Brittney2015 Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 Hi I am new here, I am getting back into the dating game after being with my bf of three years. I suspected he was cheating and finally he confessed that he was seeing other people. The signs were all there, but I just ignored them. I have a lot of fears and am finding it easy not to trust. When did you feel that you were ready to get back into dating? Did you just take the big plunge and with time you learned to trust again?
me85 Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 (edited) All together it took me from August to January of 2013 (after my last RS of 2 years) to start being open to talking to guys again. I dated casually and for fun, not trying to be in any kind of serious RS. Staying single has been the best decision of my life. I always jumped into RS after RS. They were all back to back headaches that were more like migraines, really. Oh I have loads of trust issues, before and after getting my heart broken. My ex cheated too. I don't really have any proof that he did but I do know for a fact that he was keeping me on the hook after BU with me, all the while exploring his options. Anyway, I'm still not ready to get involved seriously. Heck, I haven't even gone out on a date with a guy since June! In all that time I've been celibate too. Wow. Ya, maybe I need to get back out there just for fun. But fun turns into serious and serious gets your heart broken so I think I'll just keep passing on all of that. Edited January 19, 2015 by me85
Author Brittney2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Posted January 20, 2015 Oh no, I don't do the casual thing. I have to be in an actual relationship before sex is even a thought on my mind. I just think I'll start with some friendly dates for now.
Erised Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 I don't know. But being in that mental place is hard. I'm there, not ready - not sure when I will be ready. And I don't know if I'm supposed to take the big plunge but I just can't now. And there's so many great guys who really want me to commit, and I'm (while being honest) saying no and hurting people that are great and I'd be lucky to have. And it feels horrible in so many ways.
me85 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Oh no, I don't do the casual thing. I have to be in an actual relationship before sex is even a thought on my mind. I just think I'll start with some friendly dates for now. That's great for you. I don't sleep around but I don't have to be in a RS to have sex though. Most women can't get involved with a man sexually without developing feelings for them. I'm not one of those women but I've done myself and men out there a favor by remaining single. I know I'll just end up getting hurt or I'll hurt the guy. Either way, somebody gets their feelings hurt and I don't want any part of dating right now. I haven't wanted to be a part of it for almost 2 years now because I'm emotionally unavailable.
carhill Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 When did you feel that you were ready to get back into dating? I dated a bit during the 18 months it took to finalize our D and it seemed OK but I kind of lost interest, not having anything to do with the ladies personally but rather in general, and moved on to other things in life. Did you just take the big plunge and with time you learned to trust again? I didn't find that (learning to trust) to be as much an issue as meeting women who were actually single, which was nothing new in my demographic. I had long trusted I'd never be surprised by anything and still feel that way. I was quite comfortable in that department while married and still am that way with friends. I tend to view such dynamics as moment to moment rather than a global and finite belief that any other person would unilaterally behave in manner which respects and values my feelings and interests. If marriage taught me one thing, it's to accept the real and always have a plan B, not due to mistrust but rather due to life being short and not something to be wasted. When immersed in a place where there are single women I don't expect any issues should dating become of interest again. I get on fine with the women in my life, even when there are moments we don't get on fine. It's all about perspective. Good luck in your dating pursuits!
todreaminblue Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 I feel everyone is different with this....I tried to date after six months and it didnt work ...my heart wasnt in it and i had concerns about my children dealing with the whole situation so i bowed out....i felt too pressured......to date and nagging from family what started me to date in the first place.....their hearts were in the right spot...i just wasnt ready....neither were my kids...... When i feel something for a guy thats when i know i am ready to date.....i dont like dating guys i dont have that something special for.....like i see a possible future with them and i can sense one their interest in me and two an excitement and intrigue to know them better when they are around.....i have always been this way....means i dont date much.....but it actually isnt about dating for me ...its the person i am spending time with getting to know them and letting them know me......every time i have deviated from this and gone out with someone i didnt have a deeper connection with.........it has been a mistake.....and i dont like making mistakes when it comes to my heart or anothers heart.... in my mind....dating should happen when you feel something deeper for a guy or a woman.....not the actually going out thing or having something to do.........but recognising a person who you really do feel for....not that you dont want to be alone or you are bored .....to me then its genuine...for this reason i knock dates back from guys....unless i feel something deeper...a genuine connection....i dont date..i cop flak for this ...from guys and from my family...but I cant change what i feel is right to do nor should I........deb
Movingforward2 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 I've had to get back into the dating life as well.........I've tried it....it sucks. After being married for 10 years, it's almost impossible for me to get going. And I don't want to waste time dating someone I can't see myself with long term either. I thought I was ready to date, then went out on a few and realized I'm not even close. I got a lot of self improvement things I'd rather do than get into that. Maybe this year will be different.........
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