Bland thoughtless texts

[thousandsuns]

Hi All,

 

Just need an opinion on the following situation.

 

I have recently met a girl on site and have been talking to her for a few weeks now. We finally went out last weekend and it was great. Even before that date we pretty much told each other we liked each other and thought there was potential. The date itself was great too and we had fun and talked a lot and there was communication issues whatsoever. After the date we talked more and everything is fine however her text msgs every now and then appear to be so bland and thoughtless that it starts to piss me off.

 

Example: This morning I sent her the following text "good morning princess, have a nice day x" this was at about 6.40 am as I was getting ready for work. Her reply was "ur up early" and that's it nothing else. If I do get good morning texts from her all it will say "morning".

 

Then when I converse with her she won't engage unless I engage her on like say what did you, how is your day and qs after qs.

 

Do I have reasons to be annoyed at her for her poor text responses or is it all in my head? especially considering that she and I get along perfect in person but majority of the time we are always texting. If I send a nice text, is it fair enough for me to expect a similar or at least a thoughtful response in return?

 

I'm pretty annoyed at her right now so I've been short with her all day but we are supposed to go on a date tonight and her last text asked me about what time I wanted to do dinner.

 

I take communication pretty seriously but it could be that she struggles to realize how crude and thoughtless she sounds on text sometimes. I will admit I overdo texts when it comes to spililng my feelings and thoughts out but she's nothing like that.

 

Any advice please? Any personal experiences?

 

PS: We haven't opened any windows to phone calls yet so that is to happen soon hopefully.

[kolleamm]

I wouldn't be. I had a girlfriend who would send and reply with messages like that, and I made a big deal out of it.

 

She really did care about me but that's just how she communicated. Maybe she's comfortable with you?

 

Does she ever message you on her own? If yes then I wouldn't worry, if no then there might be a problem.

[WonderWoman911]

Yes, that can be extremely annoying. It's like you send a nice text to someone with a lot of thought and the individual just reply's with an "ok", "thanks", "me too",etc. So I can agree with how you feel. But texting may not be her type of thing. I know some people who hate texting and rather have a verbal conversation. So I would ask her if she likes to text or not. If she say she doesn't, then you'll get your reason as to why she seems so bland in her responses. Just send her short sweet messages if that's the case. But as long as she can hold a verbal conversation with you, then that's all that matters in my opinion.

[MrMeh]

"Good morning prince charming!" That better. Just guessing she doesn't know how to reply to "princess".

[Mrin]

Have you tried calling her? She might prefer a call.

[normal person]

No offense, but I think your text was pretty bad. Any variation of simply "good morning" or anything like that is just useless. It doesn't really convey anything other than "I'm still aware that you exist." She essentially just reciprocated the same message without the cute little bow on top. Even as a guy, I don't like getting texts like the one you sent. They're little more than an obligation to stop what I'm doing and text something, anything, back just for the sake of doing so.

 

When I get a text that basically says "hey" at 10 in the morning, I've got to roll my eyes. The text doesn't really give you anything besides the obligation to reciprocate it with something equally as trivial, or the pressure to think of something interesting to contribute in order to keep the conversation in motion. I'm a firm believer in keeping texts practical or interesting, never pointless. Instead of just saying "good morning," why don't you include a question, a fun fact, a prediction, a point of discussion, or something to think about? Those are things worth looking at your phone for.

 

In my book, good texts are the ones where someone takes the initiative to contribute or start a new thought or conversation. Good texts create movement or progression in a conversation. Ex: "Why do you think..."

 

Bad texts are the ones where someone contributes nothing or puts the onus on the other person to respond with something equally banal, or think of something more interesting altogether. There is no movement. Ex: "good morning/hey/what's up?/emoji"

 

If you want to text, make it an interesting read, not an obligation.

[Ebelskiver]

Texting is such a recent form of communication, I'm surprised you have any ideals designed for it yet. She just isn't a big texter. No big deal. The spark is obviously there is person, and that's where it matters.

 

This is all in your head.

[thousandsuns]

Thanks all for the thoughts ad experiences. She does always msg from her own but like I said, her texts have no value most of the time and it feels like I'm trying hard to get her to like even though I can tell she's really into me.

 

Is it worth mentioning it tonight on our date? I don't want to come across as mean or a jerk or anything but then again I don't know how else to say it.

[WonderWoman911]

Is it worth mentioning it tonight on our date? I don't want to come across as mean or a jerk or anything but then again I don't know how else to say it.

 

 

It may not be necessary to mention it. But if you do, I would mention it in a jokingly way, nothing serious. You don't want to ruin the night over something like that.

[kolleamm]

Thanks all for the thoughts ad experiences. She does always msg from her own but like I said, her texts have no value most of the time and it feels like I'm trying hard to get her to like even though I can tell she's really into me.

 

Is it worth mentioning it tonight on our date? I don't want to come across as mean or a jerk or anything but then again I don't know how else to say it.

I wouldn't, like others have said some people aren't texters.

[normal person]

Thanks all for the thoughts ad experiences. She does always msg from her own but like I said, her texts have no value most of the time and it feels like I'm trying hard to get her to like even though I can tell she's really into me.

 

I'm sorry, but in my eyes the example text you gave didn't have any value either. She probably just keeps texting practical, which is fine. I would say you might be off the hook in the sense that it seems like you don't have to text her "good morning, princess" every day, because she doesn't seem to care. Which is a blessing.

 

Is it worth mentioning it tonight on our date? I don't want to come across as mean or a jerk or anything but then again I don't know how else to say it.

 

A discussion of texting habits and what needs/doesn't need to be texted could be had. But I'd be wary about complaining or being mean that her meaningless response to your meaningless text wasn't adequate. It comes off a bit needy. Again, if a girl doesn't need you to text her that sort of stuff, take it and run with it. Consider it a gift and save yourself the trouble of having to do it all the time.

[thousandsuns]

I'm sorry, but in my eyes the example text you gave didn't have any value either. She probably just keeps texting practical, which is fine. I would say you might be off the hook in the sense that it seems like you don't have to text her "good morning, princess" every day, because she doesn't seem to care. Which is a blessing.

 

 

 

A discussion of texting habits and what needs/doesn't need to be texted could be had. But I'd be wary about complaining or being mean that her meaningless response to your meaningless text wasn't adequate. It comes off a bit needy. Again, if a girl doesn't need you to text her that sort of stuff, take it and run with it. Consider it a gift and save yourself the trouble of having to do it all the time.

 

That was just one example and a case to show that I'm actually trying to be sweet and nice to her. How would you feel if your gf texted you just "Hi" in the morning and then "how are you?" is that how two people who like each other meant to talk? Chemistry exists in texts as well to some extent, I don't always call her princess and nor do I always text her first. She always texts me first and she pushes through conversations but it feels more less like a struggle than anything. I guess in some way I'm thankful she even does that.

I don't know, it just seemed like a big deal for me because regardless even I do continue to date her and end up having a relationship, we will still continue to text everyday and if she keeps this up, it won't annoy me any less unless I point it out to her and try to resolve it.

 

Also, I wasn't saying that the greeting text has any meaning, its talking to her in general through texts which is difficult at times as she's bland.

[thousandsuns]

I wouldn't, like others have said some people aren't texters.

 

That is totally true, my only issue that our primary communication revolves around texts and i'm not much comfortable over the phone (all my exes and I always texted and rarely talked over phone) so this maybe a potential issue in a potential relationship? lol

[todreaminblue]

I can be verbose in text and when i get a reply thats yeah ok....i have to laugh.....i think its just her style many of my exes didnt enjoy texting....didnt make them thoughtless people...they just preferred to whisper in my ear....:0) and as others have posted what matters more is how you communicate in person....good luck...deb

[Van AZN]

Relationships are about compromise right?

 

So if you're not feeling appreciated, then talk to her to see what's her stand. Is she not into you? Is that just her nature with texting? Does she prefer calling (which means to get your appreciation you're going to have to compromise and be comfortable calling her)? Was she not aware of her text and is willing to show more compassionate text?

 

I wouldn't confront her on the issue if you guys just started dating, but if you guys are in the "early comfortable" stage then there should be plenty of opportunities to communicate your feelings with her.

 

Good Luck!

[thousandsuns]

Relationships are about compromise right?

 

So if you're not feeling appreciated, then talk to her to see what's her stand. Is she not into you? Is that just her nature with texting? Does she prefer calling (which means to get your appreciation you're going to have to compromise and be comfortable calling her)? Was she not aware of her text and is willing to show more compassionate text?

 

I wouldn't confront her on the issue if you guys just started dating, but if you guys are in the "early comfortable" stage then there should be plenty of opportunities to communicate your feelings with her.

 

Good Luck!

 

That's a great post and you have a good point. I have a dinner date with her tonight and she chose so I will discuss it with her without trying to sound like a jerk to her. She's so sweet and amazing that I find it hard to even be mad at her if I wanted. Like I haven't replied all day and she's sent another next now the 3rd, saying I'm so quiet today, so obviously she has picked up my hint that I am somewhat upset at her. However, I will not show it now. I'll just have to regather and bring it up during the date somehow.

[normal person]

That was just one example and a case to show that I'm actually trying to be sweet and nice to her. How would you feel if your gf texted you just "Hi" in the morning and then "how are you?" is that how two people who like each other meant to talk? Chemistry exists in texts as well to some extent, I don't always call her princess and nor do I always text her first. She always texts me first and she pushes through conversations but it feels more less like a struggle than anything. I guess in some way I'm thankful she even does that.

I don't know, it just seemed like a big deal for me because regardless even I do continue to date her and end up having a relationship, we will still continue to text everyday and if she keeps this up, it won't annoy me any less unless I point it out to her and try to resolve it.

 

Also, I wasn't saying that the greeting text has any meaning, its talking to her in general through texts which is difficult at times as she's bland.

 

I'm sure your attempts to be sweet and nice are appreciated. But is that really the issue? Are you upset that you get boring texts or are you upset that you don't feel appreciated? Maybe she just doesn't like texting? I know I don't. Maybe it is a discussion you should have with her, just for clarity's sake. Best of luck.

[thousandsuns]

I'm sure your attempts to be sweet and nice are appreciated. But is that really the issue? Are you upset that you get boring texts or are you upset that you don't feel appreciated? Maybe she just doesn't like texting? I know I don't. Maybe it is a discussion you should have with her, just for clarity's sake. Best of luck.

 

Once again true. She just sounds dull and negative in text and I can't probably change that but just maybe have a chat with her about it briefly. Thanks for the help.

[Popsicle]

The last thing I want to do is have a conversation, especially an intimate one, by text. We either talk on the phone or talk in person to build something.

[Gaeta]

Hi All,

 

Example: This morning I sent her the following text "good morning princess, have a nice day x" this was at about 6.40 am as I was getting ready for work. Her reply was "ur up early" and that's it nothing else. If I do get good morning texts from her all it will say "morning".

 

Look at my last thread entitled 'what is the purpose of those dead-end text'. I hate getting a text with 'have a nice day' they don't open the way for me to reply. I would much prefer getting less xxx, I would much prefer you drop the 'princess' and you send me something that shows interest like 'big day ahead?' or 'bundle up it's real cold outside'.

 

Also, if I refer to myself, using pet names like princess after 1 date is a turn off. I met this man last summer who started calling me beautiful angel after our first meeting and I did like your girl, I replied to him in a very short manner to not encourage him to use more pet names. After 3 dates the beautiful-angel drove me up the wall. Just don't spread the icing so thick. Let it grow.

[Sunfire73]

The only way to know is if you ask her. Let her know that you put a lot of thought in texts and if she doesn't feel the same way. You just need to communicate what bothers you. It seems that you value 'words of affection' and she doesn't. But ask her that.

[Bellaisa]

Basically what she is doing is sending you dead-end texts. The kind of texts that lead to nowhere fast. They are annoying and frustrating. I agree.

 

The problem is that you can't really tell her that her texts suck because she might get offended.

 

I would direct her attention to an article on dead-end texts and tell her without telling her.

 

Basically send her the link or article, point out how crazy it is that texting is so important to form a bond now, and then let her work it out in her head.

 

Chances are she will step up her text game after she reads the article and decides that texting may be more important than she thought.

[thousandsuns]

This thread can be closed, thanks for all your valuable input.

 

Regardless of the rare few that will always try to make people awful, I did get some nice thoughts and opinions.

 

I am dating her right now and the date last night was great. Hopefully we have a nice future ahead of ourselves and as far as I can see, we can discuss anything that bothers each other any time. I'm not perfect and neither is she but it's good to see that we can talk about such things without any issue.

 

Thanks all.