MidnightinMadrid Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 (edited) He said he wanted space,we moved into this town which is a bit depressing I admit,that was for his job hates his job( well paying,nice boss from what he tells me)we've been having issues a while ago,we were always together but meanwhile he seems to be addicted to his ipad & Tablet acting if he's chatting with someone,he's done that for years,we'd come home straight to his tablet he goes,I'm used to it but lately it looks suspicious bc once I came home,he seemed to be Face chatting someone. He always was online for years thats our nights home. He usually tells me he's looking for work but I don't think he's doing that ALL the time. The holidays came and went me wished me Happy Holidays and I heard nothing since then. We have a couple of expenses we share,even though i'm Also the place we were staying at out lease ended so he didn't want to renew the lease. So basically he's living somewhere I don't know with my 12 year old shorthaired tabby. Stll I don't hear from him,no Happy New Year nothing so I left him alone-although I needed to know about our shared expenses. He never told me he would cut contact which is so UNLIKE him. I contacted him twice concerning our expenses,he emailed me once,I waited a day and emailed him again, now nothing. I am staying temporary in another state with relatives who i pay for lodging,I have a nagging feeling to go back to the state he's in. At least to get my cable box I need to return in Uhaul storage. Please LS, should I call him at work and let him know I don't appreciate being ignored? I believe he has a new phone-a mutual friend told me,of course I don't know that. Still want to make plans to retrieve my cat but he's just ignoring me. I feel lost and depressed why he just cut me off,we parted during the holidays in nice term,Is this Space? Or is it really someone else in the picture. Please help and elaborate your advice, E,It really means alot I feel so lost and heartbroken Edited January 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
evanescentworld Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 He is absolutely right to be ignoring you, with regard to anything to do with your relationship. In other, more practical matters, get a mutual friend, or at least a friend of yours to act as go-between. When people split up, No Contact is the most advisable and wisest thing to do.
Light Breeze Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 People who truly care about each other work on their problems instead of asking for "space". It's over, and he probably found someone else. Go NC on him and treat this relationship as dead so that you can move on to better things. Please just ask your mutual friend to get your tabby. If he was cheating on you, then you're better off with your cat than with him. 1
Author MidnightinMadrid Posted January 21, 2015 Author Posted January 21, 2015 (edited) @Evanescance whatever your name is,NO he is absolutely NOT Right in just Ignoring me like that,I truly don't deserve it. If that is the way you would like to be treated by someone you cared about and invested Years of your life with then more power to you. To me that is pure cowardice and not How you treat someone. You don't just Cut someone off ,especially if the person is trying to reach you concerning NON relationship matters and loose ends. Plus him saying he wanted "space' could be him just using that to meet the person he probably met online. Grow a heart will you Edited January 21, 2015 by MidnightinMadrid
Zahara Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 @Evanescance whatever your name is,NO he is NOT Right in just Ignoring ,me like that,that is pure cowardice and not How you treat someone,.If that is the way you would like to be treated yourself than more power to you. You don't just Cut someone off you have been with for years,especially if the person is trying to reach you concerning NON relationship matters and loose ends. Plus him saying he wanted "space' could be him just using that to meet the person he probably met online Stop projecting what you feel is right. You can't force someone to behave the way you want them to just because it's the right thing to do in your eyes. If this was your cat, why did he move out with your cat? As for the cable box, if you can't get it back, then you may just have to eat the cost. He's ignoring you for a reason. See if you can have someone contact him and work out retrieving it.
Light Breeze Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 @Evanescance whatever your name is,NO he is absolutely NOT Right in just Ignoring me like that,I truly don't deserve it. If that is the way you would like to be treated by someone you cared about and invested Years of your life with then more power to you. To me that is pure cowardice and not How you treat someone. You don't just Cut someone off ,especially if the person is trying to reach you concerning NON relationship matters and loose ends. Plus him saying he wanted "space' could be him just using that to meet the person he probably met online. Grow a heart will you What I think evanescentworld is trying to say is that your ex going NC on you is the right thing for BOTH of you and you should do the same. NC is done so parties to split up can heal and move on. Just use your mutual friend to connect with your ex on non relationship matters. We can't expect other people to conform to our personal standards of what is right and wrong. What we can control however is only what we do. Let this go.
KBarletta Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 Can you e-mail him and simply ask him to send you the cable box or send it to wherever it belongs? (As for the cat - if the animal was yours why did he take it? For spite? Or was it a cat that belonged to both of you?) At this point, he obviously doesn't want to communicate with you. I think that's clear. And you can't force him to. You can either establish whatever communication you need to to get your stuff back, or chalk it up as gone and move on. But I wouldn't call him at work (I think that's overstepping a line) and I wouldn't continue to reach out when he's made it clear he isn't interested in communicating at this point. Your best move is to move on, let him go and concentrate on yourself right now. 1
hoping2heal Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 Work is work, it should not be a ground for which to playout personal matters. You can't force him to talk to you or be in contact with you and trying to reach out to him at his place of business is disrespectful and makes you look needy and without class. I know you're heartbroken and hurting and it's probably causing some feelings of desperation to arise but don't do something regrettable and in poor taste. You are going to have to accept the boundary in place.
evanescentworld Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 @Evanescance whatever your name is,NO he is absolutely NOT Right in just Ignoring me like that,I truly don't deserve it. If that is the way you would like to be treated by someone you cared about and invested Years of your life with then more power to you. To me that is pure cowardice and not How you treat someone. You don't just Cut someone off ,especially if the person is trying to reach you concerning NON relationship matters and loose ends. Plus him saying he wanted "space' could be him just using that to meet the person he probably met online. Grow a heart will you Hopefully, with input from others, you will understand why I wrote what I wrote. And I reiterate what I said in my post: On an emotional, relationship level, No Contact is determined in order to help people let go, move on and begin a new life-phase. With regard to practical matters, such as your cat, again, engage the assistance of a mutual friend to act as go-between. The less connection you have with him, the better it will actually be for you. And as others have pointed out, sadly, what you consider his behaviour should be, is not within your control. He has decided to cut off all contact. You can't make him change that. I'm sorry it hurts. But believe me - believe us - continued contact will just rip you to shreds even more.
gnick Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 @Evanescance whatever your name is,NO he is absolutely NOT Right in just Ignoring me like that,I truly don't deserve it. If that is the way you would like to be treated by someone you cared about and invested Years of your life with then more power to you. To me that is pure cowardice and not How you treat someone. You don't just Cut someone off ,especially if the person is trying to reach you concerning NON relationship matters and loose ends. Plus him saying he wanted "space' could be him just using that to meet the person he probably met online. Grow a heart will you I agree 100 percent with you. My ex cut me off just like that . In my opinion the dumper atleast owes you an explanation. In other words they should give you a heads up that they won't be talking to you any more. Especially if you haven't done anything wrong. 1
flitzanu Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 I agree 100 percent with you. My ex cut me off just like that . In my opinion the dumper atleast owes you an explanation. In other words they should give you a heads up that they won't be talking to you any more. Especially if you haven't done anything wrong. if we lived in Perfectland yes. this Utopia where everyone behaves the way we want them to behave does not exist. this is why everyone tells you (after having gone through these experiences) why it's best to just drop the issue and let them be childish and selfish and ignore you. it's wasted effort to try to force them to talk to you. 1
Author MidnightinMadrid Posted January 22, 2015 Author Posted January 22, 2015 "Stop projecting what you feel is right. You can't force someone to behave the way you want them to just because it's the right thing to do in your eyes. If this was your cat, why did he move out with your cat? As for the cable box, if you can't get it back, then you may just have to eat the cost. He's ignoring you for a reason. See if you can have someone contact him and work out retrieving it." Its not being right in my eyes its called basic human decency and consideration,especially for a person you spent countless of years with. I am sure he wouldnt like it if i or someone else did this to him. So you think its right for someone to say,I need space temporarily-which obviously I see the word "space' is another word for break up then ignore contact when it has to do with important matters? I feel as if folks here are just cheering him on a bit. Even a past ex of mine, who although could be a bit of a Jrk, never did that to me-he even said that my recent ex should have been upfront with me and told me he prefer to cut contact after the Holidays. Then I would respect that and took care of matters of the cat and expenses beforehand. Not just cut me out of the blue. Give me a heads up,if it wasnt for me contacting him of important stuff,lets just say his car which he stored in a place would have been towed,guess I should have let it.
Author MidnightinMadrid Posted January 22, 2015 Author Posted January 22, 2015 (edited) whatever "Hoping to heal" its seems like my ex has a lot of fans here and support thanks guys for some of your advice Edited January 22, 2015 by MidnightinMadrid
Author MidnightinMadrid Posted January 22, 2015 Author Posted January 22, 2015 (edited) whatever "Hoping to heal" its seems like my ex has a lot of fans here and support he should be proud-I think its in poor taste ignoring me like that,obviously some folks think its okay-I wasnt going to call him and yell at him-he has a private office,I was going to leave a msg,but thats fine No Contact is No Contact. I hope I get y cat back,we reallty have mutual friends in that state unless I should invite his co worker who we hung out with after work, Edited January 22, 2015 by MidnightinMadrid
Zahara Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 (edited) Its not being right in my eyes its called basic human decency and consideration,especially for a person you spent countless of years with. I am sure he wouldnt like it if i or someone else did this to him. Again, you are projecting. It doesn't matter what's right or wrong in your eyes or my eyes, if that's the way he chooses to behave, you have no control over it. Gripe about it for as long as you want - it makes no difference and it changes nothing. Of course it's rude but that's about as far as you can go. So you think its right for someone to say,I need space temporarily-which obviously I see the word "space' is another word for break up then ignore contact when it has to do with important matters? You signed up for a half baked deal. And with that half baked deal comes the potential of people treating you poorly and on their terms. Again projecting -- important matters to you are not important matters to him. If he is detached and dating other women or whatever he's doing, your contact is unimportant to him. If this was your cat, a pet you treasured and was important to you, why did you give it to him knowing that this was a volatile situation? If it was my cat and my ex was moving out asking for space, the last thing I would do is give him my pet. I feel as if folks here are just cheering him on a bit. No one is cheering him on. No one deserves to be ignored, especially when you are reaching out to get matters taken care of. But understand and accept that sometimes people won't behave the way you want them to. Even a past ex of mine, who although could be a bit of a Jrk, never did that to me-he even said that my recent ex should have been upfront with me and told me he prefer to cut contact after the Holidays. Then I would respect that and took care of matters of the cat and expenses beforehand. Not just cut me out of the blue. Give me a heads up,if it wasnt for me contacting him of important stuff,lets just say his car which he stored in a place would have been towed,guess I should have let it. Again, don't compare this ex to that ex. They're not the same people. Edited January 22, 2015 by Zahara
Author MidnightinMadrid Posted January 22, 2015 Author Posted January 22, 2015 I didn't "give" him the cat,when we were going our separate ways for the Holidays,he drove to his parents who lives in the same state and I was taking the train since I live 4 states away,and the rail doesn't allow pets. Plus I thought this was temporary and I will see him and my cat after the Holidays,I didn't know he was going to disappear and just cut contact with me like that. This is so not him to ignore me when I just want my cat or tie up loose ends
Zahara Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Ask the mutual friend to contact him and make arrangements for you to go and pick up your cat and cable box. Or tell your friend to let him know he can leave the cat at his parents and you will pick tabby there. You may just have to forget your cable box and bills. I'm not sure if he'll come through.
idoltree Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 As a backup plan, did you hold onto vet records for the cat? Pets are treated as property, and if you can prove that you originally paid for the cat, or if the vet/vaccination records are in your name, that is enough to prove ownership. If it comes down to it, and you know where he lives, you could request a non-emergency police escort to go retrieve your cat. This should be a last resort, though. If you go this route, I would not warn him in advance, because he may be immature enough to move the cat to another location, or if you don't have records, to destroy them so you can't prove ownership. And if getting your cat back is a high priority for you, I would not be yelling and shaming him in your communication. I suspect you are doing that when you contact him, because you're here being stubborn and shaming posters who are trying to help you. You catch more flies with honey, and all. If you are being impolite to him, why would he go out of his way to help you out? You may have to table your moral outrage if settling matters and getting your cat back are important to you. It's not about "right" and "wrong", it's about getting the outcome that you want. Here's what I worry that you've done - you've already vented to him and yelled at him and now he knows he can get to you by withholding what you want (to settle matters and get your cat). If you were polite and cordial, he may be more willing to cooperate. Give it a try and see if it helps get the results you want. If not, then change your strategy.
Jimmyjackson Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 He said he wanted space,we moved into this town which is a bit depressing I admit,that was for his job hates his job( well paying,nice boss from what he tells me)we've been having issues a while ago,we were always together but meanwhile he seems to be addicted to his ipad & Tablet acting if he's chatting with someone,he's done that for years,we'd come home straight to his tablet he goes,I'm used to it but lately it looks suspicious bc once I came home,he seemed to be Face chatting someone. He always was online for years thats our nights home. He usually tells me he's looking for work but I don't think he's doing that ALL the time. The holidays came and went me wished me Happy Holidays and I heard nothing since then. We have a couple of expenses we share,even though i'm Also the place we were staying at out lease ended so he didn't want to renew the lease. So basically he's living somewhere I don't know with my 12 year old shorthaired tabby. Stll I don't hear from him,no Happy New Year nothing so I left him alone-although I needed to know about our shared expenses. He never told me he would cut contact which is so UNLIKE him. I contacted him twice concerning our expenses,he emailed me once,I waited a day and emailed him again, now nothing. I am staying temporary in another state with relatives who i pay for lodging,I have a nagging feeling to go back to the state he's in. At least to get my cable box I need to return in Uhaul storage. Please LS, should I call him at work and let him know I don't appreciate being ignored? I believe he has a new phone-a mutual friend told me,of course I don't know that. Still want to make plans to retrieve my cat but he's just ignoring me. I feel lost and depressed why he just cut me off,we parted during the holidays in nice term,Is this Space? Or is it really someone else in the picture. Please help and elaborate your advice, E,It really means alot I feel so lost and heartbroken By cutting you off your ex is actually doing you a favour, my ex did it and at first I thought how could she be so cold, but it turns out she was doing it for my benefit. Your ex could contact you and keep feeding you breadcrumbs but he isn't, he's helping you move on. There might be someone else in the picture, and if there is then it's non of your concern, you're broken up now. He broke up with you, he has no obligation to contact you and see how you're doing, and neither do you.
Jimmyjackson Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 @Evanescance whatever your name is,NO he is absolutely NOT Right in just Ignoring me like that,I truly don't deserve it. If that is the way you would like to be treated by someone you cared about and invested Years of your life with then more power to you. To me that is pure cowardice and not How you treat someone. You don't just Cut someone off ,especially if the person is trying to reach you concerning NON relationship matters and loose ends. Plus him saying he wanted "space' could be him just using that to meet the person he probably met online. Grow a heart will you You're missing the point, he should be ignoring you. He's doing you a big favour, you don't see it now but you will.
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