TBM Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 OK I may be way off base here but I'm flat out a little jealous. Dating a beautiful 44-y-o woman for about four months. All is great. She is very sweet, teaches Bible class at her church, lives about the cleanest life of anyone I've ever met. She's been divorced 7 years and has told me, in comparing divorce notes, her attorney was really great. He's likely in his early 60s at present. Over the holidays she called his office because her ex stopped paying child support (she has one daughter). The office told her that the attorney's wife passed away on Christmas Eve and that he was taking time off. Turns out, it was suicide. So last week, my gf sent him a text just asking how he was doing and that she needed to stop in the office sometime soon. He responded thank you, doing my best ... and so forth. He closed by suggesting that they meet for dinner sunday (last) night. So I'm at her house at the time and she tells me and I'm like "dinner? what is that about?" She tells me "dear, he's old, his wife just killed herself, what am I supposed to say?" I said "meet him for lunch, make an appointment, whatever, but weekend dinner for two? Om, that's not OK." She got a little defensive. Well she replied to him that she could not do dinner but that maybe they could meet up to talk somewhere soon. I then got the riot act that he's old and grieving. "It's not right to brush him off." Guess my questions are: do I bring this up again, or ask what the follow-up was?" do I leave it alone? should I be angry about this? I mean, the guy's wife of many years took her own life and I am far from heartless but ... dinner?? Thanks!
PegNosePete Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 I agree with you, having dinner with a divorce attorney is not appropriate, and it's highly unprofessional of him to ask. Whilst it may seem harsh, he is not her friend, he is her lawyer. He should not be imposing his personal problems onto her and she should not feel guilty about declining the inappropriate invitation. She should call his office and ask who is covering his professional duties while he is on compassionate leave. 3
alphamale Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 how did your old lady find out that she killed herself? usually that is hush hush
aggie382 Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 I thought this was about a date since it's in dating. Do you think dinner was intended as an actual date?
Author TBM Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 She found out through someone who knows him, actually a friend of mine who is an attorney. I do not know what his intent is in asking her to dinner. I do know that she is very trusting and genuinely believes he is a saint ... which he may be. I've never seen or met him so I don't know. Bottom line, this guy's wife did what she did and who the hell knows why? He might be the devil himself and maybe she couldn't take it anymore. Maybe she was legitimately sick and he did everything he could. My point is that's his business and I'm not about to take any chances that he's some sort of piece of you-know-what. So I'm not sure what to do.I posted this in "dating" because I truly don't know if I need to put my foot down and really be angry about this or let it play out.
DivorcedDad123 Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 No. This is a business transaction between her atty and herself. That should take place at his office. I know MANY mid 60's men who would be rather open to a 44 year old woman. Her accepting is what raises the red flags with me,not that he asked. Non payment of child support is a no brainer and she shouldn't even have to meet him. That could be taken care of over the phone and he'd simply need to get the ball rolling by submitting an enforcement letter to the court. 1
rocketman122 Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 youre in the right here completely. how would she react if it were the other way around. no reason for a dinner for his wifes suicide and its not her issue to even comfort him as they should have a professional relationship only. kinda creepy to me. no lunch no nothing. talk on the phone to comfort but no meet. if it were the other way around, I would not go to dinner or lunch or meet anywhere to comfort her. I would do it on the phone and be done with it. its out of respect to my partner. shes completely wrong here. and btw, no lawyer is a saint. they are all crooks with diplomas I would never date a lawyer and actor an insurance salesperson or an accountant, but thats me. 2
Satu Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 no lawyer is a saint. they are all crooks with diplomas. Licensed blackmailers 2
Satu Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 The idea of that dinner is completely inappropriate. He's violating the boundaries of his professional relationship with your partner, and violating the boundaries of your relationship with her. It would be a red flag situation for me.
carhill Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 OP, in general I would align with such a meeting being inappropriate, though having male friends of the same age as this attorney, many would be lost if their wives died and would likely grasp onto most any female attention in such moments, appropriate or not. Some have as much as said so directly. Since your friend knows the attorney well enough to know his wife committed suicide, what's the friend's take on the man?
preraph Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 I think attorneys quite often dine with clients. They can then write off the meal on their taxes.
GemmaUK Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 OP. would you have felt differently about this if the attorney were a woman? 2
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