SUNFLOWER2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 is like a nail in the coffin? is being friends ever a good idea. like if you randomly stay in touch and meet up it's worse than completely not talking to them at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Marco Valerio Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 It's just the process of detaching themselves from their partner, they don't want to loose everything at once, better little by little, they still want the comfort/support you give them. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SUNFLOWER2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 so if you stay friends is there less hope of them changing their mind and wanting you back? or is a small reminder of what they are missing out on? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 It's a way for them to "be nice" and convince themselves that they aren't ripping your heart out. And being friends won't help you get back together -- if anything, all it does is help them wean themselves off of you and shows that you're hooked. Since they know you are there no matter what, there's no motivation for them to do anything with you. That being said, you need to stick to one thread instead of starting three or four separate ones. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marco Valerio Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 so if you stay friends is there less hope of them changing their mind and wanting you back? or is a small reminder of what they are missing out on? Dumpers don't need a reminder, they already know who and how you are. You can be sure they've been thinking about it before taking the decision of breaking up. The best shot you have is breaking completely from the dumper. It's only then when they get to know what's life without you. But the key point is, No Contact helps you to detach yourself from someone who is not interested anymore in you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Chin Up Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 (edited) is like a nail in the coffin? is being friends ever a good idea. like if you randomly stay in touch and meet up it's worse than completely not talking to them at all? I think people say it so they can keep the door open a crack. It's a convenient excuse/reason to keep in contact, or be able to contact an ex in the future because it's under the pretense of being friends. I played the friend card with my ex and he eagerly accepted it, but then made no effort to be my friend. He did me a favor in the end, but it was pretty hurtful and confusing for me to contact him and it was anyones guess if he would reply or not, or how he'd reply. It was slow to sink in, but I eventually realised that we had 2 very different definitions of friendship, and for both parties..the reasons were totally loaded lol. Moi: I'm using "friendship" as a way to keep in contact and hangout cuz I'm not over him and secretly hope I can worm my way back into a relationship! Him: Sweet, she wants to be friends. That means she doesn't hate me so I can have contact with her at my convenience and in the off chance I can't get better, or anyone at all..I can pop up out of the blue and try to weasel my way back into her life. I won't have to deal with awkwardly trying to explain why i'm contacting her because hey..we're "friends" right? It's best not to talk for quite some time after. If the both of you REALLY do want to be friends, and still feel that way after not communicating for an extended amount of time, then you will be. I shat all over my NC progress a few times and each time it was NOT worth it. Not talking to them feels like crap, but the inevitable hurt, confusion, anger, etc that comes with contact..it's way worse. Edited January 20, 2015 by Chin Up 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bigtrouble Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 (edited) is like a nail in the coffin? is being friends ever a good idea. like if you randomly stay in touch and meet up it's worse than completely not talking to them at all? Staying Friends with your Ex post BU is not a good idea. It will lengthen the healing process and will take longer to detach yourself. But if you are both completely over each other and moved on. You wouldn't have the compulsion or desire to be friends with them. I simple hi and hello when you bump to each other would suffice. Edited January 21, 2015 by bigtrouble Link to post Share on other sites
Riou Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 People throw in all kind of words to ease their guilt.Usually if you truly act like a friend to them in the mildest manner,they start to think you are smothering them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Me1986 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I think it depends why you broke up. My ex is still a close friend after we broke up years ago. Proper friends, not fake friends. It's a bit hard sometimes, especially when we spend time alone together and are reminded how much we enjoy each other's company, but overall it's positive. We know why we broke up and those reasons are still there. It's good to have a friend we can share our deepest secrets with. Link to post Share on other sites
smellysocksuni Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 People throw in all kind of words to ease their guilt.Usually if you truly act like a friend to them in the mildest manner,they start to think you are smothering them. OMG this. This so much. Link to post Share on other sites
idoltree Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Another few reasons "friendship" should be avoided: It's not real friendship if you are in it because you hope it will turn into more. You have ulterior motives, and true friends don't have those. If you were dumped and didn't want the relationship to end, settling for friendship means the dumper sees that you will settle for less than what you want in order to keep them in your life. This notion builds up their ego and lowers their respect for you, making it more likely their attraction for you will never return and they will look to greener pastures. If your ex moves on to a new relationship and you are "friends" with them, you're still going to be doing a great deal of emotional heavy lifting without the benefit of the committed relationship. Meaning, they know that you know them best, so they'll turn to you when they need support with something, and then have fun fun fun with the new person. You are actually easing the burden on the new person, and not allowing them the chance to fail at adequately emotionally supporting your ex through the tough parts of life. In this way, you run the risk of inadvertently strengthening their relationship and helping it succeed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
tikay00 Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 I think people say it so they can keep the door open a crack. It's a convenient excuse/reason to keep in contact, or be able to contact an ex in the future because it's under the pretense of being friends. I played the friend card with my ex and he eagerly accepted it, but then made no effort to be my friend. He did me a favor in the end, but it was pretty hurtful and confusing for me to contact him and it was anyones guess if he would reply or not, or how he'd reply. It was slow to sink in, but I eventually realised that we had 2 very different definitions of friendship, and for both parties..the reasons were totally loaded lol. Moi: I'm using "friendship" as a way to keep in contact and hangout cuz I'm not over him and secretly hope I can worm my way back into a relationship! Him: Sweet, she wants to be friends. That means she doesn't hate me so I can have contact with her at my convenience and in the off chance I can't get better, or anyone at all..I can pop up out of the blue and try to weasel my way back into her life. I won't have to deal with awkwardly trying to explain why i'm contacting her because hey..we're "friends" right? It's best not to talk for quite some time after. If the both of you REALLY do want to be friends, and still feel that way after not communicating for an extended amount of time, then you will be. I shat all over my NC progress a few times and each time it was NOT worth it. Not talking to them feels like crap, but the inevitable hurt, confusion, anger, etc that comes with contact..it's way worse. Preach it sista! Listen to this woman. Link to post Share on other sites
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