Gaeta Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 The man I am seeing sends a lot of dead-end texts. They drive me up the wall !!! I don't see the purpose of sending such texts. Example of dead-end texts: *Good morning Have a nice day *Hope your day is going well *Good night These texts do not require any reply back other than 'thank you, you too'. To me they are useless and I am very close to tell him to not bother. I am not looking for text long conversations but I am looking for a little more interaction. To me these dead-end texts are saying 'Ok lady, I have punched in today, I did my job, I initiated contact, no need to reply back'. I don't get it but I am hoping to hear from people on here that do send these types of texts and what they hope to accomplish by sending them. Thank you 4 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Wow, when you go to a store and the cashier says "good morning", do you tell them to cut the small talk and just scan your stuff?! As long as it's in addition to normal communication, not instead of, I don't see the problem? He's just passing on some kind wishes and letting you know he's thinking of you. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
doeblin Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 It serves to remind you of his existence. It's a bit needy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 I get that to send these texts he has to be thinking of me but doesn't he want to hear back from me? What happened to: *Good morning Have a nice day (good morning you have a big day ahead) *Hope your day is going well (How is your day going) *Good night (how was your day) No? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mangetout Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Op I interpret these messages differently. It seems like he wants to start a conversation. Do you reply with a question? e.g Good morning have a nice day My reply: Good morning. Thank you. I have a busy day ahead. What are you up to today? Hope your day is going well My reply:Hey its been manic/chilled. How's yours? Goodnight My reply Goodnight. Did you have a good evening? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 The man I am seeing sends a lot of dead-end texts. They drive me up the wall !!! I don't see the purpose of sending such texts. Example of dead-end texts: *Good morning Have a nice day *Hope your day is going well *Good night These texts do not require any reply back other than 'thank you, you too'. To me they are useless and I am very close to tell him to not bother. I am not looking for text long conversations but I am looking for a little more interaction. To me these dead-end texts are saying 'Ok lady, I have punched in today, I did my job, I initiated contact, no need to reply back'. I don't get it but I am hoping to hear from people on here that do send these types of texts and what they hope to accomplish by sending them. Thank you He is simply showing interest and trying not to be "clingy". If you want more interaction, respond with a little more info about your day or what have you, ask him a question. The communications should be balanced at least. If you don't respond in any way, he probably thinks you're just not that interested. Not only that, if he's texting and knows you're at work, he's not going to be wordy . . . you're busy. If you don't like his communication style, have a conversational, non-cofrontational discussion with him about it. You can say something like "I prefer texting to be interactional and more meaningful, don't you? Just something that let's him know what you do or don't like without criticizing him. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
mangetout Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I get that to send these texts he has to be thinking of me but doesn't he want to hear back from me? What happened to: *Good morning Have a nice day (good morning you have a big day ahead) *Hope your day is going well (How is your day going) *Good night (how was your day) No? But why cant you ask him? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sunfire73 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 In the early getting to know stage, yes. I see that texts should be open ended, but then i don't text that much too. I prefer phone calls or in person communication. But when you're already in a relationship those are fine. Sometimes we text about our day. Why don't you just text about your day and see what he text back. It doesn't always have to start from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 Op I interpret these messages differently. It seems like he wants to start a conversation. Do you reply with a question? e.g Good morning have a nice day My reply: Good morning. Thank you. I have a busy day ahead. What are you up to today? Hope your day is going well My reply:Hey its been manic/chilled. How's yours? Goodnight My reply Goodnight. Did you have a good evening? Oh yes I tried that. Most of the time he does not reply back. I also told him point blank that I would prefer getting a 3 mins phone call than these good night text and he replied texting is more convenient because he can do other things at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 I told him what I like and what I am looking for in terms of communication, I am not afraid of speaking my mind with a man I am seeing. He always replies you're right about everything but nothing changes. Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I don't think these are important problems. Let it go. Is he asking you out every week, a few days in advance, consistently? Does he progress the relationship? Is he a good man? Does he have good character? If yes, let go of the way he texts. Nobody will do everything the way you'd do it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I told him what I like and what I am looking for in terms of communication, I am not afraid of speaking my mind with a man I am seeing. He always replies you're right about everything but nothing changes. Ok, then here's maybe your first indicator that he is not understanding or paying attention to your needs and/of preferences. It's not such a huge indicator of future behaviors. Just note it and if these types of things become cumulative, then you might want re-evaluate whether he's a good match. If someone doesn't pay attention, respect, try to understand your likes and dislikes and/or feelings in general, it's going to cause issues in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 Ok, then here's maybe your first indicator that he is not understanding or paying attention to your needs and/of preferences. It's not such a huge indicator of future behaviors. Just note it and if these types of things become cumulative, then you might want re-evaluate whether he's a good match. If someone doesn't pay attention, respect, try to understand your likes and dislikes and/or feelings in general, it's going to cause issues in the long run. I don't think he listens. If I complain about something he will say right away, without discussing the matter, that he is sorry I am right about everything. He does not do it in an arrogant way, he does it like 'what ever you want, I just want the peace'. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Next...... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I don't think he listens. If I complain about something he will say right away, without discussing the matter, that he is sorry I am right about everything. He does not do it in an arrogant way, he does it like 'what ever you want, I just want the peace'. Well, first I wouldn't let him know about things that you don't like in a complaining manner. Just a general statement of what your likes and dislikes are. If you are "complaining", he will be dismissive. It's not what you say as much as how you say it. He is, however, being somewhat passive-aggressive and might be response to the way you are communicating. Nevertheless, he's being dismissive and not changing the behavior. Is it a big enough issue to complain about really? If he's still doing it, continue not responding or up the conversation if you want more. When or if he does start to change the behavior, be sure to let him know you appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
OMC Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 'he does it like 'what ever you want, I just want the peace'. ' You are making this way too complicated and it probably comes across as bitchin. And... he probably does just want peace. Dump him and move on to someone that will change themselves to who you want them to be /end sarcasm Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 Next...... hhmm ya. I have noticed my pattern. When I am ready to go to next I usually will have a thread on here where I am super annoyed. It's a way to confirm to myself I am really done. Link to post Share on other sites
Elias33 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 You may just not click with the guy. If you other forms of communication would be alright, I think those "meaningless" texts wouldn't bother you so much. I totally see your point. But, I would try to see these things in a positive manner. Yes, those texts are dry and repetitive, but they are texts, not letters, and come with good intent. So it is also your perception of these types of gestures that may need some consideration. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Simply put, he's not good at communicating. At least via text. It'd be one thing if you wanted him to stop texting altogether. (Which I would, in your shoes. I agree those types of messages are useless and annoying.) But you seem to just want him to get BETTER with texting. Which I'm not sure is something you can really expect or demand at an early stage of a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 Simply put, he's not good at communicating. At least via text. It'd be one thing if you wanted him to stop texting altogether. (Which I would, in your shoes. I agree those types of messages are useless and annoying.) But you seem to just want him to get BETTER with texting. Which I'm not sure is something you can really expect or demand at an early stage of a relationship. Yes I do want him to be better at communicating because we don't get to see each other very much. We have not had a date in 4 weeks now. We were scheduled to see each other last Saturday but he is so bad at communicating and following up we missed our date. Link to post Share on other sites
Pinkdisney Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 To me this reeks of someone still multi-dating. It's a vague way of keeping someone on the hook while not really putting in any effort or feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 (edited) Yes I do want him to be better at communicating because we don't get to see each other very much. We have not had a date in 4 weeks now. We were scheduled to see each other last Saturday but he is so bad at communicating and following up we missed our date. Regardless of the texting you don't like, this is a good indication he is unreliable. How does that happen? It's an easy scheduling thing. Does he miss meetings at work? As far as the texting goes, it almost sounds like he's not trying to pressure you to have to write back. He's just sending a quick text to say that he's thinking about you, but probably doesn't want you to feel smothered. It seems a bit weird because he probably wouldn't like it if you ignored the texts. FWIW, my girlfriend and I send each other texts like that. We are both busy so there's no pressure to respond for a few hours. Edited January 20, 2015 by rester Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Oh no Gaeta please, this is the same guy you wrote the "stand up" thread about isn't it?? Of course all he offers is these dead end texts, this is how he is in the relationship with you all the way around according to that thread! If it's a different guy quickly just move on because it seems like you might have a pattern that is not good for you!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 ah, no date in 4 weeks...next 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 Oh no Gaeta please, this is the same guy you wrote the "stand up" thread about isn't it?? Of course all he offers is these dead end texts, this is how he is in the relationship with you all the way around according to that thread! If it's a different guy quickly just move on because it seems like you might have a pattern that is not good for you!! Yes, I am embarrassed to say that it is the same man. Last week I told him I was done with him and to save the situation he said he can commit to 1 date a week, he then scheduled Saturday pm but he didn't know from what time till what time, he didn't follow up or update me, so we missed it ! Link to post Share on other sites
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