Girlfriend backed way off

[Spuck77]

I've been dating this girl for almost 2 months now. It started when she requested me as a friend on facebook, we had gone out on one date over 15 years ago when I first moved to college and she was in high school. Everything started out great, we both expressed how we had crushes on the other, which neither of us knew. We began texting throughout each day for the first few weeks, and talking on the phone most days or at least 3-4 times per week. We had an immediate connection and treated each other like bf and gf whenever we were together. She told me about 3 weeks into in that she couldn't believe how much she was liking me, and the more time she spent with me the more she found herself liking me more. I shared that I felt the same way too. She said that she had planned on things going slower, because she really didn't want things to get messed up.

 

 

I learned very early on that she was very busy between her kids, her 3 jobs, and her classes sever times a week. She told me that she didn't date much because guys can't handle her crazy life, but she said she could see herself making time with me because she really enjoyed being with me and wanted to see where things went with us. I spent the few days before and after new years with a friend that lives near where she does, and we spend every evening together, and I stayed two of the nights with her at her house. We were both equally affectionate with each other, and were both always planning ways to spend time together the next time. She always called me on her way home from work to see how my day went and tell me about hers, then we would typically text off and on throughout the evening.

 

 

The last time we were together was a week ago, when I went to see her, we went and got takeout, then went to a hilltop where we sat and ate and talked, and made out. I reminded her of a concert that was coming up on Valentines day, and asked her if she thought she would be able to go. She said she was scheduled to work that day, but that she would get someone to switch shift with her because she definitely wanted to go. I mentioned to her that one of the ticket package options included a room, since the concert is at a resort about 2 hours away. She said "definitely", and that she was excited to go. Everything ended that evening great. The next night she called me on her way home from work just as she usually did, but I was busy with my kids and could only talk for a couple minutes, so I asked her if I could call her later. She said she had class that night, but that I could text her and she would text me back when she got done, which she did. She mentioned that she was way tired, and that she still needed to pack. She had been planning for a couple weeks to spend that weekend with her sister, who lives in another state. So I texted her back and said I would let her go so she could pack, which she replied with "sounds good, have a good night" The next day I didn't hear from her all day, but wasn't surprised since I knew she would be driving a couple hours to the airport, plus the flight, catching up with her family, etc. I had kind of hoped she would text or call me some time during her traveling, since I know I would have, but wasn't overly disappointed. When it got to be almost 10pm, I thought it would be nice for me to text her to let her know I was thinking of her and that I hoped her flight went well, since she had told me a couple days before how much she was dreading flying. She texted me back and said how she did hate the flight, and was getting ready to watch a movie with her nephew then go to bed. The next day I was hanging out with my friend, and posted a picture on my fb page of the project we were working on. My girl "liked" the photo, just as we both typically do when one of us posts something. Later that day I received a notification that she had updated her profile pic, so I "liked" it. That evening I looked at the picture I had posted to see who else had "liked" it, and noticed that her like was no longer showing. I thought that was odd, so I went to her profile page and got a message that the content could not be viewed. Obviously I had been blocked! I tried to call her, but it went to vm. I texted her with "Hey are you busy", and she replied simply "yes". I replied back with "ok nevermind, just had a question for ya, Ill just talk to you later"

 

 

Now rewind a little back to the Christmas holiday, she got bombed with a bunch of family staying at her house that she wasn't expecting, and I panicked when she wouldn't text me back right away and asked her if she was mad at me. She didn't text me back till later that night about 11pm and said that she was just overwhelmed and sorry that she didn't get back to me. A couple days after that we talked about it and she told me how she was pretty irritated with me that I didn't respect the fact that she was busy, and that I need to not worry when she didn't get right back to me. She said even if she was mad at me, she might take some time to calm down and then talk to me, but she would never leave me hanging, because she said that was just bs.

 

 

So, back to now, I didn't try to text or call her till two days later. I texted "hey, haven't heard from ya, is everything ok?" She texted me back a few hours later "just busy, headed to class". My first thought was, if she just texted me then she has her phone, so I tried to call her, and it went to vm. I texted her with "can you talk", and no reply. We had talked the week before about how she was dreading this particular week because she had so many things going on top of her already hectic schedule, so I know she could be way overwhelmed. I also know she gets anxiety once in a while and will put off texting or calling even her best friends and family back. Its been 3 days since those last texts. I'm having a hard time with no contact, because it is a huge change from the way things have been. I keep thinking it's likely that shes just busy and will contact me when she has more time, but why didn't she say something like, "just busy but Ill call you when I can"? Then I think about the conversations we've had where she told me how things were moving faster than she expected them to and how much she was falling for me, and also the possibility that I could've smothered her.

 

 

I know the rule on this is to back off and let her make the next contact. My only thought is, yes I may have some inherent male insecurities with not being able to talk to her to know if everything is ok, but holy cow this sucks! I totally respect if she want some space to re-evaluate where she is at and if she is willing or ready to balance a relationship right now. I would rather her get right with herself, if that is in fact what she's doing, than to keep going full on into a relationship and then find out later that she wasn't ready. We have talked about that as well, and I have told her I'm fine with how busy she is, we live 1 1/2 hrs apart and we both got out of long term relationships the past year. Then there's the other possibility that I was making her feel smothered, but why didn't she just tell me that? And why did she block me on FB? Was that so she could just block our relationship out completely so she could evaluate what she really wanted without any reminder of me? Who knows!

 

 

So, down to the question at hand. What do I do now? I have known since the beginning that I had strong feelings for her, and they have continued to get stronger, as much as I tried to keep myself from doing so. Give her space, sure I can do that, but for how long? Until she contacts me? I don't want her to think I don't care. Her life is also more hectic than mine, is she testing me to see if I really want to be with her and be patient with her busy schedule? My thought is to wait a few more days, then send her a text saying something like "hi, hope you had a great week and are doing well, give me a shout when you get some free time", or something to that effect. A friend told me today that I need to give it at least another week, but when I reflect back on our communication frequency before this all happened, is another week too long to wait? Or should I just leave it completely up to her?

 

 

Hopefully someone who has gone through the same thing can chime in here.

Edited January 23, 2015 by Spuck77
Punctuation

[CC12]

Have you not asked her about blocking you on Facebook? I get that you're treading carefully here because you don't want to smother her or irritate her with your insecurities again, but blocking you on Facebook with no warning deserves an explanation.

 

My thought is to wait a few more days, then send her a text saying something like "hi, hope you had a great week and are doing well, give me a shout when you get some free time", or something to that effect.

 

No, I think you should say something to the effect of, "It looks like you've blocked me on Facebook. Can you explain this?" Like I said, I know you're treading carefully, but you can't be a pushover. You still have to be able to have conversations about major things that bother you, like her blocking you and then being evasive and distant.

 

My guess is that she's waiting for you to bring it up so that she can break up with you, so be prepared for that.

 

And if she doesn't break up with you? Maybe she'll explain that she's just been busy or has some other issue. But do you want to be with someone who will shut you out, be short with you, and make you feel like this when her life gets hectic or if she's upset about something? I think she's being awful to you, and you'd be better off alone rather than having to wonder about her and walk on eggshells.

 

Just wondering: Is there anything you're not telling us? Did anything else happen right before she blocked you on Facebook?

[Winterina]

Just like that, out of the blue, she blocked you on FB? And then you get very different treatment after that. Something is not right, you are right.

So whatever you do, do not contact her any more (you already did that twice) and if anything, then just firmly ask her why would she block you on FB? Also, tell her that you cannot be bothered playing any games and she should tell you what is going on like a mature person would so that you know what to do.

This will make her think if she does not get her head out of her youknwwhat she will lose you. Like this, she's got you wrapped around her finger and that is not very attractive.

[umirano]

Dude, that girl is crazy. For your own sanity, block her, delete her number and never look back.

 

Can you imagine ever trusting she's not completely out of her mind, blocking you from one day to the other? Could you imagine living under the same roof with a person so erratic? Would you want to expose your family to someone like that? Eventually your kids?

 

There are some things after which it's just not possible for me to imagine a healthy normal family life after they happened. Crazy behavior like this is one of them.

 

Good luck

[Mugen01]

You're looking so needy. That's a huge turn off for many women. In fact, you don't need to text or call her at all. Call only if you want to date her. I don't care how far you two are, but you need to cut off this texting game.

 

Anyway, this girl has no interest in you anymore. Yeah, that's the bad news.

 

What you need to do now is to back off.. I mean way back off. In fact, you need to flush this woman's number because you're already out. Start dating somebody else and don't ever go back to this texting game.

 

If you really want to get her back, then you need to cut contact. Do not ever text or call her again. If she contacts you, then good ask her out for a date and that's it. You guys can talk lots while dating (Make sure she does more of the talking and you more on the active listening). If she doesn't contact you, then get a clue - you're out.

 

Oh and don't ask her why she blocked you on FB (Always pretend that nothing happened) You delete her from your friends list now.

[lovexocoach]

Seems to me you're moving too fast with her which is natural when you're infatuated with and excited about someone.

 

She's got a lot on her plate with kids, jobs, classes, etc. and is probably feeling overwhelmed and smothered.

 

It takes a LOT of understanding and patience in this situation.

 

Don't expect instant replies when you text her. In fact, decrease the texting - it's just another thing that puts pressure on her.

 

The FB blocking doesn't sound good. You might have blown it already with her and this is her way of letting you know. If you reconnect with her, I wouldn't bring the topic up.

 

You don't know what's happening with her, but try backing off and slowing the pace a bit. Give her room to breathe and sort out her feelings, if that's what is happening on her side.

 

If you pressure her too much the relationship will fizzle out, if it hasn't already.