Girlfriend of 5 years left me one week ago. [updates]

January 19, 2015

Me and my girlfriend were together for nearly 5 years, she was 14 when we met and is nearly 19 now, she loved me instantly, but I had just gotten out a 2 year relationship, I couldn't tell if I was in love or not, 4 years passed and she still loved me completely, I started gettin out my shell from my previous relationship and started to make more of an effort in terms of going out to dinner and meeting her parents, she always moaned I didn't meet them but I was so nervous and didn't want to commit as I would be destroyed if his relationship like the last ended. As we was both young we never really went out together as we had no money, it was more just seeing her alot and coming over my house. She was in a job she hated, and started to become more independent. She stilled love me completely and told me everyday and started talking about the future together. She wanted me to be married to her in the future and to get engaged soon. I told her I needed time as I was in uni at this point and just started meeting her family and stuff, I came

Home for Christmas holiday and she left her job, we spent everyday together going to the gym and spending time together in my house, we did go out for dinner in the month I was back too, she was really happy. She applied for a new job and got it, everything was starting to get really good, she kept telling me how happy she was. Holiday was over and she started her job she got, she met loads of friends and got a social life. She took me to uni and spent the weekend, it was great and same as usual, talking about the future and enjoying time together. She left as she had work and went back

HOme to northampton , (my uni was in luton) things started to get wierd... She wouldn't talk a lot and went out with her friends, she then contacted me and said she don't know if she's "in love" with me anymore, it was a massive shock as there was nothing pointing to this. She left me and wanted a break to figure things out, he continued to party and enjoy her new job, and I couldn't be kept waiting, so I traveled to northampton on the train and gave her flowers and talked. She said she does think we have a future but she don't know how to feel or what to do right now. She even said things like " imagining anyone with you or with me other than us makes me sick" and to give her space. I went back to uni and carried on texting her asking for a answer. I said I can't wait any longer and I want to move on and she said " babe... Just give me some time..." Next few days I carried on asking and she finally said she don't love me or want to be with me. Before she said this she said I was being selfish and not giving her the time she wanted. So now it's over... She acts like she doesn't care and carrys on having friends over and partying. She told my friend that I didn't give her enough love and we didn't do exciting things like dinner and going out and she wants that life now. She said the romantic things I did now was "to little to late" I'm so lost and feel empty.... I didn't do nothing romantic and loving hardly as I was addicted to my computer and lazy... I just wished she gave me the second chance I wanted to how her how much I love her and experience her new social life and friends together... I made the biggest mistake of my life... We haven't talked now from the time she told me she doesn't want to be with me anymore. She said she'll miss me forever.. I dunno what to do...

Edited January 19, 2015 by BrandonWard

January 19, 2015

Don't contact her. Ler her go. You are both so young, get out there. Live and experience life as a single man for a bit. It's easier of you maintain no contact. Block her form FB, all social media, and your phone. If you see her out, smile and wave, and then leave.

The more you try to contact her the more you will think about her and the harder it will be to get over her. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it really is the best option.

January 19, 2015

Don't contact her. Ler her go. You are both so young, get out there. Live and experience life as a single man for a bit. It's easier of you maintain no contact. Block her form FB, all social media, and your phone. If you see her out, smile and wave, and then leave.

The more you try to contact her the more you will think about her and the harder it will be to get over her. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it really is the best option.

I have blocked her from everything.. I hate myself knowing that I was the reason that it ended cause I was such a bad bf... I turned boring and took her for granted... She left me in limbo thinking what she wanted for like 3 days, an I pushed her to make a decision. How can she love me for 5 years and not love me after 1 week and when I change she won't give us a second chance... I can't cope... I feel like I'm empty and I lost a part of me.. While she don't seem to care

January 19, 2015

I have blocked her from everything.. I hate myself knowing that I was the reason that it ended cause I was such a bad bf... I turned boring and took her for granted... She left me in limbo thinking what she wanted for like 3 days, an I pushed her to make a decision. How can she love me for 5 years and not love me after 1 week and when I change she won't give us a second chance... I can't cope... I feel like I'm empty and I lost a part of me.. While she don't seem to care

Brother, she checked out of the relationship probably weeks or months prior to the break up. Then she made up her mind, when the wheels of doubt start to turn it's damn impossible to stop. That's why you thought it was sudden but actually it was brewing for a very long time.

First order of business for you is to forgive yourself. It's great that you admit your fault in this, now, you can learn from your mistakes and be a better person going forward. That being said, in a relationship it takes two to tango, don't put all the blame in your basket.

You're very young, thrive at being single first. Don't break NC

January 19, 2015

Brother, she checked out of the relationship probably weeks or months prior to the break up. Then she made up her mind, when the wheels of doubt start to turn it's damn impossible to stop. That's why you thought it was sudden but actually it was brewing for a very long time.

First order of business for you is to forgive yourself. It's great that you admit your fault in this, now, you can learn from your mistakes and be a better person going forward. That being said, in a relationship it takes two to tango, don't put all the blame in your basket.

You're very young, thrive at being single first. Don't break NC

If she was starting to doubt our relationship because of the way I was acting, and the way I didn't show love like she did... And he knew she wanted more from me!! Why didn't she just ask me or tell me what's wrong! I know it's not just my fault, but it mainly is, I'm so lost in life and don't know what I want out of life... I feel like I'm old because I'm 22... I wasted 5 years with her... For nothing.

January 19, 2015

Honestly she probably met someone else. Not saying she cheated, but she might have got to college and realized she had options and some looked better than you. High school romances don't often last through the college years. But who knows how this thing'll play out. It's only been a week. I knew a guy in college, dated his girlfriend for the first three years, then she dumped him. 6 months later they got married. Not saying that'll happen to you. But stranger things have happened.

January 19, 2015

A lot of people do that, read around here and you'll see stories similar to yours. She won't talk to you about it but mentally she gave you tests and you didn't pass, so, slowly her feelings fizzled out.

For all you know, she met someone else she connected with while she became "social". I'm sorry but I have to say that is a possibility especially if she's young and just starting to break away from her shell. Or she just wants to enjoy her new found freedom, enjoy being single again.

You didn't waste that 5 years. You loved her in that 5 years. Yes, maybe you were not the best boyfriend, but you still loved and you even started to change at the end. Be proud that you are capable of that, not everyone is. Learn from this and be a better person.

Lastly, 22 is young, brother, your whole life is waiting for you! Mourn, dust yourself, stand up, and walk again. Don't ever give up and stay strong.

January 19, 2015

A lot of people do that, read around here and you'll see stories similar to yours. She won't talk to you about it but mentally she gave you tests and you didn't pass, so, slowly her feelings fizzled out.

For all you know, she met someone else she connected with while she became "social". I'm sorry but I have to say that is a possibility especially if she's young and just starting to break away from her shell. Or she just wants to enjoy her new found freedom, enjoy being single again.

You didn't waste that 5 years. You loved her in that 5 years. Yes, maybe you were not the best boyfriend, but you still loved and you even started to change at the end. Be proud that you are capable of that, not everyone is. Learn from this and be a better person.

Lastly, 22 is young, brother, your whole life is waiting for you! Mourn, dust yourself, stand up, and walk again. Don't ever give up and stay strong.

Why did she do that... If you love someone you tell them and work on things, not do tests secretly. Thinking I can probably see she did some "tests" yes... And I failed miserably. But why then after she wanted a break was she telling me she didn't know what she wanted, she kept me hot and cold, saying stuff like we still have a future maybe we will be engaged later this year you never know the future.

I feel like at the moment it was all a waste, she talked so much about the future I wanted it and felt like it was going to happen, yes every relationship is like this I know :/

I just feel I'm at a point where I don't know what I want.. After she left me I got rid of my computer and stopped my addiction. I left uni as I knew I didn't enjoy it but was going to stick it out for 3 years.. For a better life with her. But all my life I picked the easy options.. Computers was my addiction, but I don't enjoy it for a job and now not as a hobby. I'm at home, not knowing what job I want, what career and feeling desperate, alone, and afraid of the uncertainty of the future.

January 19, 2015

This is just my opinion...

Relationship are weird and so is love...

In a long term relationship things happen like you fall in love while the other just fall out of love...

Sometimes these can take years mostly common between 2-5 years though it happens later and earlier at lesser chances.

There is a time we do fall out of love but we hang on through commitment and it just comes back stronger.

Others just bail on the first chance they get. They can't feel a connection. They savor freedom. They look for somebody for that happiness and to provide for their emotional needs.

True for some not for all. Case to case basis.

I think this is mostly the reason why LTR really fails. There is a point in both partners they feel the love dies out and reach a flat line, (lost attraction, not desirable) really depends on one's commitment to hang on and just let it flow. Emotionally needy persons tend to leave this relationship because they just can't stand feeling alone in a relationship. (The worst thing in life is being with somebody who makes you feel alone) There is no happiness and they seek it elsewhere. Friends or New partner.

Bottom line, Real love does set in, only if you let it. You see the flaws of your partner and learn to accept it. It also comes with realization that you would want to do better, and ready for larger commitments (have kids, grow old together). And you become more open to communication and start to work things out.

Lucky if you both feel the same way, bad luck if he\she bails out before it can grow in them.

But sooner or later they will get tired of jumping from one relationship to another and would like to settle down, they will go through the same process, and will give love a chance to blossom.

January 19, 2015

This is just my opinion...

Relationship are weird and so is love...
In a long term relationship things happen like you fall in love while the other just fall out of love...

Sometimes these can take years mostly common between 2-5 years though it happens later and earlier at lesser chances.

There is a time we do fall out of love but we hang on through commitment and it just comes back stronger.

Others just bail on the first chance they get. They can't feel a connection. They savor freedom. They look for somebody for that happiness and to provide for their emotional needs.

True for some not for all. Case to case basis.

I think this is mostly the reason why LTR really fails. There is a point in both partners they feel the love dies out and reach a flat line, (lost attraction, not desirable) really depends on one's commitment to hang on and just let it flow. Emotionally needy persons tend to leave this relationship because they just can't stand feeling alone in a relationship. (The worst thing in life is being with somebody who makes you feel alone) There is no happiness and they seek it elsewhere. Friends or New partner.

Bottom line, Real love does set in, only if you let it. You see the flaws of your partner and learn to accept it. It also comes with realization that you would want to do better, and ready for larger commitments (have kids, grow old together). And you become more open to communication and start to work things out.

Lucky if you both feel the same way, bad luck if he\she bails out before it can grow in them.

But sooner or later they will get tired of jumping from one relationship to another and would like to settle down, they will go through the same process, and will give love a chance to blossom.

Thanks for the response it was quite true, do you think my ex will ever miss

Me and come back? I have no contact atm and am starting to try sort my life out

January 19, 2015

Thanks for the response it was quite true, do you think my ex will ever miss
Me and come back? I have no contact atm and am starting to try sort my life out

They won't forget you true, but she is not missing you right now. If she did she'd be back in your arms.

Its tough really, going through this process. Like you constantly hope, they come back, if not, you try to look for a glimmer of hope that they miss you at least. It pains you how can they just walk out from a Long term relationship and just be indifferent.

Missing a person takes time usually down the road, and lot can happen along the way.

Best way is to give her space and go NC, throw away all hope of reconciliation. Try to live your life without her. Its difficult but you will get there eventually.

January 19, 2015

They won't forget you true, but she is not missing you right now. If she did she'd be back in your arms.

Its tough really, going through this process. Like you constantly hope, they come back, if not, you try to look for a glimmer of hope that they miss you at least. It pains you how can they just walk out from a Long term relationship and just be indifferent.

Missing a person takes time usually down the road, and lot can happen along the way.

Best way is to give her space and go NC, throw away all hope of reconciliation. Try to live your life without her. Its difficult but you will get there eventually.

Yeah it's hard for me to come to the realisation that after 5 years of putting up with me that she couldn't just try and make things work now I realised or atleast tell me properly during the relationship. And the fact she told me I completed her over Christmas and talked about engagement.

I always give myself hope but I no I shouldnt. I have been no contacting and I aim to keep it that way for the rest of my life. Given that she doesn't come back eventually. She came to terms that she could find a better partner when she started her new job and get a good social life. She started to expect she deserved better but never gave me the chance to give her it.

All I wanted was a second chane

January 20, 2015

Yeah it's hard for me to come to the realisation that after 5 years of putting up with me that she couldn't just try and make things work

Same here she cut me loose shortly after the 5th year mark, she was emotionally cheating on me and had been checked out weeks or months before the BU. Saw the Red Flag when she failed to greet me on our anniversary or on my birthday. But it was too late, she won't work on the pressing issues.

She came to terms that she could find a better partner when she started her new job and get a good social life. She started to expect she deserved better but never gave me the chance to give her it.

My Ex did just that she has a new partner and is having a blast going out having fun, feeling a sense of relief I'm out of her life. Never looked back. This is the mindset of my Ex (She deserves better and won't settle for anything less)

All I wanted was a second chane

I can sure feel this, but I was grieving the loss for close to a whole month and I was getting nowhere, I have to let go and stop hoping if I ever want to start living again, and feel alive.

######################################

Its her loss, she gave up on the one person....

Who wouldn't have given up on her...

ME...

######################################

Hang in there, you are not alone in this struggle...

NC,NC,NC

Edited January 20, 2015 by bigtrouble

January 20, 2015

Same here she cut me loose shortly after the 5th year mark, she was emotionally cheating on me and had been checked out weeks or months before the BU. Saw the Red Flag when she failed to greet me on our anniversary or on my birthday. But it was too late, she won't work on the pressing issues.

My Ex did just that she has a new partner and is having a blast going out having fun, feeling a sense of relief I'm out of her life. Never looked back. This is the mindset of my Ex (She deserves better and won't settle for anything less)

I can sure feel this, but I was grieving the loss for close to a whole month and I was getting nowhere, I have to let go and stop hoping if I ever want to start living again, and feel alive.

######################################
Its her loss, she gave up on the one person....
Who wouldn't have given up on her...
ME...
######################################

Hang in there, you are not alone in this struggle...

NC,NC,NC

That saying just changed my whole perspective... No matter how bad I did or what mistakes we both made. She lost out on me. She didn't work for it like I would have. She gave up on the one guy who wouldn't of given up on her.

February 16, 2015

Hi, When we first met we was both young, through the first 4 years all we had was each other, We had no money or car etc to do much stuff together! As we was both in education. Relationship was really good, Had it's up's and downs, Somtimes i didn't know how i felt about her during it, As i was hitting 18-19 and was properly thinking about GIGS. But i stayed through it all and ended up loving her alot more.

The last year she got a job, and a car and we started doing more stuff together, But she was really depressed with her current job and needed to change it, as it was making her depressed. This carried on for a few months before i convinced her she can find a new job! So she did... I came back from uni for christmas break last year and everything was great, better than they had been for awhile! We both went gym together and enjoyed each others company.

Towards the end of the christmas break she started getting upset i was heading back to uni, But she would drive up every weekend anyway to see me, During the holiday she said that she felt " Complete " Everything was great.

Then i went back to university and she started her new job, Ever since she started her new job she started questioning are relationship, and basicly convinced herself she wasn't " in love" with me anymore, Yet 2 months previous she wanted to have my baby! ( i said no as i wasn't ready )

So, she started to become distant, I could tell something was wrong, She started saying that i needed to show her more love, as she showed me so much more than i did, ( which is true, I had a gaming addiction due to being depressed with life choices, Uni etc... I've left now, and feel much better, and dont play games anymore. )

So, yeah she drove up the weekend before she left me and everything was fine, but i didn't show her more love what she asked for and was somtimes a dick... I basicly didn't realise fully what i had, and how much i cared for her.

During the weekend she talked about wanting to be engaged to me, and how would i do the wedding as she trusted me to make it brilliant when it came round to it, She wanted snuggles, kissed me, laughed, even woke up in the middle of the night and kissed me and hugged me.

but regardless of this, after she left she felt distant again, i suspected it was the new guy at her work she was speaking to, she told me stuff like " theres nothing to worry about " " we've been though worse, we'll get through this rut" but later that day she said she didn't know how she felt, wanted a break. She wanted time alone, as she thought now with her new job, friends, and social life, " the grass was greener " She said.

During the break, i would want to talk to her, beg her, ring her, ( only for a week before i started NC ) She told me she thought we had a future together, "but just not right now" As she needs to experience life without me, as i'm all she knows...

So she didn't want to be with me, During this time i left uni, Got a job back home, I got out all the time socializing, Everything is great but i miss her.

She asks my brothers GF how i am, and sounds like she has regrets 20 days into NC, It's been one month now, and she's just randomly liked a picture of me on facebook of me out with friends. ( i've blocked her from everything, buit the photo was on my mates facebook, and he told me.

it's just so weird, i cant figure it out.

I feel depressed somtimes, and miss her and hope she comes back, But i'm not waiting for her. I had so much more to give and show, that i didn't. She deserved me to be better, She deserved better.

What do you guys think of the situation?!

Edited February 16, 2015 by BrandonWard

February 16, 2015

Sounds like you're doing great! She might be hurting now but she'll get over it and come out stronger as a result - you have given her a gift really.

It sounds like you've learned a lot that you can apply in your next relationship too - well done!

Have you tried thinking about your goals for the next few months? Do you want to try a new hobby? Concentrate on work? Try dating again? You are in a great position and the world is your oyster.

February 16, 2015

Dude, just move on. She asked your brothers GF if you're okay and Liked a pic she probably wasn't even aware that you could view. You weren't the only dude in the pic I take it.

Dude, if you read the paragraph above that you written. You spent a lot of time begging and pleading and she shot you down, everytime. So, she hasn't heard from you in 30 days. She's thought about everything and feels a bit guilty about how things went down. So, she got curious and wanted to find out if you're okay and that you don't hate her.

Dude, I think you're reading too much into it.

February 16, 2015

Sounds like you're doing great! She might be hurting now but she'll get over it and come out stronger as a result - you have given her a gift really.

It sounds like you've learned a lot that you can apply in your next relationship too - well done!

Have you tried thinking about your goals for the next few months? Do you want to try a new hobby? Concentrate on work? Try dating again? You are in a great position and the world is your oyster.

Thankyou! My goals are to carry on working and to start driving lessons soon, and to get my own place! Maybe start a job i can move up the ladder

February 16, 2015

Dude, just move on. She asked your brothers GF if you're okay and Liked a pic she probably wasn't even aware that you could view. You weren't the only dude in the pic I take it.

Dude, if you read the paragraph above that you written. You spent a lot of time begging and pleading and she shot you down, everytime. So, she hasn't heard from you in 30 days. She's thought about everything and feels a bit guilty about how things went down. So, she got curious and wanted to find out if you're okay and that you don't hate her.

Dude, I think you're reading too much into it.

She did talk to my brothers GF yes, But we was all very close, she told me that she asked how i was and by the way she was speaking and what else she said it seemed she had some regrets.

I only spent around 1 week begging etc, Not exactly begging, just trying to make her realise she was making a mistake, she didn't really shoot me down, she kept telling me to give her space. But she thought we had a future together, and that the only person she could think she would wanna marry is me... Mind ****s basicly.

And i was in the picture with 3 other guys, none that she knows at all. But she knows they are MY friends. So she knew they would tell me, or i would find out. If she saw the picture and liked it, why not scroll down and forget? Why go to the point of actually liking it for no reason.

But yes i am propely over thinking it!

February 16, 2015

I too am getting out of a 5+ year relationship. It's been extremely tough but you just got to tweak your mindset a little everyday. I still have dreams bout her basically every night and she runs my through my mind most of the day still (NC month). You just have to let her go for now, you don't own her. If she's happy, you should be happy for her and be thankful for the times you've had together. It's easier said than done, but I am currently in your shoes and feel infinitely better than I did a month ago. Right now, just work on yourself and everything will fall into place. I just realized I was just so dependent on her and lost a part of myself. Foundation of happiness lies within you, partners are supposed to add to that happiness, not define it.

February 17, 2015

I too am getting out of a 5+ year relationship. It's been extremely tough but you just got to tweak your mindset a little everyday. I still have dreams bout her basically every night and she runs my through my mind most of the day still (NC month). You just have to let her go for now, you don't own her. If she's happy, you should be happy for her and be thankful for the times you've had together. It's easier said than done, but I am currently in your shoes and feel infinitely better than I did a month ago. Right now, just work on yourself and everything will fall into place. I just realized I was just so dependent on her and lost a part of myself. Foundation of happiness lies within you, partners are supposed to add to that happiness, not define it.

How did you guys break up? Did she move on? I'm going through a similar thing but still find my self sad and just think about her all the time.

February 17, 2015

In a nutshell, I became super complacent and she got tired of taking care of me. The spark/romance all faded. She pursued her dreams and went to teach/study abroad. Tried to hold on to LDR but it just didn't happen. I would say she is very happy there, mutual friends say that it's the happiest she has been in a while. Meeting new people constantly and has done more in a couple month than we did the last few years. At first I was bitter, why is she so happy when I am drowning in sorrow. Eventually, I just realized I needed to better myself. I was still acting selfish post-relationship. I should want her to be happy if I truly cared. Once I accepted it was over (helps she's in a different country now), I immediately felt better. I just have to outmaneuver those negative thoughts daily (sleeping with someone else/if she loved/etc). Not going to lie, I lose quite often, but in the end, I know I will be fine. Just glad she was there in the first place.

February 17, 2015

In a nutshell, I became super complacent and she got tired of taking care of me. The spark/romance all faded. She pursued her dreams and went to teach/study abroad. Tried to hold on to LDR but it just didn't happen. I would say she is very happy there, mutual friends say that it's the happiest she has been in a while. Meeting new people constantly and has done more in a couple month than we did the last few years. At first I was bitter, why is she so happy when I am drowning in sorrow. Eventually, I just realized I needed to better myself. I was still acting selfish post-relationship. I should want her to be happy if I truly cared. Once I accepted it was over (helps she's in a different country now), I immediately felt better. I just have to outmaneuver those negative thoughts daily (sleeping with someone else/if she loved/etc). Not going to lie, I lose quite often, but in the end, I know I will be fine. Just glad she was there in the first place.

That's exactly what happened to me she said she was tired of taking care of me which I felt that she wasn't but that's what she said. And as time went on it is now 6 months that we broke up she says the spark faded and she doesn't have the same feelings for me anymore. I tried to make things work but I haven't talked to her in a month. She told our mutual friend that she still loves me and cares about but it's weird because she won't text me or have anything to do with me. I mean I didn't do anything wrong she just said that she was tired of taking care of me and her sister in law was the one that told her I wasn't worth it. And that's was makes me angry is that she listened to them and just like threw everything away as if it was nothing. We were high school sweet hearts and it is now our first year in college. Do you think there's anything you would of done that I can do to get her back? I mean I try to let it go but I can't just something inside of me doesn't let me.

February 23, 2015

Hey guys, quick update!

My ex has been liking more things with me in them!... Comments and statuses.

There was one status and a few comments about me liking/wanting this other girl. And she liked them all...

Why is she doing this?

February 23, 2015

Hey guys, quick update!

My ex has been liking more things with me in them!... Comments and statuses.

There was one status and a few comments about me liking/wanting this other girl. And she liked them all...

Why is she doing this?

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Girlfriend of 5 years left me one week ago. [updates]

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