Avante91 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 I've had/have depression and anxiety. I don't like the label I believe it's a state of mind and learning coping mechanisms is how it's conquered. I've been on medication previously, visited numerous mental health professionals and did a course of CBT. I don't feel like any of it worked I'm just good at putting a mask on for the sake of work, family and my sanity. Recently I've started to keep a gratitude journal but on Instagram. I post inspirational quotes, pictures of things that make me happy, my family..anything positive. It is really helping me and it feels like self therapy. I basically think all day of one thing I'm grateful for and at the end of the day I post it. Maybe it's my ego but when random people like it, I feel re assured. It's honestly helping me more than anything else ever has. If anyone is struggling please give it a try. I'm on 17 days NC after a 3 year relationship where she ended it. It helps me so much to keep a record of how far I've come Maybe depression/anxiety will never go. But I feel in control because each day I must find a photo/quote/thing to post. It feels amazing! I don't mind if nobody replies I just want to try help others who may be scared to ask. Regards Avante X 1
Rainbowlove Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 I think this a great way of dealing with a broken heart. We have to find what works for us. For me, I've been trying new hobbies. I've been forcing myself to do things I normally wouldn't have. I am creating new experiences and rediscovering pieces of myself. Getting over someone isn't just sitting around watching the time go by. Getting over someone takes hard work. It takes courage to delve into finding new things out about ourselves. Good on you for finding what eases your pain and being grateful for all we have is a good thing. 1
Marco Valerio Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 If it helps you that means that you're doing the right thing. People have different ways of getting over break ups. Continue along that path my friend. 1
Author Avante91 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Posted January 20, 2015 Thank you guys! I cannot wait for the day where I no longer post how many days it's been, then I will be free and healed 1
Ieris Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Glad you're finding different ways to brighten up your day Avante91. Expressing how you feel through Art is a great idea, I still remember your poems from your other thread, very touching. A 365 project on Instagram sounds like a good idea, reminds you of how much you have to be grateful for. I like seeing in peoples posts.. more of them please.. Hope you make a swift recovery, you're on the right track to getting there x 1
Author Avante91 Posted February 2, 2015 Author Posted February 2, 2015 We were together for almost 3 years. Saw each other most days and spoke 24/7. We had a big breakup 12 months ago last Christmas. I begged, I pleaded, tried to show her that I would fight for us..she wasn't interested. She acted fine, happy, relieved. I finally let go in March so 3 months had passed with no contact. She turned up at my house begging for me back, apologising and saying it was all an act she realised how much she loves me and wants a future. We get back together and quickly fall back into our old habits and arguments we rushed it... Fast forward to November 2014...she ends it again over something pathetic. Christmas plans ruined. She knows how much the breakup destroyed me last time how can someone do it again - the timing is freaky. It mirrors our last breakup. It's been 64 days since she left me. I begged, I pleaded, I cried, I thought I needed to show her that I would fight for love. All it did was make me look pathetic. My pride is non existent. I know I will be okay in time because I've been here before but it hurts even more this time. It's been 30 days NC today and I feel like we broke up yesterday. I know I deserve more. I'm trying to find the strength that IF she tries the same thing again begging for me back I can ignore her and move forward with my life. I am so emotionally drained from this I feel like I've been on a hamster wheel for 3 years. I guess I thought day 30 no contact would give me some revelation how naive of me. She hasn't reached out, neither have I. I have no interest in friendship or a relationship with her I just want inner peace. I want to let go and be free. I probably make no sense today I'm sorry forum. I am in a dark and lonely place today and I have nobody to turn to except a whiskey bottle. Any words of criticism/advice/support are gratefully received. Not friends, not enemies, just strangers with memories. Regards Avante X
Oneness Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 ((HUGS)) 30 days NC is not a long time....don't be hard on yourself. Don't worry, you make total sense...at least to me. I have been in that dark, lonely place, wishing for just peace...still missing him but knowing I am better off without that toxic relationship. Let yourself grieve, and heal. For your sake, I hope she stays away and you are not tempted to get back on the hamster wheel...been there, done that, got the T-shirt, got a whole drawer full of them. 1
Invictus01 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 It is stories like this one that stop me from trying to contact the girl who walked away. Just couldn't put myself through this again. Hang in there man. I am fairly certain I know how you feel right now but it does get better with time. Just hang in there... 1
dyna85 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Wow, what a whirlwind to have the same thing happen at the same time of year. Kinda makes you wonder if she'll pull the same trick this time as she did at the 3 month mark last year. Hmm. All I can say is you are doing very well. Thirty days is a huge feat. You are one step closer to achieving inner peace by maintaining NC. Just keep it up brotha. Do you know how many women would die to have a guy fight for them? So for that, more power to you, and it's her loss. Stay strong. 1
Author Avante91 Posted February 2, 2015 Author Posted February 2, 2015 My friends, I thank you. From the bottom of what's left of my heart I am grateful. I'm a good looking guy, a great job in the financial industry and self employed as a personal trainer.. But it's all an act. I have lots of "friends" yet I spend my nights alone writing poetry and drinking whiskey. I know they say alcohol is a depressant and will hinder my progress but it's the only way I can sleep. I hug my pillow, I talk to myself. I miss her so much. My heart breaks everyday because there are constant reminders of her everywhere. I look so masculine but inside I know how weak I truly am. I find solace in a whiskey bottle, it puts me to sleep I have no hangover because my body is used to it. I've tried dating and I feel like im being unfaithful. I pray for the day I accept reality and that me and her are over. I guess I thought we had something unique and special unlike what you read on these forums. The truth is she doesn't love me if she did she would be holding me tonight. Another drunken night alone, where I drink enough to pass out and wake up and put on my mask again. I deserve an oscar I am so good at acting now. Please world give me a ****ing break. Regards Avante X
dyna85 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Honestly Avante, your whiskey habit is not doing you any favors and you should really put the bottle down and deal with your feelings the natural way. Take a hot shower to help you relax at night. Drink some chamomile tea. You're not being unfaithful when dating but you're being unfair to yourself maybe and to the women you're meeting. After a lengthy relationship such as yours, you might want to take a break for a little while. When the wounds are fresh, it can be hard putting yourself out there, because all you do is compare and feel like crap because it's not the same. I know the first thirty days of NC suck so bad. Heck, I'm only a little bit further up the road, and I still crash and burn, but we're all in this together! Look around, you got lots of company on here. I talk to myself too. Do what you gotta do. Alcohol is not the answer though.
Author Avante91 Posted February 2, 2015 Author Posted February 2, 2015 Honestly Avante, your whiskey habit is not doing you any favors and you should really put the bottle down and deal with your feelings the natural way. Take a hot shower to help you relax at night. Drink some chamomile tea. You're not being unfaithful when dating but you're being unfair to yourself maybe and to the women you're meeting. After a lengthy relationship such as yours, you might want to take a break for a little while. When the wounds are fresh, it can be hard putting yourself out there, because all you do is compare and feel like crap because it's not the same. I know the first thirty days of NC suck so bad. Heck, I'm only a little bit further up the road, and I still crash and burn, but we're all in this together! Look around, you got lots of company on here. I talk to myself too. Do what you gotta do. Alcohol is not the answer though. I need to stop drinking I know that but without it it can sleep for only 4 hours maximum.. Maybe I should see my doctor I don't know... I've developed a sense of resentment for women, I date people who are physically attractive but I see coldness in them, it's like it's my ex in disguise how ****ed up is that?!? I see my counsellor once a week, I'm back on happy pills and I'm back at the gym. But I live next door to a pub and I'm alone every evening it's the only company I truly have. I think I must have an addictive personality... If I'm not addicted to her its poker if it's not that it's drinking. I want to be normal dyna85! To make it worse I have 100 Roses I ordered in October that will now be getting delivered to my work as I had them planned to go to her. What a joke I will look sending myself 100 roses on valentines day... I hate life right now X
Ieris Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Give out those roses to 100 people, either in your office and/or people on the street. Make 100 people happy on that day, just imagine the smiles you'll put on peoples' faces (lots of people don't receive anything) 3
dyna85 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I second what Ieris said. Honestly, I find it quite endearing that you're sending yourself 100 roses, lol. That's so poetic and sweet. Again, who is this woman who gave up on someone who was going to send her a 100 roses on Valentine's day?! I'm so freaking jealous right now. You may have an addictive personality. I do too. I don't think you should hate yourself for it. As long as you're not harming anybody, you're good. When you start relying on alcohol though, you're harming yourself. Plus, as you said, alcohol is a depressant, and as many other members on here have commented, it's best to avoid alcohol for a while, because it will make you feel worse. If you're seeing your ex in all women you're dating right now.. yeah, it's probably too early for any of that, so you might want to chill from the dating scene for a while. 1
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