nemesite Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 I have recently started dating again after a 5 year relationship went down the pan. This new girl was introduced to me by a female friend who I actually met through my ex, but became better friends with (long story). Anyway, I like this new girl a lot. She seems sweet, and I would definitely like to get to know her more. Thus far, we have been on only 3 actual dates. Keep that number in mind. We both live in different towns (only about an hours drive away, so not a big deal), and work longish hours (she's a nurse, I'm an IT field engineer that travels around a lot). Our first date was before Christmas. Everythingh went well, and we agreed to meet again in the new year, which we did. Our second "date" was with my aforementioned female friend and her boyfriend (in other words, a double date), which also went well. That evening, I walked her home, she invited me in for a little bit, but said she had to go to bed shortly after. I wasn't really expecting anything to happen so soon, so I was happy to leave her to it and go home, knowing she'd got home safely. For the third, I booked a restaurant and in the town where this girl lives. We had a meal, caught a movie and spent some of the evening together before going our separate ways. We planned to see each other again soon, work permitting of course but last weekend, she text me asking when she I was going to invite her to my place. It was a little unexpected as I'd obviously planned to do so at some point, so I didn't see why she felt she needed to ask. I also thought it was too soon and didn't want to give her the wrong impression (i.e. that I was only after one thing). I responded, by saying I'd invite her over soon, possibly when we next met up. I thought that was the end of it until a day later, the friend who introduced us called to ask if everything was OK; apparently, this girl had spoken to her, saying that she was concerned that I hadn't invited her over to mine yet and that she didn't think I was really into her. I was both annoyed and dumbfounded by this. There I was trying NOT to make it look like I just wanted to get in her pants, and she took it to mean that I didn't like her. Given that we've only met three times so far, I can't understand why she'd think I'm not really into her for not inviting her over so soon! I spoke to her later that day (obviously not mentioning what my friend told me), but since then, even though there's been dialogue between us, I get the impression that she thinks I'm not really interested and hasn't seemed as friendly as she once was. Everything seemed to be going great, then she suddenly freaks out over nothing and now this. We're still talking so all is not lost by any means, but it's created a problem where there really isn't one. Was I wrong for doing what I thought was the right thing by trying to get to know her first?? Women complain that men are only after one thing, but if you go out of your way to show that you're not, and it means you're not interested!? What!? I'm seriously confused. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.
smackie9 Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Women still need to be desired. If you are not sending her flirty messages, sending her a good morning text, talking til the wee hours of the moring, and all that crap, then you are moving at a snail's pace. Look, not everyone is going to be on the same page, and well being out of the dating game for 5 years, you are missing her "cues" is my guess. You had 3 dates and not even a passionate kiss? She may or may not sleep with you if you had invited her over, but by now a healthy makeout session at least. Ya got to get a little physical just show you have "desire". On the other side of the coin tho her approach is a little immature so keep that in mind, it could be a red flag.
Author nemesite Posted January 22, 2015 Author Posted January 22, 2015 Women still need to be desired. If you are not sending her flirty messages, sending her a good morning text, talking til the wee hours of the moring, and all that crap, then you are moving at a snail's pace. Look, not everyone is going to be on the same page, and well being out of the dating game for 5 years, you are missing her "cues" is my guess. You had 3 dates and not even a passionate kiss? We've been sending flirty texts to each other since Christmas. I had been sending her good morning and good nights texts too. As for a passionate kiss, what makes you think I haven't tried? Thus far, she has only let me kiss her once! I really don't think I've done anything to give her the impression what I'm not interested. I'm all up for "getting physical", but she's not really given off that vibe.
smackie9 Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 I do not know you, and I can only go by the information you provide. If you done everying just fine, then there is something wrong with her and look at it as a red flag. Maybe she's just makin this up to get attention. If it doesn't feel right, then it's not. Tread lightly.
Assada Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Listen, quit worrying about what impression that youre not trying to give off. Women like sex too, and she may want to get into your pants. And if you dont wanna do that yet, thats your prerogative . I know that I am 100% right on this: Its all a test, she's just acting like a brat to test you. What you do is, nothing. You stand by what you said and did before. - If she has any attutude, you ask her "whats she on about?" - And dont be afraid to walk away from the relationship
todreaminblue Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 I dont agree that you have to have a makeout session by the end of date three......i dont even believe that you need to have a passionate kiss....but there has to be a show of something more than friendship..way of the world.......holding hands is sweet.....arm around her shoulder is sweet......offering her your arm crossing a road maybe.....normally when i date a guy...its known as a date so theres more than friendship already implied...if i date a guy.....then he already knows i only date guys whom i see as more than friends...and i am not a fast off the bat girl i like to keep it slow and easy......i dont multiple date...so he knows that im seriously minded when it comes to getting to know him...my focus is all his..and in turn i hope for the same from him..some women though...like to go faster...why not talk to her instead of doing this talking by a proxy thing.....be honest and open with her...and decide what is a good speed for both of you..best wishes...deb
losangelena Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 I would tell her what her friend said. See how she reacts. Now's the time for more communication, not less.
Author nemesite Posted January 22, 2015 Author Posted January 22, 2015 I dont agree that you have to have a makeout session by the end of date three......i dont even believe that you need to have a passionate kiss....but there has to be a show of something more than friendship..way of the world.......holding hands is sweet.....arm around her shoulder is sweet......offering her your arm crossing a road maybe..... We've held hands etc etc. She knows the deal. She knows full well that I am attracted to her as she is to me. Freaking out because I didn't invite her back to mine after we've only met 3 times is irrational and bizarre. why not talk to her instead of doing this talking by a proxy thing.....be honest and open with her...and decide what is a good speed for both of you..best wishes...deb I'm not doing any talking by proxy. She is the one who went to her friend over something we'd already discussed and I didn't even think was an issue. That's what annoyed me; the fact that she never told me what was on mind, and that I had to hear it again from her friend after I already thought the matter was over and done with. I've not had a chance to speak to her since then as we've both been busy at work. She's on night shifts until the weekend and I'm out of town. I was thinking of going over and surprise her on Saturday and talk to her then. As Assada suggested, I'm sure this is one of those fabulous s*** tests some women love to play. :/
Omei Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 (edited) What is it with guys on LS thinking everything a girl does is a test not every female is a psycho I really feel like this is something most guys make up to funnel their insecurities when they analyze situations way too much so they use the "girls are crazy" to cover theirs lol She confided her feelings in a friend then that friend decided to blabber it to the OP thats not her fault the friend prob thought it would help if he knew, thats not a game So you know she wants to be invited over, just invite her over then. Edited January 23, 2015 by Omei
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