Does a man sound desperate if he's single and looking to get married this year?

January 22, 2015

I met this guy and we are interesting in each other. We the same age. I'm 26 and he's 27. We are both single. He is looking to get married this year but I don't see myself getting married that soon. I think that's way too fast and that you shouldn't rush into marriage like that. I want to get married too but I hope in a few years. I have a feeling this guy is desperate.

January 22, 2015

Dude doesn't know what he's getting into and needs to slow down

January 22, 2015

You barely know whether you're compatible with someone in a year.

He's rushing it. The question you need the answer to is, "Why in such a rush to get married?"

Looks like you and your man are not on the same page on this issue.

January 22, 2015

I would question WHY he wants to get married so quickly? Is it family related? His personal preference? Religious belief? Either case asking the right questions would help better understand his situation.

I've heard of marriages happening within months of meeting their partners and they are still happily married years later. So there's not certainty that he's "desperate", but I encourage you to ask the direct questions, respect his wishes, but make the decision that's right for you.

Good luck!

January 22, 2015

I met this guy and we are interesting in each other. We the same age. I'm 26 and he's 27. We are both single. He is looking to get married this year but I don't see myself getting married that soon. I think that's way too fast and that you shouldn't rush into marriage like that. I want to get married too but I hope in a few years. I have a feeling this guy is desperate.

Getting married is not set on a time table but on a person. Run.

January 22, 2015

My mate proposed to his girlfriend two weeks after meeting her! They were married six months later, and they're still together now 7 years on.

But yes it seems a bit odd, I mean, why say you to yourself you want to get married in a given timeframe, why not when you meet the right one. Strange.

January 22, 2015

If that's his life plan, for religious, cultural or whatever reason, then you can only respect it. He is not directing a marriage proposal at you after all, it's just what he wants. I personally am at a stage in my life that I would want some form of solid commitment after one year, I.e engagement etc. I want to build a home and family and am not desperate for any particular girl, it's just my preference. Maybe you two are not on the same page. Talk to him, tell him what you are looking for. Honesty is the best policy in the long run.

January 22, 2015

Then I'd say you two aren't compatible. I don't think he's being desperate to want to get married—that's quite a fine and good goal. Maybe he's always envisioned himself as getting married by a certain age; maybe he feels like he's at a point in his life to settle down and start a family. My boyfriend of four months spoke of wanting kids on date two—people want what they want and it's fine to express those things to potential partners so that partner can say, "no thank you," if they don't feel the same way.

Have you expressed your lack of desire to get married so soon to him?

January 22, 2015

Why so fast? Does he need a green card, perhaps?

IMO, engagement should never occur before dating at least a year, preferably two (one of which - IMO again - should be living together). Then marriage around the three year mark if nothing has happened that makes it clear you're not compatible in some important way.

January 22, 2015

I'd always wonder if he liked me or if he just had a role to fill and I was there at the right time.

Marriage is tough, and you need someone who likes YOU enough to want to marry you and take vows that they're in it even through the tough times. I'd be worried this wouldn't apply to him.

Now if he tempered the "I'd like to get married this year" with a qualifying "if I meet the right person. I don't just want to marry to be married." then I'd be much less concerned.

January 22, 2015

Could he be here illegally and just looking for someone to marry to he can be a citizen?

January 22, 2015

I met this guy and we are interesting in each other. We the same age. I'm 26 and he's 27. We are both single. He is looking to get married this year but I don't see myself getting married that soon. I think that's way too fast and that you shouldn't rush into marriage like that. I want to get married too but I hope in a few years. I have a feeling this guy is desperate.

Did he say he wanted to marry you in a year's time? Or just be married, in general, in a year's time?

since you're both on different schedules, might be a good idea to not get too heavily involved with him, knowing his agenda.

January 22, 2015

If that's his life plan, for religious, cultural or whatever reason, then you can only respect it. He is not directing a marriage proposal at you after all, it's just what he wants. I personally am at a stage in my life that I would want some form of solid commitment after one year, I.e engagement etc. I want to build a home and family and am not desperate for any particular girl, it's just my preference. Maybe you two are not on the same page. Talk to him, tell him what you are looking for. Honesty is the best policy in the long run.

I did tell him that I don't see myself getting married this year hopefully at least in 2 years.

January 22, 2015

I don't know if desperate is the right word. I remember when I was getting into my upper 20's I started feeling like I was never going to meet the right girl and I really wanted to get married and have children. The most important thing is to take your time and get to know each other socially and emotionally to see if there is a foundation for love. It is equally important to not get involved sexually because that only causes more problems as you try to determine what this relationship is. I wouldn't worry about labeling him as desperate but I would take my time and let things unfold. It won't take too long to determine if this is a relationship that has the possibility of developing into something long-term.

January 22, 2015

I met this guy and we are interesting in each other. We the same age. I'm 26 and he's 27. We are both single. He is looking to get married this year but I don't see myself getting married that soon. I think that's way too fast and that you shouldn't rush into marriage like that. I want to get married too but I hope in a few years. I have a feeling this guy is desperate.

Did he say why specifically this year?

I'd find it strange and would feel very pressured personally. It does seem a bit hasty at best, desperate at worst, esp since he's still very young. I could perhaps understand if he were older or a woman who was older who wanted kids but wanted to be married so was trying to speed things along, but at his age, I don't see the rush.

When I date I look for people who could potentially be my husband but I don't set a time frame where I expect to be married in the year. That would be so much pressure and in order to make the deadline I might rush things or ignore red flags. Marriage is a big decision and for me one I can hopefully do only once so it's something I'll give myself a lot of time to think about and experience the person and see how it goes before saying I do. I think wanting to be married within the year might cloud your judgment.

Edited January 22, 2015 by MissBee

January 22, 2015

My best friend met a guy who told her upfront that he wanted a wife within a year and that he wanted kids. He was christian, she was young, and they got married.

She spent 10 years in hell because she married too fast. Now she's divorced him. They had three kids together.

My point? A guy with expectations has something other than letting things naturally run their course on his mind - maybe religion, parental, or other expectations. That doesn't equal a good relationship!

January 22, 2015

If a woman told me that she was hoping to get married within the year or that after a year with someone that she would expect an engagement, I would not date her. I know people can be happily married after shorter times, but that wouldn't be for me. I don't think I could marry someone without at least two or three years minimum dating and living together.

January 23, 2015

Then I'd say you two aren't compatible. I don't think he's being desperate to want to get married—that's quite a fine and good goal. Maybe he's always envisioned himself as getting married by a certain age; maybe he feels like he's at a point in his life to settle down and start a family. My boyfriend of four months spoke of wanting kids on date two—people want what they want and it's fine to express those things to potential partners so that partner can say, "no thank you," if they don't feel the same way.

Have you expressed your lack of desire to get married so soon to him?

I did tell him that I'm not looking to get married this year. I hope within a few years because I need to know a person a long time before getting married to them. All the said was "Oh". I don't want to cross him out as a potential mate but I worry is if I decided to date this guy that I'll probably feel pressured to get married when I'm not ready yet.

January 23, 2015

Why so fast? Does he need a green card, perhaps?

IMO, engagement should never occur before dating at least a year, preferably two (one of which - IMO again - should be living together). Then marriage around the three year mark if nothing has happened that makes it clear you're not compatible in some important way.

I agree. I believe he is here in the US legally.

January 23, 2015

Could he be here illegally and just looking for someone to marry to he can be a citizen?

I believe he is here in the US legally

January 23, 2015

I'd always wonder if he liked me or if he just had a role to fill and I was there at the right time.

Marriage is tough, and you need someone who likes YOU enough to want to marry you and take vows that they're in it even through the tough times. I'd be worried this wouldn't apply to him.

Now if he tempered the "I'd like to get married this year" with a qualifying "if I meet the right person. I don't just want to marry to be married." then I'd be much less concerned.

That's true. I just worry though if I do decide to date this guy that he'll pressure me to marry when I'm not ready.

January 23, 2015

Did he say he wanted to marry you in a year's time? Or just be married, in general, in a year's time?

since you're both on different schedules, might be a good idea to not get too heavily involved with him, knowing his agenda.

He says he wants to be married this year. I told him that I want to get married and have kids in the future too but I don't see that happening this year.

January 23, 2015

I don't know if desperate is the right word. I remember when I was getting into my upper 20's I started feeling like I was never going to meet the right girl and I really wanted to get married and have children. The most important thing is to take your time and get to know each other socially and emotionally to see if there is a foundation for love. It is equally important to not get involved sexually because that only causes more problems as you try to determine what this relationship is. I wouldn't worry about labeling him as desperate but I would take my time and let things unfold. It won't take too long to determine if this is a relationship that has the possibility of developing into something long-term.

True I agree. It seems like he wants to rush into marriage and I want to be careful what I'm getting myself into.

January 23, 2015

Did he say why specifically this year?

I'd find it strange and would feel very pressured personally. It does seem a bit hasty at best, desperate at worst, esp since he's still very young. I could perhaps understand if he were older or a woman who was older who wanted kids but wanted to be married so was trying to speed things along, but at his age, I don't see the rush.

When I date I look for people who could potentially be my husband but I don't set a time frame where I expect to be married in the year. That would be so much pressure and in order to make the deadline I might rush things or ignore red flags. Marriage is a big decision and for me one I can hopefully do only once so it's something I'll give myself a lot of time to think about and experience the person and see how it goes before saying I do. I think wanting to be married within the year might cloud your judgment.

I agree. I worry that if I decide to date him that he'll pressure me to marry asap knowing we are not looking for the same thing. I do want to get married and have children but no way I want that to happen this year lol. I don't know if I should run or just how things go from here.

January 23, 2015

My best friend met a guy who told her upfront that he wanted a wife within a year and that he wanted kids. He was christian, she was young, and they got married.

She spent 10 years in hell because she married too fast. Now she's divorced him. They had three kids together.

My point? A guy with expectations has something other than letting things naturally run their course on his mind - maybe religion, parental, or other expectations. That doesn't equal a good relationship!

Sorry to hear about that. I hope that I don't go through all that

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Does a man sound desperate if he's single and looking to get married this year?

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