ralfgarnett Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 Its happening again and again and again, I keep getting a wave of sadness and pressure washing over me in which I just want to ring her or email her and tell her in detail just how very much I miss her in everything I do, see, think, talk about just everything, we haven't fallen out we just haven't seen each other in weeks now or even spoken on the phone, I am not totally sure what it would achieve apart from getting it off my chest as I really want her to know that I miss her so much, this coming June would / will be our 18th wedding anniversary so no small fry relationship, girls and guys please be honest what should I honestly do ?, im suffering depression and in counselling as well as being refered in for CBT so obviously not in a good place emotionally and psychologically, but I always loved her and the pain of being separated is crushing me, I think of her all the time and wonder what shes up to, I miss her so much I feel half dead without her please advise me and help me I need your guidance as I feel as though I'm drowning in sadness and pain again and again, I wake up in the night and start thinking of her and our times together, is this all normal or am I over thinking things ?, to be honest the truth is I cant envisage the rest of my ilfe without her it hurts so much please help me.
jbear0111 Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 Ralfgarnett,I dont know if i can offer you any advice or how to deal with what you are going through but what i and others on here can offer is support. I cant begin to understand how it must be for you with so many years behind you with her.my own relationship with my ex was only 2.5 years and now 4 months post bu but she always seems to be in my thoughts. I reached out to her on numerous occasions,the last being 7th Jan but as expected i heard nothing back then or indeed on the previous occasions I had contacted her. I would love to know what she's thinking of me,of us,of our 2.5 years together but she cut me off back in September and have heard nothing since.we used to work together and unfortunately her name crops up in chats to mutual friends/work colleagues and i understand she has a new man.It hurts but there is nothing i can do. What i can do is work on myself and learn how to deal with similar things you are going through and am also in counselling.One mantra i firmly believe in is "this too shall pass". I understand you are an older gent,as am i being 47,which at times makes me feel,will i ever find anyone again.I try and be positive and as i said try and make me a better person so that someone out there will be attracted to me warts and all. I'm unsure if this has helped but like i said,my advice may be off the mark but my support isnt. Focus on you Ralf
Author ralfgarnett Posted January 21, 2015 Author Posted January 21, 2015 Thank you I was 50 last month, but to be honest I haven't even thought about other women just not interested in any feasible sense, good luck to you mate I hope you recover and heal really soon.
Kinetica84 Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 Hi Ralf. I am sorry to hear about your split. I am not sure what advice i can offer with my short 30 years in this world. However, i had a lot life experiences. Can i ask why your relationship ended? As for you feelings. I would suspect this normal. You're mourning a loss of your best friends, partner and someone you shared a lot time and memories with. The only thing i can suggest is that you mourn and mourn until you're a well. It is never too late to get out there, start new hobbies, meet new friends, do something you have always wanted to do. Have you had any contact since the initial split? People say a lot, no contact no contact. I would say that is good advice if there is 0% chance of getting back together. If you something can be saved, or that she respond then i would say you need to contact her. However be prepared to be rejected, but either way you will know. Play it cool, don't get desperate or needy. I don't think there is any answer or cure for a break up. It is a case of just learning to live with it. I went through a very messy break up in October, relationship of 3 years. I still feel crap, even though i am quite busy, the dread still catches me, even when surrounded by family and friends. I wish you all the best buddy, but i fear, like anyone else you will have to hit rock bottom before coming back up.
SoThatHappened Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 I can't tell you WHEN it will end... just that it WILL end. Focusing on you, keeping yourself busy, eating better, sleeping, etc. just gets you there with less hurt. But it will end. Trust me man
JonjMie Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 I follow all of your posts Ralph and you have helped me no end,my relationship was short in comparison but I think you are obviously depressed, are you excercising ? do something please, the endorphins I get while in the gym are the only thing that blocks out thoughts and memories, plus the upside is I get fitter and sleep better. I think you need to go on a path of fixing yourself, eat well, drink plenty of water, exercise and slowly in my past exprience things will get better. Dont foucs on a holiday to Belgium or the places you went with her before, pick somewhere totally new and different please. I'm thinking about you mate.
Author ralfgarnett Posted January 22, 2015 Author Posted January 22, 2015 (edited) I follow all of your posts Ralph and you have helped me no end,my relationship was short in comparison but I think you are obviously depressed, are you excercising ? do something please, the endorphins I get while in the gym are the only thing that blocks out thoughts and memories, plus the upside is I get fitter and sleep better. I think you need to go on a path of fixing yourself, eat well, drink plenty of water, exercise and slowly in my past exprience things will get better. Dont foucs on a holiday to Belgium or the places you went with her before, pick somewhere totally new and different please. I'm thinking about you mate. Thanks mate your the 3rd person in a week to compliment me on my posts whats going on ?, I don't see why they are so good to be honest, but if they help you them im very pleased but so that I can improve on them please could you tell me how and why they help you because if my experience helps others then that inspires me to improve on them. No I don't exercise as much as I should do I am demotivated and yes of course depressed not to mention scared, I do eat healthy best I can I eat lots of fish because I love it and its good brain food and I have always drank loads of water its my favourite drink more than anything. I am thinking about you too, in fact I am thinking about all of you kind people that bother to post replies to my depressed ramblings, I really appreciate it, all your kindness and thoughtfulness to a mere cyber stranger is both humbling and touching thank you all so much. Edited January 22, 2015 by ralfgarnett
JonjMie Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Get to the gym mate and do some walking on the treadmill to start with, its warm, lots of new people to meet or even nod too, put some tunes on the ipod and work your way through a couple of albums or podcast or something. My gym has TV's on the treadmill so I dont even miss eastenders lol, time flies, ive been otu of the house and ive done some excercise and youll feel great afterwards.
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