Emilia Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 Exes are way easier to hook up with than finding someone new. That's the whole idea. If you left things on good terms, it's cool to see them again anyway. Nothing wrong with that. 1
Timshel Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 Very interesting Dirk!! Good insight...Chumble, I think that is a question I was getting at a little... It doesn't seem like most of the posts are answering the question I purposed. The question was, reworded, are there men out there that can know what they want WHILE they are in a relationship, in which case I will keep searching for this man? Or is this behavior just a man's way of processing and I should maybe soften my approach. This is just pure curiosity for open dialogue... Also for consideration, we're talking guys between 30 to about 45. From my own experience, I believe there are men who know they have a good thing when they have it. The kind of men you date is the main variable. I have been in a LTR's since I was 15. One high school, one university, two married. I was the one who ended all except the last, husband, passed. I have yet to date anyone and I suppose am a "born again" virgin after 2 1/2 years of celibacy. Doesn't bother me one bit, I'm open to romantic love, but do not need it. I am friends with my ex's and we have a lot of respect for each other. I think you will find your unicorn/panda.
carhill Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 So my question, are there men out there that can know what they want when they have it or is this just a guy phenomena to not know what they want until they don't have it? Am I holding out for a unicorn? Sure, plenty of men know what they want, just as plenty of men don't know what they want, just as plenty of men will be happy to hook up (have sex) with an ex they no longer are interested in a relationship or marriage with after a break up. As is often shared on this forum about women, men are not a hive mind. We're individuals and, just like we have to plow through a field of women to find a compatible mate, so it goes for women as well. My exW and I are certainly acquaintances on friendly terms; if she was my friend we'd still be married. She's not and I'm not hers and that's why we're divorced and I don't have sex with people I don't love. That's one man's perspective. Billions more to be offered. 1
BluEyeL Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 They usually do come back with a text/email/phone call but it never pans out as a relationship. If things were not going well when you were dating, usually when they come back, they try to come on a less favorable terms for you, i.e. more casual. That is, if you let them. I am usually clear that I'd prefer not to keep in touch, nothing personal, it's best we both move forward, and I express this directly when they make contact and that solves it. I usually don't try to stay friends with an ex. I did keep in touch with one, over the phone and I let him know I can't talk anymore once I found someone. I didn't feel good doing that and i would not do it again. It's better to cut contact right away.
No Limit Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 If only they'd know when not to come back. There's one guy who apparently liked me a little ever since the final years of highschool. Too bad he drinks a lot and brags with his alcohol prowess; basically an immediate friend-zoner for me. When he got a GF a few months ago we finally lost touch, until she dumped him a week ago. *sigh
Nolan 93 Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 If only they'd know when not to come back. There's one guy who apparently liked me a little ever since the final years of highschool. If they come back they come back ha. I wonder if my current ex will come back, we didnt have any issues, just she realized she wasn't over her ex. Left me after ten months, it sucks ha. But its been two months post break up and the pain is going away.
me85 Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 I've had a guy I was kinda dating come back after more than 5 years. And that's just ONE example. Any guy I've ever talked to has come back at some point. Not trying to toot my own horn or anything because the majority of them were nothing to brag about.
Sunfire73 Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 Yes and no. Men know whether they want a long term relationship or just a casual fling. It just differs in the details, like which ones they're compatible with, what can they tolerate and it takes time to know those things. So some of them might come back because they find out you're the best one they had or that they now are ready for a more serious relationship. But they don't know that until they experience others. The ones who come back are the ones hoping for greener pastures, but then found out the there aren't any. 2
Blade96 Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 I'd take my LDR ex back. Once. If it happened again and he broke up again...well that's it then. I believe some people do realize what they want when they don't have it anymore, and people make mistakes. But if it happens a second time - that's not a mistake.
Revolver Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 It's easier to hook up with an ex girlfriend than a random woman you don't know. Plus most women have that one guy from her past that if he texted her for sex right now shed drop everything to go meet him. 1
SawtoothMars Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 It's easier to hook up with an ex girlfriend than a random woman you don't know. Plus most women have that one guy from her past that if he texted her for sex right now shed drop everything to go meet him. This is fact!
Phoe Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 It might be harder with you, but as I've told you before, you are not quite the average girl. There are a few women I used to date that I could contact right now and get together, no problem. If I happen to get turned down, the next one won't. It's still much easier than trying to hit on new women. You also make it sound like every break up results from a man screwing a woman over. That is not the case. Of course not every break up results from that, but plenty do. Most of the people I know, the majority of their breakups did not go well. I may have a skewed sample, but my logic is to assume that since most people I know are not exactly amicable with most of their exes, I'd say that the majority of people are not amicable with most of their exes. Any time it ended because the guy screwed over the girl? The guy should probably consider that an automatic "no", don't bother. If the girl screwed the guy over, again he really oughta not bother. Why do you want to even touch her again if she screwed you over? Don't bother. If no one really screwed one another over, but the breakup was really painful and akin to being dragged through glass, you'd think, again, don't bother. Why rehash all that? Only if it ended with both of them being amicable and friendly could it work. And then both parties need to be single. If she's in a relationship, FOR GOD'S SAKE, don't bother. There are many more reasons and scenarios for why it wouldn't work and why a guy shouldn't bother, than the number of reasons and scenarios where it WOULD work... given that fact alone, I'd say most of the time, a guy's better off just starting fresh.
Phoe Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 It's easier to hook up with an ex girlfriend than a random woman you don't know. Plus most women have that one guy from her past that if he texted her for sex right now shed drop everything to go meet him. Most women do? That surprises me. There is not a single man on this planet who I would drop everything for right now and meet for sex. Not a single one. Least of all an ex. 5 men left on the planet, 4 of them are my exes. I'm going for man #5. If man number #5 doesn't want me, I'm officially celibate. 1
Phoe Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 You're looking at this from the female perspective. As a pretty girl, you can go out and sleep with a new guy with very little effort, of course you'd rather pick someone totally new. Me, not so much Besides, there is something nice about the familiarity of being with an ex. I'm pretty much an expert on it since I've dated every one of my old girlfriends more than once. I suppose there's logic there, but still... Wow... I'm so surprised by it, haha.
Otter2569 Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 Not sure what type of guys you date but I have never gone back. In my mind, its over when its over LOL Most women Iv'e dated would have taken me back (at least for the short term). I was head over heels for one woman but she broke it off after 10 weeks. With her I waited a week and texted. It didnt get me anywhere her so I moved on. You got to have some pride, man!
Lookin4awayout Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 That would never work with me..once it's over any feelings I had left for you are gone as well. It's a wrap really. The most I can offer is friendship & if we didn't establish that right at the break up that's probably not an option either. Also ladies ALWAYS go non-contact after a break up, especially if you're the dumpee.
Erised Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 Every. Single. Time. All my major relationships. Shortly after the breakup... hardcore begging for us to get back together. Gosh, even the guy that wouldn't date me and I cut things off with has come back with all the romance he can muster and talks of feelings. Whatever. He had so many chances. They all did. I made the mistake of accepting it when I was younger. We broke up again many months later. They begged back again. Does not end well. 1
Revolver Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 Most women do? That surprises me. There is not a single man on this planet who I would drop everything for right now and meet for sex. Not a single one. Least of all an ex. 5 men left on the planet, 4 of them are my exes. I'm going for man #5. If man number #5 doesn't want me, I'm officially celibate. Absolutely. Plus you have to take into account a lot of women(particularly younger) still are insecure about having a "high partner count" and there's no better way to keep that number down(aside from celibacy) than hooking up with old boyfriends 1
Pinkdisney Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 Before I met my now BF of almost 3 years, the handful of people I met and went out with more than 2 times on POF who either blew me off, were multi-dating, disappeared for some reason or another ALL contacted me again within a month or two after they disappeared. Some contacted me for months. One man, whom I felt was the biggest jerk of all - well I couldn't resist doing the "Who is this?" text back although I knew who it was and had started saving #'s as I had been getting contacted frequently.
ist17 Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Every. Single. Time. All my major relationships. Shortly after the breakup... hardcore begging for us to get back together. Gosh, even the guy that wouldn't date me and I cut things off with has come back with all the romance he can muster and talks of feelings. Whatever. He had so many chances. They all did. I made the mistake of accepting it when I was younger. We broke up again many months later. They begged back again. Does not end well. Can I ask if there were any who told you they don't have feelings for you (at all or anymore) who asked for you back and how long that took
Erised Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Can I ask if there were any who told you they don't have feelings for you (at all or anymore) who asked for you back and how long that took You're missing the point if you think that matters. Don't take someone back if they've dismissed you. Just don't. 1
mightycpa Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Here's a curiosity. I've been dating for about 4 years now since my major relationship ended. There have been some 1 monthers, a few lasting several months, and a one year relationship. Some ended by me. Some ended by them. Thing is they ALWAYS come back. It could be 2 weeks or recently 2 years. But they always seem to pop back up. And it's the same story, I'm perfect, I'm awesome, they realize how good they had it with me...I am of the mentality though that I'm holding out for someone that loves and appreciates me for me when they have me not after we breakup. So my question, are there men out there that can know what they want when they have it or is this just a guy phenomena to not know what they want until they don't have it? Am I holding out for a unicorn? Here I am! I'm a unicorn! I've never, ever gone back, not once. Went through a lot of girls before I found "The One." Didn't have to break up to know. We do exist. 2
wb1988 Posted February 14, 2015 Posted February 14, 2015 Men get back to exs when they are: 1. Bored 2. Just broke up with someone 3. Are out of options 100% true, actually that's the most truthful thing I've ever read on LS! Men are always saying women don't know what they want but in all my relationship experiences...neither do men. They only really want me when they lose me. Not that what you said is untrue, but Gaeta's post is more accurate. I only contact ex's when I'm looking for a booty call while remembering the 1 great thing about her body (every woman has at least 1) or just got outta a relationship.
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