Rejected Rosebud Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Dead end texts pretty much define the whole thing, from that thread, sorry. 2
MissBee Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 (edited) I told him what I like and what I am looking for in terms of communication, I am not afraid of speaking my mind with a man I am seeing. He always replies you're right about everything but nothing changes. Next! My ex used to do similar things. Turns out he had nothing much to say and just wasn't my speed in terms of communicating and he would also always agree that I was right but truth is didn't know how to change it or it was very strained when he tried...we were simply not a good match. For me to be excited about a man and want to be with him we need to have seamless, comfortable communication. I've had it so it's impossible for me to be satisfied with feeling like I'm pulling teeth or the guy needs some coaxing and training in how to text....I mean come on. You're naturally interesting and communicating with each other on the same wavelength or you aren't and never will. Edited to add: just realized it was that same lame guy from before...uhh next...my rule of thumb is: if I'm just dating a man and have to make several threads dissecting him or am often confused about his behavior, then no it won't work as it is unlikely it will go uphill from there. The beginning is the easiest and when everything usually aligns easily with promising relationships, then maybe later as you get serious other things arise, but once it starts off with a ton of questions and sketchy or just plain unpleasing behavior, walk on by I say as it's taking all the fun out of the fun part so I can't imagine what the more serious part would be like. Edited January 20, 2015 by MissBee 1
Sunfire73 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 I would next him not because of poor texting but because you weren't taken out for a date for 4 weeks now.
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 I see these as just the boring person's way to pass the time. It doesn't take much effort. If someone really wanted to talk to me, they'd ask me how my day had been, or tell me something awesome they'd seen on the internet, for all you know they're sending the same identikit text messages to five girls at once. Plus... no date in four weeks? Well, that just proves my point. If he was genuinely interested in you, he'd be taking you out on dates and spending time in person with you. Not sending stupid five word text messages that have nothing to them. 2
venusishername Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 I can't stand dead end texts. I mean, occasionally of course, good morning or hope you had a great day is cool and considerate. I think it shows they're thinking about you is all. But if that's it, it would grate on my nerves and I'd lose interest fast. I like more depth in my communications with people. 2
Redhead14 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Here we are getting our panties in a wad about texting! So what, he sends texts that are pretty common in terms of showing interest and you can simply decide to respond or not. He texted you, you want more of a conversation, start it, do your part to demonstrate what it is you want as far as texting. This is positive reinforcement. Not responding, getting annoyed and complaining about it is negative. He hasnt asked you out in 4 weeks, he thinks you aren't interested enough to put in a little effort. You complained to him about his style, you didn't show him what you wanted. He heard complaining . . . why would he stick around for that. 2
GemmaUK Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 One of my ex's was a massive texter but when I got a dead end text I took it as a break and that I had no need to reply. I figured he was being considerate that I was busy or off to sleep..oh boy was I wrong! I got into a pile of trouble over that! He only slept for 4 hours per night and I was 'on call' and expected to reply when he was awake. No dates in 4 weeks? I wouldn't be considering myself dating him at this point. I don't need a man around and living in my pocket but his actions aren't expressing that he wants to be with you. Honestly I wouldn't bother replying to his dead end texts at this point. You have spoken to him, he isn't compromising and we all have to in relationships over certain things. If dating becomes no fun then I stop dating. Relationships are different and have ups and downs when you've been together a while (years) but I don't think this guy sees you as a long term prospect or he would be making more effort. Sounds like he is making next to no effort and has you if he wants you.
Author Gaeta Posted January 20, 2015 Author Posted January 20, 2015 Here we are getting our panties in a wad about texting! So what, he sends texts that are pretty common in terms of showing interest and you can simply decide to respond or not. He texted you, you want more of a conversation, start it, do your part to demonstrate what it is you want as far as texting. This is positive reinforcement. Not responding, getting annoyed and complaining about it is negative. He hasnt asked you out in 4 weeks, he thinks you aren't interested enough to put in a little effort. You complained to him about his style, you didn't show him what you wanted. He heard complaining . . . why would he stick around for that. It's not like that at all. I do start conversation, he does no jump in. My attempts often remain unanswered. He always says he's sorry he was busy. I never ignore his communication, never ever. I don't know where you got that part. I am definitely the leader here. I initiate communication probably each day. I inquire about his free time, I suggest dates ideas, I show interest in him and what he does, etc. I give him compliments, I tell him I miss him, I am looking forward to see him again, and all that good stuff. I accepted to take the role of the leader because he told me he was timid. I feel since last August he had time to work on his timidity with me and he should feel comfortable enough to take some lead.
Redhead14 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 It's not like that at all. I do start conversation, he does no jump in. My attempts often remain unanswered. He always says he's sorry he was busy. I never ignore his communication, never ever. I don't know where you got that part. I am definitely the leader here. I initiate communication probably each day. I inquire about his free time, I suggest dates ideas, I show interest in him and what he does, etc. I give him compliments, I tell him I miss him, I am looking forward to see him again, and all that good stuff. I accepted to take the role of the leader because he told me he was timid. I feel since last August he had time to work on his timidity with me and he should feel comfortable enough to take some lead. Ok, I get the bigger picture. He's just keeping in touch to keep the lines open in case he doesn't find someone else or already has and doesn't know if he really wants to see you. Yeah, next him. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 We have not had a date in 4 weeks now. We were scheduled to see each other last Saturday but he is so bad at communicating and following up we missed our date. OK, there's obviously not a good connection here. I think the connection is either there, or it's not. For the two of you, it's not. His fault, your fault, doesn't matter. It just is. I've also noticed that you tend to start a thread to complain about a guy and get some feedback once you're 99% sure it's not working. Here's my vote: it's not working. When somebody likes you, they make it easy and fun to date them. 1
rester Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 It's not like that at all. I do start conversation, he does no jump in. My attempts often remain unanswered. He always says he's sorry he was busy. I never ignore his communication, never ever. I don't know where you got that part. I am definitely the leader here. I initiate communication probably each day. I inquire about his free time, I suggest dates ideas, I show interest in him and what he does, etc. I give him compliments, I tell him I miss him, I am looking forward to see him again, and all that good stuff. I accepted to take the role of the leader because he told me he was timid. I feel since last August he had time to work on his timidity with me and he should feel comfortable enough to take some lead. If he's so timid that he has a hard time scheduling a time for a date, even after you've accepted that date, something's off. What was his excuse for not scheduling a time with you on Saturday? I'm sure you don't want to go chasing him down, but did you call him on Friday to see what to expect on Saturday? This is common courtesy territory. I'd be far more upset with this than with the texting. Most women I've met seem to like those texts. If I text a woman, "good morning," it lets her know she is on my mind. It's not a matter of starting a conversation or doing a job, but just reaching out in a short, meaningful way. This has been my experience as well. 1
Author Gaeta Posted January 20, 2015 Author Posted January 20, 2015 What was his excuse for not scheduling a time with you on Saturday? Tuesday I asked him when we could get together he replied Saturday pm. We spoke a couple of times after that but no added details. Before I go on I have to say I have a part or responsibility here for not holding his hand like I usually do. Sometimes I get tired of playing his mother and do all the follow up. So Friday night I don't hear from him. I go pick up my daughter who has a broken heart and wants to be with her mom. She stayed over night. The following morning I don't hear from him. At noon I text him that I am driving my daughter back to her place and I will be back shortly. That text was unanswered. I got back home early, waited to hear from him, at around 3h looks like I will have to hold his hand on that one too so I text him that looks like we're not on anymore and he replies he had been free since noon gggrrr!!!! and that he can come over but for a short time because he has to drive his daughter to a birthday party. I told him to forget about it.
rester Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Tuesday I asked him when we could get together he replied Saturday pm. We spoke a couple of times after that but no added details. Before I go on I have to say I have a part or responsibility here for not holding his hand like I usually do. Sometimes I get tired of playing his mother and do all the follow up. So Friday night I don't hear from him. I go pick up my daughter who has a broken heart and wants to be with her mom. She stayed over night. The following morning I don't hear from him. At noon I text him that I am driving my daughter back to her place and I will be back shortly. That text was unanswered. I got back home early, waited to hear from him, at around 3h looks like I will have to hold his hand on that one too so I text him that looks like we're not on anymore and he replies he had been free since noon gggrrr!!!! and that he can come over but for a short time because he has to drive his daughter to a birthday party. I told him to forget about it. The above bolded is ridiculous. I honestly couldn't imagine ever being this way with a woman I was dating, or with a friend, colleague or family member. He's completely unreliable. If he had been free since noon, why didn't he get in touch? 2
Author Gaeta Posted January 20, 2015 Author Posted January 20, 2015 The above bolded is ridiculous. I honestly couldn't imagine ever being this way with a woman I was dating, or with a friend, colleague or family member. He's completely unreliable. If he had been free since noon, why didn't he get in touch? I pointed to him his bad communication skills and his lack of follow ups. He gave me his favorite answer 'you're right I could have done better'.
Diezel Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 You mean, kinda like some people text: ":-)" or just simply... "Lol" 2
Gloria25 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Look, send him my way.... I hate getting on the phone for useless chatter. A gf of mine had a time she'd CALL me twice a day and I was like (to myself) 'what happened between earlier today and now that ' need to be updated on'? BTW, I think cute txts let me know he's thinking about me w/o the pressure me having to have some full length convo about whatever...
clia Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 I pointed to him his bad communication skills and his lack of follow ups. He gave me his favorite answer 'you're right I could have done better'. Unfortunately, it seems like he's just not into you. Seems like if he was dying to see you he would've reached out. Four weeks without a date and you are still entertaining this nonsense? Time to move on. But surely you already know that. Why are you still hanging on to this? 2
Ruby Slippers Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 Why are you still hanging on to this? This is what I ask Gaeta in every thread of hers I pointed to him his bad communication skills and his lack of follow ups. He gave me his favorite answer 'you're right I could have done better'. If he could have done better, he would have. Or he would improve the next time. Ain't happenin'!
LookAtThisPOst Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 Yeah, this one woman I started seeing...she'll text me, but when I reply....it nearly takes her all day... usually well into the evening I'll get the response. lol I thought texting was kind of meant as a quick back and forth I suppose. I figured it was the quickest way to respond as opposed to just calling.
PumpkinLumpkin Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 You mean, kinda like some people text: ":-)" or just simply... "Lol" I am currently dating one of those, but I think it's because he's old(ish) and doesn't like to text.
PumpkinLumpkin Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 Example of dead-end texts: *Good morning Have a nice day *Hope your day is going well *Good night I am also dating someone who does three-word texts too. I adore him so I wouldn't dream of hurting his feelings by telling him he's an awful texter. So..... I've decided to turn it into a game and text back EXACTLY the same amount of characters; no more, no less. Takes a lot of thinking, but it's fun for me and he has no idea I"m doing it. HIM: Hola! (5 characters) ME: Hey u (5 characters) HIM: Free tonight? (13 characters) ME: Maayybbeee... (13 characters) HIM: Hang out? (9 characters) ME: Snds fun! (9 characters) HIM: :-) (3 characters) ME: CU! (3 characters) 5
callingyouuu Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 Hmm, I remember there being a thread a few months back where someone posted that her guy didn't send enough of "good morning"/"good night" texts. She wanted to know he was thinking about her and got addicted to them a previous boyfriend was into that stuff. Different strokes, I guess. That said, the bit about your failed date on Saturday was painful to read. He's a terrible communicator. HIM: Free tonight? (13 characters) ME: Maayybbeee... (13 characters) Ok, just adding characters to a word is cheating 2
PumpkinLumpkin Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 Hmm, I remember there being a thread a few months back where someone posted that her guy didn't send enough of "good morning"/"good night" texts. Hmmm...I think that was me.
Emilia Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 I pointed to him his bad communication skills and his lack of follow ups. He gave me his favorite answer 'you're right I could have done better'. The guy isn't interested. He isn't even a prospect anymore. It's not the closed texts that are the problem, it's the fact that you are still talking to him! 1
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