grok Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 Okay, LoveShack, I'm back again. My boyfriend and I have been been together for 3.5 years of which the last year has been long-distance. Our relationship hasn't always been perfect but we discussed marriage and me moving last summer. Then he started a new "job" and things have gone downhill since then but I won't go into details here (that's a post for another day!). Please believe when I say that I know 100% there is not another woman. The last time I saw him was 3 months ago. When we're together, he's drunk in love. Can't get enough of me. Doesn't want to let me go. When we're apart, communication is difficult. The last time I spoke to him was exactly 5 weeks ago on a Thursday. It was a normal phone conversation. I texted him twice later that night with no response. I called the next day and left a voicemail. I sent two emails over the next few days. Finally on Monday, he sent me a text saying he has received my texts and will call later that night. He did not. I'm growing increasingly frustrated because I have no clue what's going on. On Christmas Eve, he sends me a text saying, "Sorry I'm such a loser. Merry Christmas Eve." Nothing on Christmas. Nothing on New Year's. I text him a few days after the new year wishing him a good 2015. He replies and says thank you and he's going to bed. I try to text and call the following week. I tell him I refuse to accept the silent treatment as a method of breaking up and that I need closure. He responds with, "I'm not giving you the silent treatment. I don't know what to say." I try to call. No answer. A few days later, he texts me asking if I'm working. I tell him I won't get off until 9pm. He says he will see if I'm still up after he gets off work. He doesn't. In the past when this has happened (3 weeks of no communication), he was shocked that I assumed we were broken up. He says we would have a proper conversation if we ever came to the decision. At this point, I'm paralyzed. I'm trying to move forward as best as I can with so many questions. I feel betrayed. The pragmatic side of me knows this is complete bull and I deserve better. The foolish romantic in me wants to hop on a plane. I'm not a one-night stand to be faded out! Please hope me.
Zahara Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 In the past when this has happened (3 weeks of no communication), he was shocked that I assumed we were broken up. He says we would have a proper conversation if we ever came to the decision. I bet you sat around and waited for him. I'm not sure why you are surprised because you taught him that you tolerate being treated poorly. At this point, I'm paralyzed. I'm trying to move forward as best as I can with so many questions. I feel betrayed. The pragmatic side of me knows this is complete bull and I deserve better. The foolish romantic in me wants to hop on a plane. I'm not a one-night stand to be faded out! The least of your problems is wondering if he is still your boyfriend. The bigger picture is that the man disrespects you and treats you badly. Please don't hop on a plane. You want to chase a man that is giving you a clear response -- silence is a response. You're not someone to be faded out but unfortunately you can't slap your expectations on other people. He's ignoring you for a reason and regardless of what that reason is, you need to keep pushing forward. 1
LovelyDaze Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 silence is a response. Your boyfriend(?) is pulling away from you to the point of No/Low Contact. You can feel it in the gut that your relationship has changed for the worst or else you wouldn't be on LS. Since it doesn't seem like he willing to verbally tell you that it is over, "listen" to his actions. It looks like it is. Of course you can do what you want to do: call/text him a billion times, e-mail, write, fly out unexpexted, blah blah blah...but you have to think that if someone supposedly loves you, they would not ignore you. They would FIND the time to contact you after a busy, on a break, after work while making dinner, whatever. They would find the time to ensure that you know they still care and are in this relationship with you. To paraphrase Zahara: SIlense IS his response to where your relationship stands. Ask yourself if that's how you want it to be a year from now, 5 years from now, 10 years...
SoleMate Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 Please believe when I say that I know 100% there is not another woman. Um, OK. It really doesn't matter if there's another woman or not. Regardless of the reason, he is not interested in communicating with you even via the slightest text or email. There aren't many clearer ways to express lack of interest. The foolish romantic in me wants to hop on a plane. I'm not a one-night stand to be faded out! Agreed that you're not a ONS. It's up to you if you want to get on a plane and surprise him. If you do so, do it with the understanding that you may get an even bigger surprise than he does.
Broken ruby Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 (edited) I went thru slightly the same thing, he pulled away from me to and didn't call me for two weeks. When I called to confront him about his distant behavior he replied in a jerkish way that I cried off the phone and he didn't even call back to see if I was okay or apoligize. Our unofficial breakup without closure. didn't hear from him on Christmas or New Years at all, until our would be anniversary three days ago in a text with him stating happy anniversary which was a selfish act on his part since he is obviously wanted to move on and could t have the balls to tell me directly. I never even responded back to that text. Do not contact him, silence is the only way. A mature person would not play these games with your emotions and just tell you if they want to remain in this relationship or not. I am learning this more then ever with the help of this forum as I am going thru my NC with my ex since I never got closure. He probably has done this game with other women in his past where he finds it as an ego boost as they cling on to him. Show him you are different from the rest if that is the case. Use this time to stay busy or join some meet ups online. You should use this time to heal and don't break NC. Even if he does call, you need to ask yourself if he his capable of treating you like this again and could you handle another emotional rollercoaster. I just keep reminding myself is he worth my energy spent obsessing over him when I can be doing other things so exciting to better myself. For me, I have started film writing. Please don't waste your hard earned money on a plane ticket to see him. Use that money to go shopping, new hairdo, or something. Edited January 23, 2015 by Broken ruby
me85 Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 (edited) This is what you call a relationship??? Not around/no communication on big holidays?? I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be insensitive but this is soo not a romantic relationship in any way, shape, or form. Please do yourself a favor and move on. This guy isn't worth one more second of your time. Good luck! Edited January 23, 2015 by me85
CarrieT Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 I would say, "No - he is no longer your boyfriend." He is barely a friend, let alone a relationship.
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