Aayla Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 Hello, I am living in Spain, where I moved from my country a year and a half ago. Since then I've made a lot of acquaintances and some friends, but in general I have no very close friends or a steady group of people I go out with. I am always out and doing things and get on very well with people I do hang out with, but you could say I still didn't find a complete and fullfilling "life of my own". Now, I am dating a spanish guy whom I've been seeing for 4 months. We get on well and it seems to be progressing OK. The problem I see is that being pushed out of my normal environment where I have my close friends near and more social contact in general, it somehow seems that I depend on him too much. I try not to - I always make plans on weekends, either with him or with somebody else. I try to socialize often with people I like and meet new people when I can. I keep myself busy with things. However, my boyfriend is a very independent person. For him, it is a normal thing to do a lot of things separately and then enjoy a day or two in the week together. I know that he fell for me partly because I am also pretty independent. But lately I've been feeling a bit down because it seems, more often than not, that when he doesn't make plans with me, and my few friends for some reason can't/won't go out, I stay at home. Then I feel stupid when he asks me "how was your evening yesterrday [friday]?" and I have to respond that I stayed in. And it sort of sounds pathetic. He also has few friends in this town (he recently moved from another), but doesn't seem as bothered because of his solitary nature. My question for all of you would be - how would you feel in his situation (having an expat gf/bf that still doesn't have his own life resolved in a new country), on one side, and how would you handle my own situation without coming off as needy?
todreaminblue Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 i dont feel you should be embarrassed to say that you stayed in....its honest and you didnt go out ....not everyone goes out all the time...people stay in....and actually have fun ....either by them self or with others......i have fun reading...or listening to music...and i would say what i read or listened to start a conversation an open ended one where i might find out what that person liked to read or listen to......even if i stayed home to clean the house which isnt my favorite past time... my dvd collection has metastasized i have to put them in alphabetical order....and its going to take a while.....i find that fun ...i have a thousand dvds now....... or watch a movie with popcorn on a friday night...i dont have a problem telling anyone what i did whether in or out.....even if it means telling them i had to put my dvd collection in alphabetical order.....now that has to soudn a little bit pathetic or stupid to some but not to me it doesnt.... go easy on yourself....dont feel your life has any less importance because you stayed in.....life happens between appointments......and your life has as much meaning as the next persons......whether or not you jumped out of a helicoptor saved pilot whales that beached themselves...ran into a burning building whatever.....abseiled a cliff.....put out a fire on a ship in dry dock...or stayed home with a bowl of popcorn and watched a movie...that you put back in its alphabetical place when finished while wearing a onesie.........its all life...live it and be yourself...dont ever feel you are boring or stupid ..deb
Recommended Posts