jamiemam91 Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 Hi, I will try to be short because it's a long story. Before moving to Boston, I met this wonderful girl who is half saudi half french on a dating website and we chatted for about a month before my arrival (january 1 2015). When I came here, we immediately started seeing each other "as friends" and I quickly fell in love with her like no girl ever. I proclaimed my love for her about 10 days ago, at first she wasn't sure because she got bad experience with her exs, but then I wanted to talk about it in person so we met and she basically agreed to go out with me (but we would take it slow). I was so happy, we then hung out, spent the night cuddling it was really emotional. Last night, I invited her to a japanese restaurant and after that we went to see a movie. During the movie I received an awkward message from a girl that I wasn't even interested in, I don't know how she got my number but she basically just asked me if I saw the Patriots game and I replied "no". My girl saw the message, or at least saw that a girl texted me and that I tried to hide the message. However she acted "okay" during the movie. When we were heading back home I noticed she was being distant and I asked at the train station what was going on and she said "go check your phone, maybe she sent you another message". I was speechless and didn't know what to say and tried to convince her that I wasn't texting with anyone, I was so mad and hurt. Anyway, on the train I tried to talk to her but she put her earphones on and didn't talk to me. I missed my stop and got off at her stop and asked for explanation. That's when she said she doesn't want to see me again and that I can't call or text her again. I almost started crying and I was being historical. I followed her until her building desperately trying to explain myself but she wouldn't listen. I even went inside the building and she threatened to call the cops, but all I wanted to do is to convince her that I love her and don't talk to any other girls. She is really the only one, I don't even look at other girls! She made it very clear that she doesn't want to see me again. I don't understand. I've been here for 20 days now and met her 5 times, and if I lose her then I know I will not survive. What am I supposed to do now? If I try to find her at her residence she will freak out and call the cops on me… I need help guys, I can't lose this girl I already fell in love with her and I'm very sentimental. Why do you think she acted this way? Also, I sent her about 4 long text messages when I came back home and also in the morning and she didn't get back to me. Do you think there is a way back? Do you think I can still get her back? What are your suggestions?
umirano Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 (edited) it's "hysterical" not "historical" I don't know whether you're familiar with her cultural background, but it's safe to say it's very different from American culture, so multidating is not something that sits well with most people from the Arab culture, dating is a delicate topic anyway. I know you didn't mean to multidate (probably) but she must have taken it that way and is hurt, and she thinks she has every right to feel that way. So you won't easily convince her. I'm not a girl and I don't have her cultural background but maybe you could try to really explain what happened. 1. The girl texts you, explain who she is and how she has your number 2. Be honest, she will sense when you're being deceptive 3. If you know the girl, tell her how 4. Tell her you didn't mean to converse with her, you got the text and from a reflex you checked the phone 5. When you noticed that your date was looking you felt bad and tried to hide it because you didn't want to leave a bad impression 6. By doing that that's exactly what happened, but there isn't really a cause for your date to be upset. You have no interest in this other girl, it was a reflex looking at the phone and you knew it wasn't good manners to check your phone when you're on a date Maybe, just maybe she'll give you a second chance when she sees you're making a real effort to clarify what happened. If you really love her and respect her, apologize for checking your phone while taking her out on a date. If she's the one, you should be able to leave your phone alone for a couple of hours. After you explain all that and after apologizing genuinely, give her space. Don't make a fool out of yourself by stalking her. That will only make her think you're crazier than she thought, shell lose respect and be angered by you even more. Have dignity, back off until you hear from her again. Then apologize again, and make it up to her. Lesson learned: Treat people with respect, checking your phone on a date that you really care about is a big no no. If your grandmother is sick, tell your date beforehand that you need to check your phone because a family member is sick. Other than that phones should be on silent and remain in the pocket throughout the date. Respect is really big in the Arab culture. I am sorry about your mishap. Good luck. Edited January 19, 2015 by umirano
bigtrouble Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 You do know she had bad experience with her Ex, and that text triggered it. She has some trust issues and is not emotionally ready for a relationship. Then you began explaining it which made her freak out. I suggest just respect her wishes and act it cool, don't contact her. I know you like her but some things just won't work out if she's not ready for a relationship.
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