Superman2024 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 So after 8 months of frustration using several different OLD sites, I finally had my first OLD date and it went well. I met her at Olive Garden yesterday for lunch. Even though I was a bit nervous, the conversation flowed well the entire time. After about 1.5 hours I paid and we left. We both walked to her car, we hugged, and she mentioned about wanting to do something again. I agreed and said I'd contact her. When I got home I sent a text saying I had a wonderful time and she said thanks again for lunch and good conversation! I said it seemed we had a lot in common (something she also mentioned on the date), I agreed that we should do something again, and that I'd be thinking of the next plan. I intend to contact her tomorrow with something. It's incredible that I found her on a dating site because I live in the country and she's less than 2 miles from me! I'm hopeful for another date but if it doesn't go any further I'll still be happy with the experience. 6
Eighty_nine Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Good for you sounds like she liked you as much as you liked her. 1
Assada Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 thats the way to be OP. So dont hound her to go out with her. Also, go out with other girls. Experience different ones 2
lovexocoach Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Too early to see if anything will develop but it seems to be headed in the right direction. Date other women as well until/unless things get serious with this woman. Good job and good luck. 1
Author Superman2024 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Posted January 20, 2015 Thanks everyone. I thought it'd be nice to post something positive on here for a change. It might be a flaw of mine but it seems I can only focus on one person at a time. Seeing other women now would be a bit much for me. 1
rocketman122 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 DONT date other women. if she finds out youll probably be out. what a dumb thing to do. no women ever multidated with me and if I found out I would walk away. you had something nice, so keep doing the same thing. my mindset is treat her nice and be a gentleman but dont be a sucker or a door mat. know how to place borders and say no when you need to. GF im dating now was her day free when her kids go to their dad. we setup to go to a movie. she texts me in the morning and says the dad has a hurt back so wont take them. she says we can meet but only for an hour. so I told her no worries we can meet another day but not keen on an hour meet. no rush or stress we can meet when you have more time. so she got upset. let her get upset. itll pass. im not mad or upset but dont want to drive 1.5 hours(total) to spend an hour. what im saying is be nice but be firm. if you dont like something speak up. that will set the tone for the rest of the relationship and she will respect you for speaking your mind and not caving in just to make her happy. 1
mysteryscape Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Thanks everyone. I thought it'd be nice to post something positive on here for a change. It might be a flaw of mine but it seems I can only focus on one person at a time. Seeing other women now would be a bit much for me. Not a flaw and I am pretty sure that most women even in OLD feel the same way. Good luck with it, I would go with it, see where it leads. 1
mysteryscape Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 DONT date other women. if she finds out youll probably be out. what a dumb thing to do. no women ever multidated with me and if I found out I would walk away. I'm inclined to think most women prefer not to multidate even when not in a serious relationship (judging among other things by answers to an OKC question) but on the other hand I get the impression that there is a huge amount of multidating going on in OLD. So which is it, how common is multidating really? Are most OLD'ers doing that?
insert_name Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 (edited) I dont mind multi dating as long as long as its done with respect, either they tell me up front or they do it behind the scenes so I dont know. A girl I started seeing from OLD just before christmas stayed the night at my house on the second date then after that we parted for christmas and NYE. we met up again after new year and went to the cinema where she treated me like a friend (no kissing/touching), contrary to how we were the last time we met, and was non-committal about meeting up again. So I decided to leave it. I didnt hear from her for a week during which time she was on OLD. Then she text me a week later to say sorry she hadnt been in touch and trying to pick things up again. She had obviously been dating in the meantime, nothing had panned out and she was coming back to me. If she had kept in touch I would have still been interested but going NC and then popping up again a week later is just too obvious that I am not a priority while she scopes out other guys. This happened with another girl I was messaging, quick to reply at first then went silent for 5 days before coming bacl and apologising that she hadnt been near her computer the last few days even though she had logged into her dating account in that time. So yeah, I think women are multi dating - they have the options to play it that way with the number of messages they receive so I accept it as part of the OLD landscape, I just ask them to handle the situation with some class and either say they are multi dating or avoid long periods of NC while they chat to other guys before coming back to me and making me feel like a consolation prize. Edited January 20, 2015 by insert_name 1
Author Superman2024 Posted January 22, 2015 Author Posted January 22, 2015 Yeah, multidating just isn't for me since it doesn't feel quite right and seems risky, but maybe it works for others. Yesterday I sent her a message with a couple of date suggestions for the weekend. She just got back to me saying it's been a crazy week for her so far, that she's busy this weekend, and maybe another time. It's not exactly what I wanted to hear, but I don't want to jump to any negative conclusions either. She does work a lot (6 days a week) and it's second shift, so Sunday is her only totally free day. Also, when we were first messaging on the dating site she said even though her ultimate goal for a dating relationship was marriage, she believes in being friends first. Maybe she wants to take things slow. She's also pretty slow to respond to texts (usually hours), but she admitted she's a terrible texter and apologized twice about it. She's not been on the dating site either since before we met, which may or may not mean anything. I'm thinking I should be patient with her and not push anything by saying that it's no problem and that we'll find a time when we're both free. Until then I could just maintain light communication, maybe every 1-3 days. 2
Ebelskiver Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Let her initiate contact next. If a guy comes on too strong it can freak me out. It's a sign they could have poor boundaries. You've made your interest clear, now it's time to sit back and let her make her interest clear. 1
Diezel Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 If she didn't counter-offer, I'd definitely label her interest level as pretty low at this point. 2
Author Superman2024 Posted January 22, 2015 Author Posted January 22, 2015 Should I not respond to her text about being busy this weekend and maybe doing something another time? I'm not sure if it's better to go silent until she says something again or try to keep communication going.
Jame22 Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 DONT date other women. if she finds out youll probably be out. what a dumb thing to do. no women ever multidated with me and if I found out I would walk away. you had something nice, so keep doing the same thing. my mindset is treat her nice and be a gentleman but dont be a sucker or a door mat. know how to place borders and say no when you need to. I completely disagree Date as many woman as you want. It was only one date. You don't owe her anything. Dating multiple woman sends a message that you have options which is attractive to woman. If she wants you to be her BF down the road she'll make it happen. 1
venusishername Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Should I not respond to her text about being busy this weekend and maybe doing something another time? I'm not sure if it's better to go silent until she says something again or try to keep communication going. Well, I think you should keep communication going. I disagree with the posters who say let her come to you. Women are conditioned to make men initiate and pursue in the early stages. Don't come on too strong, but yes, keep the connection going. Keep asking her out. She said maybe another time meaning not this week. Wait until the weekend and ask her out for next week. There is no harm in being persistent.
DivorcedDad123 Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 No. You asked,she declined. The ball's in her court to come up with a different time. During which, you keep dating other people. 2
losangelena Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 I completely disagree Date as many woman as you want. It was only one date. You don't owe her anything. Dating multiple woman sends a message that you have options which is attractive to woman. If she wants you to be her BF down the road she'll make it happen. Did you not read in his original message that it took him eight months to nail down this date? He says he lives in the country, so maybe he doesn't have that many options. Logistically, it doesn't seem like multidating is feasible for the OP.
losangelena Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Should I not respond to her text about being busy this weekend and maybe doing something another time? I'm not sure if it's better to go silent until she says something again or try to keep communication going. Re: getting together again—I would simply say something like, "OK, then let me know when you do have time to get together," or "let me know when works for you." That way, you're explicitly putting the ball in her court, and you can sit back and see what she does. She may just be busy and will suggest a time when she has it, or it she wants an out, it gives her one. 1
spanishchick00 Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Let me ask you a question OP- Did you go back online to check your profile/update info or picture???
Jame22 Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 (edited) Did you not read in his original message that it took him eight months to nail down this date? He says he lives in the country, so maybe he doesn't have that many options. Logistically, it doesn't seem like multidating is feasible for the OP. That's not the point. He should still try to date other people. Most relationships don't work out...Chances are he's going to have to find another date very soon. I was out in the middle of nowhere all summer doing contract work. I had zero success but it didn't keep me from trying. Edited January 22, 2015 by Jame22
kendahke Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 I completely disagree Date as many woman as you want. It was only one date. You don't owe her anything. Dating multiple woman sends a message that you have options which is attractive to woman. If she wants you to be her BF down the road she'll make it happen. Until there has been a direct conversation about us being exclusive, it's just dating--getting to know if I even like him enough to go further, not a relationship. We're both free to date others until such time as a declaration of intent has been made. And dating isn't having sex with them--that happens after a talk of exclusivity and commitment has been had. IMO, exclusivity comes after I've ascertained that I like him that much and he me... not before.
Author Superman2024 Posted January 22, 2015 Author Posted January 22, 2015 Re: getting together again—I would simply say something like, "OK, then let me know when you do have time to get together," or "let me know when works for you." That way, you're explicitly putting the ball in her court, and you can sit back and see what she does. She may just be busy and will suggest a time when she has it, or it she wants an out, it gives her one. Thanks, that sounds like a good response to her. Yes, the options are quite limited for me living in the country and for the type of person I'm looking for. Sure, there's a remote possibility I could multidate but it's just not in me anyway. If I feel like this isn't going anywhere I'll start seriously pursuing someone else. I did go back online to the site I met her on, but with a different profile that's generic (no pictures). I've logged into other OLD sites too that she's not on and I haven't updated or changed anything.
Author Superman2024 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 Before I got the chance to ask her when she'd be free again for a second date, she sent me a long text I didn't expect. She said she wanted to clarify her intentions so she wouldn't be leading me on, that she doesn't see a romantic sort of future between us but thinks I'm an interesting individual worth knowing, and that she'd like to get together again as friends. I responded by saying I appreciated her honesty, that I'm attracted to her enough that I couldn't just be friends and would want it leading to more, that we've only scratched the surface with one blind date, and that I'd like to continue pursuing things romantically but understand if she has other feelings. I haven't heard back from her in a couple of days. She's been very confusing from the start. When we were first messaging on the dating site she said she was ultimately looking for marriage from a dating relationship but she believes in being friends first so she was looking for friendship. I told her I was fine starting out as friends and seeing where it leads. This was back in October. She was unresponsive until I recently sent her another message that we were both probably tired of being single and that we should do something about it. That's when she gave me her number and we ended up going out on a date. I think it's a mistake when a woman tells a guy she wants to be friends first. I'd rather hear a woman say she wants to take things slow. When she told me friends first I thought she intended to let the relationship develop over time, but now it seems she's closed the door to it ever escalating beyond friends after just one blind date. Initially I didn't feel like it was a good idea to get together with her as just friends. Would I be setting myself up for disappointment if I decided to continue seeing her in order to develop a friendship in the hopes that it might develop into something more? We barely know each other so it's possible but I don't want to give myself false hope either.
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