problem101 Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Hi everyone, I've been having a bit of trouble figuring this one out myself lately so am trying to get some advice on LS. I am aware the conclusions might be glaringly obvious but as they say it's always best to get a 3rd party POV, even for validation purposes! So I was seeing this guy for about 2 months - he initially came on very strong, chased me hard for about a month before that and asked me to be his GF after 1-2 weeks of dating, told all his extended family about me and wanted us to be exclusive. One month into the relationship began the typical signs: he works in hospitality and was very busy with work over Christmas/NYE period, he didn't text me or call me half as much, seems to have lost interest etc. etc. I felt very neglected as since getting together, I seemed to put in most of the relationship effort. I told him this and he kept apologizing and said he hopes the busy schedule will die down in Feb/March. However I still felt a change in his general attitude towards the relationship and decided to call it quits (to prevent getting anymore attached). He then apologised for not giving everything he wanted to, said he understands and said he never wanted this and hopes we can reconnect in the future/potentially revisit the relationship in Feb/March. Initially I tried to go NC after the break up as I still had feelings but after 2 days he said he was upset about the break up and the NC and wanted to at least talk as friends. So I agreed. The problem now lies here: as soon as I agreed, he has not really talked to me since as a "friend", and is still acting like he did before the break up i.e. not acting interested/ not replying my texts (when he texted me first!), not giving me much attention, sounding cold and distant. He said he still has feelings for me and likes me very much which is why he wanted to carry on as "friends", and will figure us out once he has more time - but his actions just speak otherwise and I have a gut feeling he is seeing other girls as well. I am so frustrated and want to just gather some opinions on what he is thinking exactly so I can move on easier/with more clarity? Many thanks in advance everyone!
mammasita Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 When someone likes you and wants to be with you, they will always make time. Whether its a text, phone call or short visit. This guy is yanking your chain and yes its painfully obvious. Cut him off ASAP. 1
Zahara Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 (edited) Generally, when guys go shooting off the blocks -- fawning all over you in the beginning of a relationship, most times it quickly crashes and burns. He was chasing you for a month, got you in his grasp, fawned over you -- the chase is over, conquest done -- it's lost it's appeal. It takes but seconds to send a text. It takes but minutes to make a call. I'm sure even while he's sitting on the potty, he can do either one of those? Busy is never an excuse. A guy that is into you will make time, will look forward to seeing you, will want to keep you in his focus, will do whatever it takes to keep your attention. This guy is likely seeing other women but keeping you on the backburner. Maybe he'll meet someone in March maybe he won't but you'll still be there as an option. The thing is you both have different expectations. If you want to be a friend, then you can't be having expectations of what a "boyfriend" should be doing in terms of contact. If you can't be friends and be honest with yourself, because you want and desire more, then cut this guy off and move on. Edited January 22, 2015 by Zahara
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