What the heck happened? Friendzoned out of nowhere.

[CON ARTIST]

Okay I'll try to keep it short. Me and this girl met about 5 months ago, and we started as friends. I noticed as time when on I really started to like her, and she liked me. We talked a few times about it, and she told it she really liked me, but she just got out of a cheating relation a few months before she met me, and she wanted to get to know me more. We kept growing closer and eventually she opened up more and told me she liked me a lot, and didn't want to stay just friends.

 

In the past 2 months we've just grown closer and closer. I was a little worried that her ex might try to come back, but I didn't bring it up. Eventually she asked me about me ex, and I told her I was cheated on around the same time too, which was true. She then told me she thought it was fair to let me know that her ex WAS trying to wedge himself back in her life, but she kept declining him, telling him she had me. I trusted her on, and still do. We shared our first kiss about a month ago, which was a bigger deal than normal, because she was very defensive of anything intimate for awhile. Trust issues I guess. We held hands, kissed often, and every time we spent time it was great. We met each others families, and we both kind of invested a lot into each other.

 

Just LAST WEEK she even brought up if I was okay with her visiting an old childhood friend who was a guy, in a couple months. She promised it was only platonic, and she only liked me. I still trust her on that, but who knows.

 

Now all of the sudden, she brings up that she really really likes me, but she only wants to be just friends. Out of nowhere, I didn't see anything coming at all. We just started being exclusive and everything was great, then she just pulled out. She just says she sees me as a friend. What the heck? I would understand that like, 3 months ago when we were on the fence about moving forward. But she just randomly friend-zoned me after we had moved forward into a more "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationship. Like just a week ago she was talking about valentine's day plans and stuff like that.

 

I'm not really looking for advice to get her back, because I'm not sure I can do that. She was very set on wanting to stay friends with me though, and I'll see how true to that she actually is, because I'm going to back off. I'm more so curious as to what would possibly cause her to back out like this?

 

I know you guys obviously don't know 100%, but what are some of your suggestions as to what it could have been? Was she too scared of getting committed after being cheated on? Did she just suddenly lose her feelings that fast? I suppose another guy could have entered the picture, but that's just not really her style to hop around like that, but anything is possible.

 

What do you guys think happened? Is me just backing off the best thing I could do to improve my odds of her coming back around eventually? I really do like her, and she means a good amount to me. I just came from being cheated on from a 2 year relationship, so it doesn't hurt nearly as bad, but this is a pretty big bummer.

Edited January 20, 2015 by CON ARTIST

[GemmaUK]

Something happened and she changed her mind.

 

 

Most folk are likely to say she went back to her ex - which is possible.

 

 

For me, I never go back to ex's so if I lose interest after a few weeks or months it's always something I am not happy about with the date I am dating.

 

 

I wouldn't advise being close friends for any reason.

 

 

Just move on.

[serial muse]

Yikes, that sucks.

 

Seems like one of four things happened:

 

1. She got back with the ex.

2. She's interested in the childhood "platonic" friend.

3. She decided that she's not actually attracted to you after all; wasn't sure to begin with, gave it a try and then decided it wasn't working for her.

4. She realized she really isn't emotionally ready to enter into a new relationship.

 

or some combination of these. Or some other dark horse guy you don't know about has entered the picture.

 

I suspect #3, frankly. But yeah, it's hard to say which of these scenarios is the actual truth. I know it's impossible to follow this advice, and I wouldn't myself, but there's really not much good in speculating. The truth is it doesn't really matter, since she's backed away. Best thing to do would be to distance yourself at this point. I'm sorry.

[alphamale]

Me and this girl met about 5 months ago, and we started as friends.

start out as lovers instead of friends

[CON ARTIST]

I've always heard the opposite lol. I don't think I can love someone without being friends with them first.

 

Anyways, thanks for the reply guys. I suppose she just lost her feelings. But it's just strange since just last week she was doing all this stuff to prove how much she wants to move us forward and whatnot. It sucks, but it's just really jarring. I didn't see it coming one bit, everything she had said and done in the past few weeks pointed towards greener pastures, then boom. She really likes me, but wants to just stay friends.

 

Thanks guys.

[doeblin]

But it's just strange

People can behave out-of-character in the months after a rough breakup.

[CON ARTIST]

Yeah I underdtand. Honestly like it sucks and all, and I'm not so egocentric that I can't accept that a girl doesn't like me back, it's just in this situation she told me so many times that she wanted to be more than friends, and she liked me in a romantic way.

 

We started kissing, holding hands, and everything was just getting better and better, then just out of nowhere, wants to go back to being friends. If she seriously lost interest that fast in like less than a week, that's pretty incredible lol.

 

Wouldn't have been so bad if she did this before we decided to move forward. I kinda put all my eggs in one basket once we decided to move forward, and it just exploded in my face.

 

Seriously one of the most confusing dating experiences I've ever had.

[Diezel]

Okay I'll try to keep it short. Me and this girl met about 5 months ago, and we started as friends.

 

Sorry man, but honestly, it seems like in her mind, you never really truly left the Friendzone.

 

Just going to have to move on from this.

[Gaeta]

but she just got out of a cheating relation a few months before she met me

 

Don't date people freshly out of relationships. They have a long process they must go through before entering a new relationship and if they don't allow themselves the time to do that it will hit them down the road whether it's 5 months, a year or 5 years.