enchanted771 Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 I had a date with this guy I'm seeing and he cancelled 1.5 hrs before because of some personal things he had to take care of with his kid. Seemed kinda iffy to me, but I let it slide because the plans were not definite. My question is, (and I know this is premature) if he keeps canceling on a whim, how do I handle this? Understand we are only seeing eachother. He has become very lax lately with the communication and last time I saw him he seemed not so into it. Part of it is my fault, for being too available and answering all his calls And texts. I'm not into playing games but as you know if you are TOO available A guy loses interest or thinks he doesn't have to try. So my question is if he cancels a second time what is the best way to handle it? I'm not wasting time if he is not going to have respect for me or my Time. There are plenty of other guys who will make an effort and respect your time. However, before I go that route I would like to give him the Benefit of the doubt.
Gaeta Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 Part of it is my fault, for being too available and answering all his calls And texts. I'm not into playing games but as you know if you are TOO available A guy loses interest or thinks he doesn't have to try. That is not true. You do your thing and run your life as usual. If you are available then you are, if you are not available then you offer a time when you are. Don't play 'unavailable' that's playing games and it will backslash. Just be true to who you are. If being too available is turning a man off than his interest isn't genuine. As for him cancelling last minute use your judgement. My ex-boyfriend did cancel last minute a few times through the months but he always rescheduled the following night or a couple of days later. We had this understanding kids come first and I trusted his reasons were valid. My ex gave me a lot of attention so him rescheduling last minute was not a big deal. If on the other hand he didn't give me a lot of attention and on top of that he cancelled last minute and did not rescheduled it would be a different story. That is why I say use your good judgement.
Author enchanted771 Posted January 23, 2015 Author Posted January 23, 2015 That is not true. You do your thing and run your life as usual. If you are available then you are, if you are not available then you offer a time when you are. Don't play 'unavailable' that's playing games and it will backslash. Just be true to who you are. If being too available is turning a man off than his interest isn't genuine. As for him cancelling last minute use your judgement. My ex-boyfriend did cancel last minute a few times through the months but he always rescheduled the following night or a couple of days later. We had this understanding kids come first and I trusted his reasons were valid. My ex gave me a lot of attention so him rescheduling last minute was not a big deal. If on the other hand he didn't give me a lot of attention and on top of that he cancelled last minute and did not rescheduled it would be a different story. That is why I say use your good judgement.well what if he cancels two times in a row? I don't want him to think he can just cancel all the time and it's ok. Then he will just keep doing it, which is disrespectful.
WonderWoman911 Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 If he cancels a second time I wouldn't initiate any further dates,not saying that you initiated the first one. But, I would ONLY continue to deal with him if his reason seemed legitimate. You said that the last time you saw him he didn't seem to be into you, so that could possibly be his reason if this happens again. But if he does schedule a second date, I would call or text him an hour before time and ask "Is everything still on for tonight?" Just like you said, you don't want to be dealing with someone who doesn't respect your time.
Author enchanted771 Posted January 23, 2015 Author Posted January 23, 2015 If he cancels a second time I wouldn't initiate any further dates,not saying that you initiated the first one. But, I would ONLY continue to deal with him if his reason seemed legitimate. You said that the last time you saw him he didn't seem to be into you, so that could possibly be his reason if this happens again. But if he does schedule a second date, I would call or text him an hour before time and ask "Is everything still on for tonight?" Just like you said, you don't want to be dealing with someone who doesn't respect your time. I semi-initiated the last one, so maybe that's the issue right there. We texted yesterday and he tells me that he wasn't feeling well last night and passed out, and thinks he's coming down with something. Well maybe I should have just said I hope you feel better & left it at that. I said something flirty about seeing him at night. He was oblivious to the fact that we were on for that night. We talked about Thursday but it wasn't definite. I'm reasonable but from past experience I don't give a guy too many Chances to act right. I will let it slide but if he cancels tonight, he will need to wait until next week to reschedule, and if it keeps happening I'll cut ties. When you first start seeing someone you have to let them do most of the work. I think with men if women is doing too much they feel a loss of their masculinity.
clevelander321 Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 When you first start seeing someone you have to let them do most of the work. I think with men if women is doing too much they feel a loss of their masculinity. I do not think men feel a loss of masculinity. They just over think and wonder what is going on with the girl, which creates attraction. I would not call him, but if he calls answer or call back in a few minutes. Also I would let him ask you out instead of you asking.
WonderWoman911 Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 I semi-initiated the last one, so maybe that's the issue right there. We texted yesterday and he tells me that he wasn't feeling well last night and passed out, and thinks he's coming down with something. Well maybe I should have just said I hope you feel better & left it at that. I said something flirty about seeing him at night. He was oblivious to the fact that we were on for that night. So he cancels the first time, does it again because he said he wasn't feeling well... I wouldn't be pressed to go out on a date with him again. Don't mention anything about going out. He seems to have a lot going on.
PegNosePete Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 I'm not wasting time if he is not going to have respect for me or my Time. There are plenty of other guys who will make an effort and respect your time. However, before I go that route I would like to give him the Benefit of the doubt. You've answered your own question here. Sure give him the benefit of the doubt, this time. If it becomes a pattern then obviously you're not well suited for each other. You need someone who can stick to the plans they make, and he needs someone who doesn't mind him cancelling at the last minute.
Author enchanted771 Posted January 23, 2015 Author Posted January 23, 2015 I do not think men feel a loss of masculinity. They just over think and wonder what is going on with the girl, which creates attraction. I would not call him, but if he calls answer or call back in a few minutes. Also I would let him ask you out instead of you asking. thanks yes that's what I intend on doing.
Author enchanted771 Posted January 23, 2015 Author Posted January 23, 2015 So he cancels the first time, does it again because he said he wasn't feeling well... I wouldn't be pressed to go out on a date with him again. Don't mention anything about going out. He seems to have a lot going on. this is really the first time he ever cancelled. If he does it tonight I'm backing down. Too many fish in the sea.
Author enchanted771 Posted January 23, 2015 Author Posted January 23, 2015 You've answered your own question here. Sure give him the benefit of the doubt, this time. If it becomes a pattern then obviously you're not well suited for each other. You need someone who can stick to the plans they make, and he needs someone who doesn't mind him cancelling at the last minute. True. I know some women probably don't mind and make other plans. I have High standards and my time is valuable to me. So unless your in the ER or something then you should have the courtesy of keeping plans. Using your child For an excuse because you don't want to make the effort is pretty low. I give him some slack because it's an hour drive and he works 10 hour days. But that only goes so far. He already knows the deal and assured me it was Not going to be an issue (the distance) but it seems it's getting to him or he's being lax because he thinks I'm here waiting for him.
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