Author Broken ruby Posted January 28, 2015 Author Posted January 28, 2015 I am just not coping as successful as I should be. His birthday had just passed a day ago and I have been thinking of him more. As tempting as it was I remained NC to even send a birthday wish via text. But I did go thru his friends facebook page to see if they did anything for him and view photos posted...and they did. I saw 4 photos of him taking selfies with a group of 7 people. After he sent me that previous text, I am in limbo. I have blocked him to discipline myself to not view his page only to unblock it and can't control myself. After that text I been crying off and on more frequently again where I feel I can't move on. All I do is go to work, and come home feeling lonely in a mental prison with thoughts of him. I do go out on the weekends. But everything I do, he pops up in my head.its like now I need to call him to tell him how I feel. I read and reread these helpful breakup forums with the feeling like I have no life with the fact this has become an obsessive pattern for me. I am feeling so down and crying right now as I type. I don't wanna keep talking to my friend my problems anymore. I just don't know what to do. In this moment I wanna text him on how much I am hurting, cause I am so much in pain. I guess me looking on his facebook triggered this. I don't know. But why am I crying this much again
Diezel Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 What kind of a monster decides to break up with his girlfriend in a cowardly fashion and then later on text: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY? Seriously. THIS is the guy you miss?
dyna85 Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 Looking at his facebook probably isn't helping matters and is making you feel even more crushed. I know it feels like you can't resist, but you CAN. Try to resist looking, just like you're resisting contacting him. The more you resist looking at his fb, the more you strengthen your ability to resist looking. It is difficult to refrain from doing so because it is tempting, but it will only help you not to look. It's okay to cry and spend a lot of time on these forums. You're gonna be okay. Don't beat yourself up for feeling a little obsessed with your heartache. It's natural to want relief from the pain. I would not reach out to him though because you've already expressed your feelings to a great extent. How has he responded so far? Do you really want to go down that path again? The way I look at it, as much as it hurts to not be in contact, the pain of not getting the response you want, the reassurance from him that he cares for you and loves you, if you were to re-establish contact, would be far worse and would make you even more depressed. No? It's okay to be upset. Sending positive thoughts your way to feel better. Stay away from anyone on fb who associates with him. You can do this!!!!
Author Broken ruby Posted February 7, 2015 Author Posted February 7, 2015 (edited) I am just about 2 months into my post breakup and can say I do see myself healing in baby steps. For the first time today I stopped checking his facebook and no longer desire to do so as I am accepting the fact that the past act of me spending minutes of my energy searching for him online, viewing his whole name, his friends, any comments posted is the cause of the ongoing torture and emotional prison I am building for myself. I still have remained in no contact with him since breakup nor did I ever reply to his famous anniversary text. His birthday was also last week....and NC from me either. I do desperately wonder at times if my silence bothers him in any way. He is stubborn as I am. Then again, doesn't matter anymore. I am not fully over him...but I AM over weeping and crying 100 tears on certain days like I was weeks ago. I can say if I do cry, I am down from 100 tears to 15 tears now. From obsessively reading this forum and even going on youtube videos to listen on breakup advice, I learned that cutting all contact including social media is a faster approach to healing me. So, just wanted to express my thanks for this support forum as it is so needed. What helps is to know that I am not alone in going thru this experience and that I am not crazy. Because of this forum, I am aware of why and the phases of what feeling are to come and how to handle it in a healthy way when the time comes. I have been going out a lot lately with the goal to expand my social circle.Not so sure if I am ready to date. Was thinking doing the online dating thing. I don't know. I still do get emotional and did cry yesterday, but do feel that I am now past the denial phase and now at the acceptance phase of my post breakup. I still have moments where I get angry or think of our good memories shared. But when I think of the good times, I know to remind myself seconds later to automatically bring up thoughts of the bad times, his jerkiness, and other turn offs just to ask myself why would I want that back to complete kick him of the pedestal. Again, not fully over him, just fully emotionally tired. Edited February 7, 2015 by Broken ruby
Demonica Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 I am just about 2 months into my post breakup and can say I do see myself healing in baby steps. For the first time today I stopped checking his facebook and no longer desire to do so as I am accepting the fact that the past act of me spending minutes of my energy searching for him online, viewing his whole name, his friends, any comments posted is the cause of the ongoing torture and emotional prison I am building for myself. I still have remained in no contact with him since breakup nor did I ever reply to his famous anniversary text. His birthday was also last week....and NC from me either. I do desperately wonder at times if my silence bothers him in any way. He is stubborn as I am. Then again, doesn't matter anymore. I am not fully over him...but I AM over weeping and crying 100 tears on certain days like I was weeks ago. I can say if I do cry, I am down from 100 tears to 15 tears now. From obsessively reading this forum and even going on youtube videos to listen on breakup advice, I learned that cutting all contact including social media is a faster approach to healing me. So, just wanted to express my thanks for this support forum as it is so needed. What helps is to know that I am not alone in going thru this experience and that I am not crazy. Because of this forum, I am aware of why and the phases of what feeling are to come and how to handle it in a healthy way when the time comes. I have been going out a lot lately with the goal to expand my social circle.Not so sure if I am ready to date. Was thinking doing the online dating thing. I don't know. I still do get emotional and did cry yesterday, but do feel that I am now past the denial phase and now at the acceptance phase of my post breakup. I still have moments where I get angry or think of our good memories shared. But when I think of the good times, I know to remind myself seconds later to automatically bring up thoughts of the bad times, his jerkiness, and other turn offs just to ask myself why would I want that back to complete kick him of the pedestal. Again, not fully over him, just fully emotionally tired. hey ruby are u doing ok now? I'm going through the exact same thing as you now but im only at one week NC. He also lost his job and became distant ie. not picking up or returning calls and barely texted me.. just being a jerk overall so i decided to end things too Im wondering if you're feeling better as I feel okay right now but miss him a lot too
Author Broken ruby Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 (edited) After 2.5 months I still remain not to have any contact with him. Yes it still hurts but I have reached a point to only focus on myself by exercising and eating healthier. I am almost ready to date again and joined an online dating site. I mentioned that I stopped checking his facebook. But temptation won where I did peek a couple of times. However I am not obsessed as I was before. I can't say he is completely out my system, but remembering the bad things he did and said to me helps keep him off my pedestal. I do desperately wonder if he thinks of me at all. I get mad that I wasn't even worthy of a call or him apologizing on how he hurt me that lead mr crying for weeks. Sometimes I admit on getting jealous of others on this forum that their exes at least attempted to call, or get back with them. But then again it's a situation I have no control over. That text was a lie and he never wanted me. I never got the closure but I maintained my dignity by not contacting him and that's all I have left to stand. I have been going out and meeting new people, talking to friends, and started writing. I am not crying anymore but still get angry thinking about it. I just tell myself that he is a jerk, coward and who is dead to me. Yes I still have feelings of hate for him and know it's wrong, but I am still healing. A dear old friend recently called me out the blue two days ago and said something that stuck after updating him on my relationship. After hearing my story, he said " you lowered your standards". Maybe it's the way he said it to me But I have been replaying that in my mind where I realize I was too good for him. It does help to talk to people to help you move on. Some will tell you the ugly truth and it actually the right order of words you need to hear to help you bring your own closure. Edited February 24, 2015 by Broken ruby
Demonica Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Thank you so much for replying I'm so glad that you're doing well!! I will continue to go NC with my ex as well .. And I do agree that we are too good for them!! I remember all those days where I paid for breakfast/lunch/dinners and gas..etc I mad a huge effort being with him and even set me back financially.. I can't believe this is what we get for trying to be there for them and in the end they don't appreciate a thing Btw I did the same thing.. Wrote up cover letters for him and even stayed up til 3am to update his resume and I had to do a lot of research on his job cuz he wouldn't even help me on it or even pick up my calls/text me back. What a dumb unnappreciative jerk! I realize how horrible our exes were and we should be glad that they're gone! Good riddance ! Feel free to msg me... We can get through this together!!
lumberjac Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Hey Ruby, I just read your whole thread and I'm so glad to see you being so determinded and coping better. my gf broke up with me exactly a month ago, I would say I have accepted that fact that its over. but part of my brain keeps thinking about our past, our memories together. I wouldn't get sad or anything, but sometimes I would have sleepless nights, with her stuck in my mind. Like you I do wonder if my ex thinks about me, or miss me, but I guess I would never know. Let's stay strong together!
Author Broken ruby Posted March 5, 2015 Author Posted March 5, 2015 (edited) I don't even know how to understand or how to post this. I have maintained my no contact for all these weeks and healing with the acceptance its over and that I possibly not ever going to see him again. And after no contact, here he is standing in front of my door... So I am watching my usually wendy talk show still in my pajamies when my door rings. thinking it was a salesperson... its him, my EX, of whom I haven't seen since we broke up. I then told him to give me a minute and closed the door leaving him standing outside to gather and dress myself to look more decently considering he comes unannounced. Anyways,I open back up to door. He wants to talk. He does apologize very the unannounced visit, asks if it's a bad time, and asks if he can come in to talk. Of course it not a bad time...right? To sum our three hour convo in a nutshell. HIs speech started off with his apology towards how he treated me like a jerk and that he remembered what I said about his pride. He explained that I was the number 1 person that he doesn't want as an enemy. He said that he has grown to learn to put his ego and pride in check and etcetera. He wasn't there to reconcile but there to also feel me out I think. I live very far out from him so I asked if he was tending to any business locally and he said he just wanted to see me and took a chance that I would be home. He explained that he was afraid to call me and was thinking of me often. That conversation led to me apologizing for some of my faults as well but it was kept short. I also told him that he did hurt me, but I had to stop feeling angry towards him and hurting because I was only hurting myself. I explained that I am my own happiness and the lack of closure (that I was now getting) from him didn't matter any more and that I am in a happier place and at peace with myself. I told him about my filmwriting project and other things I am doing. I did not beg for him back either or gave in any idea I would run back to him. We updated each other about things going on in our life. He was still unemployed all this time but is starting a new job next week. We started getting more open discussing more stuff about life, laughing, and etc. Further into the conversation, I began telling him some goals I plan to do like home improvement projects and exercising. He then volunteered himself to want to help me when I was ready, like be a running partner or help me paint. THIS IS THE PART WHERE I MIGHT WANNA SLAP MYSELF We did have an enlightening conversation without any anger. I am assuming because I was able to face him without crying, I can say I have healed. The visit had to be cut short cause I had to go to work. I walked him out to the door and as was leaving he asked if I was interested in dinner sometime soon. I then asked is this suppose to be a date. He then said yeah, why not? and then he kissed me right on the lips. He then texted me later at work. Yes I still do love him and don't really know what he really wants from me. I am not sure if this is suppose to be the ex with benefits game or if he really wants to spend time with me hoping we get back to that place again. It was really hard to tell cause this conversation had to be cut short. He was very careful not to get specific in rehashing stuff to bring tension in our first meeting together since BU. He does seem to have changed his way of thinking or matured a bit. No excuses for him, just saying. I DO now question if there is a future or not for us as I always thought he was my soulmate. I see couples breakup, go no contact and later reconcile and get married. Do we even fit in this category? I do know that I am not going to be nieve and run to him. One thing about him, he can be a hard read is naturally not an expressive person by sharing his real feelings sometimes in awkward moments when he can't really feel out the other person. He started of in the convo that he was not trying to hook backup but just needed to talk...then later he is asking me for dinner after giving him my say and then kisses me. Wtf just happened? If there was a chance of any reconciliation, the deal breaker is that we would have to see a couples counselor if it ever was to go that route. But I am not jumping so fast, just gonna sit back a see what he does. I will see him again at this point If a so called dinner is confirmed. I just don't wanna go back to square one and go thru getting hurt again. the breakup is still raw being almost 3 months. After reading threads about returning exes, I don't wanna wind up with another ex hurt me again story. I will approach this handle this carefully and cautiously and will clarify with him if I am just an ex with benefits. Not going in with my hopes up but just going in to listen. This sounds crazy, but a part of me feels my journey with hi isn't over but I am not letting that theory control me. So we will see. This forum has helped me a lot to be brave enough to reach this point we're I was strong enough to face him without tearing. Edited March 5, 2015 by Broken ruby
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