hawkeye20 Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 Hello everyone. I just wanted to get everyone’s input on this somewhat tricky situation. As a background, I have been friends with a girl for about three years. About a month ago, we had a very emotional conversation, just as friends where she kind of poured her heart out to me about problems she was going through whether it be family related, or socially. Just about basic things such as how she felt like she needed to change some things about her life, was sick of the whole bar scene, that kind of stuff. She subtly mentioned that her friends were talking about their boyfriends and how she kind of felt left out, per se. I’ve had some feelings for her, but nothing too crazy. However, she and I have similar outlooks and I haven’t dated a girl for a while, so I took a chance and told her that if she feels like she needs some new experience in her life, maybe we could go on a date. She said she’d think about it, and about 2 weeks ago she agreed to it. It should occur sometime over the next couple of weeks when both of us are off work. When I first met this girl, I had a much worse body image than I do now, but I’ve worked hard to get into better shape and clear up my acne. Now that the date is actually set up, I’ve been very conflicted on what to do. It’s winter, so obviously anything outdoors would be difficult. I want to be creative but I feel a bit out of my element here, as I’ve been used to more of a hookup culture rather than a dating one recently. But the bigger issue, in my opinion, is the transition from friends to more. I’ve never been shy about kissing a girl or anything like that, but I’m not really sure how to go about it with her. I’m sure everyone will suggest holding hands or just reading the signs, but I’m not even sure if she’s really attracted to me or if she’s going on this date because she actually wants to. I guess confidence is really my big issue here, because I think once I get over the hump of kissing her the first time, everything can just flow from there. I was thinking perhaps saying, in a joking manner at the beginning of the night, that she should feel fortunate if she gets a good night kiss. I don’t know, just an idea...maybe it’ll plant something in her head. But I’m trying to do things the right way, and less in a random bar hookup way. If it helps, we’re both 22. I'm pretty sure I'm just overthinking this, but I feel as though I do need tips. Thanks everyone for reading through this.
Hopes Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 Don't listen to that guy man. You used the word date, she said yes. She knows your intentions and that is half the battle. I have on more than one occasion escaped the damned friend zone. Girls see me as a kind caring person and want me as a friend most of the time because I don't seem like this mysterious bad boy playing games. However, I routinely show them during my friendship with them, my qualities. Especially if you get a girl friend or a few dates with another girl, it will drive them nuts.. anyway that is neither here nor there. What I am trying to say is that maybe she sees the things about you she didn't realize right away and sees you as a man worth a date. Do not say that line about being lucky if she gets a good night kiss. That is to cheesy, obvious intentioned, and childish. In this situation, you guys already are comfortable with each other. I find what works best in this situation, at the end of the night, give her a tight hug, a good one man. Squeeze and rub her back a little, then when the hug is over, only loosen a little bit, keep your hands on her, like her sides or back and stare into her eyes. I mean make good eye contact with her.. She will know what you want to do at that point, and she will push back if she doesn't want it.. just try to kiss her after that. Do not force it though, you have to read her body langauge and mentality that night.
Author hawkeye20 Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 Don't listen to that guy man. You used the word date, she said yes. She knows your intentions and that is half the battle. I have on more than one occasion escaped the damned friend zone. Girls see me as a kind caring person and want me as a friend most of the time because I don't seem like this mysterious bad boy playing games. However, I routinely show them during my friendship with them, my qualities. Especially if you get a girl friend or a few dates with another girl, it will drive them nuts.. anyway that is neither here nor there. What I am trying to say is that maybe she sees the things about you she didn't realize right away and sees you as a man worth a date. Do not say that line about being lucky if she gets a good night kiss. That is to cheesy, obvious intentioned, and childish. In this situation, you guys already are comfortable with each other. I find what works best in this situation, at the end of the night, give her a tight hug, a good one man. Squeeze and rub her back a little, then when the hug is over, only loosen a little bit, keep your hands on her, like her sides or back and stare into her eyes. I mean make good eye contact with her.. She will know what you want to do at that point, and she will push back if she doesn't want it.. just try to kiss her after that. Do not force it though, you have to read her body langauge and mentality that night. Yeah, I'm not particularly concerned with what he has to say. I feel as though I'm the same way, plus I casually mentioned other girls I've been with to her. I agree, regarding the line. However, I've never been great at reading girls that I don't establish a non-friends mentality with from the get-go. And I understand what you're saying, but I'm probably gonna only try to pull that if her body language shows strong interest and she responds well to the light touching, or whatever.
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 If you've known her for three years, then it's not really a 'date'. To me, a date means TWO people are interested in giving each other a shot AND are trying to get to know about each other. That means that, 1) a woman having dinner with a man she has no interest in and 2) a man and a woman who have been friends for 3 years are not dates. Women typically know if they like you and especially after 3 years. So, I suspect she already has made up her decision. I have been in your boat and it has been rejection every time, but might as well see it through at this point. Don't get too crazy about impressing her. She's known you for 3 years. She already has a strong imprint. 1
PegNosePete Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 I took a chance and told her that if she feels like she needs some new experience in her life, maybe we could go on a date. She said she’d think about it, and about 2 weeks ago she agreed to it. It should occur sometime over the next couple of weeks when both of us are off work. To me it's a pretty bad sign that she's moving so slowly. Why did it take her 2 weeks to agree to it? If she really liked you as more than just a friend then she would have answered in 2 seconds, not 2 weeks. And why haven't you set a date yet? Seems like you've got nothing other than a vague agreement to maybe go on a date at some point. That's not the actions of a woman who is really interested in taking things further than friends.
preraph Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 Don't talk about the kissing thing at all. Even I didn't understand WTF you were trying to say with that, so it's certainly going to confuse her and make her stop dead in her tracks. It's not a favorable scenario that she will suddenly turn from friends to lovers, but it's worth a shot since she agreed to a date. Do not get gimmicky with the date. Just take her on a classic date: Dinner someplace nice but that you can reasonably afford and maybe a drive or walk to a city landmark, such as top of the tower where you can look out over the city, or by a lake or river, if there is anyplace with a romantic view, just for something else to do where you can hold hands and put your arm around her and see how that goes. At the end of the night, unless she's already told you or acted like the whole things feels awkward to her, don't hesitate to kiss her on the mouth and just linger a moment so its romantic and not friendly, but don't go all in for it unless she appears to want more. Then that's you dropping her off. It's in her court whether to ask you up. If she doesn't, don't worry about it. Many women don't do that because it has connotations. If she does, just sit close by her on the couch with your arm around her and talk and then kiss her goodnight again before leaving after an hour's time. Unless she seems to want you to stay, of course.
Author hawkeye20 Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 If you've known her for three years, then it's not really a 'date'. To me, a date means TWO people are interested in giving each other a shot AND are trying to get to know about each other. That means that, 1) a woman having dinner with a man she has no interest in and 2) a man and a woman who have been friends for 3 years are not dates. Women typically know if they like you and especially after 3 years. So, I suspect she already has made up her decision. I have been in your boat and it has been rejection every time, but might as well see it through at this point. Don't get too crazy about impressing her. She's known you for 3 years. She already has a strong imprint. I've been in situations like this in high school and it hasn't been met favorably either. Which is why I've tried to avoid situations like this for a while, but I guess I couldn't help this situation out. I never really had feelings for her until recently, though. To me it's a pretty bad sign that she's moving so slowly. Why did it take her 2 weeks to agree to it? If she really liked you as more than just a friend then she would have answered in 2 seconds, not 2 weeks. And why haven't you set a date yet? Seems like you've got nothing other than a vague agreement to maybe go on a date at some point. That's not the actions of a woman who is really interested in taking things further than friends. Well, the timing was off slightly. I went on vacation and wasn't really able to talk to her after that night, so once I did reach out and ask again, she said she was up for it. As for why we haven't set the date yet, I was out of town so since I just got back, I figured it'd be easier to just figure it out when we were both actually there. Do not get gimmicky with the date. Just take her on a classic date: Dinner someplace nice but that you can reasonably afford and maybe a drive or walk to a city landmark, such as top of the tower where you can look out over the city, or by a lake or river, if there is anyplace with a romantic view, just for something else to do where you can hold hands and put your arm around her and see how that goes. At the end of the night, unless she's already told you or acted like the whole things feels awkward to her, don't hesitate to kiss her on the mouth and just linger a moment so its romantic and not friendly, but don't go all in for it unless she appears to want more. Then that's you dropping her off. It's in her court whether to ask you up. If she doesn't, don't worry about it. Many women don't do that because it has connotations. If she does, just sit close by her on the couch with your arm around her and talk and then kiss her goodnight again before leaving after an hour's time. Unless she seems to want you to stay, of course. Yeah, I was thinking something along those lines. Dinner and just walk around or something. I think it's just more about me being nervous since this is a new type of dating, as opposed to a girl I'd normally take out. But realistically I think I should look at her more like a girl I'd regularly take out, and ignore the friendship.
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