Boyfriend broke up with me, he says he doesn't want a serious relationship right now

[pfeffer]

Here's my story...so My boyfriend and I had been together for 5 months (this march 23rd) and everything was going just great. We spent a lot of time together..kissed..cuddled..hugged and everything was just how i wanted it. prob. about 2 or so months maybe more into the relationship my boyfriend told me he loved me and i said it back and i meant it and he meant it to. He had said i was the first girl that he's ever loved and that he had never felt this way (we're both seventeen btw) so just this past week i had said something to Matt (boyfriend) it was online..first thing i said was that i had gotten a little jealous over him being with 2 girls and a single friend i thought they had been drinking to gether and stuff so i told matt about this along with a dream i had had about him...where in the dream it made me realize all these emotions and i woke up crying about it, crying because i loved him so much. So i told him this..right away online he doesn't respond right away so i was like..."did that weird you out" and hes like he doesnt know and i guess i took it that he wasn't...but then he started not answering texts and stuff and not saying i love you so i got worried and stuff...finally he answered one of my texts and told me we needed a break from eachother and he needed to think things through, matt has been told by friends he is bad at commitment and everything and later that night online he told me that he didnt believe it untill sunday when i said all that..so the break went on for almost a week not totally and i got scared and paranoid and so i talk to him online and he said that he didnt want this serious of a relationship right now and thats hes to young and immature for this..and hes scared of commitment..so thats basically breaking up. i was devastated still am it's been about 3 days since then..im so sad he said he still has feelings just wants to be by himself for awhile and have time for himself and he said maybe there is a chance in the future but for now he just want to do his own thing...and there is no other girl he said he only has feelings for me but doesnt love me i guess..i dont know what to do i love him and i want him back and to show him everything he doesnt want, please help

 

Jamie

[sami]

Just keep going.

[pfeffer]

i cant though! We broke up on such good terms..nothing bad ever happened i love him..he loved me..he wants to be friends right now but i just i dont know what to do

[sami]

Just keep going.

[LucreziaBorgia]

5 months is just enough time for the "initial excitement" to wear off and begin to see things for how they really are, and not how you see them through your "infatuation glasses". It could be that he has realized that this simply isn't the type of relationship he wants with you right now. There doesn't have to be an external reason like 'other girls' - he probably just simply doesn't want this right now. There is nothing you can offer him that will make him come back right now. You want to offer up your best, but it isn't what he thinks is best for him.

 

All you can do, is give him what he wants: space. He said that he wants to be 'friends' but in your case it sounds like that was just an easy let-down to ease into a breakup. He doesn't want to hurt your feelings, and 'friends' is your consolation prize. If he is avoiding you, then he isn't your friend.

 

Back off, and if there is any contact - let him be the one to make it. If he does contact you, it is crucial to understand that it doesn't mean he wants to be back with you. Don't feed yourself false hope. Any attempts you make to contact him, or show him that you are 'friends' will be seen as him as an attempt to get him back into a relationship he doesn't want right now - and he'll go out of his way to avoid you, or worse yet start being mean to you to try to force you to back off.

 

If there is a future for you, you won't ever have it if you destroy it in the present. The only way to avoid destroying it is to back off from it right now. If you push too hard for a future, you'll kill any chance of it happening - because right now, this guy doesn't want a relationship with you. If you push it, he'll resent you - and he will not ever want to be with you again.

 

Your best bet is 'no contact' - not for him, or as a trick to get him back - but for you, to get some uninterrupted time to clear your head and put your heart back together. 'No contact' will help you break any false hopes you may give yourself by his contacting you.

[pfeffer]

Thank you =-)

 

He truly does want to be friends, i just was bombarding him with text messages and eh . Im okay now its been like 4 days. I miss him still, but what id miss is if i couldn't have him around at all. So im going to give him his space and untill he's ready to talk i will not pry. thanks for the advice i know NC is harsh but it sounds like the best thing right now. i just love him so much...bahhh