smellysocksuni Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I have never been one to do that or to understand how or why, after a LTR, you can move on to someone else just like that. Why do people do it?
towardthefuture Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I have never been one to do that or to understand how or why, after a LTR, you can move on to someone else just like that. Why do people do it? She emotionally checked out months before and considered herself to already be broken up. She mourned the loss of the relationship while going through the motions of your existing relationship, but internally she had moved on. By the time you knew you were broken up, you had already been broken up in her mind for months. Read "Uncoupling" by Diane Vaughan. 7
kendahke Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I have never been one to do that or to understand how or why, after a LTR, you can move on to someone else just like that. Why do people do it? ~they don't like to be by themselves because they don't like their own company ~they've already had someone else in the wings that you didn't know about ~they've gone through the miserable stage of the break up long before you became aware that your relationship was over It just seems sudden to you because you were not privy to what was going on in their minds. 3
proactivedreamer Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I am the dumper, and I am not even interested in seeing anyone else right now. I can't imagine moving on so swiftly, and I believe in giving myself the appropriate amount of time to access what happened, and to heal up before even considering getting into another serious relationship. I have enough respect for the relationship I had to not jump into another one as if the previous one didn't matter. It matters to me a lot, and I am still feeling the pain even though I ended it. I will say that I hate being single, and I hate the lonely nights and weekends, but I can't imagine another man's company right now. I grieved a little before I ended it, but now that it is official, I even worse. That's just my perspective. 3
BC1980 Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I have never been one to do that or to understand how or why, after a LTR, you can move on to someone else just like that. Why do people do it? Some people have emotionally checked out long before the relationship ended. People can stay physically in a relationship, but may have checked out mentally some years before. Some people, even in LTRs, just don't have the capacity to attach to people to begin with, so they find it easy to move from one person to the next. They have a very superficial ability to attach to a person. Some people are just on the rebound and drowning their sorrows in a new relationship or sex. More often than we would like to admit, there was an emotional affair or some sort, and the dumper left to try out a new relationship. 2
lil hoodlum Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I have never been one to do that or to understand how or why, after a LTR, you can move on to someone else just like that. Why do people do it? I don't know how, but I wish I did. I have been single a little over 2.5 years from a 4.5 year relationship. Sure would have made things easier for me. Such is life.
hoping2heal Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I have never been one to do that or to understand how or why, after a LTR, you can move on to someone else just like that. Why do people do it? People don't Either they have begun the process of detaching from current RS partner and then forging a new bond with someone else, then dumping said current RS partner and getting involved with the someone else they've been bonding with or They jump into a rebound style relationship as a distraction from dealing with the loss of a RS post break up. They haven't really processed the BU or feelings from a BU.
sober and dry Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 People don't Either they have begun the process of detaching from current RS partner and then forging a new bond with someone else, then dumping said current RS partner and getting involved with the someone else they've been bonding with or They jump into a rebound style relationship as a distraction from dealing with the loss of a RS post break up. They haven't really processed the BU or feelings from a BU. Either way I think it just shows emotional immaturity and lack of character...
HowMightI-live Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 To fill the void. The emptiness they feel inside their selves whenever alone and the need to avoid it at every cost. It's a human experience, most humans rather run from. Sadness, regret, lost, heartbreak. We don't want to experience pain so we are constantly suppressing it with other things like sex, relationships, drugs, alcohol, Facebook, over eating, yo name it someone has done it. This is the benefits of a rebound relationship right after a painful breakup. A distraction from the pain. People see pain as something to suppress rather than address. No one wants to feel. If it not a good feeling then its something to deflect. That has nothing to do with you or me, or anyone else other than the person who's doing it. Don't let that decide whether or not you meant something to them. Its a completely independent situation- it is self. They are running from self. So never take that personally when an ex does that because it has nothing to do with you. I use to do the same thing. But now i allow myself to feel and there's nothing more empowering than being free to feel and be human.
hoping2heal Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 Either way I think it just shows emotional immaturity and lack of character... I think scenario 1 shows emotional immaturity and lack of character Scenario 2 def shows emotional immaturity, lack of character...well that's debatable. People do dumb crap when they're young and haven't yet learned.
sober and dry Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I think scenario 1 shows emotional immaturity and lack of character Scenario 2 def shows emotional immaturity, lack of character...well that's debatable. People do dumb crap when they're young and haven't yet learned. So if you are young and/or haven't yet learned it just shows what? Lake of maturity overall maybe? That's still no "excuse".
bigtrouble Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 (edited) I have never been one to do that or to understand how or why, after a LTR, you can move on to someone else just like that. Why do people do it? All the above posts are true, they already have somebody waiting on the wing, and feel secure. When they are emotionally checked out they pull the trigger. It may come as a shock to you, but these things happened weeks or months before the BU. What is shocking, they get close together since the new person is their confidant, they talk about everything and even how to handle the BU. They find security and comfort, if they end the relationship. The new partner agrees to take them in 100%. Its planned from day one, they have an agreement. They promise to stick with each other through thick and thin like they emotionally married themselves, and when you are out, they begin their emotional honeymoon phase. Get closer (like moving in), get more intimate. Everything in a rush, moving forward. Never showing, regret, remorse or even look back. As if you never existed. It may not be true for all but, but true for some. Edited January 18, 2015 by bigtrouble 1
Author smellysocksuni Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 All the above posts are true, they already have somebody waiting on the wing, and feel secure. When they are emotionally checked out they pull the trigger. It may come as a shock to you, but these things happened weeks or months before the BU. What is shocking, they get close together since the new person is their confidant, they talk about everything and even how to handle the BU. They find security and comfort, if they end the relationship. The new partner agrees to take them in 100%. Its planned from day one, they have an agreement. They promise to stick with each other through thick and thin like they emotionally married themselves, and when you are out, they begin their emotional honeymoon phase. Get closer (like moving in), get more intimate. Everything in a rush, moving forward. Never showing, regret, remorse or even look back. As if you never existed. It may not be true for all but, but true for some. I gotta say... when I met my ex, she had just broken up with someone. She was still living with her ex, but was talking to me and a few others. She moved in with me about four months after meeting each other, and it was all very quick. Now I've been dumped, and she appears to be doing the same thing to me. Dating someone else already, four weeks after the break up.
bigtrouble Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 (edited) I gotta say... when I met my ex, she had just broken up with someone. She was still living with her ex, but was talking to me and a few others. She moved in with me about four months after meeting each other, and it was all very quick. Now I've been dumped, and she appears to be doing the same thing to me. Dating someone else already, four weeks after the break up. Seems like its a Rebound... Honeymoon phase 3-6 months sometimes even longer. If they can't form a strong attachment they move on to another on the same pace. Edited January 19, 2015 by bigtrouble
Kinetica84 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 I am the dumper, and I am not even interested in seeing anyone else right now. I can't imagine moving on so swiftly, and I believe in giving myself the appropriate amount of time to access what happened, and to heal up before even considering getting into another serious relationship. I have enough respect for the relationship I had to not jump into another one as if the previous one didn't matter. It matters to me a lot, and I am still feeling the pain even though I ended it. I will say that I hate being single, and I hate the lonely nights and weekends, but I can't imagine another man's company right now. I grieved a little before I ended it, but now that it is official, I even worse. That's just my perspective. I know how you feel. I am the dumper of a 3 year relationship and i feel devastated. I feel just as bad as if i were dumped and i kind of want to try make things right but i think it is beyond repair. As for moving on quickly. I think this is bull****. Someone can create the appearance of having moved on so quick. That said, your ex partner gave a significant part of themselves for an extended period of time. They created attachment, made future plans, that can't just be switched off. I saw the end of my relationship coming 6 weeks before it ended. I am now 3 months separated and if anything i feel worse now than when the break up happened and i was the one who ended. Yeah, men feel it to, regardless of what side of the fence we are on.
jam3s84 Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 I have never been one to do that or to understand how or why, after a LTR, you can move on to someone else just like that. Why do people do it? I believe that to some degree people move on because as illustrated above they had ended the relationship months back and were just waiting for the right person to transition with. Even in these situations however it still screams of codependency and an inability to function in life by oneself. I have been on both sides of it. Ultimately it takes serious time to heal from LTR no matter who you are or what the circumstances were. I had an ex who's philosophy was to "get over someone, you get under someone else", not the model slogan for a healthy being but a codependent who is unwilling to experience the necessary grief and loss to cope on their own. They need a distraction, an escape and most importantly someone to validate them and "make them feel" a certain way-desired, wanted, special, etc.
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