Hopes Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 I have a friend who recently told me that he has two OLD accounts. One for him and one set up that is slightly better than him (more attractive picture of some random guy, similar profiles, and this guy has a better job, etc...). He told me that after he has been seeing a girl for a while (in this last case of his, about 5 months), he had disabled his account and told her he did so. Another month went by and with his other fake account, he checked to see if she was still there, and now this doesn't bother him, but he wants to check and see what she really thinks with him. So he will send the girl a few messages with this other account, and clearly he already knows her so he can create messages she will respond to. He then asks them on a date with the fake account to see if she will accept it. He will break things off with a girl that does in real life. Usually after they have a conversation about what each other wants and if she expresses an interest in a committed relationship. Now, how (un)ethical does this seem? Please forgive the format, my posts never contain the line breaks.
Gaeta Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 I have a friend who recently told me that he has two OLD accounts. One for him and one set up that is slightly better than him (more attractive picture of some random guy, similar profiles, and this guy has a better job, etc...). He told me that after he has been seeing a girl for a while (in this last case of his, about 5 months), he had disabled his account and told her he did so. Another month went by and with his other fake account, he checked to see if she was still there, and now this doesn't bother him, but he wants to check and see what she really thinks with him. So he will send the girl a few messages with this other account, and clearly he already knows her so he can create messages she will respond to. He then asks them on a date with the fake account to see if she will accept it. He will break things off with a girl that does in real life. Usually after they have a conversation about what each other wants and if she expresses an interest in a committed relationship. Now, how (un)ethical does this seem? Please forgive the format, my posts never contain the line breaks. Telling a woman he will be deleting his profile is not the same as having a clear conversation and agreement on exclusivity. The same with having a conversation about what she wants and she expresses interest in a committed relationship, what's that? Is that an agreement or not? If there is no clear agreement on exclusivity with these ladies then your friend is a jack@ss for tricking women. If they are in an exclusive relationship, they have a clear agreement on deleting their profile and be exclusive to each other, and he then finds them on a dating website, THEN there is no more 'ethical', it's cheating. There is no need to be 'ethical' in the way you tell your gf or bf 'hey I caught you cheating'. 2
Diezel Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 So technically, he is causing his own breakups? 1
PegNosePete Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 I think this kind of stupid game is for immature people who can't communicate properly and have trust issues. 1
CALOVELY Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Let me make sure I understand this correctly, your friend sets up a fake profile, with a fake photograph, fake details and reaches out to these women with fake promises and he expects honesty from them? This after a mere discussion of exclusivity and not an agreement. Wow. Hopefully these women gets loads of offers from other men because that guy deserves to remain single until he grows out of his teenage mentality. 1
Author Hopes Posted January 22, 2015 Author Posted January 22, 2015 @Gaete: Well, I think he is saying after they have been dating a while, and he wants something serious with them. He will talk with them about it....I only know his last case, because he asked me his advice. I felt the whole thing was unethical, but who am I to know. They specifically talked about an open relationship to which he said in an ideal world, yes it would work, but he knows he would get jealous and couldn't handle it. Wants to be the special person for her, and have things that are his and his alone from her. Then he asked her if she was seeing anyone else because of this convo. She said no. I guess he didn't ask for exclusivity, but I mean, I think that convo pretty much makes the point of his intentions with her and what he wants back for now. He asked me because she actually responded that she was dating someone now. But "when" things don't work out, she will send him a message. So I think he is worried that she is going to break up with him. This situation is neither here nor there, I told him that it seemed dishonest to do this. @Diezel I was thinking the same exact thing, and said something along those lines. However, his response was that there is always someone out there with greener grass that may tempt your partner so this was his way of testing their interest and loyalty before he got hurt. @PegNose I agree, I think he does it because his last two girlfriends cheated on him. One with a good friend of his, lost both in one go. @Calovely, in a way, but more he wants to be serious with them and uses a fake profile to make fake promises However, so far, I think we are 5/5 that this is pretty unethical.
Methodical Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 (edited) I agree with the other posters. He expects honesty, yet he is being deviant! Fake account, fake pictures, fake.... He is no prize. Isn't it ironic how he expects honesty while so much about him and his actions are FAKE. Dude has major psychological issues! To make matters worse, he wants them to delete their account, claim exclusivity, but if they express an interest in a committed, ltr, he dumps them. Ugh! What a jerk! Edited January 22, 2015 by Methodical Add comment 1
kendahke Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 I have a friend who recently told me that he has two OLD accounts. One for him and one set up that is slightly better than him (more attractive picture of some random guy, similar profiles, and this guy has a better job, etc...). He told me that after he has been seeing a girl for a while (in this last case of his, about 5 months), he had disabled his account and told her he did so. Another month went by and with his other fake account, he checked to see if she was still there, and now this doesn't bother him, but he wants to check and see what she really thinks with him. So he will send the girl a few messages with this other account, and clearly he already knows her so he can create messages she will respond to. He then asks them on a date with the fake account to see if she will accept it. He will break things off with a girl that does in real life. Usually after they have a conversation about what each other wants and if she expresses an interest in a committed relationship. Now, how (un)ethical does this seem? Please forgive the format, my posts never contain the line breaks. Yes, it's sketchy to be certain. Trafficking in deceit is never a noble enterprise. All this means is that he's got bad judgment in women. If he is only dating them, then they are not obligated to be committed or exclusive to him, unless they both have had a clear and direct conversation that their involvement has turned from just dating to exclusive. The women are free to date whoever they want as is he. Dating is for finding out whether or not the two people can get along enough to take it to the next step. That's it. Dating is not being in a relationship. At. All. So he basically is lying by omission--which makes him worse than the women because they're not even at the point where they're in an exclusive relationship. If he is to chicken-isht to just ask her and be able to judge by her demeanor and words what she thinks, then he needs to stop dating and work on himself. He is going after the wrong kind of women if he's got to go through all this BS. That says his judgement in women is broken and needs a lot of work.
Toodaloo Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 I think this kind of stupid game is for immature people who can't communicate properly and have trust issues. This. Why on earth would he want to do that anyway? If he gets dumped then she has dodged a bullet! Its reading pooh like this that makes me glad I am single.
Author Hopes Posted January 22, 2015 Author Posted January 22, 2015 @Methodical... No he is seeking a committed, exclusive relationship. After he tells them he is not seeing anyone else (which is true) and that he likes them (also true), and wants to take it to the next step to which, if they agree, then he does this. <br> I agree that he needs to work on himself, I told him that. He has to stop worrying that all women will cheat on him. It is cynically motivated, unethical (my words, but someone used deceptive or deceitful, which I like a lot to explain it), and insecure to do this. I have tried to explain it to him, and am seeking advice on what I may say to him so he may see the error of his ways. He's a good friend and isn't a bad guy, but very mistrusting right now. <br> I think he is solely worried about the girl leaving him for another guy after they agree to let the emotions go forward.
LoveRefreshed Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Your friend has some serious trust issues and shouldn't be dating until he feels good about himself such that he thinks someone wouldn't just cheat on him so easily.
Mangina Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 This. Why on earth would he want to do that anyway? If he gets dumped then she has dodged a bullet! Its reading pooh like this that makes me glad I am single. But wouldn't he dodge a bullet as well he she dumps him for what she thought was a real person?
Mrin Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Wait. So he essentially tests them with FakeGuy they've expressed their desire to be in a LTR with RealGuy. If the LTR relationship talk included exclusivity (with I assume it does - please confirm) then aside from being underhanded and distrustful I don't see the issue here. If anything, most people would freak out that the dating profile is still up after the LTR discussion with RealGuy. We see it all the time here on LS. Going the extra step to see if the girl would actually take FakeGuy up on his date suggestion is actually a verification step to divine intent right (the old I forgot to take that down vs I'm still actively on the market). 1
Mangina Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Wait. So he essentially tests them with FakeGuy they've expressed their desire to be in a LTR with RealGuy. If the LTR relationship talk included exclusivity (with I assume it does - please confirm) then aside from being underhanded and distrustful I don't see the issue here. If anything, most people would freak out that the dating profile is still up after the LTR discussion with RealGuy. We see it all the time here on LS. Going the extra step to see if the girl would actually take FakeGuy up on his date suggestion is actually a verification step to divine intent right (the old I forgot to take that down vs I'm still actively on the market). That's what I thought I was surprised at the comments everyone dogging him when it will prove I'd this girl is good
smackie9 Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 This. Why on earth would he want to do that anyway? If he gets dumped then she has dodged a bullet! Its reading pooh like this that makes me glad I am single. It makes me glad I'm married..........
lovexocoach Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 This is one example illustrating why people get hurt and have trust issues. There's is no justification for this type of behavior.
Author Hopes Posted January 22, 2015 Author Posted January 22, 2015 (edited) So, this friend.. he had two girlfriends cheat on him, so I think it is certainly a trust issue. I have told him he isn't ready to date yet, but was also looking for suggestions on how to tell him that this behavior is deceitful and deceptive. Anyway, he only does this after he, as RealGuy, tells them he wants to be serious and exclusive. When he tells them he is not seeing anyone else and asks if they are and what they want from the relationship. He doesn't even ask them to take their profile down. Just mentions he took his down and then he said he waits one week from that time, gets on FakeGuy and sends a few messages, ultimately asking for a date. Uses those terms and explicitly states he is looking for more than friendship. Edited January 22, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
LoveRefreshed Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Well, even if he has been cheated on before, people need to realize that everyone is different. I don't know, if he isn't being malicious, it seems pretty benign to me.
Recommended Posts