quattrob Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 (edited) My gf broke up with me about 2 weeks ago and I was alittle surprised by it. She kissed another guy because she drank alittle too much during her travels. I was disappointed but I forgave her because I know she didn't mean it and she felt bad. She went back to her home city miles away back in Sept '14 from me for a long vacation/visit with her family and is planning to come back in Mid March this year. We were together for about 2 years and I've always treated her well and did my best to make her happy. But if I had to describe her she's a bit immature and may have alittle bit of a commitment issue. What I mean is she throws tantrums sometimes if she doesn't get what she wants. I met her family and her friends and all and her mom is one closed off person... she would rarely ever invite me to do things with her.. She's one of those mom's that wants her daughter to be with her forever (because her mom got dumped by her husband and she refuses to get a divorce because she hopes that one day he will return). My family treated her like their own daughter always inviting her to do everything and gave her so much love. I've heard so many negative things about my ex even before going official with her, like how she creates drama about how her brother's gf is trying to tear her family apart even though she hasn't done anything, or like how she gets jealous about how people don't invite her out to do things but will invite someone else she knows. It's just all really stupid little things. I guess you could say I knew what I was getting myself into but I was naïve and hopeful that if I gave her enough love and showed her that that she can learn to be better and follow by example. But here I am being thrown out because of her own issues and problems. She even broke up with me on the phone and then she wrote me a long letter on fb saying how she wasn't sure if it was the right decision and that she was so afraid to lose me because she didn't know if she'll find someone else like me ever again. And that she cant go back to me now because she needs to ready herself and grow up and that maybe after that she will be the one to chase me back. she says she's a selfish person. This is all so stupid to me, I believe this whole thing trigger because of the short long distance relationship thing that we had going on now. It forced/pushed her to think and feel a certain way. She is extremely emotional and sensitive person so she acts on her "feelings" or emotions and not use her logic/head much. I guess when it all comes down to it isn't ready to be in any kind of serious relationship and doesn't deserve to be in one with anyone. I know that when she comes back to my city she will be mostly all alone and she will eventually look for me for whatever reason. I know she will regret but I think by then it's already too late, I wouldn't care anymore. Im having a tough time moving on but I know I will right now. It's been a week of NC and sometimes my mood just isn't good and hurts alittle. Any word of support or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all Edited January 21, 2015 by quattrob
Marco Valerio Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 I just needed to read this to get the hint: "..She kissed another guy because she drank a little too much during her travels. I was disappointed but I forgave her because I know she didn't mean it and she felt bad." Have you ever kissed another girl meanwhile you were with her? nooo, ask yourself why not? Kissed another boy drunk and didn't mean it??? oooh God!!! She's back in the market, don't believe that bull**** of being drunk to justify her cheating behaviour!!!
Author quattrob Posted January 21, 2015 Author Posted January 21, 2015 Yea, feels bad, she's always been that way flirting and attracted to "muscle" built guys.. especially when she's drunk. Sometimes I just wonder how can someone treat themselves so badly, it's like she knows this but yet still does it and doesn't do anything to change or stop it.
Chi townD Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 Rule to remember. A cheater will only confess to the bare minimum to make it seem not as bad as what truly happened.
Light Breeze Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 Yea, feels bad, she's always been that way flirting and attracted to "muscle" built guys.. especially when she's drunk. Sometimes I just wonder how can someone treat themselves so badly, it's like she knows this but yet still does it and doesn't do anything to change or stop it. We can't force someone to change by showing them love, only she can do it herself. She needs to find it in herself to grow up and it's good that she admits it. I don't know if it was just BS she fed you to justify your breakup but the important thing is you are free from this version of her. She's not your responsibility anymore. In the future, she may change, but don't be around waiting for that to happen, remember she cheated on you. Go total NC, live your life, and move on. You deserve better than her.
Author quattrob Posted January 21, 2015 Author Posted January 21, 2015 Thanks for the response guys, and I know I will move on. I am feeling a lot better as each days go by, but sometimes for whatever reason you just feel disappointed and sad. Like I said I know this girl will come looking for me, she will regret because that's the way she is. By then like I said I wouldn't care anymore and it's too late and I shouldn't take her back regardless. Unless she totally changes and grows up but I know her, she take a long time or something terrible has to happen to her for that to happen. I'm not going to wait for her, like all you said I deserve better, it just sucks that she's 27 (turning 28 in May) and she's still the way she is.. I'm 32 and I just don't want to play these kind of games or waste time anymore.
Marco Valerio Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 Thanks for the response guys, and I know I will move on. I am feeling a lot better as each days go by, but sometimes for whatever reason you just feel disappointed and sad. Like I said I know this girl will come looking for me, she will regret because that's the way she is. By then like I said I wouldn't care anymore and it's too late and I shouldn't take her back regardless. Unless she totally changes and grows up but I know her, she take a long time or something terrible has to happen to her for that to happen. I'm not going to wait for her, like all you said I deserve better, it just sucks that she's 27 (turning 28 in May) and she's still the way she is.. I'm 32 and I just don't want to play these kind of games or waste time anymore. The same happened to me!! The feeling is being disappointed with yourself, because you never had thought you would forgive cheating, but you did it and it wasn't worth it. Also because all the love and effort you've put in the relationship took you to deception. But trust me, you are better without her, you'll see it in the long run.
bigtrouble Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 (edited) Fist sorry for your loss, its difficult to lose someone you love... My gf broke up with me about 2 weeks ago and I was alittle surprised by it. She kissed another guy because she drank alittle too much during her travels. But if I had to describe her she's a bit immature and may have alittle bit of a commitment issue. You are right on this one she, is immature and needs to explore the world more, she's not ready for commitment or any serious relationship. Its like, I'm happy, I'm not happy part. I guess you could say I knew what I was getting myself into but I was naïve and hopeful that if I gave her enough love and showed her that that she can learn to be better and follow by example. This is a good point, you understand the situation, and you know that she needs space, to grow. Loving starts with understanding the person. But sometimes we can do only so much, still they can't learn. Its like a child learning to walk you have to let go of them at one point. They would stumble at first, but they will learn. Same with life, she needs to experience it. She even broke up with me on the phone and then she wrote me a long letter on fb saying how she wasn't sure if it was the right decision and that she was so afraid to lose me because she didn't know if she'll find someone else like me ever again. And that she cant go back to me now because she needs to ready herself and grow up and that maybe after that she will be the one to chase me back. she says she's a selfish person. Its only normal for BU, that she is afraid of being alone, and often have second thoughts of leaving. But it has to be done, she knows it, she is asking for space and freedom. Respect her decision, knowing, she will come out of it a better mature person. This is all so stupid to me, I believe this whole thing trigger because of the short long distance relationship thing that we had going on now. It forced/pushed her to think and feel a certain way. She is extremely emotional and sensitive person so she acts on her "feelings" or emotions and not use her logic/head much. This is so true and happens always with women, plus you are right the long distance is not doing any good. Its better she went out loving you now. As opposed to later falling out of love and leaving you to explore the world. Her youthful spirit will still come out. Better now than later. Women are swayed with emotions and men think too much. I know that when she comes back to my city she will be mostly all alone and she will eventually look for me for whatever reason. I know she will regret but I think by then it's already too late, I wouldn't care anymore. I know you love her and care so much, and you are afraid that you might lose your love for her, when she does and regret it. But She may also do the same, but one thing for sure, you both will not forget what you shared between you two. In time you would bump to each other again, who knows. Im having a tough time moving on but I know I will right now. It's been a week of NC and sometimes my mood just isn't good and hurts alittle. Any word of support or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all Its tough nothing hurts more when you try to forget the one you love not because you have to, but because you need to. Just go NC and keep yourself Busy do the things you need to do... Edited January 21, 2015 by bigtrouble
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