Seeking Arrangement Situation gone wrong

[BlueIris]

……..

I did not bring up money situation as I thought that was tacky. I answered truthfully as I am looking for a companion and he said he was looking to date and have a girlfriend.

 

Truthfully? Not really. Your mistake. Right then you should have told the REAL truth, that you need $____ per month, and he pays for all activities. Be clear about payment arrangements too. Paid weekly? Certainly not monthly after the fact.

 

You should have then asked what he was looking for and ONLY IF he didn’t agree and there was room in your number or terms, negotiated a MUTUALLY beneficial contract, or not kept seeing him. Your fault. Don’t do it next time.

 

… I also gave him a free voucher for 1 ticket for the movie. He was very hesitant , paid, then looked at me and said, "you owe me $14 for the movie".

 

So after that, you STILL didn’t bring up the “arrangement” bit and so this is a mess.

 

He is NOT good BF material for sure, so take that off the table. The only possibility with him is whether he'll ante up and generously enough to make it worth your while now that you know he takes advantage. Personally, I think you should end it cleanly (no emotional talk) and do it right next time. Tally up your personal expenses, costs and some spending money and know your number cold. Don’t deviate or compromise it. Never go into negotiations with anyone on anything without knowing your bottom line. Add some negotiating room to your number and give that total as your number- at the outset- with any future prospects.

[CALOVELY]

This conversation is about sugaring, this is a concept of a mutually beneficial "relationship". It is what you make of it, but with millions of users online understand it is a common approach. Everyone has their reasons. To compare it to street walking is passive aggressive - understand everyone has a story.

 

These "relationships" can be short term or long term, anyone I have spoken to has had a sugar baby for 3 to 5 years. The men want the company and the illusion it is not for money but to help financially because they can. This is not for the average joe with $ for a romp. that is why the agreement is the most important and where I have made my mistake.

 

 

Due to my disability I will go 10 months with zero compensation and unable to work during that time as the Insurance company will use that information against me. I have exhausted my resources and I have no one I can ask. Yes, the desperation is true. But I did not even bring up set arrangement because I enjoyed this guys company - we are the same age, we live in the same neighbourhood, have friends in common - it all seemed like the two of us just got curious about this website because the other methods of meeting people didn't work.

 

 

I was naive because, it is very true from the comments he is consciously or unconsciously taking advantage of why we met to begin with.

 

 

I was honestly open to forgoing the allowance all together because in the brief time of getting to know him I was happy. Now he pulled what I consider a douchebag move at the movies over something very trivial which gave me a red flag (how ironic given the circumstances) that maybe it's not real.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don't understand the negative comments - it's a type of lifestyle that exists, the moral compas is based upon what the person wants, but the end of the day it's two consenting adults coming to the table with their expectations, including an allowance for the SB to enjoy how she pleases

 

He knew the deal and is pulling a fast one. No man signs up for a site like that and thinks he is getting the attention of a young woman for free. He is getting away with this because you allow it and are too nice to speak up. Cut off contact with this guy and find someone else who upholds the contract. Chalk this up to a learning experience and stand firm by your boundaries in the future.

[TOtiger]

This is all true, especially about how we met. Initially our stories were similar. Our friends recommend we explore it because the traditional ways that we have now weren't working. I wasn't even looking for someone because is rather focus on myself and getting well. We hit it off and we both agreed how "lucky" we were to of met. It became romantic and I got caught up in it and forgot what brought me to this point. The money didn't even matter, I was just happy to have met a guy that I clicked with so well.

 

I was very successful when I was working, I made 6 figures grinding my gears and saved. That is how I am supporting myself - on my own money, my own investments and previous lines of credit approved before my disability. Now I have no resources available and the idea of a SD seemed like something to explore. I wrote in my profile I'm also looking for a mentor to help me build a business. I'm interested in further investments such as bigger real estate projects in my city. I'm extremely business savey but.... I'm also naive and a little love struck too quickly.

 

 

I'm totally able to put forward my weaknesses as I have many personal strengths. I felt posting to this forum would be interesting to see the opinions from others

[CALOVELY]

This is all true, especially about how we met. Initially our stories were similar. Our friends recommend we explore it because the traditional ways that we have now weren't working. I wasn't even looking for someone because is rather focus on myself and getting well. We hit it off and we both agreed how "lucky" we were to of met. It became romantic and I got caught up in it and forgot what brought me to this point. The money didn't even matter, I was just happy to have met a guy that I clicked with so well.

 

I was very successful when I was working, I made 6 figures grinding my gears and saved. That is how I am supporting myself - on my own money, my own investments and previous lines of credit approved before my disability. Now I have no resources available and the idea of a SD seemed like something to explore. I wrote in my profile I'm also looking for a mentor to help me build a business. I'm interested in further investments such as bigger real estate projects in my city. I'm extremely business savey but.... I'm also naive and a little love struck too quickly.

 

 

I'm totally able to put forward my weaknesses as I have many personal strengths. I felt posting to this forum would be interesting to see the opinions from others

 

A guy on a site like that is not someone you want to fall in love with. The power dynamic is always going to be skewed towards him by the sheer nature of his having the money. That site is for an arrangement, nothing more and you need to remind yourself of that. If you want to find a mentor, a much better place would be somewhere like local business associations in the sector you are interested in. There are plenty of people who would love to teach someone the ropes and get the admiration that comes with that. Keep it professional though. You do not want to get in to an industry only to have your reputation tarnished by "sleeping your way up". In other words, your personal life and professional life need to be separate.

[Allumere]

Please don't be offended but in reading this my first thought was that see can go out on dates but not work..wait..what? I know there are all kinds of scenarios and legitimate reasons for folks to not work but this would be the first thing I would ask.

[insert_name]

Understood. Perhaps she does not have the resources for a plane ticket to get to Nevada. Also, many women falsely believe that sites like SA are somehow safer than backpage advertisements and think a "nice, older gentleman" would never do anything harmful. As evidenced by the OP's post, that is not true. This guy sure is taking advantage of her and he knows darn well that he is.

 

OP admits she told the guy she was there for companionship when she was actuslly there for the money. Do you think she would seriously be dating the guy if it wasnt for the $$$ he claims to have? So who is taking advantage of who?! There are no victims here.

 

OP is trying to play big boys games with men who have typically made their money by being both shrewd and ruthless, so she is going to get bit on occasion. She has to dust herself on and get on it with it- its the nature of the industry she is trying to make her way in.

 

Thats business.

[CALOVELY]

OP admits she told the guy she was there for companionship when she was actuslly there for the money. Do you think she would seriously be dating the guy if it wasnt for the $$$ he claims to have? So who is taking advantage of who?! There are no victims here.

 

OP is trying to play big boys games with men who have typically made their money by being both shrewd and ruthless, so she is going to get bit on occasion. She has to dust herself on and get on it with it- its the nature of the industry she is trying to make her way in.

 

Thats business.

 

Which is exactly why I told her to treat this like a business. That is what it is. She needs to be upfront about her intentions. As to you second comment, would that guy be hooked up with her if she was not young and willing? He knew the deal. Both are trying to get something out of this.

[insert_name]

This conversation is about sugaring, this is a concept of a mutually beneficial "relationship". It is what you make of it, but with millions of users online understand it is a common approach. Everyone has their reasons. To compare it to street walking is passive aggressive - understand everyone has a story.

 

These "relationships" can be short term or long term, anyone I have spoken to has had a sugar baby for 3 to 5 years. The men want the company and the illusion it is not for money but to help financially because they can. This is not for the average joe with $ for a romp. that is why the agreement is the most important and where I have made my mistake.

 

 

Due to my disability I will go 10 months with zero compensation and unable to work during that time as the Insurance company will use that information against me. I have exhausted my resources and I have no one I can ask. Yes, the desperation is true. But I did not even bring up set arrangement because I enjoyed this guys company - we are the same age, we live in the same neighbourhood, have friends in common - it all seemed like the two of us just got curious about this website because the other methods of meeting people didn't work.

 

 

I was naive because, it is very true from the comments he is consciously or unconsciously taking advantage of why we met to begin with.

 

 

I was honestly open to forgoing the allowance all together because in the brief time of getting to know him I was happy. Now he pulled what I consider a douchebag move at the movies over something very trivial which gave me a red flag (how ironic given the circumstances) that maybe it's not real.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don't understand the negative comments - it's a type of lifestyle that exists, the moral compas is based upon what the person wants, but the end of the day it's two consenting adults coming to the table with their expectations, including an allowance for the SB to enjoy how she pleases

 

You say you dont mind the judgement but you seem to still be trying to dress it up in a way that sounds like you are trying to convince yourself. Making it sound all flowery about how you have 'clicked'. Its all built on foundations of sand- if his investments crashed tomorrow and he had nothing you would be out the door in a heartbeat. Everything you like about him is conditional on his wealth.

 

You should just face it head on and feel comfortable saying "I'm with this guy for his money". I think people would actually be able to respect the honesty.

[TOtiger]

Thank you for the advice - clearly this was not right for me and I learned quickly. That's all I can take from this encounter - I went to close my account on the website (as I had not been active since dating this guy, my choice) I see he was active 2 days prior and checked my profile 5 days prior. He's in his own right to do so but led me to believe otherwise and he was looking for 1 girl. Maybe that's true.... But someone better looking, younger, ect .... And it likely continues.

 

I scratch my head and think wow, well there's a mistake. Then he magically pops online - how awkward. So I sent a short email cancelling our plans this week - I was going to use it as an opportunity to discuss what has been said in the forum and make an agreement we both are comfortable with.

 

But instead, I very much see I made the mistake of becoming emotionally invested.

 

I simply sent him an email on the website saying that we don't need to meet for our date and that I came online today to close it (which is true) and I wished him good luck with the website

 

I couldn't put my foot in the fire - I'm clearly too sensitive for that

 

Thanks for your responses - it helped

[oldshirt]

It's sex for money. You can church it up and put whatever flowery words and pictures of butterfly's on it however you want but at the end of the day it is still bucks for fcks.

 

I am actually ok with the concept of prostitution and think it should be legal and accessable. I think every town should have a safe, legal, regulated brothel.

 

I am not a church lady pointing fingers and casting stones. I am saying if you are going to make your living being a sex worker, at least face up to it and be smart about it and look at it as a business like any other professional prostitute.

 

The only thing separating sugaring from an escort or a street walker is the duration of the hookup.

 

Blow a guy in his car for 5 minutes, your a streetwalker.

 

Go on a date for a night or a weekend junket your an escort.

 

Hangout for a week to months or years it's a sugar baby.

 

All that changes is the duration and the name. It still making money in exchange for sex.

 

If you are ok with that, go for it. Just don't act like its not prostitution.

[Eighty_nine]

It's sex for money. You can church it up and put whatever flowery words and pictures of butterfly's on it however you want but at the end of the day it is still bucks for fcks.

 

I am actually ok with the concept of prostitution and think it should be legal and accessable. I think every town should have a safe, legal, regulated brothel.

 

I am not a church lady pointing fingers and casting stones. I am saying if you are going to make your living being a sex worker, at least face up to it and be smart about it and look at it as a business like any other professional prostitute.

 

The only thing separating sugaring from an escort or a street walker is the duration of the hookup.

 

Blow a guy in his car for 5 minutes, your a streetwalker.

 

Go on a date for a night or a weekend junket your an escort.

 

Hangout for a week to months or years it's a sugar baby.

 

All that changes is the duration and the name. It still making money in exchange for sex.

 

If you are ok with that, go for it. Just don't act like its not prostitution.

 

If you want OP to come clean that she's ok with being a prostitute, maybe you should come clean about your feelings about the subject and stop pretending you're "ok" with it. Your posts reek of judgement. And sorry, but no, using a site like this is not the same as being picked up on a street corner. My father makes a decent income; my mother has always made a fairly low income. My father pays the bills and for pretty much everything else too. Is my mother also a prostitute, then?

 

OP, I agree that you made a mistake in not mentioning the allowance thing up front. Do you think he was liking you enough that he may have been hoping you were no longer interested in the cash at all, and asking you to pay for the movie ticket was a "test" of that? Have you heard anything else from him?

[TOtiger]

It very well could of been, we made plans for this week as I mentioned in the post above.

 

But, I was hurt again seeing him online on SA tonight (could of been for any reason, but his history is active every 2 days).

 

I decided to end it. Even if him and I came to an arrangement or even a mutual exclusive relationship - my trust in him is in question if he is still active looking for a SB but dating me 2-3 nights a week.

[TOtiger]

My feelings were more important then the money - I maybe didn't emphasize that - it's just the dynamic of it all creates a complicated situation.

 

My insecurities led to this point - not being direct and setting boundaries before becoming emotionally involved. My insecurities in trust when I question a guys true motives

[oldshirt]

If you want OP to come clean that she's ok with being a prostitute, maybe you should come clean about your feelings about the subject and stop pretending you're "ok" with it. Your posts reek of judgement. And sorry, but no, using a site like this is not the same as being picked up on a street corner. My father makes a decent income; my mother has always made a fairly low income. My father pays the bills and for pretty much everything else too. Is my mother also a prostitute, then?

 

OP, I agree that you made a mistake in not mentioning the allowance thing up front. Do you think he was liking you enough that he may have been hoping you were no longer interested in the cash at all, and asking you to pay for the movie ticket was a "test" of that? Have you heard anything else from him?

 

What I have to come clean about is I actually have more respect and acceptance of the professional prostitute that is up front about what she does for a living than I do for someone trying to cloak it by calling it by another name and deluding themself into thinking it isn't prostitution.

[oldshirt]

...if you are going to be a sex worker, be a good one and own it. Give your professional best and give it your full attention and dedication. Have a solid business and financial plan and conduct your business with the highest of professional standards and ethics.

 

Charge a fair price and give your customers their moneys worth.

 

Be the Donald Trump of your chosen profession.

 

But don't hide behind some cutesy name and pretend its something it's not.

[6Pack]

I read a lot about this site, and I even created an account (as a "Sugar Daddy") to see what would happen.

 

I did not claim to be a millionaire, nor did I promise anything specific to anyone; instead, I stated my terms are negotiable. My thought process was that, in the past, as a guy, I have almost always paid for dinners, drinks, gifts, vacations, etc for girls I was dating...some girls paid for themselves as well or even paid for me, but mostly I paid, and so I was willing to be generous with a new girlfriend and legitimately help her out. It was really more of a psychological 'experiment' for me, nothing else. But I figured, if I clicked with anyone, I would be willing to treat them to dinners etc for their time.

 

I did meet several women but nothing panned out at all.

 

Here is what I found:

 

-There are really three different types of girls using the site. Most are young girls who do need cash and who saw an ad for the site and signed up, intrigued at the idea. Most of these girls seem somewhat willing to meet guys to experiment and see what happens, to see if they will actually get paid to go on dates. These girls are not only down on their luck, but are willing to "dabble" in escorting temporarily to get some cash. The second group are women who are slightly older, and are NOT looking to get paid for dating, but are legitimately looking to find an older (50+) gentleman with whom they can actually date and share an emotional connection, plus get taken care of with vacations, etc. ANy cash given to them is a bonus. These girls treat the site as more like a real Online Dating site, but for older people. The third group, are women who are straight-up prostitutes, who will email you and specifically negotiate a specific rate for a night of sex. Some of these girls may also be working on BackPage and/or street walking, and have pimps who accompany them on the "date", to help enforce the "agreement".

 

There is also a fourth group, which are girls looking to scam guys via wire fraud etc. I never encountered these types, but they are allegedly out there looking to scam older nieve lonely men.

 

I got good email results from the site...I sent 30 emails and got 8 or 9 responses, and I met three of the women in person. All of them were young and actually extremely attractive. However, it felt like regular online dating, where you go to meet someone at a restaurant and chit-chat, etc.

 

The girls seem to have somewhat inflated expectations. I blame this on the type of marketing that the site runs. The site seems to make women think that there are hundreds and thousands of lonely local millionaires, just waiting to blow their money to have dinner with a beautiful girl. I got the sense that the girls were hoping to meet "Wolf of Wall Street" types, or, looking to meet someone who is a cross between Donald Sterling and Christian Grey (from the 50 Shades book). I was talking to one of the dates, and I had to explain to her, that most of these types of people you see on TV barely exist, and if they do, they generally have adequate people skills to not have to pay for it...they meet other successful women and date them. I also told her the truth about

wealth in this country, that the average US millionaire is worth $1.2 million, and usually earned their wealth owning a business like a plumbing business, or heating/AC business, and are usually extreme tightwads, so tight they dont drive fancy cars like porsches etc. I told her that a guy with a 1.2MM net worth will *maybe* earn $120,000 a year in earnings in the stock market, and wont have the cash to spend $5,000 a month on a girl...LOL. These girls were nice, but delusional.

 

I explained to the girls, that I am not the type who ever has to "pay" for dates, but that I am willing to try something new and that I can be generous to a woman if I really like hanging out with her.

 

The first girl I met was a 23-yr old Polish girl, who was in fact, a nanny. She seemed nice, and made it clear she is not looking for "Pay 2 Play", as it is called. That is the type of arrangement where you pay for a night of sex. I told her that is good, as I am not looking for that either. I asked her if she has ever met guys from the site, and she said yes, she has met several but the guys will typically take her to dinner and then at the end of the night, give her an envelope full of cash, or gift cards. Personally, I think she was lying about that, although I take people at face value for their word. She also claimed that she had dated 3 guys from the site, they were all married guys who wanted a mistress and she played that role. I asked her what she is looking for, and she said someone who will treat her like a princess and spoil her, and to find a wealthy guy to marry so she wont have to work (LOL).

 

Second girl was an american-born fiipina girl who was 23, and college educated. She runs some sort of fashion blog (with maybe 20 followers) and had big dreams of being a designer someday. This girl would not stop talking about her self and clothing, shoes, etc. She claimed that she once tried P2P, but got scammed. I asked her how so? She said her and her roomate signed up on the site, met 2 guys who claimed they would pay, but then after the deed was done, took off and didnt pay (LOL).

 

After this date, I began to realize just how "wierd" this all was, but I still had promised two girls I would meet them. The 3rd girl was a Russian girl, good looking, but again, was looking for a multi-millionaire to take care of her. No real story to tell. Fourth girl, I had to cancel on for work-related reasons, but she probably thought I flaked, and so she didnt want to meet after that.

 

As far as the guys go...I have heard that it is mostly older lonely guys who are lying about their wealth, and lying about what they can give a girl. They seem like they are looking to find a younger college girl (that they normally wouldnt have a chance with), who is down on her luck, and willing to "put out" for a couple hundred. I have read about, and heard, that a lot of the guys dont follow thru with their end of the bargain. I have not actually heard any verificable stories of women actually getting the fabled "$5000 a month allowance" that the site tries to recommend.

 

I have also seen crazy profiles of hot women who say things like "Im looking for $5000 a month, to hang out with a guy on a platonic basis". Im like, WTF? Yeah, good luck finding that!

 

There is also the meme on the site that women are looking for a "mentor". Here is the facts: there are older successful men (and women) who do enjouy mentoring younger people, but they NEVER go thru a "sex/dating site" to find them! They usually go more legitimate routes, such as working thru a program at a local university, or thru Rotary Club-type business associations, etc. I always got the sense that this meme is being pushed by the site, as a type of camoflouge for the illicit activities that may be taking place.

Edited January 21, 2015 by 6Pack

[BlueIris]

What I have to come clean about is I actually have more respect and acceptance of the professional prostitute that is up front about what she does for a living than I do for someone trying to cloak it by calling it by another name and deluding themself into thinking it isn't prostitution.

 

I have less respect for Johns than prostitutes, but whaddya gonna do? We see Johns, and guys considering being Johns, post here all the time with tales of desperation and woe, or just their Johning fun times.

 

Does sex mean anything or not? Seems it doesn't to a heck of a lot of people. (I'm not talking about OP here at all- just the clashing attitudes in society.) I suppose that so long as enough people say and believe things like, "it's just sex" and FBs and FWBs and ONS and so on are all okay, I don't see how paying is any worse.

 

But lots of people freak out about money far more than they do about sex. THAT's the key: money, not sex. And people definitely care about money.

Edited January 21, 2015 by BlueIris

[TOtiger]

What I have to come clean about is I actually have more respect and acceptance of the professional prostitute that is up front about what she does for a living than I do for someone trying to cloak it by calling it by another name and deluding themself into thinking it isn't prostitution.

 

 

I don't think you read my replies or understood what sugaring is. Before my disability I clocked in a 6 figure salary, I was able to do some smart investments in the stock market after the crash, I had an emergency fund also set aside for time off work.

 

Can you understand that no one has an emergency fund for 10 - 12 months of no work. I've exhausted what was available to me at this time. I do plan to return to my career when my health recovers - I have a union job and the job is waiting for me and if it is not, they will have a different job for me. That is the law.

 

My role in this was out of curiosity as it was recommended by a friend. I'm attracted to older men, I myself, I am in my mid 30s - I am not a Spring Chicken 22 year old college student. My needs are different. I need companionship and security with a partner who can pay my rent and my bills - why? Because he has the capacity to. I did not seek out an 80 year old man with his pension to burn.

 

I met a man who also came across the website (could also call it a social experiment on his part: Pof vs SA) with the named intention of a girlfriend and monogamous relationship with trips and nice dinners.

 

I should also note, given the city I live in, the average salary of a young professional in my neighbourhood is 6 figures. So dating successful men is not "new", I just never met one I liked. This one I clicked with immediately - and vice versa.

 

I'm not looking to prostitute myself as a career? I have an office job waiting to prostitute myself out to there.

 

I came across this "lifestyle" and fell for the guy - if I wrote about our dates, they would be very romantic stories and he truly went out of his way to impress me by what I liked, not with his wallet.

 

Now somehow he pulled a douchebag move: maybe he was testing me, maybe he was upset I gave him a free voucher, maybe he really thought if I "really" wanted to pay he would let me? I don't know and won't have an answer.

 

I just don't know why you're ranting about street walkers? I just don't find it adding value to the discussion though I'm open to all opinions. I find it "slut shaming" - all relationships have expectations. It's about what people consent to

 

This story actually still continues. He contacted me and assured me that he is not looking or dating anyone else. He wants a monogamous relationship and said he does read the emails he gets from other women.

 

Do I believe him? I don't know. I said we can meet in person and discuss what we both want from each other. He agreed and said he was expecting that conversation this week. We also agreed to both delete all of our online dating profiles together

 

I don't know what to expect, but I think he's willing to hear me and deep down knows he screwed up and wants to make it better.

 

He's also offered (last week) for me to assist him manage his multiple properties - he owns many residential houses, some currently renting, some under renovation. He is also a VP of an IT company and doesn't have time to do everything. Therefore, he's offered to mentor me in real estate and building management - both of which I wanted - and could even offer to compensate me financially for that.

 

I've verified all his credentials - his net is $10 million with a gross intake of about $400k per year. He can afford to take care of a woman if he

Chooses to - he just has been too busy in his work and decided to explore this

 

I'm just giving multiple perspectives -

I will have to see how the conversation goes - but at the heart if it all - I do adore him -

Just not when he asks me to pick up the pizza bill :/

[6Pack]

Ok, well if you want to give him a second chance, and if you think that he is the real deal, then I say go for it!

 

BUT - you have to let him know what your demands are! And stick to them! Be VERY BLUNT about what you need (financial assistance in the form of weekly cold hard cash).

[CALOVELY]

...if you are going to be a sex worker, be a good one and own it. Give your professional best and give it your full attention and dedication. Have a solid business and financial plan and conduct your business with the highest of professional standards and ethics.

 

Charge a fair price and give your customers their moneys worth.

 

Be the Donald Trump of your chosen profession.

But don't hide behind some cutesy name and pretend its something it's not.

 

So failing so badly she declares bankruptcy four times? She should aim higher than him.

 

OP, it is wonderful you have such a good head on your shoulders. It sounds like you got a bit too wrapped up in emotions and lost your way. Keep it purely business.

[TB Rhine]

Hey OP... not sure if you're still looking for advice/replies about your situation, but I thought I would throw my own two cents in.

 

I don't make a whole lot of money, but I've tried doing the "arrangement" thing with a few girls... helping out on the rent, etc. in exchange for, ahem, favors. What I've found, for what it's worth, is that it's best to be VERY upfront and very literal about what's going on. Like you, I've at times demurred when a girl asks what I'm looking for... in other words, not coming right out and saying "sex." I find this usually results in me not having sex, and often shelling out quite a bit of money anyway.

 

In your position, I think you're going to experience the flip side of that... if they ask what you want and you don't say "money/financial support," you're most likely going to end up giving them what they want and not getting what YOU actually want in return. In general people are looking for the best deal in life, to get as much as they can while giving as little as they can get away with. If a guy can get with you by paying for dinner as opposed to paying your rent for the month, he's gonna do that. Likewise, if many women can get their rent paid by dangling the possibility of sex, rather than actually having to come across with it, they are going to do that.

 

In the future, be upfront. If you're looking for X amount per month, say that. Specify what you're willing to do and what you're not willing to do. Don't try to be cagey. It just leads to misunderstandings/being taken advantage of, on both sides.

Edited January 21, 2015 by TB Rhine

[insert_name]

I do adore him -

Just not when he asks me to pick up the pizza bill :/

 

And therein lies the rub. Your opinion of him is entirely dependent on what he can do for you in return for sex. You have effectively put a price on your head and if this guy is not able to meet your valuation then hes yesterday's news despite how well you get on and the chemistry and yada yada yada. There is an elephant in the room here and its money.

 

I guess its a case of each to their own- he is no doubt aware of whst he is getting himself into based on the site that you met on. I just struggle to get my head round why people would have relationships with someone whose love is so conditional on superficial things?

 

Ah well, as the saying goes: "if you want loyalty...get a dog."

[TB Rhine]

I'll also say that, if you're looking for a real love relationship to blossom out of this, I think you're fooling yourself.

 

You might find a wealthy, but unattractive/socially inept guy who's willing to marry you and support you long-term in exchange for companionship, OR you might find an older gentleman who's looking for a trophy wife/girlfriend. You're NOT going to find a normal, well-adjusted, well-to-do guy of appropriate age that you will hit it off emotionally with and have that eventually transition into a real relationship. That is a "Pretty Woman"-style fantasy. The kind of guy you're going to "like" isn't going to be looking for true love on an arrangement site.

[PogoStick]

I'm sorry you feel you are in this desperate situation, and for the insensitive attacks you are enduring.

[oldshirt]

I need companionship and security with a partner who can pay my rent and my bills - why? Because he has the capacity to. :/

 

so if you are going into this with the intent of finding someone to pay your way, how is this not sex for money?

 

 

What else are you going to be able to offer if not poon? And don't say your companionship, witty jokes and charming presence. I can get that down at Starbucks any evening of the week from a different woman every night and I'm not wealthy. Noone is that naïve. If some wealthy guy is going to support a woman for contractual sum of money for specified period of time, it's for poon.