dej287 Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 So I've been dating girl number one I've met for a month now. She's a great girl and I really like her, she's so beautiful! And we click well. She has a great job and she's pretty set. I like that about her. She just hasn't mad many good relationships in the past until she met a guy like me. She likes me and it seems like she wants something serious with me in due time... The second girl I also really like and she likes me. We dated before I met this new girl for about 7 months but she couldn't make up her mind whether she wanted to be with me or not. After not speaking for a while she started liking me again and now she seems ready to start something with me. We've gone out on dates lately also. She has a job but she still doesn't know what she wants to do with her life just yet. Sucks cause my heart is split in 2 and I don't want to hurt either of them. I am emotionally connected more with the second cause of how long we've been dating, but I feel like she just didn't know and now she's ready. And the first girl never went though all that. They are both older than me. I'm 21 and first is 23 and second is 25. What should I do. I'm torn between 2....?
PegNosePete Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 Yeah, first one. When a girl rejects you once (couldn't make up her mind? wtf?), chances are she will do it again. 5
evanescentworld Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 Do these two girls know about each other....?
Redhead14 Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 So I've been dating girl number one I've met for a month now. She's a great girl and I really like her, she's so beautiful! And we click well. She has a great job and she's pretty set. I like that about her. She just hasn't mad many good relationships in the past until she met a guy like me. She likes me and it seems like she wants something serious with me in due time... The second girl I also really like and she likes me. We dated before I met this new girl for about 7 months but she couldn't make up her mind whether she wanted to be with me or not. After not speaking for a while she started liking me again and now she seems ready to start something with me. We've gone out on dates lately also. She has a job but she still doesn't know what she wants to do with her life just yet. Sucks cause my heart is split in 2 and I don't want to hurt either of them. I am emotionally connected more with the second cause of how long we've been dating, but I feel like she just didn't know and now she's ready. And the first girl never went though all that. They are both older than me. I'm 21 and first is 23 and second is 25. What should I do. I'm torn between 2....? "She likes me and it seems like she wants something serious with me in due time...". Seems is about assumption. I'd have a discussion about what each of you wants out of your dating experiences in general and then segue into whether or not that person is thinking like that about you at this point. The 7 month girl, doesn't know what she wants to do with her life yet and when you two split she didn't know if she wanted to be with you. She still doesn't know what she wants PERIOD. I'd say, she came back to you because it's the easiest thing right now. She does want a connection on some level, hasn't really found anyone new she likes, and came back because she's needs/wants comfort on some level and it's more comfortable to go back to you than trying to look for and focus on someone else. You two split up, you've found someone new. You know the 7 month girl already and know she doesn't know what she wants. You are taking a bigger risk of being hurt again with the 7 month girl. Give the new girl a chance. Be patient, enjoy time with her and allow things to develop naturally. 2
Author dej287 Posted January 21, 2015 Author Posted January 21, 2015 Do these two girls know about each other....? no they don't know about eachother, but I dont want to lead anyone on anymore if things will be getting serious....
Author dej287 Posted January 21, 2015 Author Posted January 21, 2015 "She likes me and it seems like she wants something serious with me in due time...". Seems is about assumption. I'd have a discussion about what each of you wants out of your dating experiences in general and then segue into whether or not that person is thinking like that about you at this point. The 7 month girl, doesn't know what she wants to do with her life yet and when you two split she didn't know if she wanted to be with you. She still doesn't know what she wants PERIOD. I'd say, she came back to you because it's the easiest thing right now. She does want a connection on some level, hasn't really found anyone new she likes, and came back because she's needs/wants comfort on some level and it's more comfortable to go back to you than trying to look for and focus on someone else. You two split up, you've found someone new. You know the 7 month girl already and know she doesn't know what she wants. You are taking a bigger risk of being hurt again with the 7 month girl. Give the new girl a chance. Be patient, enjoy time with her and allow things to develop naturally. what I meant about the first girl is that she told me that she wants to be with someone that will appreciate her and wont do her wrong like the rest. she has expressed an interest in me and she was very surprised that I would be so interested in her.... Im guessing her past has not made her feel so special. but im very honest and open with her. tell her what i think and feel always and she likes that. After talking she seems like she is on the same page as I am, so i wanna take it slow and see where it goes... the second girl before we stopped talking, she explained recently that she felt pressured to make a decision with me thats why she didnt know. Age was also another big issue that she wasnt so sure of. Now shes expressing herself more and being more open about how she feels about me. she explained that she was ready for something serious.... any thoughts?
PegNosePete Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 the second girl before we stopped talking, she explained recently that she felt pressured to make a decision with me thats why she didnt know. Age was also another big issue that she wasnt so sure of. Now shes expressing herself more and being more open about how she feels about me. she explained that she was ready for something serious.... any thoughts? Her first choice didn't pan out so she wants to get you back from the back burner. 1
Author dej287 Posted January 21, 2015 Author Posted January 21, 2015 Her first choice didn't pan out so she wants to get you back from the back burner. hmmmm never thought about that, but it could be a possibility
mysteryscape Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 The first one is probably going to be miffed if she finds out about the first, and in any case may not want to continue. It would have been better to have let both know there was someone else, that is the only honest way to do multi dating imho. I would probably talk to the first one about being a couple -- is that what she wants? -- and then quickly drop the second, long-time one. There is nothing to be gained now by number 1 finding out about her, but you really owe it to her to either tell her or drop the other one pronto. 1
Author dej287 Posted January 21, 2015 Author Posted January 21, 2015 The first one is probably going to be miffed if she finds out about the first, and in any case may not want to continue. It would have been better to have let both know there was someone else, that is the only honest way to do multi dating imho. I would probably talk to the first one about being a couple -- is that what she wants? -- and then quickly drop the second, long-time one. There is nothing to be gained now by number 1 finding out about her, but you really owe it to her to either tell her or drop the other one pronto. I agree, just cause Im dating, I just wanted to keep my options open and now that its getting a bit more serious I want to make moves pronto. the second one just recently came in the picture as just hanging out as friends but then i find all this out.... and it becomes a bit more. not really expecting it. Thanks for the reply!
smackie9 Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 First one, make your intentions clear, if she doesn't want the same, ditch her and start with someone new. There is no point in being in limbo if you are ready for a committed relationship. It's a waste investing your time, money and feelings with anyone who is indecisive. 1
Author dej287 Posted January 21, 2015 Author Posted January 21, 2015 First one, make your intentions clear, if she doesn't want the same, ditch her and start with someone new. There is no point in being in limbo if you are ready for a committed relationship. It's a waste investing your time, money and feelings with anyone who is indecisive. I agree, thanks!
Toodaloo Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 Her first choice didn't pan out so she wants to get you back from the back burner. My thought exactly... 2
mysteryscape Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 the second one just recently came in the picture as just hanging out as friends but then i find all this out.... and it becomes a bit more. not really expecting it. Thanks for the reply! Happens all the time, the line between "just friends" and "romantic" is often not clear to one or more. And there can be more than two dating partners involved, especially if you are friends with the opposite sex. All the more reason, imho, to let all parties know what is going on (without going into excessive detail). You sound like an OK guy, I wish you the best. 1
Author dej287 Posted January 21, 2015 Author Posted January 21, 2015 Happens all the time, the line between "just friends" and "romantic" is often not clear to one or more. And there can be more than two dating partners involved, especially if you are friends with the opposite sex. All the more reason, imho, to let all parties know what is going on (without going into excessive detail). You sound like an OK guy, I wish you the best. yes, I think its pretty clear to me what the best decision is for me. Thank you for your insight. Im a good guy, and I do mean well. Thanks!
Satu Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 If you can't decide which one to be with, you shouldn't be with either. The reason for that is so obvious that I won't bother stating it. 3
okc85 Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 If you can't decide which one to be with, you shouldn't be with either. The reason for that is so obvious that I won't bother stating it. I think you're my favorite poster on here, lol. So true. I don't understand why people ask these questions! 1
evanescentworld Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 If you can't decide which one to be with, you shouldn't be with either. The reason for that is so obvious that I won't bother stating it. quite agree, hence the question. My goodness, if I was being two-timed by a guy, and hadn't been told, he'd be toast.... 1
mysteryscape Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 My goodness, if I was being two-timed by a guy, and hadn't been told, he'd be toast.... So you can't be getting together one on one with two different people? What exactly does being "two-timed" mean to you? Where do you draw the line?
evanescentworld Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 So you can't be getting together one on one with two different people? Not in relationships where I'm pretending another person doesn't exist, or I'm withholding the info on purpose... What exactly does being "two-timed" mean to you? Where do you draw the line? If I'm going out with a guy, and I'm made to think, or believe, that he's exclusive with me, and I then find out he's treating another lady in exactly the same way, in exactly the same secrecy - That to me, is "two-timing". And that's where I draw the line. 2
mysteryscape Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 If I'm going out with a guy, and I'm made to think, or believe, that he's exclusive with me, and I then find out he's treating another lady in exactly the same way, in exactly the same secrecy - That to me, is "two-timing". But the OP apparently never told either of them that they were "exclusive." Do you mean that "exclusivity" (a term I don't like) is something that is implicit, or something that has to be explicitly stated/negotiated?
Recommended Posts