Why do some count the days of NC with ex?

[Darren2013]

Why do you think some count the days or weeks or months of no contact with their ex? Does it really help with the healing? I mean the way some of us count the days or weeks or months it sounds like we see it as some kind of achievement to be proud of.

 

But if there has been a breakup then no contact should follow anyway since that's pretty much the whole idea behind breaking up-for parties to go their separate ways. So what is the purpose in counting the amount of time that one has been in NC? Why should I be proud of being in NC for X amount of time when it is what I'm suppose to be doing anyway because that's what it means to break up. A break up means no contact.

 

It isn't appropriate to break up and then not act like we are broken up. Some exes will do that though. Not only will they stay in contact but they will still have sex, watch movies, spend the night, etc. Why? Why would you continue to do everything a couple does if you are broken up?

[seminoles84]

Why does it matter? If it works for someone, more power to them.

[PegNosePete]

For many, going NC is just like breaking an addiction. Counting days helps for the same reason that a smoker will count days since his last ciggie, and a recovering alcoholic will count days since his last drink. Breaking the addiction is an achievement.

[bigtrouble]

Why do you think some count the days or weeks or months of no contact with their ex? Does it really help with the healing? I mean the way some of us count the days or weeks or months it sounds like we see it as some kind of achievement to be proud of.

 

But if there has been a breakup then no contact should follow anyway since that's pretty much the whole idea behind breaking up-for parties to go their separate ways. So what is the purpose in counting the amount of time that one has been in NC? Why should I be proud of being in NC for X amount of time when it is what I'm suppose to be doing anyway because that's what it means to break up. A break up means no contact.

 

It isn't appropriate to break up and then not act like we are broken up. Some exes will do that though. Not only will they stay in contact but they will still have sex, watch movies, spend the night, etc. Why? Why would you continue to do everything a couple does if you are broken up?

 

No matter how negative it is, it still is a milestone in you life.

Besides when you are hurting so bad and imprisoned in this emotional jail.

You can't wait to get out and be free, you count the days, because they pass by so slow.

[Ieris]

I have seen some articles where they suggest you contact your ex in 30 days / 60 days if you want them back so some do it because they are following a program.

 

Many on LS give a rough estimate not because they're waiting for their ex to come back but when they are telling their stories, it is useful to include these details. It can be a good way to mark their progress, if you know how many days/weeks/months/years it has been you can see how far you've come along because it can often feel like the break up was yesterday.

 

Some people prefer to keep track and some people don't, whichever works for them.

[towardthefuture]

I last contacted my ex on the last day of a month so it's just really easy to know how long it's been.

[dyna85]

I do it for the 'breaking an addiction' reason, because it is akin to that for me. Whenever I've quit something major, I always count the days because it's hard being without that one thing you want so bad, that isn't good for you.

 

I always want to fast forward through the pain/cravings though, because it's a difficult process. Torturous, really.

 

Today is 27 days NC for me. I'm glad I've made it this far and plan to stick to it forever n ever bc I know I'm strong.

[umirano]

I never count really, I just know. My ex sent her last e-mail on Dec 27 2014, so that makes it 25 days. No counting, just calculating.

 

Let me calculate something else, she texted me on Aug 8 (I remember bc it was a Friday), and then again on the 11th or 18th of November, I remember that bc it was a Tuesday, but I'm not sure which one, probably the first one though. I don't have the texts anymore, but I remember the circumstances. So we had a period of NC of 94 days, or 103 days respectively. That was probably the longest period of NC since we first met, which was on a Thursday night in July 2011, probably the 21st.

 

Knowing those facts doesn't help me. That's just how I am, I remember dates and circumstances extremely well. I'm not as good with names. I don't have a photographic memory.

[Marco Valerio]

It helps you knowing how good you are doing.

[Mi7522]

I'm NC now for 89 days. Not that I'm counting

[radiodarcy]

I do it for the addiction reason. I have an addictive personality and people are no exception. being addicted to people is far worse. So it is a big accomplishment for me.

 

That being said, when I get to the point where i've lost track of the days, that's when I know I've broken the addiction

[jam3s84]

I am on hour 6 of NC, I had made it 10 days NC which was awesome! Then I took the bait and got hooked pretty bad. For me I fall in the addiction category, and breaking the habit of talking to her especially when she reaches out with her innocuous bs like "hey how r u" after not talking for almost 2 weeks is paramount? If theirs any lesson I have learned its ignore that bs! Follow the rules for NC to save yourself the pain! coming up on hour 7....

[Simon Phoenix]

I think counting the days, especially at first, is important because it allows you to set No Contact goals and gauge your progress. As you become more comfortable with NC, you'll eventually stop doing that.

[Ducktape]

As other people said, it's like an addiction you're trying to ween yourself off of. The reason people count, for one it's because it's gratifying to see the evolution, you see the number go up. It's hard to quantify or evaluate feelings on a day to day basis, whether you improved or not since it's not tangible. So keeping track the number of days it's been shows a progress. And then, when you have that number in mind, and look back at all the pain that occurred during them days, you tell yourself that you don't wanna go back to day 1 of NC. So it becomes a matter of pride. Like the tokens alcoholics receive after x milestone, they sure don't want to give that back. Pride sometimes is an enemy, in these cases of overcoming an addiction, whether it is love, drugs or alcohol, it is a blessing.

[me85]

For many, going NC is just like breaking an addiction. Counting days helps for the same reason that a smoker will count days since his last ciggie, and a recovering alcoholic will count days since his last drink. Breaking the addiction is an achievement.

 

I couldn't have said it better myself. Perfect.

[Elle1975]

When one quit smoking, one often counts the days since the quitting.. same with relationships I suppose, little victories.

[erklat]

Yeah, you get more motivated not to break as the number goes up.

 

I don't count anymore. I remember roughly when it may have been but

Exactly I do not know.

[QuantumofBoris]

It isn't appropriate to break up and then not act like we are broken up. Some exes will do that though. Not only will they stay in contact but they will still have sex, watch movies, spend the night, etc. Why? Why would you continue to do everything a couple does if you are broken up?

 

 

These are people who have the emotional maturity of a 13 year old, and hands up I *have* done it in the past - it's like 2 people split up, and then want to use each other as emotional tampons while they heal but all it does it make things worse in the long run. Clean break, no contact, 180 - all of that, its the only way

 

Boz

[QuantumofBoris]

I never count really, I just know. My ex sent her last e-mail on Dec 27 2014, so that makes it 25 days. No counting, just calculating.

 

Let me calculate something else, she texted me on Aug 8 (I remember bc it was a Friday), and then again on the 11th or 18th of November, I remember that bc it was a Tuesday, but I'm not sure which one, probably the first one though. I don't have the texts anymore, but I remember the circumstances. So we had a period of NC of 94 days, or 103 days respectively. That was probably the longest period of NC since we first met, which was on a Thursday night in July 2011, probably the 21st.

 

Knowing those facts doesn't help me. That's just how I am, I remember dates and circumstances extremely well. I'm not as good with names. I don't have a photographic memory.

 

but you're not counting right?

[LovelyDaze]

For many, going NC is just like breaking an addiction. Counting days helps for the same reason that a smoker will count days since his last ciggie, and a recovering alcoholic will count days since his last drink. Breaking the addiction is an achievement.

 

Same as most. With some BUs, I counted the days of NC until I either forgot or just didn't care to keep track that way. I hoped to heal enough that I didn't think of how many days/weeks of NC anymore to the point my life was happy and whole again.

[guest569]

I dont count as i go, but when I feel like contacting him i can think "well, it's been 3 weeks.. months etc. and I survived. There's no need!" Now it's been about 5 months since i contacted him, I guess that is a proud achievement for me. To say that in my head makes me feel like i am making progress when often times i feel like i am not maki progres. Anything to help.

[HeartinPain]

After a 15 year relationship I counted up until 90 days. I was hoping that he would contact me within 60 days. He didn't. I continued to count to see my progress and I was proud of myself for every day that passed that I did not contact him. It's been almost a year and a half since our break up and I honestly could not be happier. I worked on myself and all aspects of my life are very different now. I'm so much happier without him and I am at a place in my life where I have always wanted to be!