Pier Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 (edited) I dumped my ex of almost 1 year, about 6 weeks ago. For about a month we spoke daily. Until he brought up being fwb. After I turned him down, we had a huge argument. He said he was LIVID with my decision and ignored me for a while. Before I went NC (on Sunday), I sent him a one liner email: "I wish you all the best." And blocked him on Facebook. A few hours later, he messaged me saying he was shocked. On Tuesday, he called then texted. His text basically asked why I cut him off without "the decency of a goodbye" and how it was unfair since I'm friends with other exes. I felt kinda crappy after that. But I havent answered. Should I explain why I cut him off to ease his feelings? Edited January 22, 2015 by Pier
Mif Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 I am replying because i would also like to know the answer. I went nc with my ex 3 weeks ago and we agreed to re initiate contact yesterday. I madly went around blocking him and all his friends from fb on Wednesday, deleting his emails etc. Then i didn't hear from him as promised Wednesday. Maybe he doesn't want my contact? Maybe he's hurt that i removed him from fb? My mind is screaming at me to text him and tell him i want us to be friends in the future and to see if he is ok. But i feel that would be wrong for me. I don't know what to do.
gnick Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Same with me.I would give anything to talk to my ex for 5 minutes once a week. She shut me off and I don't know if it will ever happen. Every one says untill I go no contact I'll never get over it. I know this is right but still.....
blackcat777 Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 So he dumped you, decided after the fact that he wanted to keep you around for sex, and then threw a tantrum when you said no? Do NOT give him the satisfaction of a response. Congrats on staying strong, defending your boundaries, and keeping NC. Continue to focus on you. This guy is not an energy you want to feed in your life. I'm sorry for what you're going through, with time you will feel better. NC will make you feel better the fastest. 1
dumbass2 Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 You said that you dumped him. He came back asking for FWB. You said no, which was obviously smart. You told him you didn't want to that. You don't owe him anything else, you already dumped him and told him no to his option. Let him go so you can both move on. you cannot remain friends with him. 1
Ieris Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 No one likes to be cut off cold without an explanation so I don't see why you can't say something to him to save him bugging you with questions as that will just make NC more difficult for you. If you let him know you need some space and time to heal, he should understand and this should help him move on as well rather than wondering what the hell happened. Just remember you once cared/loved this person or may still do so what's a little explanation going to cost you? It will only set you back a few days NC so making things easy for him is just going to make things easier for you too x
Author Pier Posted January 23, 2015 Author Posted January 23, 2015 So he dumped you, decided after the fact that he wanted to keep you around for sex, and then threw a tantrum when you said no? Do NOT give him the satisfaction of a response. Congrats on staying strong, defending your boundaries, and keeping NC. Continue to focus on you. This guy is not an energy you want to feed in your life. I'm sorry for what you're going through, with time you will feel better. NC will make you feel better the fastest. I dumped him. I gave him a short one liner goodbye cause up to that point he was losing a lot of my respect. He felt I owed him sex/ a fwb relationship. And then insulted my intelligence when I called him out for just wanting sex by calling me crazy instead of admitting it. Then sending me passive aggressive emails to tell me he was upset. I was too through. Hence the one liner email.
Author Pier Posted January 23, 2015 Author Posted January 23, 2015 You said that you dumped him. He came back asking for FWB. You said no, which was obviously smart. You told him you didn't want to that. You don't owe him anything else, you already dumped him and told him no to his option. Let him go so you can both move on. you cannot remain friends with him. I know it'd be unwise to be friends now. I know we need time to heal.
Author Pier Posted January 23, 2015 Author Posted January 23, 2015 No one likes to be cut off cold without an explanation so I don't see why you can't say something to him to save him bugging you with questions as that will just make NC more difficult for you. If you let him know you need some space and time to heal, he should understand and this should help him move on as well rather than wondering what the hell happened. Just remember you once cared/loved this person or may still do so what's a little explanation going to cost you? It will only set you back a few days NC so making things easy for him is just going to make things easier for you too x You have a good point. My fear is that talking to him will unleash another can of worms since we're both in an emotionally vulnerable place. Our last large fight...after he discussed being fwb...was what made me decide to cut him off. I wanted to talk about it but he seemed distant and still angry that I turned him down. And I could feel the blame game about to erupt if I asked about his feelings or even in myself if I shared how much he upset me. At the time one liner seemed best. Better than opening myself up for rapid fire from him and better than complete silence.
dumbass2 Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 I don't think you should say anything to him, but if you are, just make it a very short text and tell him you are not going to stay in contact after it. Do not respond to anything else he does or then what you say will not hold water and respect will be lost. Again, i don't think you owe him anything and maybe you just text him and let him know that you do not want any contact from him and will not reply and to respect your wishes.
Author Pier Posted January 23, 2015 Author Posted January 23, 2015 I don't think you should say anything to him, but if you are, just make it a very short text and tell him you are not going to stay in contact after it. Do not respond to anything else he does or then what you say will not hold water and respect will be lost. Again, i don't think you owe him anything and maybe you just text him and let him know that you do not want any contact from him and will not reply and to respect your wishes. Why would you recommend just saying that instead of answering his questions? He knows I'm nc already. I'm curious of your answer
amaysngrace Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 Don't answer him. You don't owe him anything more since you already wished him the best. Quit playing games and let him get over you instead of stringing him along. Stay NC. I know it's an ego boost or whatever to hear from him but you already said you've lost respect for him. And apparently he doesn't have much for you either since he says he wants to use you for sex. Don't answer him. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 No answering questions. All answering questions does is invite more questions. Your silence is more of an answer than you can provide with words. 1
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