Jjnc85 Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 (edited) I'm new here, very excited about the community!! So about two months ago I began dating a Brazilian girl that is fairly new to the U.S. After a great first date, I decided to go ahead and pursue the relationship with an understanding there might be some minor language issues and her time being limited working two jobs. Our communication was always equally initiated, almost never going no more than two days without speaking. In my mind everything was going well, I actually spent Christmas at her place with some of her family. While we didn't but labels on things, she said we were exclusive. I planned a trip to Mexico for NYE before we started dating, she couldn't make it. I did meet some female friends down there, but roomed with guys, which could contribute to some potential jealousy. She made it clear that she expected me to faithful down there, which I agreed to and fulfilled. After not hearing from her for a few days in Mexico, I reached out to ask her if anything was wrong with us, after not hearing from her and she said nothing was wrong that I was on vacation. Looking back I wish I wouldn't have sent it, appearing insecure. Returning from Mexico I was excited to meet up and share our NYE experiences. Around this same time she quit her second job and began english classes, meaning her time was still limited. She proposed meeting one day, then realized classes were that night. I suggested another day and later said she had to work, which was fine. Our communication was still fine that 1st week back. Starting that second week back from vacation our communication has almost come to a stand still. After asking to go out twice that 1st week back to no avail, trying to avoid coming on too strong, I pulled back reaching out. I have not contacted her for three days and neither has she. Do you think I should give her space or try something different? Also I'm wondering what happened: Meeting female friends in Mexico, which could've lead to jealousy. Reaching out to her in Mexico about our relationship, possibly coming on too strong about meeting up after I got back or maybe it's something else. Any advice or opinions are welcome Thanks!! Edited January 21, 2015 by Jjnc85 Grammar
Redhead14 Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 (edited) I'm new here, very excited about the community!! So about two months ago I began dating a Brazilian girl that is fairly new to the U.S. After a great first date, I decided to go ahead and pursue the relationship with an understanding there might be some minor language issues and her time being limited working two jobs. Our communication was always equally initiated, almost never going no more than two days without speaking. In my mind everything was going well, I actually spent Christmas at her place with some of her family. While we didn't but labels on things, she said we were exclusive. I planned a trip to Mexico for NYE before we started dating, she couldn't make it. I did meet some female friends down there, but roomed with guys, which could contribute to some potential jealousy. She made it clear that she expected me to faithful down there, which I agreed to and fulfilled. After not hearing from her for a few days in Mexico, I reached out to ask her if anything was wrong with us, after not hearing from her and she said nothing was wrong that I was on vacation. Looking back I wish I wouldn't have sent it, appearing insecure. Returning from Mexico I was excited to meet up and share our NYE experiences. Around this same time she quit her second job and began english classes, meaning her time was still limited. She proposed meeting one day, then realized classes were that night. I suggested another day and later said she had to work, which was fine. Our communication was still fine that 1st week back. Starting that second week back from vacation our communication has almost come to a stand still. After asking to go out twice that 1st week back to no avail, trying to avoid coming on too strong, I pulled back reaching out. I have not contacted her for three days and neither has she. Do you think I should give her space or try something different? Also I'm wondering what happened: Meeting female friends in Mexico, which could've lead to jealousy. Reaching out to her in Mexico about our relationship, possibly coming on too strong about meeting up after I got back or maybe it's something else. Any advice or opinions are welcome Thanks!! While we didn't but labels on things, she said we were exclusive. You didn't contact her first while you were away and likely she developed some insecurities about the situation you were in and in her mind, she maybe thought you were "having too much fun". She did feel the need to remind you to be faithful down there, Not hearing from you, maybe allowed her imagination to run wild. She didn't contact you because she knew you were on vacation and didn't want to interrupt probably and thinking "he'll call or text when he has a minute". That didn't happen. Then, you texted her asking if something was wrong. She's not going to tell you via text, if she's smart, that she's concerned. All that being said, your communication time frame was usually two days and now you're worrying about a 1 day difference? Call her, talk to her, rekindle things after kind of a long break. You two are exclusive, if exclusivity means boyfriend and girlfriend to you both, you don't need to worry so much about appearing insecure or needy anymore. Insecurity, clinginess and neediness are not about the calls and texts by themselves. One call, wait for response, one text wait for response,. Don't call 10 times in a row or text multiple times. If they don't respond, give some space, and then reach out again. AIf at that point, there is still no response, you simply wait for them to get back to you. And, when they do, don't question them, just say, oh, I'm happy you called, I was getting a little concerned. Were you also clear with each other about what exclusivity means? Exclusivity is about not being sexual with anyone else and still dating others to the point where they decide to sleep with someone else and then telling the first one they are moving on. Because if they do decide to sleep with someone else, it likely means they aren't really as interested in the first one as they'd thought. Commitment, as in boyfriend and girlfriend, comes after exclusivity. Some people have different definitions of exclusivity. IF it's clear to you that you are boyfriend and girlfriend, you should call her. Call her, ask her to get together with you and go from there. Edited January 21, 2015 by Redhead14 1
Author Jjnc85 Posted January 21, 2015 Author Posted January 21, 2015 Thanks for the Advice Redhead! We didn't specify what exclusivity was with each other, before I left for Mexico she made it very clear and animate that I was not to fool around down there. As she started to initiative conversation less and not make any counter -offers for dates I proposed that's when I gave her space and pulled back. That's where we are currently at now. Not sure where her lack of initiation or interest is coming from. I will reach out in the next day, keep it playful, not bring up any concerns with her absence and ask her when she is free to meet up!! Thoughts or Advice Thanks!
Assada Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Everything that you thought was wrong is wrong. All the solutions that you mentioned, are the correct ones. Seems like you know everything you did wrong and how to correct them 1
Author Jjnc85 Posted January 22, 2015 Author Posted January 22, 2015 Thanks So the uncertainty and asking her out a few too many times when I came back looked needy/desperate? Well I learned my lesson,to play it cool and not get worked up over hypotheticals. I'll play damage control, ask her out and hope for the best. Anything else I should do? Or try to avoid?
rbrock2323 Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Yeah, don't act like you want the girl, they don't like that. Then when they can't find a decent guy, they'll be scouring the internet for a guy like you were. Be yourself and say what's on your mind. If you want to date her, tell her, if she's going to be a bitch about it, screw her and move on. 1
Author Jjnc85 Posted January 23, 2015 Author Posted January 23, 2015 So I texted her today, it was a carefree message if she's been in Detention or timeout with school since I haven't heard from here in awhile. I also asked for her to tell me when she was free this weekend to meet. She replied in a few minutes with a haha that she has been busy with work and classes and a smiley face at the end. The part was concerning was she didn't address the part about meeting up. I texted back I know 2015 has been a hectic year, not wanting to bring hanging out right back up again. Well I'm not sure how I feel, since she didn't mention anything about hanging out. Should I wait for her to text back and ask about hanging out again? She did text back with a lengthy text so I'm a little confused!!
Redhead14 Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 So I texted her today, it was a carefree message if she's been in Detention or timeout with school since I haven't heard from here in awhile. I also asked for her to tell me when she was free this weekend to meet. She replied in a few minutes with a haha that she has been busy with work and classes and a smiley face at the end. The part was concerning was she didn't address the part about meeting up. I texted back I know 2015 has been a hectic year, not wanting to bring hanging out right back up again. Well I'm not sure how I feel, since she didn't mention anything about hanging out. Should I wait for her to text back and ask about hanging out again? She did text back with a lengthy text so I'm a little confused!
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