Author Leigh 87 Posted January 24, 2015 Author Posted January 24, 2015 The thing I HAVE learnt is that, while I am very much an instant attraction and chemistry person... The fireworks can come about for unhealthy reasons in some women! Instant chemistry and attraction is commonplace - I have had men that think I am gorgeous instantly and are really into me. Yet because they were very much " available" and "relationship minded" men, there was no challenge for me and it was " too boring" to trigger insane, body shaking fire works where I was anxious and where my heart LEPT each and every time they called or texted. fireworks and the omg I am so excited factor - I think for many women, that stems from unavailable guys or players. Don't get me wrong, Irish guy treated me well! Spoilt me when I went to see him, got my an expensive and beautiful birthday gift... Told me he wanted to ditch his only family in Australia in order to come visit me instead...However, Irish guy had an air of " player" and " I am not available" to him from the get go. It is just a vibe, he initiated texts and calls daily. The fireworks were so strong with Irish - because he was not a guy who texted and called a woman every day. I changed him briefly and it was thrilling (I know this to be fact also it isn't just in my own head that I was "special", more than one other person who knows him well revealed this much to me). He has been perpetually single albeit had non serious girlfriends where he honestly just didn't give much of a damn - liked them but not enough to want daily contact. As Irish said - I haven't had anyone that I was crazy about in the past 10 years. He met me and all of a sudden wanted to text and call daily and arrange ditching his only family in Australia in order to come visit and stay with me instead. His family mean a lot to him also. I think it was both a game for the pair of us - fireworks came with the fact we KNEW it wouldn't last, we KNEW he wasn't in it enough to weather any setbacks...we KNEW he would bail at the first site of problems because he never really WANTED to settle down anytime soon to begin with. I think "fireworks" come about in different people for different reasons. Me and this guy saw each other as a challenge. I didn't ever initiate texts, I acted aloof and he was the guy who never called or texted women - suddenly getting caught up in something " different" I am actually giving a guy a chance who I met last night - I was instantly attracted and had some chemistry sure - but he is relationship minded and he adored me and thought I was really gorgeous. SO because this guy really liked me and made it known that he was very available and was super excited about getting to know me - it rules out the instant fireworks because...Well, the fact the Irish guy was more " well I don't ever give a damn about women but hey I really like you and I will make the time"... he was harder to get and therefore triggered fire works because he was definitely unavailable. Long story short; I met an available guy who I very much feel chemistry with. But he is AVAILABLE. He adores me and there is no CHALLENGE. I had him at "hello" but he is very relationship minded and there is no element of a "challenge" to win him over. He is already won - This guy had instant fireworks for me and he couldn't even speak as he was enamoured - where as because he wasn't a challenge like Irish guy - the level of fire works will likely be felt a little later than with Irish guy. This time I am going after the guy who really adored me and actually wants me very badly - and who wants a relationship down the track because that is what he wants in life with the right person. Irish guy was the guy who was crazy about me for the weekend. Who was NOT relationship minded and who has been perpetually single and not wanting a girlfriend at all or even thinking " well it would be nice to have a partner" I have listened to people and I have decided to break my pattern of instant fire works - because I am a woman who has only felt fire works when a guy is not available, so maybe I have a false sense of what "fireworks" are. I felt good chemistry with South African guy last night, I enjoyed kissing him very much and I am going to give things a chance to develop even though I don't feel super super anxiouc and get a racing heart when he texts - although I am very excited about meeting him again! I love it when his number flashes up on my phone, but it is not filled with lightening bolts of angst and " does he really like me" paranoia that player guys triggered in me. I have decided to go for the healthy chemistry and instant attraction - where I am not anxious, paranoid and in wonderment as to whether or not a player or unavailable guy is going to change his ways for ME.
snowflakes88 Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 Whew. Your threads are like a broken record. You have the same pattern every single time. Meet guy, insist you are into him like you've never been into anyone else, insist he's into you like he's never been into anyone else (usually a day or two in). People advise you to slow down. You go full speed ahead. Things fall apart in a matter of weeks. You come back here and ask for advice. People advise you. You get defensive and keep reminding us how attractive you are and what a good body you have and how the guy REALLY REALLY was into you and how dare anybody try to offer you advice because THEY AREN'T HIM AND THEY DON'T KNOW and you know when a guy is really into you and you've learned your lesson about immediate chemistry and blah blah blah -- until the next time you do the same exact thing. Rinse & repeat. 8
smegma Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Whew. Your threads are like a broken record. You have the same pattern every single time. Meet guy, insist you are into him like you've never been into anyone else, insist he's into you like he's never been into anyone else (usually a day or two in). People advise you to slow down. You go full speed ahead. Things fall apart in a matter of weeks. You come back here and ask for advice. People advise you. You get defensive and keep reminding us how attractive you are and what a good body you have and how the guy REALLY REALLY was into you and how dare anybody try to offer you advice because THEY AREN'T HIM AND THEY DON'T KNOW and you know when a guy is really into you and you've learned your lesson about immediate chemistry and blah blah blah -- until the next time you do the same exact thing. Rinse & repeat. I was just in the process of thinking how can I write something to this girl after reading a few posts then I read this. No need to write anything. Its been said. Thank you.
mightycpa Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Just because the people I have had instant fireworks with didn't work out doesn't mean there's a low chance of it ever working out with a fireworks guy. No, but the fact is that fireworks relationships generally don't work out. It has nothing to do with you, it's all about the unreal expectations that fireworks creates. You can't sustain it, and then once you fall back down to earth, it seems comparatively dull, and at least one of you will think that something is missing. A campfire relationship has much better chances, because it starts off warm, and you both have to tend to it a little before it catches fire and starts raging. Then, after that, it stays hot and smoulders for a long, long time. If you want to start the fire again, you tend it some more, and it will start right back up. You can't do that with fireworks.
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