InsaneTrombone Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 If you wish, you could check out my last thread to catch up on things with this girl. Ill give a quick tldr Met online, went on date. She was very friendly, touched me most of the night, giggling laughing, nice chemistry between us. I set up a second date a week later but she cancelled with some rather lame excuse imo but possibly legit. This was 2 weeks ago, ever since ive been distancing communication more with her. After 0 communication for about 4 days I texted her just casually to start casual conversation again. She called me and we spoke on the phone for an hour or so at 2-3am. Weve never spoken on the phone prior. During the conversation she would jokingly go about how I hate her now since she cancelled the 2nd date and stuff, and I played along but didnt give her much info. She texted me the next day saying "Soo when are you going to make time for me". Should I ask her out one more time? Should she be suggesting a day / time. I havent responded yet, but I do like the girl so im willing to give her another chance. I just want to be sure ill be going about it the right way. What do you guys think?
irresolute Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 If you wish, you could check out my last thread to catch up on things with this girl. Ill give a quick tldr Met online, went on date. She was very friendly, touched me most of the night, giggling laughing, nice chemistry between us. I set up a second date a week later but she cancelled with some rather lame excuse imo but possibly legit. This was 2 weeks ago, ever since ive been distancing communication more with her. After 0 communication for about 4 days I texted her just casually to start casual conversation again. She called me and we spoke on the phone for an hour or so at 2-3am. Weve never spoken on the phone prior. During the conversation she would jokingly go about how I hate her now since she cancelled the 2nd date and stuff, and I played along but didnt give her much info. She texted me the next day saying "Soo when are you going to make time for me". Should I ask her out one more time? Should she be suggesting a day / time. I havent responded yet, but I do like the girl so im willing to give her another chance. I just want to be sure ill be going about it the right way. What do you guys think? Do please ask her out and stop overthinking. 1
Gaeta Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 Tell her you are free, she just needs to offer you a time and a place and you will be there! Don't play games, if she is interesting to you then be available and get the ball rolling.
umirano Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 From what you write I don't think she's very interested, it looks like you can help her kill some time. Give her as much as you can afford or think she's worth (time and emotion wise), but don't put your eggs all in one basket. Find other dates.
angel.eyes Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 (edited) After 0 communication for about 4 days I texted her just casually to start casual conversation again. She called me and we spoke on the phone for an hour or so at 2-3am. Weve never spoken on the phone prior. During the conversation she would jokingly go about how I hate her now since she cancelled the 2nd date and stuff, and I played along but didnt give her much info. She texted me the next day saying "Soo when are you going to make time for me". Should I ask her out one more time? Should she be suggesting a day / time. I havent responded yet, but I do like the girl so im willing to give her another chance. I just want to be sure ill be going about it the right way. What do you guys think? "...she would jokingly go about how I hate her now since she cancelled the second date and stuff..." "Soo, when are you going to make time for me?" First she called you and hinted at wanting a date. When you failed to take the hints, she just point blank asked you for a date. I don't understand your dilemma. What are you going to accomplish by playing coy or hard to get? Where do you see this leading with your current behavior? Since you like her, tell her when you're free to date her and schedule something. You'll get clarity faster than you would with the timid, uncertain tack you're currently taking. Edited January 18, 2015 by angel.eyes
beach Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 This Wednesday ask her out for Friday. If she says no or gives any excuse then don't ask again.
Author InsaneTrombone Posted January 18, 2015 Author Posted January 18, 2015 "...she would jokingly go about how I hate her now since she cancelled the second date and stuff..." "Soo, when are you going to make time for me?" First she called you and hinted at wanting a date. When you failed to take the hints, she just point blank asked you for a date. I don't understand your dilemma. What are you going to accomplish by playing coy or hard to get? Where do you see this leading with your current behavior? Since you like her, tell her when you're free to date her and schedule something. You'll get clarity faster than you would with the timid, uncertain tack you're currently taking. She cancelled on me and never offered a rescheduled date. I feel like it shouldve been her responsibility to make the effort to get back together, am I wrong?
angel.eyes Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 (edited) She called you. Have you ever called her? She actually asked for a date too! Asked you when YOU might be free to see her rather than demanding you drop everything on a particular day because it's a date that works for her. I've never actually asked a guy on a date, even after a cancel. My apology was always more than sufficient. The only place where I've seen this "requirement"...and more rules than govern an NCAA game...is on Love Shack. In the real world, where people routinely date and happily couple up in relationships without difficulty? No. Since it makes you happy, stick to your rigid rules and carry on. Just understand that while you play hard to get, some other guy who's more certain of himself will come along and ask her out quickly enough. Edited January 18, 2015 by angel.eyes 2
Author InsaneTrombone Posted January 18, 2015 Author Posted January 18, 2015 (edited) She called you. Have you ever called her? She actually asked for a date too! Asked you when YOU might be free to see her rather than demanding you drop everything on a particular day because it's a date that works for her. I've never actually asked a guy on a date, even after a cancel. My apology was always more than sufficient. The only place where I've seen this "requirement"...and more rules than govern an NCAA game...is on Love Shack. In the real world, where people routinely date and happily couple up in relationships without difficulty? No. Since it makes you happy, stick to your rigid rules and carry on. Just understand that while you play hard to get, some other guy who's more certain of himself will come along and ask her out quickly enough. Why have you never asked a guy out on a date? Arent you following your own set of rigid rules? I feel like its more of a common courtesy that if you cancel a date I had originally set up, that you propose another day as soon as you can. Everyone always says if a girl really wants to go on a date with a guy, she will make that happen. Shes either interested and playing games, or just wants me to entertain her on the side. If someone else asks her out its no skin off my back because as far as ive been made aware from her cancellation, she had no intent of rescheduling or going out again. Suddenly out of the blue, 2 weeks later she wants to know when im taking her out? Im just not trying to be played for a fool here, thats all. Also, when I tried rescheduling myself, despite her not trying, she gave me another lame excuse saying she was feeling sick and not wanting to go out - but she would still go hang out with her friends and post pictures. So yeah, this entire thread is me being cautious due to her behavior. Edited January 18, 2015 by InsaneTrombone
applej4 Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 Suggest that you not get into looooong phone conversations. 10 minutes maximum, and that should be mainly for making arrangements. Since you like her ask her out again. If she flakes out, move on.
angel.eyes Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 Why have you never asked a guy out on a date? Arent you following your own set of rigid rules? It's not a rule. It's just the way things work out. Most guys are fairly aggressive about trying to date women they like. If they waited around long enough without asking AND if no other guys were asking me out, I might consider it. But the "opportunity" never arises. They're go-getters and other guys are always asking too. Within the hour of my last break-up, I had four really great guys approach and ask me out. I also had numerous friends actively trying to set me up as soon as they heard. Dating was the furthest thing from my mind at the time. Also, when I tried rescheduling myself, despite her not trying, she gave me another lame excuse saying she was feeling sick and not wanting to go out - but she would still go hang out with her friends and post pictures. So yeah, this entire thread is me being cautious due to her behavior. Why did you leave this critical nugget out of the OP??? If you want relevant advice, don't omit the most important piece of information. Following your first date, she's flaked on you twice with excuses that proved false. You're wasting your time. I would find someone else. She's not really interested.
Gaeta Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 She cancelled on me and never offered a rescheduled date. I feel like it shouldve been her responsibility to make the effort to get back together, am I wrong? That is what she is doing now !!!
Gaeta Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 Not all relationships start with a big firework! Maybe she was occupied with something or someone else but now she is giving YOU the time of the day so you show her your stuff or you stay home and pout.
angel.eyes Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 Not all relationships start with a big firework! Maybe she was occupied with something or someone else but now she is giving YOU the time of the day so you show her your stuff or you stay home and pout. Normally, I would agree. But she picked hanging out with her friends over dating him...and lied about it. And that was her second, not her first, flake. I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but when they repeat the same behavior, I believe the behavior and move on. It's up to the OP. Maybe she's matured since lie#2 and has suddenly seen the light this past week. Who knows whether it's worth a third shot? Based on the latest bit of information, I think he behaved appropriately. He's right to be cautious.
Gaeta Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 Also, when I tried rescheduling myself, despite her not trying, she gave me another lame excuse saying she was feeling sick and not wanting to go out - but she would still go hang out with her friends and post pictures. So yeah, this entire thread is me being cautious due to her behavior. I missed that part. She sounds a little all over the place. If you are looking for someone to add to your social network yea sure but if you are looking for a lady to date and develop a relationship with this is not the one.
Author InsaneTrombone Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 Normally, I would agree. But she picked hanging out with her friends over dating him...and lied about it. And that was her second, not her first, flake. I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but when they repeat the same behavior, I believe the behavior and move on. It's up to the OP. Maybe she's matured since lie#2 and has suddenly seen the light this past week. Who knows whether it's worth a third shot? Based on the latest bit of information, I think he behaved appropriately. He's right to be cautious. She didn't lie about it. It was just more along the lines of 'I haven't really even felt like going out the past few days, and I'd be home all day if it wasn't for work and my stubborn friends' Which to me was 'Im too sick for you to take me out, but not too sick to hang out with my friends' and now since I've been distancing communication with her, I feel as if she is trying to reel me back in and here we are.
Author InsaneTrombone Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 (edited) I missed that part. She sounds a little all over the place. If you are looking for someone to add to your social network yea sure but if you are looking for a lady to date and develop a relationship with this is not the one. Yeah, I got really turned off by her at that point and started losing interest. Now I don't know if she realized this and is starting to kick things back up, or if whatever else was going on fell through. I want to keep any relationship I have with her casual for the moment, I don't view her as possible girlfriend material, but as I've stated I'm also not trying to look like a fool and be walked upon either. So this whole 'You hate me now because I cancelled that 1 date' pity story is catching me a little bit by surprise. Is it because I've been slowing down our communication? Edited January 19, 2015 by InsaneTrombone
elaine567 Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 If you really like her, then ask her out again. Faint heart never won fair maiden.
angel.eyes Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 You're handling it appropriately and your judgement is spot on. When she asks you when will you make time for her, joke and ask her when is she going to ask you on a date...or jokingly tell her that you'll make time for her when she plans a nice date for you. But honestly, this is a total waste of time. I can pretty much guarantee that she will flake at will whenever it suits her. Your time would be better spent looking for someone else. Don't expend energy or brain space on girls who are ambivalent, which she is. It's a losing proposition.
angel.eyes Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 So this whole 'You hate me now because I cancelled that 1 date' pity story is catching me a little bit by surprise. Is it because I've been slowing down our communication? It's a reaction to being downgraded. It's not really true interest in you. She senses that you're no longer as eager to pursue and date her, and she wants that back. She wants to be as important as she once was to you. But as soon as she recovers that, she'll go back to dropping you from her priorities. Classic push-pull behavior. Let it go.
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