Leigh 87 Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 sure, try to be gentle with him, but first and foremost, care about yourself. Give him a couple of dates and a couple of make out session. You'll know after that. btw, it's normal to fret and to not feel that wildly attracted... there's no proverbial push pull dynamic, he's a good guy. who knows what might happen if you stick around It's also normal to feel sparks and really attracted to a partner the first time you meet them. 1
Emilia Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 I do feel drawn to him. He intrigues me. I started considering him in a romantic way from the first meeting. That's ideal, I think. Not being blinded by strong attraction that might fizzle out just as quickly. 1
LoveRefreshed Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 I find it interesting that in many cases, a man can be a great candidate but looks kill it. While, a good looking man can have a lot of bad qualities that a woman will put up with, solely because he's good looking. Now, I find it only slightly annoying because as a society, men are constantly told we are being shallow, objectifying, chauvinist for the same mentality. The amount of blog posts to what a true woman or true beauty looks like with curvy women are astonishing. I have also heard chubby women turn down a man because he was also chubby. I couldn't believe my ears. The truth is that you like what you like, and if you like him, give him a shot. It has more to do than physical appearance. I think more people are worried about how they will be judged based on their partner, rather than what they are attracted too. 1
LookAtThisPOst Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 Sounds like you're off to a good start...considering that you have a "mild" physical attraction to him...this could turn into something romantic if you have the patience to give it time and see where it goes as you continue to get to know him as your attraction for him may likely grow. I met a man through a business-related organization, and this evening he invited me to the second group get-together in the past couple of weeks. I got the impression from the first time I met him that he liked me. I would catch him giving me dreamy looks now and then during meetings When I spent an evening with him and a large group of his friends last weekend, I feel that he made his interest more clear. He became a little touchy and flirty later in the evening - granted, we'd all had a few drinks by then. And I absolutely loved his friends. They were all smart, funny, and sweet people. I had the best night I'd had in months, really! He seems like a wonderful guy - interesting career he loves, very intelligent, good-hearted, cool friends, travels internationally to do humanitarian work in his field, positive and engaged in quite a few interesting activities. The only thing giving me pause is that my physical attraction to him is mild. I feel drawn to him, and felt that way pretty immediately. I feel a really good, positive connection with him. We have a lot in common and can talk easily about anything. He seems to have a crush on me. But the mild physical attraction from my side makes me lean toward thinking we'd be best as friends - but as soon as I think that, I feel like it's hasty. So I don't feel ready to make that call yet. I've never really been in the situation before where I thought someone seemed like a really good prospect but the physical attraction was mild. But I read about it on this forum often, and am wondering what people who've been in this situation think about it? 1
Author Ruby Slippers Posted January 24, 2015 Author Posted January 24, 2015 Blah! I just typed up this detailed response, and the browser spontaneously combusted But that feels like a message from above saying "stop thinking so much!" We had a fun night. My attraction to him increased a notch. He's a kind of quiet introvert, with big brown eyes and a sweet, sincere smile. But I can't tell if his interest is friendly or romantic! The only beyond-friendly thing he did was treat me to a drink. He also complimented my top, but friends do that. Friends also sometimes buy each other drinks. He's an engineer, and he seems to fit the profile. If he is interested, I feel like he has zero "game" Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Anyway, we came up with quite a few ideas for more fun things we want to do together. I think it's totally cool if we're just friends or something more, and I feel like he feels the same way. Which is great! No pressure, just doing things we enjoy. 4
thecrucible Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 Anyway, we came up with quite a few ideas for more fun things we want to do together. I think it's totally cool if we're just friends or something more, and I feel like he feels the same way. Which is great! No pressure, just doing things we enjoy. That's totally the best way! Eases the pressure and timescale I'm glad the date went well. Since you feel mild attraction, it's not as if it's 'no attraction'. Definitely worth a go but it's also great that he doesn't seem pushy and you can take your time getting to know each other whatever happens. 2
Quest Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 Blah! I just typed up this detailed response, and the browser spontaneously combusted But that feels like a message from above saying "stop thinking so much!" We had a fun night. My attraction to him increased a notch. He's a kind of quiet introvert, with big brown eyes and a sweet, sincere smile. But I can't tell if his interest is friendly or romantic! The only beyond-friendly thing he did was treat me to a drink. He also complimented my top, but friends do that. Friends also sometimes buy each other drinks. He's an engineer, and he seems to fit the profile. If he is interested, I feel like he has zero "game" Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Anyway, we came up with quite a few ideas for more fun things we want to do together. I think it's totally cool if we're just friends or something more, and I feel like he feels the same way. Which is great! No pressure, just doing things we enjoy. Maybe you're both feeling the same way - curious and just happy to see how it goes. If it develops into something more then that's great, if not, no problem. But he might be giving you your space, realizing you're (or at least, were) a little hesitant. And that's good too - he's respectful. Keep us posted! 2
candie13 Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 What I really liked about my current date was the fact that I felt that he had a strong interest in me. Solid. I found that scary and reassuring, at the same time. He is also "no games" sort of person, which made it even more difficult for me to figure him out. But his strongest asset is the fact that he communicates a lot. I like that. It is his best feature and it made me feel very much at ease. I think feeling at ease, no pressure is key in building an interaction. If he gives you a good vibe, you should continue to see him. however, if he's just a nice guy... well.. there are plenty of nice guys out there. You owe it to yourself to find the one for you
Leigh 87 Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 I'm in your same boat Ruby Slippers. . I only feel mild attraction to the two men who are really to me at the moment they are crazy about me and feel infatuated. I, on the other hand, can see myself growing chemistry and sparks. I can see myself certainly feeling " loved up" and growing to love them...... I know that I could find a happy, healthy and loving relationship tomorrow if I accepted that the men who are crazy about me just don't happen the be the guys I feel sparks and fireworks with. I have decided to let the current guy down because I'm 28 and feel that there is still a chance for me to find a guy I am highly attracted to, who also feels the same way about me. Ruby Slippers- my therapist said that, based on research, she estimates that on average, 1 out of every 50 guys you feel very attracted to will a) feel the same way about you and b) be available, single and a good match! I am willing to go through 50 guys I order for me to feel MUTUAL high attraction, with a guy who adores me, and me him. How long are you willing to wait for a life partner ? I am 28 and doing a college degree so I am happy to wait about 4 years before getting into a serious relationship again. You may just have to choose to let yourself fall for a mild attraction guy and accept that you will never be that giddy or infatuated with him ( but he'll be crazy about you and treat you like a queen and the sex with mild attraction guys can be great ). Or you can wait a few years like I know I'll have to, in order to find that mutual spark and high level of attraction that doesn't need time to develop....
thecrucible Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 You may just have to choose to let yourself fall for a mild attraction guy and accept that you will never be that giddy or infatuated with him ( but he'll be crazy about you and treat you like a queen and the sex with mild attraction guys can be great ). Or you can wait a few years like I know I'll have to, in order to find that mutual spark and high level of attraction that doesn't need time to develop.... Do you not think there might be a grey area in between what you are saying? My dating life is either: 1.I've had guys I've felt massive sparks for and by the time we have broken up, the sparks have totally gone because of the lack of emotional attraction between us; and the fact we discover that we did not have the right values/interests in common once the deed has been done. 2.Then I've met guys I've felt a mild spark for then discovered emotional attraction and the sparks got stronger with time. And it's developed into something nice that I was happy with and didn't question that felt like love; even though I did not want to rip their clothes off when I met them and I found them attractive enough. What I mean is that sometimes sparks fizzle but they are like flash in a pan moments where spark quickly dies. Then other times there's a spark that's less intense than a flash in the pan thing but the spark is still there. That can grow a bit more but not in a way that feels unnatural or that you are forcing yourself. Dating is hard 'cause you have to know yourself so well and roll with the punches, try to make the right decisions and not second guess them. I'm in your shoes right now. There are guys who like me to varying degrees at the moment. Funnily enough, I like the one I have less in common with personality wise more than the one I have more in common with personality wise but don't feel an attraction to. I pray that there's an in-between - and I'm happy to sacrifice a certain amount of explosiveness for that to happen. I want a guy who shares values with me, we have an intellectual and emotional connection; who maybe is not an absolute Adonis but I feel a sexual spark with. That's all I ask but it's hard to find (When I think attraction, I don't think 'looks' either). I still think Ruby is going about it the right way. She acknowledges her lesser attraction to the guy up front - that's maturity because she's not trying to force herself to feel anything. And they both seem to feel on the same page for the time being about giving it a go and seeing what happens. I would say though that if the scales start to shift, she should have a think about making a decision about where she sees their courtship going.
Leigh 87 Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 I think I have what it takes in order for me to get that explosive chemistry with a suitable guy who is just as into me as I am into him. I'm at a life stage where I also need a few years to myself. I have not been properly single for years. Time off from relationships suits me. I have a difficult college degree and part time work as well as socializing to balance. I think it's reasonable for some people to hold out for more explosive attraction. Other people are more inclined to want to seek out a life partner. They don't want to to wait a few years. What ever works for you aand Ruby Slippers Best of luck to you both.
thecrucible Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 I think I have what it takes in order for me to get that explosive chemistry with a suitable guy who is just as into me as I am into him. I'm at a life stage where I also need a few years to myself. I have not been properly single for years. Time off from relationships suits me. I have a difficult college degree and part time work as well as socializing to balance. I think it's reasonable for some people to hold out for more explosive attraction. Other people are more inclined to want to seek out a life partner. They don't want to to wait a few years. What ever works for you aand Ruby Slippers Best of luck to you both. I totally respect your point of view . But it's not that black and white for me. I'm not particularly fussed about whether I'm in a relationship or not (haven't been in anything long term for almost 4 years now). But I just want to give certain situations a try when first impression leaves me undecided (which doesn't mean no sparks at all). I don't think one date is enough to determine anything - maybe up to 3 or 4 is. I'm just testing the limits of what I find attractive to include wider criteria so I can find something on balance which suits me. It doesn't mean I'll date someone I find unattractive in order to not be lonely. I want to date someone I'm attracted to, both emotionally and physically. Sometimes maybe you have to explore a bit and test out different people and situations to get to know yourself better to see what really attracts you. Sometimes first impressions fool you into thinking there's more sparks there but those disappear when it gets to the nitty gritty. I'm sure you agree that you only pick people you feel a spark with but it's a continuous learning process after that? I think people know when they don't feel a spark, they know when they're truly unsure. Sometimes they overthink it when the truth of the matter is staring them right in the face. I have a friend who's in his sixties and I was telling him about this guy I'd been seeing. I said I liked him but wasn't sure whether or not I'd be seeing him again and he said "well surely you know when you want to see someone again?". I think he gets it. 1
Leigh 87 Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 I totally respect your point of view . But it's not that black and white for me. I'm not particularly fussed about whether I'm in a relationship or not (haven't been in anything long term for almost 4 years now). But I just want to give certain situations a try when first impression leaves me undecided (which doesn't mean no sparks at all). I don't think one date is enough to determine anything - maybe up to 3 or 4 is. I'm just testing the limits of what I find attractive to include wider criteria so I can find something on balance which suits me. It doesn't mean I'll date someone I find unattractive in order to not be lonely. I want to date someone I'm attracted to, both emotionally and physically. Sometimes maybe you have to explore a bit and test out different people and situations to get to know yourself better to see what really attracts you. Sometimes first impressions fool you into thinking there's more sparks there but those disappear when it gets to the nitty gritty. I'm sure you agree that you only pick people you feel a spark with but it's a continuous learning process after that? I think people know when they don't feel a spark, they know when they're truly unsure. Sometimes they overthink it when the truth of the matter is staring them right in the face. I have a friend who's in his sixties and I was telling him about this guy I'd been seeing. I said I liked him but wasn't sure whether or not I'd be seeing him again and he said "well surely you know when you want to see someone again?". I think he gets it. Oh. I'm attracted to the guy I have gone on two dates with. I like making out with him and I was attracted enough to kiss him on the first date. Furthermore, I love his personality and that is making me fall for him. I'm 28 and indifferent about kids so I feel I want to explore life single and I know myself well enough to know what I want. Ideally I'd prefer fireworks and intense attraction from the get go. This guy feels that for me and I don't want to to hurt him since he's really into me. I have strong attraction to his personality; mediocre attraction to him physically even though I find him cute. Again, I feel it's realistic for me to hold out for the fireworks where my heart races when they text.
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