from a girl and what is not. Either that or start rationalising too heavily once you like someone. Use the "treat others the way you would like to be treated" as a game rule. If its a behaviour you wouldn't do to someone you like, then don't accept it when it's do to you. Good luck
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