bubblygrl5 Posted March 30, 2005 Posted March 30, 2005 When you fight with your SO, or BF in my case...and it is over something they have done that is very hurtful to you...do you expect them to call you and address it....or do they just take space and hope it blows over? My bf has lately been "avoiding" confrontations by working later or sleeping earlier. Granted our issues are not ones that you look forward to dealing with...but isn't that super lame? I try to bring it up - but he's alwyas sleepy...or if I call at work he's really busy and can't talk. If I want to talk after work - he miraculously cannot get off til 11 pm. Sure, I don't want to beat a dead horse either (we have some recurring problems) - but this REALLY bugs me. We've been so short with each other lately...he knows I need to get something off my chest - he knows precisely what it is...but he's running like hell. In fact, I sent him a text telling him that I'm upset about it, and he never responded! And conveniently spent the night at his own house tonight. The same guy who's fingers are generally glued to his cell phone... How should I approach it? Bubbly
d'Arthez Posted March 30, 2005 Posted March 30, 2005 If this is about the ongoing infidelity issues, things look very grim. He run away like a little boy, and does not want to acknowledge the issues. Issues he inflicted upon himself and you. He hopes you grow tired of bringing the issues up. But things don't work that way. It does not seem that he wants to act in an adult and responsible way. You can't make him listen if he does not want to listen. That is the whole problem. Maybe the behavior in itself can tell you that enough is enough, and that either you talk things over seriously, or, if he does not want to do that, break up. You can't be in a serious relationship with a kid that runs away when there are serious issues to be dealt with. And don't let yourself be persuaded by him that it is a dead horse. It is not, and that is because of his behavior in the past, and the withholding of information concerning these matters. You can't be blamed that he hid from you some very vital information. His excuses have been very bad. Added: This is not to be excused by "standard" male coping mechanisms. He has had 2 years already to think over the issue. If he still does not know how to deal with it, he will never learn by withdrawing from his gf.
Merin Posted March 30, 2005 Posted March 30, 2005 "I put my hand up on your hip, when I dip, you dip, we dip... " Sorry the title of your thread made me think of that song.. Honestly I don't know what the issue(s) are to this relationship... but if he's avoiding discussing the problems but the 2 of you are still together and working on things.. then I wouldn't say he's "left the building" so to speak.. but rather he is avoiding the style of how the 2 of you "talk" about problems. My advice... approach this from a different way than you have before.. if in the past these issues have been dealt with by you talking at him (telling him what he did wrong) and not talking to him (telling him why things he did or said have you feeling the way you do) and giving him the opportunity to explain his thoughts.. I don't know how the talks have usually been handled.. but try a different way to approach him. Good Luck Miss Bubbly;)
Illusion24 Posted March 30, 2005 Posted March 30, 2005 You can't make a guy respond to you if he doesn't want to...Some men just feel that the issue isn't important and they brush it off...However a man who really cares about his girl would take the time to sit down and talk about "her" feelings and put his aside, whether he likes it or not Hint to you: When a man is in trouble never give him a warning, just hit with it...That way they can't run
d'Arthez Posted March 30, 2005 Posted March 30, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever You can't make a guy respond to you if he doesn't want to...Some men just feel that the issue isn't important and they brush it off...However a man who really cares about his girl would take the time to sit down and talk about "her" feelings and put his aside, whether he likes it or not If it is about the fidelity issues: these have been known for 2 years! These issues have cast a serious shadow over the whole relationship. And 2 weeks ago she found out that he did not tell the truth the first time, and in fact cheated on her a lot quicker on her than he originally made it out to be. Cheating and running away from the responsibility for his behavior is not a good combination. Whatever reasons for sugarcoating the truth, you should expect bubblygrl5's bf to act in an adult and responsible way about the whole issue. He inflicted it upon bubblygrl5. He has always known that he can be in trouble every moment since the cheating occured. He wants her to get over it. But life does not work in that way, and he should know by now.
Author bubblygrl5 Posted March 30, 2005 Author Posted March 30, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez If it is about the fidelity issues: these have been known for 2 years! These issues have cast a serious shadow over the whole relationship. And 2 weeks ago she found out that he did not tell the truth the first time, and in fact cheated on her a lot quicker on her than he originally made it out to be. Cheating and running away from the responsibility for his behavior is not a good combination. Whatever reasons for sugarcoating the truth, you should expect bubblygrl5's bf to act in an adult and responsible way about the whole issue. He inflicted it upon bubblygrl5. He has always known that he can be in trouble every moment since the cheating occured. He wants her to get over it. But life does not work in that way, and he should know by now. SOmeone has done research! Yea...its sorta about the cheating. But, I have been looking for a ticket to europe for the summer (the place he cheated on me) and it's been really hard and upsetting! does that sound strange? Like, looking at Europe on the internet all day seriosuly stirs up stuff. Anyway, I have been short with him...and I htink he knows why...but instead of talking about it, and perhaps he is tired of being "sorry" he's just been more "busy". Then, this morning, he texts me asking for my bro's phone number (my bro is a doc) b/c he has such and such problem. It' slike....did you think I slept it off...or what??? Bubbly
Author bubblygrl5 Posted March 30, 2005 Author Posted March 30, 2005 Originally posted by Merin "I put my hand up on your hip, when I dip, you dip, we dip... " Sorry the title of your thread made me think of that song.. Honestly I don't know what the issue(s) are to this relationship... but if he's avoiding discussing the problems but the 2 of you are still together and working on things.. then I wouldn't say he's "left the building" so to speak.. but rather he is avoiding the style of how the 2 of you "talk" about problems. My advice... approach this from a different way than you have before.. if in the past these issues have been dealt with by you talking at him (telling him what he did wrong) and not talking to him (telling him why things he did or said have you feeling the way you do) and giving him the opportunity to explain his thoughts.. I don't know how the talks have usually been handled.. but try a different way to approach him. Good Luck Miss Bubbly;) Bubblygrl is gonna be singing that song ALL day now thanks to Merin!
Merin Posted March 30, 2005 Posted March 30, 2005 Originally posted by bubblygrl5 Bubblygrl is gonna be singing that song ALL day now thanks to Merin! Well if it takes your mind off the crap for awhile then good go go sista! Hope you're feeling better
Recommended Posts