gs121 Posted March 30, 2005 Posted March 30, 2005 Hi all, wanted some really needed opinions... =( I have been dating this girl for about 5 years.... she was the one who initiated our relationship and we have so many fond memories together all through this time... additionally, we have already exchanged promise rings as commitment for future... until the end of last year, when it started getting harder to see each other, because I had school and she had work.. we did see each other at least once or twice a week.. but this year, i hardly saw her at all, I ended up seeing her only a few days in three months time,it was mostly online...we had acknowledged that we would work harder to see each other, make time, etc.. which on my part I would purposely make time for her, as I had so much love for her... and also I have to say that I never treated her bad, never cheated on her, and I'm not a jealous person.. recently, we were talking, and she told me she wanted to talk about us. I agreed and then I find out that she wanted to break up with me. and had thought about this for a while, for the past few months.. she told me that she was confused with her emotions, pushed me away by not wanting to spend time and was cold to me, wasn't "inlove" with me anymore, but was only loving me as a person and friend.... I had asked her if there was someone else.. she said there wasn't, if she didn't have time for me, she wouldn't have time for another person..(open in the air, since I don't know) she said that she had many oppurtunities to see me, but she rather go to work or not see me at all.. she didn't like going online to see me, which was the only way we had.. she had told me that she felt she was wasting my time and couldn't commit to feelings as a gf.. she told me that all these things I just mentioned, she didn't know why she would feel this way and to do these things. she told me before that she wanted time alone and think, but with our current schedule, she had all the time she wanted to be alone.. since I wasn't seeing her anyway... I had told her about my feelings for her, my commitment, and my wanting to be with her... i had also acknowledged that it would be hard but as a couple, we would be able to work it out.. I had asked her why she never said anything earlier so we could have at least worked it out.. I will say that I was sometimes cold when I talked to her, because it was a result of my frustration of not seeing her, and she knew.. I had also told her that she committed to work too much.. but I never once had thought of breaking up with her.. she gave me something to think about going to school. I gave her back her ring and I have started the NC thing.. esp since I was the one being dumped.. How can someone lose interest of 5+ years in short period of time? we been through so many good times and bad... we basically were so intertwined with each other, and so part of each others families... and she doesn't feel anything or have any interest in me... she said that she still "loves me" but not in love with me..just to be friends... could it be that there is more to that, that she doesn't want to tell me? this past year was for us to better ourselves in terms of school and experience, but never would of thought that she would think about breaking up. I am just so depressed right now, I can't go about any minute not thinking about her.. I have been passing these days with a heavy sinking feeling in my heart.. I know I didn't do anything wrong, that is what hurts more... alot of guys cheat on their gfs or treat them badly, but I didn't and don't do those things.. I still have feelings for her and love her very much.. I doubt she has any feelings about the breakup, esp since she had thought about it for several months, so I don't think it affects her at all than me.. she had asked me hypothetical questions during the breakup such as regrets, being friends, etc.. which I don't agree b/c once you break that first time, its not the same anymore... I really don't know about that stance anymore.. I"m so used to her being a part of my life and she was the reason why I was so much determined in school and in general, for us... right now, I feel so withdrawn from everything and everyone.. My heart was broken really badly and I feel so betrayed... But I still have feelings for her... I just don't know what to think and do.. ..These five years meant alot to me, making it hard to give it up.. Im on NC for almost a week.. what should I do?
simon_uk Posted March 30, 2005 Posted March 30, 2005 Originally posted by gs121 Im on NC for almost a week.. what should I do? Kepp up the No Contact! I feel for you man I really do, it sucks and it is so hard not to just have the person you love right there where you want them. But if you chase her and keep trying, she will go for good. Believe me, i have been there! How old are you two anyways, you never said in your post. Simon
redshoes Posted March 31, 2005 Posted March 31, 2005 that's right. don't call. If you do you will only push her away. When I broke up with my first real relationship (8 years) he would call all the time. I felt so bad for him that I would try to console him myself. But he was so needy that I had to cut all contact with him. It never stopped him from trying to reach me, but the more he did, the more I felt obliged to stay away. I'm sorry for your pain. I'm in a situation where the roles are reversed now. My boyfriend wants a break and I want him back so badly. It's been 4 days now and I cry everyday. But I'm not calling because I know what that does. What can you do? Right her a letter, telling her that if she ever needs to talk about anything, you are there for her as a friend. That's it. But if you already told her that, and she already knows, FORGET about the letter. Hang in there, you're not alone. Stay focused and keep busy.
Author gs121 Posted April 16, 2005 Author Posted April 16, 2005 Hey all, about three plus weeks have passed, and no contact from her.. I guess she didn't care or her feelings for me are truly dead... =( I have been really strict with NC... but miserable...recently, I have hit a bad low, where I really want to call her and tell her that I miss her and been thinking about her... but would that set me back, since she kicked me to the curb? She would have to contact me first? I think she may want to contact me, but afraid to... that's why the NC is working I think...how do you refrain yourself from contacting someone when you miss them so much?
pippen_2k Posted April 16, 2005 Posted April 16, 2005 Man I wish I had answers for ya, but its very very difficult to restrain urself from contacting her. I suppose it just comes down to ur inner strength and how much dignity u have for urself. I find myself falling into the trap all the time of initiating contact with my ex, and it only brings me pain.. so do urself a favour and dont do it.. easier said than done tho! I wish spilling our hearts to the ones we love would bring them back, but it only seems to drive them futher away as it puts alot of pressure on them. They dont want the feeling of knowing we cant go on without them.. its too needy. So I guess you just have to keep busy and avoid the times where u find urself sitting around doing nothing and thinking about her.
kenny rogers Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 I know wat gs121 is feeling right now, i'm in the same boat as him. Sooo Sad n Been Crying alot (i'm a guy) Sucks to feel lonely
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