When You Are Afraid To Connect With Someone

[LoveIsABattlefield36]

Met this guy not too long ago.

 

Almost positive he likes me (exactly in what way, however, I'm not sure). He has shown some signs of interest such as starting conversations with me, offering to drive me home, staring at me adoringly/admiringly, getting nervous around me, stuttering when he talks...

 

Never had any interest in this guy but he seemed to work hard to put himself on my radar, and yes, now...I'm interested!

 

He is extremely popular with the female species and is naturally flirtatious. However, I have noticed he is somewhat different with me which could simply mean he responds to me differently because I do not behave towards him like the other girls.

 

He has this good gal pal that he used to hide behind sometimes when he would see me (wth?), but he's stopped doing that now and he seems to be getting bolder as just last week he looked me straight in the eyes and started smiling at me. It was a prolonged eye contact and I broke gaze first. Also, he's been trying to initiate more and more conversation with me but I always tense up and don't know what to say! The chemistry between us is powerful, and it's scary!

 

Problem is: Don't know if I really trust this guy? Even though he's seemingly doing all of the right things? Are there any other solid signs to look for to tell if he's sincere? He's done all these things but hasn't officially asked me out (on a date that is)? And no, I haven't reciprocated much because well, I'm frightened.

 

One last tidbit: the other day I caught him staring at me with an angry look on his face and it made me so nervous. Then he came to sit near me (thank God there was someone in between us) and I clammed up. Why was he looking at me that way???

[Danda]

You can't read people's minds. Just have very strong and clear boundaries about what you want/need in courting/romantic situation, and what you will not tolerate. If someone trips any of your "will not tolerate" wires, you move along. If someone is not tripping your boundary wires, but makes moves the way you like, then proceed if you're interested and want to do so. Your behaviors and decisions shouldn't be based on what you think someone might be thinking. They should be based on your boundaries and how the person behaves towards you.

[todreaminblue]

i do get scared when i feel a connection with someone because it doesnt happen very often its rare...... and its a tension i feel and expectation and of knowing them when i really dont........and it can get confusing......

 

so i take it slow....i treat them as a friend always.....even when they seem to be hostile..or appear to be cold.......ahem....anyway yeah....its not easy when you are unsure fo someone...the only way is to get to know them better to really know them and then you can determine better how they are feeling.....about you and the connection you feel....so take it slow treat him as a friend not an enemy the connection is there for a reason......you just have to know more to learn why that connection exists....when you know people you can develop a natural intuition from knowing how they respond to others and yourself...observe him interacting and pick up queues from there.....listen to how he speaks with others.....is he open is he friendly normally.....his shyness with you is a bit of a tell....theres something...i cant tell you what...sounds like he is making an effort .if you like him .. reciprocate equally..even down to body language...be open.......deb

[LoveIsABattlefield36]

You can't read people's minds. Just have very strong and clear boundaries about what you want/need in courting/romantic situation, and what you will not tolerate. If someone trips any of your "will not tolerate" wires, you move along. If someone is not tripping your boundary wires, but makes moves the way you like, then proceed if you're interested and want to do so. Your behaviors and decisions shouldn't be based on what you think someone might be thinking. They should be based on your boundaries and how the person behaves towards you.

 

 

Thank you, Danda.

 

You are right. The rest is up to me. Perhaps I guess the true fear is that if he turns out to be not the one, that I will already be too wrapped up and have to go through that "funky" stage. *sigh* this is rhetorical, btw.

[LoveIsABattlefield36]

i do get scared when i feel a connection with someone because it doesnt happen very often its rare...... and its a tension i feel and expectation and of knowing them when i really dont........and it can get confusing......

 

so i take it slow....i treat them as a friend always.....even when they seem to be hostile..or appear to be cold.......ahem....anyway yeah....its not easy when you are unsure fo someone...the only way is to get to know them better to really know them and then you can determine better how they are feeling.....about you and the connection you feel....so take it slow treat him as a friend not an enemy the connection is there for a reason......you just have to know more to learn why that connection exists....when you know people you can develop a natural intuition from knowing how they respond to others and yourself...observe him interacting and pick up queues from there.....listen to how he speaks with others.....is he open is he friendly normally.....his shyness with you is a bit of a tell....theres something...i cant tell you what...sounds like he is making an effort .if you like him .. reciprocate equally..even down to body language...be open.......deb

 

 

Thanks TRB!

 

I guess going forward I will try to be more open until I get a clear read on his intentions.

[salparadise]

You are right. The rest is up to me. Perhaps I guess the true fear is that if he turns out to be not the one, that I will already be too wrapped up and have to go through that "funky" stage. *sigh* this is rhetorical, btw.

 

When you find someone strong chemistry, go for it. There are no guarantees. When you're old you'll regret the opportunities you missed more than the mistakes you made. Chemistry is the elusive element- you can't manufacture it and you can't predict it. If he turns out not to be the one then at least you will have lived life fully by exploring the possibility.

[LoveIsABattlefield36]

When you find someone strong chemistry, go for it. There are no guarantees. When you're old you'll regret the opportunities you missed more than the mistakes you made. Chemistry is the elusive element- you can't manufacture it and you can't predict it. If he turns out not to be the one then at least you will have lived life fully by exploring the possibility.

 

Thank you, salparadise.

 

I'm already starting to regret not moving towards him sooner.

 

One more thing: do you think you can offer some insight into why he was giving me that angry look?

[LoveIsABattlefield36]

Hi again,

 

Any insight on why he gave me that angry look? I'm sorry, but I had to ask another question, as I am considering opening up to him but I do not want to do so if he possibly has anger issues?

[salparadise]

One more thing: do you think you can offer some insight into why he was giving me that angry look?

 

He might have been annoyed that you were ignoring him, he might have been thinking about something completely unrelated, you might have misinterpreted the look as angry when it wasn't... you're overthinking things. Just start being social with him and let things unfold without a allowing a bunch of assumptions make it more complicated than it is. The only way to know if you'll like each other is to give him a chance. Just go for it.

[LoveIsABattlefield36]

He might have been annoyed that you were ignoring him, he might have been thinking about something completely unrelated, you might have misinterpreted the look as angry when it wasn't... you're overthinking things. Just start being social with him and let things unfold without a allowing a bunch of assumptions make it more complicated than it is. The only way to know if you'll like each other is to give him a chance. Just go for it.

 

Hi sal,

 

Thank you. Ok, I will try. Others have told me he is a player, but I guess I won't know unless I put myself out there.

 

I really appreciate your help.