she was PERFECT and I lost her.

January 21, 2015

my girlfriend of a year left me yesterday. I am devastated.

I need to get all my thoughts out and share them. I so desperately want her back in my life. we are both 20 years old.

she told me that when we went on holiday for a week she realised how different we are.

we are similar in so many ways , apart from mentally, she is a lot smarter and a lot more of a thinker than me. I think she was simply not mentally stimulated by me enough.

this is a fair reason, simple incompatibility.

but she was everything I could ever want.

i had the best year of my life with her.

she was highly intelligent, hilarious, a good story teller, the kindest person I have met, spiritually knowledgeable, fascinating, she taught me so much.

she was so faithful and would never consider cheating or even flirting with guys. truly trustworthy and tactful. what brilliant qualities.

and she was BEAUTIFUL. she was seriously model material. she had a man who used to be in the modelling industry approach her at work and URGE her to create a portfolio and sent it to agencies, he said she just had something about her, the look on the face, the way she walked. it was all true. and her body was unreal too, long and slender with curves in all the right places.

and the SEX. oh my word, the sex. we had the sweatiest , loudest, steamiest sex. full eye contact , stare into each others eyes as we both climax kind of sex. I'm sure she won't be having it that good for a LONG time. and I doubt she will find someone who enjoyed giving her oral sex as much as I did either. she was the quiet but ridiculously kinky type. amazing. am I allowed to say this??

she was also the best kisser I've met. simply glorious and passionate kisses. one time we passionately kissed in the pouring rain. it was like a scene from a film.

there was a time when she was the one who was way more invested in the relationship, she told me she loved me first , and I said it back to her without meaning it.

she told me she was suicidal before she met me because of the way she had been treated by an ex boyfriend.

she told me she hadn't been so happy in years, that shed grown closer to her family because of the happiness I gave her.

she told me I was her favourite person she had ever met, several times.

she told me she had never been so comfortable with someone in her life.

we planned to travel the world together.

another part I will miss, her family. I loved them and they loved me too, they were the closest family I've ever known, it was a joy going round her house and being with them all. they were all such characters.

man, everything about this girl was perfect, and I thought we were perfect together too.

I also feel I would never have a chance finding another like her and connecting with her. i am seriously awful at initiating flirting or teasing with girls, i just come off as a creep or offensive. i don't know if another girl will even be interesting to me for a long time.

it was fate the first time we met, i am sure of it.

I had got to the club late to a sell out night , and the bouncer told everyone from a certain point in the queue that if they didnt pre buy a ticket, they wouldn't be able to get in, it was too packed. dissapointed, I started to make my way home. I was nearly at my bus stop when a friend called me, he told me come meet us right now, we have someone to buy tickets off! here's where the fate comes in. I met my friends and there was 5 of them in total, and the guy selling just happened to have 5 tickets . and his name ( a very rare foreign name) just happened to be the same as my own! I've only met one other person in my life with the same name as me so this was madness to me. I was meant to go to the club that night, I know it.

me and my girl bumped into eachother at the club, we already knew who eachother was but hadn't spoken much before. the first couple times we had spoken I felt there was nothing between us, no spark. how very wrong I was. she knew who I was because me and her best friend used to have a thing going on. later she would tell me she had been attracted to me from the start but kept it hidden because of her best friend, she said I was like forbidden fruit to her. and it made her that much more interested. she was on drugs that night and they made her very sexually excited, and we danced and eventually ended up slowly kissing. almost as soon as we had kissed, she said to me "you have good rythym, we would connect in bed."

my jaw pretty much hit the floor. I was giddy like I'd won the sex-with-a-model lottery.

we continued dancing and kissing until the music stopped in the club, and then got a taxi to mine and had some incredible sex. it was our first time together and I made her climax four times! it was also the third time I had ever had sex and all my other encounters had been non pleasurable or very awkward. this new sex was a whole other world for me.

this girl felt like my sexual soul mate.

she told me later that her behaviour that night was completely alien to her, to even kiss me when we hardly knew eachother was crazy for her. but to just offer me sex like that was another level. that's how bad she wanted me, it was incredible.

I have had some beautiful girls chasing me, I'm very lucky because I don't have the skills or game to flirt with them or make them interested if they weren't in the first place. whenever I've tried that I usually fail pretty damn hard. I have some status from my artwork (I draw a whole lot) , I think girls like that too. if I didn't have talent or looks and popularity with other girls I don't think I would get very far at all, I can be very socially awkward when meeting new people. when girls know who I am already because of my art I guess it is attractive to them.

for the next few months me and her would go to the same club each weekend, dance and kiss and then go back to mine and have sex. we were getting closer and closer each time and were constantly texting eachother. we then started meeting not to get drunk, to just go on regular dates together. eventually we decided I should meet her parents, I instantly connected with them too.

everything was going so great, at about 6 months in we went to a music festival for 4 days and she spilled everything to me, told me how incredibly happy she was and that she had fallen in love with me. at the time I was not in love with her, but I said to her "I think I'm falling for you too."

as I got to know her better I became more and more infatuated and eventually fell in love with her.

and then it all went wrong. a few months later we set off for a week long trip to Amsterdam. I think during this trip she realised how differently our minds work, she thinks on a much deeper level than me.. I think she must have gotten bored of my shallow thinking. the thing is , 6 months before I met her I could hardly string a sentence together . I had ruined myself with drugs , and had been teaching myself to think again with a new job that required me to constantly be thinking in customer service, this greatly improved my communication skills . I feel like if she had given me more time I would have eventually been the deep thinker she was after

she called a break soon after the trip, and said it would be two weeks maximum. 4 days passed and she asked to meet and she told me how sorry she was for calling the break , explained how she was lonely and her sister had told her she didn't have any friends any more because over the years shed just been focused on boyfriends and neglected everyone else. this made her freak out and she decided to spend time by herself and see how it felt... I told her I thought it was because of my occasional thoughtlessness and she agreed it was also that bothering her.

during our make up she also at one point pretty much shouted at me "I love you!"

just over two weeks passed, and she broke up with me. told me how Amsterdam made her realise everything, how different we really are . she said shed been trying to ignore the feelings but couldn't anymore , and that she was falling out of love . (she shouted "i love you!" at me like 2 weeks before?!) she said all my great qualities and the amazing times we had made it so much harder. I can't believe my best friend simply cut herself out of my life completely.

all my other good friends have gone to university or travelling . I feel very alone right now. what the f*** am I to do.

I feel empty like a void opened up inside me, all I want is to hold her again .

only 4 days ago we were in bed talking and cuddling and laughing like best friends for hours, and now it's gone forever.

I'm considering learning something new , going to college again and studying music production..

i remembered how to cry when i knew she was going to break up with me. I hadn't cried in years, not even when my amazing auntie died.

I just can't believe she's gone.

I wonder if anyone will read this far, if you did, thank you.

Edited January 21, 2015 by itsallnewtome
I left out our ages in the original post.

January 21, 2015

I'm sorry you're going through this, man.

I wish I had some advice for you.

If you're really serious about this girl - leave her alone for a while. Suggest a coffee in about a month. Tell her how you feel. Give her a chance to miss you.

January 21, 2015

I am curious about your ages and how many people you've each dated before - this sounds like a first long-term relationship kind of feeling to me? A year or so is when the butterflies start to fade and reality sets in. If you've never experienced the reality of a long-term relationship before when things settle down, it's easy to interpret those feelings as "falling out of love" or some similar feeling.

Also, and you probably don't want to hear this right now but you need to remember it and keep telling yourself this: She wasn't perfect, nobody is perfect, and the sooner you realize that the easier it will be for you to cope with this. You need to knock her down from that pedestal and remember that she's a human being and has flaws like everyone else.

You are devastated, and understandably so. But try to stay calm, don't do anything rash, don't try to beg her to come back, show up at her door with a ring, etc., ... just try to get through the first few days by taking care of yourself, eating right, drinking lots of water, talking to friends, posting here and getting enough sleep. Try to keep your mind occupied with other things and try not to obsess (easier said than done, I know). After a while, when you settle down a bit and the fog lifts somewhat, it will get easier to think about moving on. For now, though, I would recommend taking care of yourself and just start the healing process.

January 21, 2015

First of all I am sorry for your loss... Losing the perfect girl hurts so much...

she told me she was suicidal before she met me because of the way she had been treated by an ex boyfriend.

This is part alarming, she did express her current state, she may still have some issues unresolved.

she was on drugs that night and they made her very sexually excite

The fact that she is on this, does it not make you think she acted the way she did.

You don't have much background on what her past relationship but seeing how she acted it must have taken an emotional toll on her.

She may be not ready for any relationship right now. She needs to find herself first.

Best for you is let go and move on.

January 21, 2015

Dude, Everything is fine and dandy before she went on holiday. But, she goes and when she comes back, she's breaking up with you.

Connect the dots, dude. She cheated on you while she was away. She got back and broke up with you using those lame ass excuses because constantly seeing you would always bring the guilt right back up to the surface. And maybe she partied it up too hard over there and she got the bug that she was getting too comfortable with you and she's missing out.

Sorry to be so blunt, dude.

January 21, 2015

There's no such thing as a perfect girl. We all poop.

January 21, 2015

There's no such thing as a perfect girl. We all poop.

LMAO! WHAT?!?! That seriously made me almost spit coffee all over my computer!

January 21, 2015

Dude, Everything is fine and dandy before she went on holiday. But, she goes and when she comes back, she's breaking up with you.

Connect the dots, dude. She cheated on you while she was away. She got back and broke up with you using those lame ass excuses because constantly seeing you would always bring the guilt right back up to the surface. And maybe she partied it up too hard over there and she got the bug that she was getting too comfortable with you and she's missing out.

Sorry to be so blunt, dude.

I got the impression that they went on the trip together and their differences became evident to her and led her to believe they weren't compatible long term.

OP, I'm sorry this happened and you're hurting. I really believe that if you've loved someone, you'll love someone else one day. It becomes part of your nature to love.

I agree with BigTrouble that there were problems. She was aware of them and you weren't. I hope your art is a comfort and I think it's great that you're considering learning and studying.

January 21, 2015

It's horrible mate, but there's nothing you can do about it.

You're still idolising her, I've always done this after being dumped, I think everyone does.

But give it time and you will start remembering the awful habits she had that pi**ed you off, then you'll start to remember the times when she could've treated yoiu better, and then eventually, although probably not for a while you will think to yourself, 'why was I so upset when that ended haha'.

No contact mate, it's the only way to get through this.

January 21, 2015

I got the impression that they went on the trip together and their differences became evident to her and led her to believe they weren't compatible long term.

OP, I'm sorry this happened and you're hurting. I really believe that if you've loved someone, you'll love someone else one day. It becomes part of your nature to love.

I agree with BigTrouble that there were problems. She was aware of them and you weren't. I hope your art is a comfort and I think it's great that you're considering learning and studying.

You're right. I misread that. Please ignore my post. Carry on!

January 21, 2015

she cheated on you while she was away.

hey man, you must have read wrong. we both went to Amsterdam together. I think spending a week together for the first time made her realise how different we really are.

January 21, 2015

I agree with BigTrouble that there were problems. She was aware of them and you weren't. I hope your art is a comfort and I think it's great that you're considering learning and studying.

yes I knew there were problems, I just wish I was a smarter guy who could satisfy her intellectually.

I don't even have the motivation to make myself food right now let alone draw.

yes learning something new will be good for me, I will meet lots of new people too.

January 21, 2015

You're right. I misread that. Please ignore my post. Carry on!

haha, just saw this.

January 21, 2015

hey man, you must have read wrong. we both went to Amsterdam together. I think spending a week together for the first time made her realise how different we really are.

Yeah, I did. I corrected myself in the post above yours.

January 21, 2015

haha, just saw this.

OPPS! I just saw this! HAHA!

January 21, 2015

A day will come when you realise that this perfect girl is perfectly ordinary.

At that point, your healing will be complete.

January 21, 2015

Well, then your girlfriend might be a very good candidate for GIGS (Grass is Greener Syndrome). She went away with you and might have felt that she wanted to really let her hair down and run amuck in Amsterdam and found that she couldn't because she was with you and needed to be reserved.

So, she wanted to be free from you to do those things. Again, this is just speculation on my part but I recommend that you read the GIGS sticky on this forum and see if she doesn't fit the bill for this.

January 21, 2015

A year or so is when the butterflies start to fade and reality sets in. If you've never experienced the reality of a long-term relationship before when things settle down, it's easy to interpret those feelings as "falling out of love" or some similar feeling.

she has been in a few long term relationships before , I think she knows she was falling out of love and not being naive.

You are devastated, and understandably so. But try to stay calm, don't do anything rash, don't try to beg her to come back, show up at her door with a ring, etc., ... just try to get through the first few days by taking care of yourself, eating right, drinking lots of water, talking to friends, posting here and getting enough sleep. Try to keep your mind occupied with other things and try not to obsess (easier said than done, I know). After a while, when you settle down a bit and the fog lifts somewhat, it will get easier to think about moving on. For now, though, I would recommend taking care of yourself and just start the healing process.

wise words thank you. yeah the obsessing part is very difficult , there's so many good times with her I can think about . ive been thinking about her since 9 this morning, it's now 5pm it feels like time is absolutely flying. I also have about 30 sensitive pictures she's sent me on my phone ... i know I should delete them. that will be very difficult too.

January 21, 2015

A day will come when you realise that this perfect girl is perfectly ordinary.

At that point, your healing will be complete.

that'll be the day! hah . I've was actually deeper in love with her best friend , I thought I would never get over her. but now she isn't a fraction of how large a part she played in my mind. that is because in getting with her best friend, I learned more about her and the bad traits I thought existed were confirmed when we spoke about her.

my ex though... such a truly genuine person compared to her best friend.

I think it's going to take a lot of time .

January 21, 2015

Well, then your girlfriend might be a very good candidate for GIGS (Grass is Greener Syndrome). She went away with you and might have felt that she wanted to really let her hair down and run amuck in Amsterdam and found that she couldn't because she was with you and needed to be reserved.

So, she wanted to be free from you to do those things. Again, this is just speculation on my part but I recommend that you read the GIGS sticky on this forum and see if she doesn't fit the bill for this.

nahh, I was the more energetic crazy one in the relationship. she once nearly went home on a night out because I was refusing to stop dancing like an idiot and was embarrassing her haha.

January 21, 2015

she has been in a few long term relationships before , I think she knows she was falling out of love and not being naive.

wise words thank you. yeah the obsessing part is very difficult , there's so many good times with her I can think about . ive been thinking about her since 9 this morning, it's now 5pm it feels like time is absolutely flying. I also have about 30 sensitive pictures she's sent me on my phone ... i know I should delete them. that will be very difficult too.

send them to me I will judge if they need deleting

January 21, 2015

A day will come when you realise that this perfect girl is perfectly ordinary.

At that point, your healing will be complete.

This is seriously the most spot on post in here.

She was NOT perfect. Red flags are there, but you aren't seeing them yet. We could go on and on about the "suicidal" thing... but trust me, there's more to her than even you know, OP.

January 21, 2015

send them to me I will judge if they need deleting

hahaha. they're so good. she was great at photography.

January 21, 2015

my girlfriend of a year left me yesterday. I am devastated.
I need to get all my thoughts out and share them. I so desperately want her back in my life. we are both 20 years old.

she told me that when we went on holiday for a week she realised how different we are.
we are similar in so many ways , apart from mentally, she is a lot smarter and a lot more of a thinker than me. I think she was simply not mentally stimulated by me enough.

this is a fair reason, simple incompatibility.
but she was everything I could ever want.
i had the best year of my life with her.
she was highly intelligent, hilarious, a good story teller, the kindest person I have met, spiritually knowledgeable, fascinating, she taught me so much.
she was so faithful and would never consider cheating or even flirting with guys. truly trustworthy and tactful. what brilliant qualities.
and she was BEAUTIFUL. she was seriously model material. she had a man who used to be in the modelling industry approach her at work and URGE her to create a portfolio and sent it to agencies, he said she just had something about her, the look on the face, the way she walked. it was all true. and her body was unreal too, long and slender with curves in all the right places.

and the SEX. oh my word, the sex. we had the sweatiest , loudest, steamiest sex. full eye contact , stare into each others eyes as we both climax kind of sex. I'm sure she won't be having it that good for a LONG time. and I doubt she will find someone who enjoyed giving her oral sex as much as I did either. she was the quiet but ridiculously kinky type. amazing. am I allowed to say this??

she was also the best kisser I've met. simply glorious and passionate kisses. one time we passionately kissed in the pouring rain. it was like a scene from a film.

there was a time when she was the one who was way more invested in the relationship, she told me she loved me first , and I said it back to her without meaning it.
she told me she was suicidal before she met me because of the way she had been treated by an ex boyfriend.
she told me she hadn't been so happy in years, that shed grown closer to her family because of the happiness I gave her.
she told me I was her favourite person she had ever met, several times.
she told me she had never been so comfortable with someone in her life.
we planned to travel the world together.

another part I will miss, her family. I loved them and they loved me too, they were the closest family I've ever known, it was a joy going round her house and being with them all. they were all such characters.

man, everything about this girl was perfect, and I thought we were perfect together too.
I also feel I would never have a chance finding another like her and connecting with her. i am seriously awful at initiating flirting or teasing with girls, i just come off as a creep or offensive. i don't know if another girl will even be interesting to me for a long time.

it was fate the first time we met, i am sure of it.
I had got to the club late to a sell out night , and the bouncer told everyone from a certain point in the queue that if they didnt pre buy a ticket, they wouldn't be able to get in, it was too packed. dissapointed, I started to make my way home. I was nearly at my bus stop when a friend called me, he told me come meet us right now, we have someone to buy tickets off! here's where the fate comes in. I met my friends and there was 5 of them in total, and the guy selling just happened to have 5 tickets . and his name ( a very rare foreign name) just happened to be the same as my own! I've only met one other person in my life with the same name as me so this was madness to me. I was meant to go to the club that night, I know it.

me and my girl bumped into eachother at the club, we already knew who eachother was but hadn't spoken much before. the first couple times we had spoken I felt there was nothing between us, no spark. how very wrong I was. she knew who I was because me and her best friend used to have a thing going on. later she would tell me she had been attracted to me from the start but kept it hidden because of her best friend, she said I was like forbidden fruit to her. and it made her that much more interested. she was on drugs that night and they made her very sexually excited, and we danced and eventually ended up slowly kissing. almost as soon as we had kissed, she said to me "you have good rythym, we would connect in bed."
my jaw pretty much hit the floor. I was giddy like I'd won the sex-with-a-model lottery.
we continued dancing and kissing until the music stopped in the club, and then got a taxi to mine and had some incredible sex. it was our first time together and I made her climax four times! it was also the third time I had ever had sex and all my other encounters had been non pleasurable or very awkward. this new sex was a whole other world for me.
this girl felt like my sexual soul mate.
she told me later that her behaviour that night was completely alien to her, to even kiss me when we hardly knew eachother was crazy for her. but to just offer me sex like that was another level. that's how bad she wanted me, it was incredible.

I have had some beautiful girls chasing me, I'm very lucky because I don't have the skills or game to flirt with them or make them interested if they weren't in the first place. whenever I've tried that I usually fail pretty damn hard. I have some status from my artwork (I draw a whole lot) , I think girls like that too. if I didn't have talent or looks and popularity with other girls I don't think I would get very far at all, I can be very socially awkward when meeting new people. when girls know who I am already because of my art I guess it is attractive to them.

for the next few months me and her would go to the same club each weekend, dance and kiss and then go back to mine and have sex. we were getting closer and closer each time and were constantly texting eachother. we then started meeting not to get drunk, to just go on regular dates together. eventually we decided I should meet her parents, I instantly connected with them too.
everything was going so great, at about 6 months in we went to a music festival for 4 days and she spilled everything to me, told me how incredibly happy she was and that she had fallen in love with me. at the time I was not in love with her, but I said to her "I think I'm falling for you too."
as I got to know her better I became more and more infatuated and eventually fell in love with her.

and then it all went wrong. a few months later we set off for a week long trip to Amsterdam. I think during this trip she realised how differently our minds work, she thinks on a much deeper level than me.. I think she must have gotten bored of my shallow thinking. the thing is , 6 months before I met her I could hardly string a sentence together . I had ruined myself with drugs , and had been teaching myself to think again with a new job that required me to constantly be thinking in customer service, this greatly improved my communication skills . I feel like if she had given me more time I would have eventually been the deep thinker she was after

she called a break soon after the trip, and said it would be two weeks maximum. 4 days passed and she asked to meet and she told me how sorry she was for calling the break , explained how she was lonely and her sister had told her she didn't have any friends any more because over the years shed just been focused on boyfriends and neglected everyone else. this made her freak out and she decided to spend time by herself and see how it felt... I told her I thought it was because of my occasional thoughtlessness and she agreed it was also that bothering her.
during our make up she also at one point pretty much shouted at me "I love you!"

just over two weeks passed, and she broke up with me. told me how Amsterdam made her realise everything, how different we really are . she said shed been trying to ignore the feelings but couldn't anymore , and that she was falling out of love . (she shouted "i love you!" at me like 2 weeks before?!) she said all my great qualities and the amazing times we had made it so much harder. I can't believe my best friend simply cut herself out of my life completely.

all my other good friends have gone to university or travelling . I feel very alone right now. what the f*** am I to do.
I feel empty like a void opened up inside me, all I want is to hold her again .
only 4 days ago we were in bed talking and cuddling and laughing like best friends for hours, and now it's gone forever.
I'm considering learning something new , going to college again and studying music production..

i remembered how to cry when i knew she was going to break up with me. I hadn't cried in years, not even when my amazing auntie died.

I just can't believe she's gone.

I wonder if anyone will read this far, if you did, thank you.

itsallnewtome,

This is what I got from your post above.

- Your Girlfriend gets into relationships first and asks questions later

- The relationship revolved more or less around Sex

- 6 months later when the Sex is maxed up, the honeymoon phase has ended, it's time for her to listen to her sister and pull the trigger on you?

- Been together for a year, took her one trip to amsterdam to realize how different you guys were?

Want my advice? Don't get into relationships for a while and this

I'm considering learning something new , going to college again

is definitely the step in the right direction. Edited January 21, 2015 by Holmes85

January 21, 2015

how many times per week were you banging her? was it as much in the end as in the beginning?

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she was PERFECT and I lost her.

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