Laci1975 Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 I have been in this relationship for over a year. He was in the middle of a divorce with His ex-wife. Took him for almost 800 a month he has to pay, She got everything (cars, house, and everything inside it.) She caused many many problems. In April he left me and she left her now fiancé because she was still in love with Him and refused to sign the divorce papers. And he said he thought he may still be in love with her. I let him go. We'll that changed, he said it wasn't her it was the memories. Twice I've left him a couple times, once was because he said idk why I wanted you to move in with me, the 2nd was because he found out he got a chick pregnant and didn't tell me. I was willing to come back still. But has never stopped talking to his ex wife. He PROMISED me no more of it. A few months later I come back. After christmas him and her are talking, I find out new yrs eve. I said nice and calm so let me see what you and her were talkin about. He said he deleted them.. well I pushed him and i asked qhy? Well we need closure (2 yrs down the road and an excuse they've used in the past) he leaves, he works over the road. He ignored me for 3 or 4 days and was talking to her all day and night telling her everything about our relationship. She knows as much about our relationship as we do, put it that way. He mentioned once about getting married. I told him I will only marry you when you have her completely out your life. So what's this tell me? He told me on the 5th on the phone "she ain't going anywhere. This makes everyone happy, and I'm tired of everyone arguing. The only person this makes miserable is you.. Question: is it time to just end it? And should I inform her fiancé of all this?
Danda Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 Why do you have any interest in this guy? There are lots of great guys out there who don't string along women on the side, have secret children, play crazy games or try to erode healthy boundaries. So what is so special about this douche that you would spend your emotion, time, energy, intimacy, etc on him instead of on a much better guy? 2
Author Laci1975 Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 He has 3 adult step children with her. And they always say we'll we need to get along for all of them. WELL their ADULTS. I think B.S. He said he was waiting to find out by a Dr that the other girl was pregnant and found it hard to tell me about it after all we had went through and I had only been back a week. And he needed to find a way to tell Me. I understood that. But the Ex thing, after all the crap she has caused. And knowing how I feel about it. Then you go to the extreme for the second time and tell her all about our life. His only reply is I'm not gonna be told who I can and can't talk to. And all I can think is WOW! does her fiancé who has been through what I been through know about this. I've been looking at the phone records and seen since he's not been mad at me he hasn't really been txt in her at all. But it's not just that. It's the fact like I said above, it's her knowing about as much about our life as we do. That's so messed up and I don't think I'll be able to get out of my head the things she was saying about me and he not once came to my defense .. and he seriously thinks there's nothing wrong with what he's doing. Because as she said," were not like most exes, we don't hate eachother, and you can't let her control your life". And I just wanna make sure I'm not just actin ridiculous and needed input from ppl who don't know either one of us.
eye of the storm Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 Laci, I'm 50/50 on this. Do I think you have the right to tell him who he can or cannot talk to? No. No, you don't. No matter how close a relationship is, you are both free adults who choose to be together. Neither of you owns the other and do not have the right to control them. That being said....he should not be talking about you to her or your relationship with her. He knows it bothers you her being involved with your relationship and he should respect that and respect you. Relationships need to be tended to and worked. He is not doing his part by involving her in your relationship. You are not by being jealous. You need to ask yourself if being in a relationship where you feel the need to search phone records is a relationship you need to be in. If you can't/won't trust your partner, why are you with them? 2
Author Laci1975 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Posted January 20, 2015 The sad part is I don't tell him who he can and cannot talk to. But both our exes caused alot of issues in our relationship and before I moved back in we made a deal to eachother, that the exes were no longer a part of our lives and made that promise to eachother. As anyone else is concerned he can talk to whomever he chooses even if it's a stripper, lol.. he talks to an ex gf on a reg. Basis. He even got advice about us from her. I did not care about that. She's never caused us problems. His ex wife however did. I'm not a very jealous person. But I can show a bit of that side of me when she is brought into our life. The phone records were a bit out there for me but I originally got on them to look for a number and seen it and I think my heart stopped and my breathing got real heavy. Strange feeling. Thank you all for your advice. 1
eye of the storm Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Laci, only you know. But I have been told to sit down, no distractions, think calmly about how the relationship is now, (with both my brain, and my heart) ask myself if this is the relationship that I want to be in for the rest of my life. Living like I am right now for the rest of my life. And if I don't like it, get out. Good luck 1
Adele0908 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Technically who he sees is not really any of your business. Like another poster said, he is a person with his own free will and desires. For this situation to work, you would have to really cultivate your feminine energy...being accepting, peaceful, sensual, allowing, going with the flow, and really leaning back. Stopping with the ultimatums and trying to control the outcome or who he sees. Focusing on making yourself happy and doing whatever it takes to enjoy your life. A lot of people dislike Kim Kardashian, but IMO she's a good example of a woman who focuses on her own enjoyment and happiness, and who has received a lot of things in life as a result. If you could do that then he would probably become more committed to you.
eye of the storm Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Total side track Adele, I am one of the people who cannot stand the Kim Kardashian type of people. If my daughter ever emulates her, I will lose my mind. She is not famous or rich because of her mind or her talents. She is famous because she released a sex tape, has a rich father, a fame mongering mother, and a large a$$. Sorry side track over I am sorry 1
Author Laci1975 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Posted January 20, 2015 Not to sound completely b****y, but I really do not know if you read this entire post, but neither of us control who eachother sees, or talks to. BUT, when you know the problem of your relationship and if that problem so happens to be an ex. You should eliminate the problem if you really want it to work. You do not involve an ex into your current relationship. He goes and does whatever he wants and talks to whoever he wants. As do i. But again we made a promise and it should've been kept on both sides. Mine was and his was not.
Author Laci1975 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Posted January 20, 2015 Now that I have gotten opinions from People who know neither him nor I. I know what I need to do now. it has been one heck of an emotional roller coaster for me this year, with this man. But it unfortunately is time for the ride to stop and for me to hop off. Thank you all very much for your honest opinions. They were extremely helpful. And I agree about Kim kardashian. Looking up to her is as bad as looking up to Paris Hilton. BAHAHAHA! 1
Adele0908 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Total side track Adele, I am one of the people who cannot stand the Kim Kardashian type of people. If my daughter ever emulates her, I will lose my mind. She is not famous or rich because of her mind or her talents. She is famous because she released a sex tape, has a rich father, a fame mongering mother, and a large a$$. Sorry side track over I am sorry Like I said, a lot of people dislike Kim K. In my personal opinion, sex tape aside, she's a driven woman. I don't have to agree with all of a persons choices to recognize confidence and success in powerful women. There's plenty of other examples of confident, self-assured women in the public eye. Take your pick. Doesn't have to be Kim K...could be any woman who you admire.
Adele0908 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Now that I have gotten opinions from People who know neither him nor I. I know what I need to do now. it has been one heck of an emotional roller coaster for me this year, with this man. But it unfortunately is time for the ride to stop and for me to hop off. Thank you all very much for your honest opinions. They were extremely helpful. And I agree about Kim kardashian. Looking up to her is as bad as looking up to Paris Hilton. BAHAHAHA! Awesome hope your love life and everything works out 1
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