LookAtThisPOst Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 The recent woman I started seeing had complained about how a couple of men she had dated went way too fast into "Hello, I would like to introduce you to my girlfriend, Sue!" "Girlfriend?!" Apparently, I think men are more guilty of it than women, but it seems a lot of men, even after a couple of dates...go hastily into declaring said lady a girlfriend after they've barely started dating. I was told of this of a woman I am seeing now, and that she's just seeking friends first as she's new to these Meetups and I know how some women can get swarmed by possessive men claiming their prize. Putting the cart before the horse. Ladies...has this happened to you? Why do you think men do this? Desperation I suppose?
alphamale Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Why do you think men do this? Desperation I suppose? most men are chumps when it comes to women
preraph Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 I honestly thought it was more women who did it. Not right away, but once they've been sleeping with someone a few times, I know women, including myself, get very irate if the man won't even use the G word.
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted January 20, 2015 Author Posted January 20, 2015 I honestly thought it was more women who did it. Not right away, but once they've been sleeping with someone a few times, I know women, including myself, get very irate if the man won't even use the G word. Not talking about sleeping with someone here.
aggie382 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 It has happened to me several times. I'm finding it more and more common that guys expect me to be exclusive and thus their girlfriend almost from the first date!!! They're willing to commit to a stranger, and I find that really scary! 2
Gaeta Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 I think a man does that when he feels he found one of a kind and he doesn't want other players to get a chance. If the woman is hesitant of being your 'girlfriend' it's because she is unsure of you, not unsure of the title. My ex-boyfriend asked me to be 'official' on our 3rd or 4th date and I said yes right away and I am known to be a serial dater. I felt I had found the jackpot. I think it's the same for men. 2
Gaeta Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 They're willing to commit to a stranger, and I find that really scary! hm, what commitment? You are only making an agreement with someone that you will concentrate on each other and not see other people. Moving in together is a commitment, an engagement and a marriage is a commitment. When my ex asked me to be exclusive on our 4th date it did not mean I was going to bring him along to Sunday Family dinner. I still waited 3 months to introduce him to my daughter and 6 months to introduce him to my parents and siblings. 1
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted January 20, 2015 Author Posted January 20, 2015 (edited) I think a man does that when he feels he found one of a kind and he doesn't want other players to get a chance. If the woman is hesitant of being your 'girlfriend' it's because she is unsure of you, not unsure of the title. My ex-boyfriend asked me to be 'official' on our 3rd or 4th date and I said yes right away and I am known to be a serial dater. I felt I had found the jackpot. I think it's the same for men. Well, you're an exception here as you've posted earlier in your regards into making a mad dash into relationship. If the woman is hesitant of being your 'girlfriend' it's because she is unsure of you Not likely, in my case, she's made it clear she's attracted to me and enjoys my company (among other things she's said to reinforce her interest). But everyone's different. She's actually going through a transition now as she's dealing with a death of a loved one and attempting to get out and socialize. Edited January 20, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst 1
Gaeta Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Well, you're an exception here as you've posted earlier in your regards into making a mad dash into relationship. I am not sure what you are referring to but it doesn't matter, it's not relevant to this thread.
preraph Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Well, if there's no sex involved, how old are we in this situation then? I thought in high school, if you went anywhere with a guy, you'd pretty much call yourselves bf and gf for the 10 minutes it lasts. 3
Erised Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 I don't want to be called a girlfriend before we are even having sex. It should be discussed first. I have had a couple guys do this when we had even discussed that we were NOT exclusive when introducing me to some people he knew. I definitely don't want it around mutual friends or communities of which we are mutual members even if I'm wild about the guy before some time has passed so we know it's long term because who wants that drama of people asking and everyone knowing. That would make a possible break up incredibly awkward when it need not be. I don't think it's desperation. Just not thinking through implications.
aggie382 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 hm, what commitment? You are only making an agreement with someone that you will concentrate on each other and not see other people. Moving in together is a commitment, an engagement and a marriage is a commitment. When my ex asked me to be exclusive on our 4th date it did not mean I was going to bring him along to Sunday Family dinner. I still waited 3 months to introduce him to my daughter and 6 months to introduce him to my parents and siblings. Being someone's girlfriend involves commitment to that one person. It's just not marked with 'forever' or a legal document the way marriage is. 1
rester Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 The recent woman I started seeing had complained about how a couple of men she had dated went way too fast into "Hello, I would like to introduce you to my girlfriend, Sue!" "Girlfriend?!" Apparently, I think men are more guilty of it than women, but it seems a lot of men, even after a couple of dates...go hastily into declaring said lady a girlfriend after they've barely started dating. I was told of this of a woman I am seeing now, and that she's just seeking friends first as she's new to these Meetups and I know how some women can get swarmed by possessive men claiming their prize. Putting the cart before the horse. Ladies...has this happened to you? Why do you think men do this? Desperation I suppose? In my experience, when a woman says things such as the above bolded and underlined, it means she wants to keep things casual and is making sure the man understands that so he doesn't get too attached too quickly. 1
todreaminblue Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 I have had always had guys introduce me fairly early as their gf....my first date with my ex was to meet his mother......normally though i have known them as friends for a while.....i actually think it is a sweet gesture and it doesnt really bother me if a guy is proud to say i am his...in fact i respond after by claiming him back when i am introducing him to show acceptance..........to make him feel good too and for him to realize i am on the same page.......i normally say partner...though....rather than boyfriend.....but i do give status.....and i normally give status after they have made it known, i am patient I wait for them....i dont have to have the talk...it just happens........but it happens early anyway ............deb
Gaeta Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 I don't want to be called a girlfriend before we are even having sex. It should be discussed first. I have had a couple guys do this when we had even discussed that we were NOT exclusive when introducing me to some people he knew. I definitely don't want it around mutual friends or communities of which we are mutual members even if I'm wild about the guy before some time has passed so we know it's long term because who wants that drama of people asking and everyone knowing. That would make a possible break up incredibly awkward when it need not be. I don't think it's desperation. Just not thinking through implications. I agree 100% it should be discussed between you 2 before publicly introducing you as his gf especially in a small town where you run into people you both know as you explained. I don't think it's bad that a man wants to call you his gf early in the relationship but he definitely needs to run it by you first. 1
Gloria25 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Being someone's girlfriend involves commitment to that one person. It's just not marked with 'forever' or a legal document the way marriage is. Agreed, also, IMO, the term "girlfriend" does not imply exclusivity. I mean, what else are you gonna call them/introduce them as?
Phoe Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Never happened to me. The rare times I have been able to get a guy interested enough to actually date me, it was like pulling teeth to get them to discuss being boyfriend/girlfriend.
EgoJoe Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 I like to have the exclusive conversation before anything else and try that out first before sticking a title to it. To introduce you merely say, "This is (their name here)." No need for an attached statement. When someone is interested in you they focus on you. The conversation ought to IMO come after the behavioral change.
aggie382 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Agreed, also, IMO, the term "girlfriend" does not imply exclusivity. I mean, what else are you gonna call them/introduce them as? Oh, see, to me it does.
GemmaUK Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 This has happened to me a lot and it's way too fast for me when I don't even know them. Before a few decent length dates go by they are just dates/meets to see if we get along. Very quickly guys will exclaim or push for we are 'seeing/dating/in a relationship'
Hopes Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 I feel like most of this conversation is just ridiculously unemphatic and filled with personal nuances. I think the main reason men do this is insecurities. Just like women, men have them. I think gaeta was quite correct. I think a man will do this when he is insecure about how the girl is towards him and he likes her and wants to make it like she is off limits to other men. Probably she hasn't said it because she doesn't think it, which is why there are a large portion of women who say it's too soon. I also think it is strange that men think just declaring it will prevent another man from hitting on her or that the woman doesn't retain the right to do what the **** she wants. I feel like many women are justified in their cynicism though. I think some, and IMO more rare than insecure men, are doing it to give a feeling of commitment so they may get the good earlier, so to speak. I think the most thing is that it is inconsiderate to say it without discussing it. With that being said, if a man says it too soon without discussing it, then I would just wait until later and have an open discussion with your feelings about it because most likely he really likes you at that point. I had a girlfriend once, who for the first 6 months refused to make our relationship official although it was exclusive. To me, exclusive meant it was bf/gf, in the end, I just didn't care what she wanted to call it because I knew if we went out to a bar or party, and some dude was trying to flirt with her, at the end of the night, all I had to do was go up to her and whisper in her ear, and those dudes would watch the two of us leave together. I didn't need the title to feel secure with her attraction towards me.
Emilia Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 I've had this a few times and if I didn't make the right commitment noises, all hell broke loose. Only want a month or so dating before making that decision. Not much to ask.
Diezel Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 It's funny, because the majority of the board and forums would seem to indicate the opposite is more common: That most people, men and women, are likely to NOT want to be in a committed relationship and just use loose terms like "hang out" and "my friend". I'm not saying it doesn't happen, just that I'm surprised that people are saying it's happening a lot more in the past years.
somedude81 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Hah! So women will complain when a guy doesn't become exclusive with her or doesn't give things a label. And they will also complain when a guy gives things a label too soon.
Emilia Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 It's funny, because the majority of the board and forums would seem to indicate the opposite is more common: That most people, men and women, are likely to NOT want to be in a committed relationship and just use loose terms like "hang out" and "my friend". I'm not saying it doesn't happen, just that I'm surprised that people are saying it's happening a lot more in the past years. Ok, I'll explain it in simple terms to make it easy for you. Just because X posts about her guy not wanting anything serious doesn't mean I can't post about how some guy wants a label too soon. X and I are not the same people. Likely we aren't the same age group even. Also, just because a guy wants to lock me down, it doesn't mean we won't have commitment and other issues in the future. I don't recall anyone saying in the posts here that it's 'happening a lot more in the past years.' Hope the above clarifies.
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