FixItCris Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 I recently had an ex come back for reconciliation. We were married for 5 years, together for 7. She emotionally cheated and then dumped me a few months later, moved into a relationship with the new guy. Recently I went through a bad break up with my GF, my ex-wife had already been in contact with me, but just small talk. I reached out to her for support, I don't know why, I think because what I was going through was so similar to what she put me through that I was trying to get the dumpers perspective. Or maybe I just needed to feel wanted, I don't know. We ended up having coffee, and I realised after the 18 months since we separated, I felt nothing for her. We remained in contact and hung out as friends a few times. She was still in her relationship with the guy she left me for. Since we separated, I have lost 30kgs, and made some major changes in my life, basically I worked everything that I realised was wrong with me during my marriage. I had a message from her last night, saying that she had fallen for the new improved me, and broken things off with the other guy. I was a bit shocked, to be honest. I had to tell her I had to let my feelings for her go when she left me, she moved on, and so did I. I know she is heartbroken, and for a brief moment, I felt like I'd finally got my own back. I think part of me knew this might happen, and I acted out of malice towards my recent ex, who I still think about a lot, not her. Now I just feel guilty. I broke her heart, and I got some kind of joy out of it. So I guess sometimes, they do come back, and it is after the indifference takes hold. Working on yourself is the best recovery there is, and sometimes you do get another chance, whether you choose to take it or not. 4
towardthefuture Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 How old were you two when you separated and how old now?
bigtrouble Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 I recently had an ex come back for reconciliation. We were married for 5 years, together for 7. She emotionally cheated and then dumped me a few months later, moved into a relationship with the new guy. Recently I went through a bad break up with my GF, my ex-wife had already been in contact with me, but just small talk. I reached out to her for support, I don't know why, I think because what I was going through was so similar to what she put me through that I was trying to get the dumpers perspective. Or maybe I just needed to feel wanted, I don't know. We ended up having coffee, and I realised after the 18 months since we separated, I felt nothing for her. We remained in contact and hung out as friends a few times. She was still in her relationship with the guy she left me for. Since we separated, I have lost 30kgs, and made some major changes in my life, basically I worked everything that I realised was wrong with me during my marriage. I had a message from her last night, saying that she had fallen for the new improved me, and broken things off with the other guy. I was a bit shocked, to be honest. I had to tell her I had to let my feelings for her go when she left me, she moved on, and so did I. I know she is heartbroken, and for a brief moment, I felt like I'd finally got my own back. I think part of me knew this might happen, and I acted out of malice towards my recent ex, who I still think about a lot, not her. Now I just feel guilty. I broke her heart, and I got some kind of joy out of it. So I guess sometimes, they do come back, and it is after the indifference takes hold. Working on yourself is the best recovery there is, and sometimes you do get another chance, whether you choose to take it or not. You handled it perfectly well, even though you are still in a recent BU, you felt strong and did not fall for it. What you displayed today is your emotional strength and new fortitude, born out of loving yourself. 3
Author FixItCris Posted January 21, 2015 Author Posted January 21, 2015 How old were you two when you separated and how old now? I was 34 and she was 28, were now 35 and 29
Author FixItCris Posted January 21, 2015 Author Posted January 21, 2015 You handled it perfectly well, even though you are still in a recent BU, you felt strong and did not fall for it. What you displayed today is your emotional strength and new fortitude, born out of loving yourself. Thanks, I feel like I've been through Hell twice in as many years, but I'm still walking, I'm fitter and healthier than I have ever been, and I am almost ready to take on the world again! 2
GoBlue Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 You are right - sometimes a shot at reconciliation comes and sometimes it doesn't. You did what you felt was right and it's better to not re-engage if you truly don't feel anything for your ex. At the same time, reconciliation can be a powerful and life changing thing. Marriage is honorable although the whole concept is under attack these days. Hope you have a blessed future.
Author FixItCris Posted January 22, 2015 Author Posted January 22, 2015 You are right - sometimes a shot at reconciliation comes and sometimes it doesn't. You did what you felt was right and it's better to not re-engage if you truly don't feel anything for your ex. At the same time, reconciliation can be a powerful and life changing thing. Marriage is honorable although the whole concept is under attack these days. Hope you have a blessed future. I agree with you that marriage is a sacred thing, but my ex wife preferred to emotionally cheat on me rather than try and fix our problems. I was not the perfect husband by a long shot. I think the age difference when we met was not an issue, but by the time we separated, I was in my mid 30s, and she was in her late 20s, we were completely different people in completely different stages of our lives. After the initial shock of the separation wore off, I genuinely believed it was the best decision for both of us, and I still do.
AlexfromBoston Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 I have literally had every girl I have dated come back at one point or another. For instance, my ex from years ago continues to communicate with me and she is very vocal that she wants to try again. Our relationship was the epitome of toxic, so I wouldn't even consider exploring that option. My last contact with her was on New Years Day. My most recent ex has been in steady contact with me since our break in October. Typically, she will text after 3 weeks of NC. As of late we have been talking quite a bit, but as I am enjoying my single life, I politely decline. Well after last night, we had a huge blowout and she informed me to never text or call her again. But like clockwork, she will text after 3-4 weeks. I had another girl I was seeing(not dating) send a random picture over snapchat, followed by a "I'm sorry I was so drunk" text the next morning. So we have made plans to hang out again...but its just sexual with her. I mean, the list continues. If you play it cool during the breakup and you were a good guy, they always come back for more.
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